by B. N. Kasner
“It’s a bar.”
“If it’s just a bar then why do you look so guilty?” She schooled her face the best she could, but apparently, she wasn’t the only one good at reading people.
“Fine, the place is known for playin’ great music.” Not the truth, but it would have to do because she wasn’t telling him everything.
“Still a fucking lie.” Carter snarled, while Jake gulped beside her. Maybe he still had issues with being around shifters.
“Grace, you should tell him. I wanted to ask you to meet up with me there this Friday anyway.” Grace could scent the nervousness coming off Jake in waves. She wondered whether it was from asking her out or the fact Carter looked ready to tear his head off.
“What?” Well, she hadn’t expected that to come out of his mouth, especially because of what he’d said to her in the past.
“I’m asking you on a date.” Jake chuckled at her, rubbing the back of his neck.
“No.” Carter growled as his scent went up another notch. It scared her a little. Grace didn’t think he’d hurt her, but Jake? Carter wouldn’t hold back with him.
“You don’t get a say in who I date.” She growled back at him, standing between the two men like a wall.
“Lucky Star is the closest place to go dancing.” Why does he keep opening his mouth?
“Really, Jake?” She could explain herself to Carter, she didn’t need his help regarding Carter. If anything, he just kept making things worse, for them both.
“Sorry.” Jake smirked, but he sure as fuck didn’t look sorry.
“Oh, is it now?” Carter raised one black eyebrow at her, his calm voice not fooling her for a second.
“Yes.” It wasn’t a big deal to her. She’d been going to the Lucky Star since she’d turned eighteen. So, she liked to dance, what was the big deal?
“And you go alone?” Ah, there it was. It went back to everyone treating her like a fragile glass doll. Apparently, all the training her brother gave her didn’t matter.
“Not always. This Friday I’ll be with Jake.” Squeezing Jake’s upper arm wasn’t necessary, but it felt good to flaunt another man in front of Carter. She made a mental note of how much smaller Jake’s arm was compared to Carter. Damn him for ruining every guy for me.
“Great, I’ll meet you there at seven. It was nice meeting you Carter. See you Friday, Grace.”
“Yep, you too.” Carter’s half smile dropped the moment Jake stepped out of their office. His eyes came right to her, shining with the eerily lime green color of his bear. “This conversation isn’t over.”
“Yes, it is. I have work to do.” Sliding over the countertop, she made a beeline for her office. She needed space from him.
“Grace Elaine, don’t fucking walk away from me.” Grace didn’t listen and wasn’t going to stop to talk to him unless he made her. “You can’t go dancing by yourself, what if someone attacked you?” She whirled around on him so fast her hair slapped against her face.
“That’s why Gene trained me to be a fighter. I can handle myself. When are you guys gonna realize I’m twenty-one not sixteen? Why don’t you go back to finding some way of undoing our mating? We both know you don’t care about anything else. Including me.”
She slammed the door to her office, the cold wood seeping through her dress as she leaned her back against it. First one tear, then two rolled down her cheek. Right then wasn’t the time to be having second thoughts. She’d already claimed Carter. So why did her heart feel like it was split in two? With one-half wanting to give Carter a chance, and the other half worrying she’d made a huge mistake.
Chapter Six
He heard her crying through the door, wanting nothing more than to burst in and comfort her. To make her feel better, but he was the one making her cry. Carter hadn’t realized how much this was taking a toll on Grace. He’d only thought about himself. How much more of a selfish bastard could he be in three days? It wasn’t as if it’d been a onetime thing either. No, Carter had showed his asshole tendencies more than a couple of times.
Too many times to count, but enough to make Grace sure he didn’t care about her. Fuck, he didn’t even know what he felt. His emotions were so tangled up with Grace’s, he didn’t know up from down anymore. He needed to get the hell out of there before he did something stupid, again. Carter hadn’t meant to go off on her.
