by B. N. Kasner
He took a step back, taking Grace in. Hoping she looked alright, she wished she’d changed her clothes before storming over to his house. Her thin running shorts, tank top and sports bra weren’t really flattering clothes. Hell, she probably smelt awful too. She’d went for a run, then shifted and ran to Carter’s.
There hadn’t been time for a shower anywhere in-between the two. He shook his head, making Grace drop her eyes to stare at her sneakers. She’d known she didn’t have what it took to ensnare a bear as sexy as Carter. So why did it still hurt when he found her lacking? A finger under her chin had her lifting her head to make eye contact with him.
He’d come closer to her again, “You truly don’t know just how fucking sexy you are, do you?” His words caught her off guard, Carter hadn’t found her lacking. Grace launched herself at him. She wanted to show him how his words made her feel.
It wasn’t until his hands were underneath her tank top she remembered why she’d gone to his home in the first place. Going any further with Carter, no matter how bad she wanted to, had to wait. What if Grace gave him her virginity only for him to turn around and try to undo their mating? It would break her very soul into tiny pieces. “Wait.” Grace panted, pushing on his shoulders.
Unlike all the other times she’d tried pushing him away, he moved a fraction of an inch back. Progress. “What is it?” He looked frustrated and hopefully she’d be able to alleviate his need, but first she had to worry about herself.
“What am I to you?” All the lust and softness left his face. He started to pace back and forth in front of her. His mouth opened and closed a couple of times, but no sound came out. Maybe the answer was yes and Carter was trying to find the right words?
More likely, he knew whatever was about to come out of his mouth would tear her to shreds. Whichever it was, Grace wanted to know what her future held. A mate she’d been in love with since the age of twelve, or a broken heart she would be carrying around with her forever.
Chapter Thirteen
How could Carter look the sinfully beautiful woman in front of him in the eyes and tell her she was stuck with him forever? He knew she wouldn’t be upset about the mating, that part wasn’t what had him pacing. No, his conscious had him worried. Lying to her didn’t feel right anymore. In the beginning, he’d been fully prepared to pretend.
Live a half-life, being a shell of a person on the inside while smiling on the outside. Carter couldn’t pull it off with Grace. She deserved someone better than him. Even now, her eyes were studying a scuff on his floor. Sentencing her to a life where she played second fiddle was wrong on every level.
Only, he didn’t know what else he had to offer her? Carter cared about her, which was evident by the mark on his arm. His instincts knew no bounds when it came to her, boarding on stalkerish. Carter’s lust had him ready to fuck her anytime he even thought about Grace. But he knew Grace wanted love and passion in her life.
She needed to know what kind of mating she’d have if they decided to work things out between them. The passion Carter could give her in abundance, no question about it. Love, on the other hand, she wouldn’t get from him any time soon. Maybe ever, if his guilt had anything to say on the matter. Already he felt like he was drowning in it, the thought of Becky pulling him down deeper every day.
“Please spit it out already.” She whispered, her head hanging down while her fingers pulled at the hem of her tank top. “I need to know what we are.” Fuck, Carter didn’t know what they were. His mating mark mocked him. They were mates, it should’ve been simple.
“I went and talked with Scott and Greg.” Her head popped up, eyes glowing gold. She hadn’t moved from where he’d put her on the island, but her hands gripped the counter. He hoped Grace didn’t come closer to him. Keeping space between them would be the only way he’d get through this conversation.
If she came closer, he’d be all over her again. His self-control didn’t exist around her. “And?” Obviously, he wasn’t getting to the point fast enough for her. Her face gave away all her anxiety.
“The bond can’t be undone.” Carter could tell Grace’s sigh was one of relief by the way her shoulders relaxed. Where she calmed down, he got more worked up. Seeing the hope in her eyes felt like claws dragging across his stomach. “Greg said the only way to break a bond is death, and neither of us are dying anytime soon.” His heart revolted against the thought of something bad happening to Grace. Protecting her had become his top priority.
