by Jo Ramsey
Midnight Chat
By Jo Ramsey
For the past two years, since meeting in ninth grade, Mira MacDonald and Rob Stevens have been inseparable best friends. Rob’s struggles with depression, and his reliance on Mira, sometimes make the friendship difficult for Mira, but she wants to support Rob. Especially since he’s the victim of severe bullying at school due to his sexuality. Even though Rob isn’t out, he is gay, and the suspicion is enough for some people to torment him.
Now Mira has her first girlfriend, Talia Acevedo, and Rob’s jealousy is becoming even more of a problem. Rob insists that Talia doesn’t like him and is trying to break up their friendship. Mira tries to stay neutral, but it isn’t easy when Rob’s obsession with her escalates—along with his anger as the harassment gets worse.
One night, during one of their typical midnight text sessions, Rob tells Mira he’s decided to take drastic action at school to stop the bullying once and for all. And if she tries to stop him or tells anyone else, she’ll be first on his target list.
Table of Contents
Blurb
Acknowledgments
Chapter One
Rob’s Journal—September 18, 7:30 a.m.
Chapter Two
Rob’s Journal—September 19, 8:00 a.m.
Chapter Three
Rob’s Journal—September 19, 3:45 p.m.
Chapter Four
Rob’s Journal—September 20, 2:00 p.m.
Chapter Five
Rob’s Journal—September 21, 9:40 a.m.
Chapter Six
Rob’s Journal—September 22, 1:07 p.m.
Chapter Seven
Rob’s Journal—September 22, 11:57 p.m.
Chapter Eight
Rob’s Journal—September 24, 11:35 p.m.
Chapter Nine
Rob’s Journal—who the hell knows when
Chapter Ten
Rob’s Journal—October 13, 11:28 p.m.
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Copyright
Acknowledgments
THANK YOU to the other half of the now-defunct band Dichotomous for granting me full rights to our cowritten song “Midnight Chat,” which inspired this novel.
Chapter One
MY PILLOW vibrated, and an annoying buzz hit my ears. I kept my eyes closed. Maybe the sound would stop. Maybe for once, Rob would take the hint when I didn’t answer.
No such luck, of course. A moment later, the phone buzzed again. With a groan, I fished it out from under my pillow and squinted at the screen. Why would I be allowed to sleep on a school night? I should have expected this.
Five messages from Rob. Five. In less than ten minutes. At just past midnight. He should have been asleep, the same as I’d been for the past two hours. We had a test in history the next day, even though we were only three weeks into the school year.
Then again, Rob didn’t sleep much. And when he lay awake in the middle of the night with his thoughts spiraling into dark places, I was the only person he trusted enough to talk to.
I read the messages to give myself a clue of what I would be in for when I answered. The first one said simply, Hi, Mira.
The next one, sent only a minute later according to the time stamp, said, I said hi. Are you there?
The next few, sent within about two minutes, escalated.
Are you mad at me?
Why won’t you answer?
You’d better answer me. I need you.
I stared at the last message, my chest tightening. Something might be seriously wrong, and I’d been lying here mentally bitching about Rob waking me. The last time he’d said he needed me, he was sitting in his room with a bottle of pills he’d swiped from his stepmother. Or at least he’d claimed to be. For all I knew, he’d only said it to get more attention from me.
Thinking that made me feel seriously crappy. Rob could be overdramatic, and he clung to me so much sometimes he made it hard to breathe, but he had legitimate problems. I wasn’t a psychiatrist or anything, but even I could tell he was depressed. His parents refused to get help for him. They denied anything was wrong. His stepmother had even said in front of me that Rob needed to stop whining so much.
I wasn’t thrilled about getting into another midnight chat with Rob, but if he needed me, I didn’t have much choice. I couldn’t turn my back on him, even if it meant I was finished sleeping for the night. If he was having a really bad time, he might want to talk until we had to get up for school. It wouldn’t have been the first time. I never told him to leave me alone, no matter how tired I was. He had to be able to count on someone, and I was all he had.
I typed a quick message, hoping to cut him off before he sent another one.
I was sleeping. Sorry. What’s up?
Good. There you are.
I waited, but he didn’t say anything else. If I wanted to find out why he wouldn’t let me sleep, I would have to drag it out of him. Not unusual. Sometimes he wanted to make sure I really cared, and to him, caring meant I would work to get information out of him.
I rolled onto my back and propped myself up on my pillows. This might take a while. I started the process of finding out what was going on in Rob’s head tonight.
Are you okay? Not sleeping?
Couldn’t sleep. It’s a doom cloud night. You weren’t around after school.
“Doom cloud” was Rob’s label for the worst moments of depression. He felt as if the entire world was about to fall apart, and all he could see was darkness wrapping around him. The way he described it, I almost felt it myself sometimes.
I wasn’t sure whether he meant not seeing me after school had caused the doom cloud, or if he was being random because he couldn’t keep his thoughts on track.
Had to work. Thought I told you this morning. Sorry if I didn’t.
Okay. Just had crap with some of the guys after gym. Wanted to talk.