In fact, he hated that he’d gotten so jealous of the little punk in the first place. It could only mean one thing, even if he didn’t want to acknowledge it. Walking into his office, Carter checked his schedule. There wasn’t a polar bear’s chance in hell he’d be able to get anything done if he stayed. This close to Grace he couldn’t think about anything except her.
“I’m leaving for the day.” Carter shouted at her closed door, buttoning up his jacket. He waited for a response. Nothing came, which he’d expected, but it still hurt. “Don’t make any appointments for me tomorrow either.”
First thing in the morning, he’d be seeing Greg. Carter wasn’t sure how long it would take for him to get the answers he needed. Their business had a good reputation within the surrounding areas, he didn’t want to jeopardize it by missing anything important. “Be careful.” Squeaked out from behind Grace’s door.
He waited until he heard the clicking of her keyboard to respond, “I promise, Gracie.” The urge to escape hit him hard. Anytime Carter started to feel too much, he always went to the same place. It never failed to clear his mind. Hopefully, it wouldn’t let him down this time either.
The white daisies in his hands felt like lead. His stomach churned with guilt. How could he stand at his mate’s grave with Grace’s mark on his arm? He crouched down, tracing the inscription on her tombstone.
Rebecca Stewart
1990-2008
Beloved daughter and mate.
He’d wrote the epitaph himself, keeping it short and simple. The leftover space was filled with angels. Carter had picked them because Becky was an angel on earth. Where Mason called Ella little wolf, or Gene used woman for Lani, Carter had used angel more than Becky’s actual name. She’d loved the nickname, getting a smile on her face anytime he’d said it.
“Hi angel.” He sat the flowers down at the base of her tombstone while sitting on the damp ground. “I know I haven’t visited lately, you wouldn’t believe the shit that’s happened around here.” He twisted a blade of grass around his finger. Where did he want to start?
In the past, he’d visited her gravesite at least once a week. As the years went by and his walls grew higher, he’d stopped coming all together. Carter had a hard time facing Becky’s grave because it made everything more real to him. He had to face his unspoken truth. Carter had met his mate, fallen madly in love with her and lost her, all within the span of six months.
“Mason found his mate. She’s both a wolf and Goddess blessed. We didn’t get off on the right paw, obviously, but I’m trying to work things out with her. They just had twins. Crazy, I know. Twins from a mated alpha pair? They’re going to be powerful by the time they reach our age. Gene, whose mate is also a wolf, is pregnant with their first child.
“Everybody is finding their mate and starting a family. Nathan and Annie haven’t had any kids yet, but they’re trying. I’m left out, I don’t really know how I fit in. Mason barely speaks to me anymore. Shit, I wouldn’t even know what to say to him anyway.” He shrugged his shoulders, picking up another piece of grass since the last one had ripped.
“There’s something else I have to tell you.” Carter swallowed hard, not sure how to tell her about Grace. He never brought up women when he talked to Becky’s grave. There wasn’t ever a reason to, it would’ve been weird. “Grace Dodson is all grown up now, remember when I told you about her. I felt bad when she lost her mate, knew what she was going through and watched out for her. Well, um...” His jaw hurt with how hard he gritted his teeth.
“She bit me, and I don’t mean in a training way. No, she marked me as her choice mate.” Even tho
ugh he knew she couldn’t respond, he still paused to let the information sink in. “I’ve already started looking for a way to undo the bond. It’s not right. I never gave you the bond and I’m not going to give it to her.
“But there’s more. You should know the truth. My bear is convinced she’s his mate and now I’m starting to believe it too. I’m attracted to her. She’s beautiful and strong, sees through all my bullshit. With her I have a purpose, but then I remember you and feel guilty. How can I keep my promises to you when all I can think about is her?”
A sob tore out of his throat. “I’m sorry. You should’ve had a mating bond, and I never gave it to you.” It was the first time he’d cried over Becky, letting all the grief and sadness which had accumulated over the past nine years out. Something pressed down on his shoulder, then wrapped itself around Carter.
“Holy shit, dude. Let it out.” Carter didn’t care Nathan had him wrapped in a hug, rocking them back and forth. He couldn’t see past his grief and only clung harder onto Nathan. “I didn’t know you had a mate.”