“You still didn’t answer my question.” She bit her lip, drawing Carter’s attention to them. Shit, he needed to get himself together and quit thinking with his dick. Stop being a pussy and tell her. For once, Carter followed his bear’s advice.
“We’re mates.” Grace’s face lit up with a brilliant smile, making Carter’s soul feel tarnished and dirty. “I’m sorry.” Her smile faded as quick as it had appeared. A confused look settling on her face, her head cocked to one side.
“You’re sorry? Why are you sorry?” Her fingers pulled on a loose string hanging from her shorts. For all of her bravado, his Gracie didn’t have the self-confidence she portrayed. He knew his back and forth with her feelings wasn’t helping anything.
“Because you’re stuck with me. You deserve someone who can give you everything you’ve ever wanted out of life.” He threw his hands in the air, coming to a stop in front of her. She still looked confused, but Carter didn’t want to tell her the whole truth. It wasn’t like before, when he wanted to push her away.
Her feelings mattered to him now. Anything he could do to save her from hurting, he’d do. “Why can’t you give me a family and life filled with happiness. I think we work out better together, don’t you? I mean, we’ve been through some tough times lately, but you’re always there for me. You’ve always been there for me. I can’t imagine my life with anyone else.”
Carter felt sick to his stomach. She loved him. Over the years, he’d noticed her crush. Hell, everyone and their mother had noticed. Grace wasn’t really discreet concerning him. Between her longing looks and tagging along with him wherever he went, it kinda gave her away.
But he’d never thought her emotions reached the love level, it made everything worse. “Because I can’t love you.” She flinched at his words and hunched over as if he’d physically hurt her. Carter gritted his teeth to counteract the backlash he felt through their fragile bond.
“Why?” Grace’s voice wavered, her eyes glistening with tears when she finally made eye contact with him. The exact thing Carter had been trying to avoid was happening, and he only had himself to blame. Being up front about Becky would make her understand better than if Carter made up some excuse. Grace would probably take it the wrong way, blaming herself in the process. “What's the matter with me?” Apparently, she’d already gone to taking the blame off him.
“You’re not the problem.” Carter took a seat on his couch, putting even more space between them. He wanted to hold her, tell her it would all be okay. Even if he knew it wasn’t okay and wouldn’t be once she heard his whole truth. “Did you ever wonder how all this could happen?”
“Not really.” Her head tilted from side to side, hair swaying with the movement.
“What do choice mates lose?” He couldn’t help making a face when he’d said, “choice mates.” Those words were a misleading bunch of bullshit.
“True mates.” Grace’s eyes lit up with understanding. “Oh, Carter.” She brought her hand up to her chest. Unknowingly, Carter had his hand in the same spot, trying to stop the pain in his very soul.
If the thought of losing Becky still hurt this bad, then there couldn’t be any room left in Carter’s heart for Grace. “Yep.” He took a deep breath, trying to get his emotions under control. Breaking down in front of Grace wasn’t something he wanted to do. “I loved her with every fiber of my being. I still love her with my whole heart and soul.”
Carter stared at his clenched fists, he couldn’t chance looking at Grace and seeing the pain
on her face. “You’ll always come second to her in my heart. It’s not fair to you. If you want to be with me, all you’ll get is a fake life. I’ll never be able to give you a love like Ella and the others have.” He chanced a look at Grace, but she wasn’t looking at him. Just staring at the wall like it held all the answers to their problems.
“It’s why I wanted to undo the bond in the first place. It would’ve given you a chance to find love with someone else. Only now, both me and my bear see you as ours. I’m possessive, obsessed and raging with lust. I scared Jake off the first chance I got and I do care about you.
“If I didn’t a bond wouldn’t have formed. You need to know what you’ll be getting yourself into.” He growled thinking about Grace walking away from him. He hadn’t lied to her. To him, there wasn’t a question in his mind, she was his. However, the decision laid with Grace now.