Ugh.
I didn’t know what else to say. He always had crap with someone at school. They treated him like the designated punching bag. Name-calling, insults, even physical stuff like shoving or hitting him. He’d told the administration about it over and over, and so had I, but it was our word against everyone else’s. The freak fag and the drama dyke. Our most common nicknames in the school hallways. Naturally no one else backed us up.
You could have called after you got out of work.
I rolled my eyes. Even if he’d forgotten I had to work today, he knew my shift went until nine on the days I worked. By the time I finished, I was always hungry and had at least a couple hours of homework. I wouldn’t have had time for a phone conversation with him. Those sometimes went on as long as the text ones.
At the same time, I should have checked in with him. Every day he went through hell. I had to listen when he needed support, because no one else would. If I ignored him, I didn’t know what he might do.
I’m sorry. Got home and had lots of homework. Wasn’t ignoring you.
Okay.
I tried to come up with something else to say. Something to show him how much I cared. While I tried to get my brain working, he sent another text.
Someday I’m going to make them stop.
My chest got tight again, and I had to remind myself to breathe. When he said that kind of thing, sometimes I had to wonder when it would stop being him venting and become something he actually did. He wasn’t violent or anything. The only person he’d ever tried to hurt was himself.
He wouldn’t do anything drastic, though. As long as I kept talking to him and helping him, he would keep himself together. We would finish high school, go on to college, an
d Rob would get past all the bullshit, the same as I would. In ten years, we might not even remember how bad it was. If only I could convince Rob of that.
I doubted anything I said would make a difference tonight, but I tried anyway.
Someday we’ll graduate and it won’t matter.
It will always matter. It doesn’t get better. That whole thing is a lie.
Maybe.
I knew better than to argue with him. He would spend an hour or more going off about how nothing really got better, and how half the people in the videos weren’t LGBT and didn’t even know what they were talking about. I’d heard it all before.
They’re going to get what’s coming to them. Karma bites.
Yeah.
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He wasn’t making threats. As long as he counted on karma to deal with the bullies, he wouldn’t do anything stupid. He was just venting. I could handle that.
Okay, well, go to sleep. I’m better now.
I read the text twice. We’d only been chatting for a few minutes, and doom cloud nights were the ones when he kept me talking until my alarm went off. There was no way he could suddenly be okay after such a short conversation. He’d told the truth about the doom cloud, because he knew how worried I got when he had a bad night. He would never claim things were that bad unless they actually were.
Something was off. I didn’t know how to ask him about it without it sounding like an accusation, and if he was willing to let me go back to sleep, I wouldn’t complain. The conversation was over for now. Hopefully by morning, he really would be better. Meanwhile, if he needed me again, he knew how to reach me.
Thanks. I hope you can sleep too. See you in the morning.
Yep.
I shut off the display and flipped the phone over a few times between my fingers. Rob might text again. We’d talked for such a short time, and he always had more to say. Plus, if the doom cloud hadn’t let up, he probably wouldn’t fall asleep.
On the other hand, I was exhausted. Besides school, I had to work again the next day. The job as a grocery store bagger was good for my bank account, but I wasn’t used to it yet. If I left the phone on in case Rob needed me again, I wouldn’t sleep either. I would be on alert in case the thing buzzed.
I waited a couple more minutes, then turned off the phone entirely. No more texts for the night. No more disturbing comments from Rob. Only a good night’s sleep.
Which I didn’t get, because I couldn’t stop worrying.
THE NEXT morning, I dragged myself out of the house carrying my way-too-heavy backpack and wishing for a cup of coffee. Dad didn’t let me drink the stuff at home, but sometimes Talia and I met at the donut shop around the corner from school so we could caffeinate ourselves before we had to deal with the day.
We wouldn’t have time this morning, though. I was already late, and I’d texted Talia to tell her to meet me at school instead. Since I’d shut off my phone after texting with Rob, my alarm hadn’t gone off. I’d been so tired I hadn’t even thought about the alarm. Fortunately, my brother Olin had pounded on my bedroom door at seven to tell me it was almost time to leave.
I looked like crap. I’d barely managed a shower and hadn’t washed my hair because I wouldn’t have had time to blow-dry it, so I’d put it in a messy ponytail. My only makeup was lip gloss, and I wore the same jeans as the day before, along with a blue flowered blouse my grandmother had given me for my birthday. I hated the thing, but it was the only clean shirt I’d been able to find. I wasn’t happy with how I looked, but at least I knew Talia would say something nice about me. She always thought I was beautiful.
When I got to school, Talia was waiting at the edge of the parking lot. Rob lurked a few yards away, partially behind an SUV, as if we wouldn’t see him. He didn’t have any reason to hide from me, but that was what it looked like he was doing. Or, more likely, he was trying to avoid Talia.
“What happened?” Talia gave me a hug. “I was afraid you’d miss first bell.”
“Overslept. I messed up the alarm.” I glanced over at Rob and raised my voice. “You don’t have to hide over there. We don’t bite.”
“Yeah.” Slowly he walked over to us.