That didn’t help, if anything, it made Carter feel worse. He should’ve shouted from the highest mountaintop about Becky. Not hidden her away like a dirty little secret he was ashamed of. He’d made so many mistakes with her. How was he supposed to get over the fact he’d never make them up to her?
He didn’t know how long he sat there crying, but when his break down was over he felt better than he had in years. Nathan dropped down to sit beside him, “How long did you know her before she passed?”
“Six months. She died of cancer.” His eyes watered again. Now that the walls around his heart were completely demolished, he wondered if he would always want to cry when thinking about Becky. “You’re the first person to find out about her.”
“I figured. Someone would’ve said something by now if they knew. It explains things though.” Nathan shook his head, looking away from Becky’s grave. “You always look pained when someone brings up mating. Everyone just thought you weren’t ready to give up the player life.” Nathan chuckled. “They’re all going to lose their shit when they find out.”
“You can’t tell anyone.” Carter growled at him. He wasn’t ready for everyone to know about Becky. Shit, he had only started to come to term with everything himself. Not to mention, Grace and what she’d think if he wasn’t the one to tell her.
“Alright. It’s your business, but I got to tell you. I kinda overheard you.” Nathan stood up, dusting grass from his pants. He went three rows ahead of Carter, stopping at another gravestone. Carter hadn’t realized Nathan had flowers in his hand.
Carter had to know exactly what Nathan had overheard. Standing up, he walked up to where Nathan was laying down yellow roses. He had his mother’s grave moved to Redwater when he’d left his last sleuth. She’d passed away right before he’d come to Redwater. Nathan never talked about her or anyone else from his past. “What did you hear?”
He didn’t want to do this here, but he couldn’t risk Nathan telling anyone about the mating bite. “Everything.” Nathan looked over his shoulder with a raised blonde eyebrow. “She really marked you?” Carter rolled his sleeve up. Grace’s mark stood out against his naturally tan skin. “Shit, anyone else know about this?”
“Nope.” He pushed his sleeve back down. Being this close to Becky’s grave and showing off Grace’s mark felt like a betrayal. “And since you know I’m already looking for a way to undo it, don’t tell anyone.”
“Does Grace know about this plan of yours?” Why did Nathan care if Grace knew? Even if Nathan had a mate, who he was completely and totally in love with, Carter felt jealous. The only people, other than him, who had any say over Grace were Jackson and Gene.
“Of course.” He wouldn’t have gone behind her back, it would’ve been cruel.
“And she’s on board with this?” Nathan whirled around on him, making Carter almost run straight into him.
“No, but-”
“But, what? I heard you dude, something is between the two of you. Why would you do that to her?” They stopped walking, having a standoff in the entrance to the graveyard.
“If you heard me than you know! I didn’t give my true mate the bond, how could I give one to Grace? It wouldn’t make up for anything!” Great, now he was shouting at the only friend he had left.
To Nathan’s credit, the bear didn’t even get mad. “Carter, maybe the way to make up for the past is to not make the same mistakes in the future. I wanna tell you how I met Annie. It wasn’t all hearts and roses like people think. She was fucking engaged to another guy.”
“Holy hell.” This definitely wasn’t where he thought Nathan’s story was headed. “Engaged?”
“Yep. I left her with him, thought my whole life was over. She followed me here, begging for forgiveness and I almost turned her away. Know why I didn’t?”
“You’re a nice guy?”
“Nice try, but no. I wasn’t about to turn away my mate because of the past. As soon as she met me, Annie left that asshole and came after me. I’m sorry to be so blunt, but your true mate isn’t coming back. Grace is here and she’d make a wonderful mate for any guy-”
Carter’s snarl cut him off. The sound surprised Carter too. Any guy who wanted Grace for a mate would have to go through him first. His possessiveness of her was starting to get out of hand. “She doesn’t need a mate.” He tried to hide the fact no one would be mating Grace anytime soon if he had any say in the matter. If the look on Nathan’s face was anything to go by, he hadn’t done a very good job.