Carter was giving her an out. A chance to walk away from him and make a life for herself. As much as he wanted her to be happy, he didn’t want to lose her either. He felt like someone was tearing him in two. If only the Goddess could send him some divine sign. Showing him which path to follow, Grace and her light or Becky and his guilt.
◆◆◆
Grace discreetly wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. She didn’t know whether her tears were for her own pain or Carter’s. Throughout his little speech, it had become apparent how much turmoil he felt. How long had he felt like this? She should’ve realized he’d lost a mate when he’d taken her under his wing.
Only somebody who knew what kind of pain she had felt would understand her. Damn, how blind could she be? Another thought dawned on her. Grace wasn’t the only person who’d been blind concerning her mate. Nobody had ever mentioned the fact Carter had lost his true mate.
Did anyone other than her even know about him having a mate? She couldn’t believe Mason of all people, didn’t know about Carter’s true mate. None of what he’d said made a lot of sense to her. Carter had told her he wouldn’t love her, ever. Then turned around, saying he cared about her and she belonged to him.
At least she finally understood why he kept playing tug-of-war with her feelings. He wasn’t doing it to jerk her around. Carter literally didn’t know what to feel himself. If he would’ve just told her the truth sooner, she wouldn’t have given him such a tough time. All of his actions were starting to make sense.
The women, cockiness, arrogance, everything that made people think Carter was just a shallow asshole. It all clicked in her mind. She’d went the opposite way when Zach had gotten hit by a car while riding his bike, becoming mute. Carter went out of his way to make himself look like a dick. When deep down, he was being ripped apart by his loss and not dealing with it.
Dealing with losing a mate wasn’t easy, but with the help of Carter and Gene she’d pulled through. No wonder Carter had such a hard time moving on and accepting her into his heart. He’d never grieved his true mate. Not in the way he should’ve at least. Burying feelings, becoming a shell of himself.
She hadn’t been the only one to notice how he never smiled or laughed. Everyone, including herself, had chalked it up to his parents moving away. Over the past year, since Ella had come into their lives, he’d been an even bigger asshole. Mostly to Ella. Apparently, he’d seen the wolf as a threat to his way of life, and he hadn’t been wrong.
First Mason, then Gene had found their mates one after another, leaving Carter alone. Goddess, if the others knew about this, especially Mason, it would change everything. No one would hassle him about it anymore. He’d be able to get his relationship with Mason back. Him not being able to love her took a back seat to his happiness.
Carter always came first to her, which was why she’d never tried to stop him from sleeping around. She’d thought it made him happy, but now she realized the women were just a distraction. What would truly help him heal was getting his life back together. Starting with getting his brotherhood with Mason back. Until he grieved and healed, he’d never be able to care about Grace the way she wanted him to.
“Grace? Did you hear me?” Blinking her eyes hard, she tore them away from the wall to look at her mate. He was too sexy for his own good, even when Grace could see the pain on his face. Talking about his true mate hurt him in a way she understood all too well. She wouldn’t make him repeat himself.
“Yeah.” The lump in her throat made it impossible to say more. Grace swallowed hard, not sure how to put her thoughts into words.
“And?” Now he was the impatient one. It brought a small smile to her face before her reality set in again. She had nothing to smile about, not anymore. To think, last night she’d thought all her dreams were about to come true.
“I can’t move on and walk away from you. I’m bonded to you forever. There’s no ifs, ands or buts about it. You’re my only option at havin’ a family.” She stopped short, her heart in her throat. “You do want kids, right?” She’d wanted a huge family for as long as Grace could remember.
“I could be convinced.” His eyes glinted with something that, at least to Grace, looked like hope. Maybe he wanted to have a family, but wasn’t sure how to have one without his true mate. “As long as the kids have red hair, I think I’d be okay with it.” A piece of her soul was soothed by his words.