Talia turned away, wrinkling her nose. She tried to be nice to Rob, but she didn’t often actually talk to him. Every time she did, he got pissy with her. At first, I’d tried to persuade them to be friends, but after a while I’d given up. They didn’t have to like each other solely because of me. As long as they didn’t argue in front of me, I would deal with them ignoring each other.
“Sorry,” Rob said in a snarky tone. “Didn’t mean to intrude on your morning kiss or whatever.”
“Hey.” I thumped his arm with my fist. “Don’t be a jerk.”
“Sorry.” This time he sounded sincere. “You know I’m happy you two are together. I didn’t sleep well. My internal censor’s busted.”
“Well, fix it,” Talia said. “And be careful what you say. No one besides you knows we’re together, and we want to keep it that way.”
“I said I’m sorry!” Rob gritted his teeth. “See, Mira? This is why I stay away from her. I’m going inside. I know where I’m not wanted.” He spun around and hurried toward the school.
My heart pounded. Conflict. Exactly what I didn’t want this early in the morning, especially between two of the people I cared about most.
I opened my mouth to call after him, but Talia put her hand on my arm. “Let him go. He’s just going to rant at you if you try to talk to him now. Let him cool down.”
“Yeah.” I took a deep breath. If I didn’t go after Rob, he might think I’d taken Talia’s side, but if I did, he definitely wouldn’t thank me. He would say something he didn’t mean, and then we would both be angry. It was better to leave him alone for a while. By the time I saw him in first period, he would probably be putting himself down for getting mad at me. He would apologize, and everything would be fine, the same as always.
Talia and I walked more slowly toward the building. A few times, her hand brushed mine, but we made no other physical contact. It would have been so nice to hold her hand. Plenty of girls held hands with their “besties” walking around the halls. But everyone knew those girls were straight and were just trying to be cute.
Talia wasn’t out, but most people assumed she was a lesbian anyway. She had short, spiky hair, and the only makeup she wore was black eyeliner. She usually wore guys’ jeans or pants, which she said fit her better than women’s stuff would have, with graphic T-shirts. Mostly fandoms and bands. To me, she was beautiful.
She hadn’t decided whether to call herself lesbian or bisexual. She’d had a couple of boyfriends before me, and hadn’t exactly had a problem being physical with them. Either way, she was definitely in a relationship with a girl now, and she got a little freaked out about the idea of anyone knowing. My dad and Olin knew, of course, and a couple of Talia’s friends, but no one else. She wasn’t out to her family either.
My dad and Olin were totally cool about me being into girls. I’d come out to them the summer before I started high school, and I’d come out at school after the first few weeks of my freshman year. I hadn’t entirely planned it. I lost my temper after about the hundred zillionth time someone called me “drama dyke” at school, and I’d stood in the middle of the hall and shouted, “You’re right! I’m a lesbian! Have fun with it!”
Oddly, most of the bullying stopped then. Once I admitted my sexuality, calling me “dyke” lost its entertainment value. People still gave me a hard time sometimes, but nowhere near as bad as middle school and the first few weeks of ninth grade. And, thank God, nothing like the crap Rob got.
I wished everyone could know Talia and I were together. She was my first real girlfriend, and hiding it bothered me. I couldn’t figure out why someone so amazing was interested in me, but I’d made up my mind to enjoy it as long as it lasted. And to make sure it lasted, I went along with her wanting to keep it a secret from most people.
When we walked through the main door, shouting in one of the corridors leading off the lobby caught my attention. Loud voices so jumbled I could barely make out anything except a few swear words and a high-pitched yelp. Without even being able to see what was going on, I knew it had something to do with Rob.
I dropped my backpack, trusting Talia to take care of it, and ran.
The corridor was so packed I had to shove people to get through the crowd. A few people swore at me, and someone punched me in the arm, but I didn’t care. One of the morons should have been getting help, not standing around watching someone get the crap pummeled out of them.
Teachers should have been there anyway, since the crowd was in front of the English classrooms. The teachers had to have been in their rooms. They couldn’t have avoided hearing all the chaos. But not a single one of them was in sight.
In the thick of the crowd, a group of four guys stood clustered around something. Someone. And I knew who.
“Go get a frigging teacher!” I yelled at the girl nearest me, some tiny blonde who was probably a freshman judging from how terrified she looked. She stared at me wide-eyed for a second, then turned and started pushing through the crowd around her. At least she was small enough not to need much space to go between people.
The first bell rang. Some of the spectators headed off to class, but the guys stayed exactly where they were. One of them raised his fist.
“Stop!”
At my scream, three of the guys turned. The one with his fist raised didn’t move, not even to lower his hand. Craig O’Donnell. One of Rob’s worst enemies, for no reason except Rob existed.
I shoved my way past a few more people. Rob was cringing against the bank of lockers, both hands raised to protect his face. Blood dripped onto the floor from somewhere on his face. I guessed his nose. They always hit him in the nose.
So furious I could barely see straight, I slugged Craig’s other arm. “Leave him alone!”
Craig looked down at me and laughed. “Seriously? What are you going to do if I don’t?”