“Yeah, that’s why the vein in your neck is starting to throb.” He gave Carter a cocky smile. “We both know if you don’t claim Grace, someone in this territory will. It’s only a matter of time before a male comes sniffing around with serious intentions of mating her. Maybe give yourself time to figure all this shit out. Then decide if you really want to throw a good woman like Grace away.”
Carter hated to admit it, but Nathan was right. He’d been so focused on the bad, he hadn’t even thought about the good. A chance for a family, a drop dead gorgeous woman to call his own, and a feeling of belonging for the first time in years. “How am I supposed to get over the guilt? I still love Becky.”
Nathan had already started to walk back to his Hummer. At least nobody else was nearby to witness everything that had happened. “You’re always going to love her. It’s the moving on part you have to get started on. If you don’t try and Grace finds someone else, will you regret it for the rest of your life?”
“Yes.” Carter didn’t even have to think about it. After the display he’d seen earlier in the day, he didn’t think he could handle seeing Grace with another male.
“Then there’s your answer. Just try. You know, Scott would be able to help you best. He lost his true mate and is in the market for a choice one.” Nathan hopped in his Hummer, rolling the driver side window down. “And maybe, also try to keep the caveman act to a minimum around Gene. He’ll sniff this shit out before you even have a chance to run away.” With a parting wave, his black Hummer turned onto the street.
Carter found himself just sitting in his car for a second time. Nathan had given him something to think about. He needed to examine how he truly felt about Grace, whether he wanted to or not. Grabbing his cell phone, he sent a text to Scott, asking him to meet up tomorrow at his office. Even when his phone beeped with a response, Carter didn’t move.
Am I ready to move on? He’d thought the answer was no and would always stay no. The more he thought about it, however, the more Carter agreed with his bear. Maybe it was time to think about the future and quit living in the past. He didn’t need to stop loving Becky. If he told himself that it pushed his guilt down.
His guilt still lingered under the surface, and he had a feeling it would always be there. No matter what he did. Because even though moving on didn’t sound as impossible anymore, it felt wrong to have a life if Becky couldn’t. In addition to his own shame regarding Grace. He would
n’t be able to love her the way she deserved.
Grace should be her mate’s first choice and that wouldn’t be the case with him. She would always be second to Becky in his heart. He’d have to be a cold heartless asshole to condemn Grace to a loveless mating. It was in her best interest if he found a way to break the bond. Even if a growing part of him, including his bear, revolted against the idea.
Chapter Seven
“How’s the adjusting going?” Annie asked Ella as she rocked baby Micheal back and forth in her arms. Grace, Annie, and Lani were all visiting to let Ella have some down time. Having newborn twins had to be hard. Add in being the alpha’s mate to a growing territory, the threat of Noah somewhere out there and Ella should’ve been exhausted. So, of course, she wasn’t.
“Not bad actually, both Mason and Corey help whenever they can. The only downside is this cabin, we need a lot more room than we originally thought. I’m thinking over the summer we can put an upstairs on the place, get some carpet.” Ella went into the kitchen to warm up bottles for the twins.
The wolf looked energized and glowing with happiness. It made Grace’s heart both soar and hurt. She’d never have this life. The kind of life she had hoped and prayed for. Just like her brother, Grace wanted a huge family and a mate who loved her unconditionally.
Instead, she’d saddled herself with the opposite kind of man. A serial player, lifelong bachelor and someone who had never expressed an interest in having kids. Little Dolly cooed, bringing Grace back to the present. Her little eyes were open, looking right at Grace. They were a blend of green and blue. The outer ring was the dark color of Ella’s eyes, which faded into the pale green of Mason’s eyes.
Isaiah had been right in the hospital room when the twins were born. She’d be a beauty when she got older. They were lucky she was a twin. If they had a sibling bond anything like Ella and her brothers, boys would have a hard time getting past Micheal. As if he sensed his sister was awake, Micheal opened his eyes. His were a carbon copy of Ella.