She had a feeling if Carter could get past his guilt, he’d have room in his heart to love her. How could he not when he was willing to have cubs with her? “Good, Gene rubbed off on me where family is concerned.”
“So, you’re okay with everything I said?” He looked unconvinced, almost glaring at her. Goddess, did he secretly want her to walk away? Because it hadn’t been the vibe she’d gotten from him. Reading him came easily to Grace, and her instincts hadn’t steered her wrong when it came to Carter yet.
“No, but I’m willin’ to wait it out.” Carter growled, getting up from his spot to pace again. Glancing at the carpet, she was surprised he hadn’t worn a hole through it yet.
“What the hell are you talking about? I told you, it will never happen.” Snarling he whirled around to stop in front of her. Grace gulped, her eyes welling up with tears. She understood why Carter wasn’t ready, but it still hurt when he said those words to her.
“You need to grieve from losin' your true mate. Get your life together, make things right with Mason and the guys. And when you’re ready, I’ll be here.” Grace used the same voice she’d had to use with her dad when he’d come home drunk and out of control. It calmed along with soothed, but also held sympathy and sadness.
Instead of making the blow to his life gentler, she gulped at the dark look on Carter’s face. Those dreams of hers were definitely slipping through her fingers, even while she clutched onto them with all her strength.
Chapter Fourteen
Frostford, Oregon. The last time Noah had breezed through the town, he’d been sure his vengeance would be swift. Of course, he’d relied on a half feral wolf, whose agenda didn’t match his own. He wasn’t making the same mistake twice. His current partner knew how to get things done, although even they couldn’t be trusted fully.
Noah knew they could mess things up in a major way. There wouldn’t be a third chance for him. Stupidity didn’t run in his family genes. There were only so many chances before death caught up with him. If anything went wrong or he got caught, Mason and the others wouldn’t let him live. Not after all the shit he’d pulled regarding Ella and Lani.
Pulling his baseball cap lower on his head, Noah made his way across the small diner to a back booth. Making sure he faced the front door, his shirt stuck to him when he settled in his seat. The human, who by Noah’s watch was now five minutes late, wasn’t somebody he wanted to catch him off guard. Ronnie Kidd, the leader of the extremist group Children of the New Order, tended to blend in with a crowd. With average looks and build, he didn’t stand out as a leader, not until he opened his mouth.
Since taking over twenty years ago, Ronnie had built up the ranks until they spanned all over the country. W
hich is what had made it so easy for Noah to get into contact with them fifteen years ago. After the debacle of Isabella Dodson, he’d deliberately lost the human’s number. Noah had planned on never using it again, but the circumstances had left him with no other choice. Children of the New Order were one of the most influential groups he knew of, besides witches.
Witches, however, scared the shit out of Noah. Greg’s mate Vivienne was the exception, but in general, the spellcasters couldn’t be trusted. At any minute, they could spell you and half the time you wouldn’t be able to stop them. At least Noah knew he could take on humans with little ease. A whole territory of shifters, though? Not so much.
“Long time, no talk Animal.” Ronnie’s gray eyes couldn’t conceal the evil within the man. He slid into the opposite side of the booth, looking completely at ease. “Nice to finally meet the animal who had the balls to betray his own.” He smirked making Noah want to squirm in his seat.
No way he’d show any sign of weakness to the human cesspool in front of him. “For someone who’s supposed to hate shifters, you seem mighty friendly to me.”
“Coffee?” The young waitress stopped Ronnie from saying whatever was about to come out of his mouth. Noah didn’t miss the sneer he’d tried to hide. So, the man wasn’t as much of a pushover as he’d thought.
“Yes, you can leave the pot.” Ronnie’s tone booked no room for an argument, even though no other table had a pot of coffee at their disposal. “We’re not to be disturbed again.”
“I understand.” Her hands shook as she set the coffee down. She turned and hurried away from their booth, disappearing behind swinging doors. Ronnie poured himself a cup, leaving the coffee black.
