by Lauren Dane
“If you’re sure. And it’s not… Well Chris doesn’t know about me and Nathan.”
“Got it. No one is going to say anything. Nathan has told us all to keep it quiet until the summer. Which is only three days from now, I should remind you. You know, just in case you forgot or something.”
“It’s a good thing you’re not a professional poker player. You lack any sort of subtlety.”
“He loves you. He’s trying to respect your space and be supportive, and he’s a little lost. He’s an alpha male trying to be a little more beta, you know? He wants to help you because that’s what he does. Help him.”
“I’m in so far above my head it’s not funny.” She scrubbed her hands over her face.
“Stay right here. We need more cinnamon rolls and coffee.”
She put her head down on her arms and groaned. Damn Murphys being so wonderful.
“Okay. William sent over the pot here.” Beth put the carafe down after refilling both mugs. “And freshly baked cinnamon rolls with extra glaze on the non-raisin ones. He says to ask for extra next time instead of picking the raisins out. He might have been slightly insulted or slightly proud. Hard to say which with that one.”
Not much better in the world but a warm-from-the-oven cinnamon roll with a hot cup of coffee.
After she’d eaten another, she sat back. “When he and I broke it off…before, it took me a while to get over it. I sort of fell into a pit of depression. I was totally pathetic. God. Anyway. I sat around all day in sweats and watched reality television, all the while just not going to class and risking my enrollment status. Everything was out of control and I saw him everywhere. At the grocery store, at the library or movies. I didn’t want to go out. He looked so happy. Man I wanted to slap his face.” She focused on Beth again. “Sorry.”
“No, don’t be. He’s my brother and I love him, but I’m your friend too. I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could share this with me before. I was a crappy friend.”
Lily shook her head. “No. You were in an awkward position. I didn’t bring it to you of my own accord. You never said not to, I just didn’t want to put you in the middle and I was embarrassed too. Anyway. I realized one day that my life was not at all what I wanted it to be. And that by allowing it to continue, I was allowing your brother to continue to make me feel like nothing.
“So I made a plan to deal with my credit-card debt, which thankfully wasn’t bad. I made myself get up and out of the apartment every day. I studied on a strict schedule, and I stopped eating all the stuff that made me sick. My grades rebounded and I finished near the top of my class. I moved to Macon and landed a great job doing what I loved. My family was near enough that I could see them for all the big stuff but not every day where I’d go crazy, and I’d never have to see or speak to Nathan.”
Beth simply listened.
“It’s not so much that I wished him ill by that point. Or that I hadn’t gotten over him or that he’d given me baggage or whatever. I dated. I had three serious relationships in the time between now and then. The last one I considered marrying. I’m confident of myself and I know what I want. I’m not afraid to go after it either. These are not things I didn’t have in great measure when I was with Nathan. But it’s because of him that I got stronger.”
“And then everything went catawampus.”
“Eloquent. So then my parents’ marriage breaks up. Which happens. I guess I assumed they’d stick it out. My dad was sort of lazy, and she did everything for him, especially since he retired. I was surprised and I felt bad for my mom and Chris, but it was what happened and I went back to my routine. And then Chris gets in trouble. I come here and in one night I find out this has become such a big problem my mother can’t handle it. My sister is a whackjob. I have to come back here and raise not only Chris, but my mother. I have zero control really, and into this maelstrom walks the only man I’ve ever really loved and he’s not the same as before. Not the same in any way that really matters.”
“Ah, we get to the in-over-your-head stuff now.” Beth nodded sagely.
“He’s not someone I can blow off. Not someone I can keep being angry at. He’s not someone who’ll be contained and under control. He’s an aggressive, dominant man and he slides his laid-back, good ol’ boy skin on and god damn if that doesn’t make him even more irresistible! I don’t have any defenses against that. I can’t control it, or even predict it. He’s like a shark, always moving. He’s cagey, your brother.”
Beth laughed and patted her hand. “I’m gonna have to tweet that. He is cagey. But he’s entirely okay with being laid back and lazy and have people wait on him and do all the work as long as he’s all right with the general direction. But once he gets all stirred up, you can’t stop him. He will get what he wants. He’s relentless about it. He wants you and he’s all stirred up. He’s changed. You’ve changed him even more. He’s good for you and Lord knows he needs you too. Come to my house for dinner tonight.”
Lily heaved a sigh. Still panicked, but not so much she was blind to the truth. “What time should we be there?”
She finished up with Beth and went home. May as well check in on her mother.
So it wasn’t a total surprise to see Nancy’s car in the driveway, blocking Lily’s spot. She parked on the street and went to her place first, putting her camera and bag away. She gave herself a pep talk in the mirror before heading to the main house.
“’Bout time you showed up.”
“Always first thing with you. I hope you give me a gold star in your mental inventory since being disapproving gives you such an extra charge. Did we have an appointment I was unaware of? Something else that would give you any legitimate reason to declare it’s about time I showed up as if I’d been making you wait for some ungodly amount of time?”
“You get her all upset and rush off. Threaten to take her child. How dare you!”
She turned, slowly, hands on her hips and took them both in. “How dare I? How dare she? How dare she come to the breakfast table with an ice-tea glass filled with bourbon? And refill it three times in the presence of her son who’s only just pulling himself out of some pretty deep trouble. How dare she call you in and give you free rein to stir trouble? Did you ask yourself why she’d do that? How about that? Huh? How about she stop hiding behind all this stuff? She brought you here to get in between her and me. You have to know that. She’d rather sit by and watch us fight—yet again—than own her business.”
Nancy began to speak but Lily’d had enough. “I told you last time that if you wanted to go we would, but that’d I’d end you. Think very carefully about what you say next. If you’re not here to help get her in rehab or at the very least some therapy, then get out. You can’t help her with your normal selfish shit. She needs you to be a good person for once in your life. I know you have a heart in there somewhere and I could use your help right now.
“She’s in big trouble. Chris saw her fall a month ago. She stumbles around the house, slurring her words, falling asleep anywhere she lands. He sees it every day, no matter how hard I try to clean up after her. He’s scared to death she’ll try to drive. He asked me if she was drunk this morning on the way to school. He’s had enough. She’s had enough and I’m not going to let you make this all worse. I don’t have the energy to parent you too, so you’re going to have to stand on your own two feet for a change ’cause Dad’s not interested, no matter how good or pretty you are. It’s about him, not you.”
Nancy closed her mouth with a snap.
She turned to her mother, who looked slightly abashed. “Now, Mom, aside from calling Nancy and attempting to set us against each other to keep the heat off you, what are you going to do about what we discussed this morning? I can drive you over to the therapist’s office now. They have group sessions and individual ones. She said you might need both or one or the other. She’s referred you to someone else in her office who deals with substance-abuse issues more regularly.”
Her mother look
ed back and forth between them. “Nancy, do you hear this?”
Her sister exhaled and slumped down onto the couch. “She really drank bourbon at breakfast in front of Chris?”
A little afraid to be heartened by her sister’s response just yet, Lily walked over to the pantry and pulled out a drawer, removing it entirely. “Here’s one of her favorite spots.” She produced the bottle she knew was hidden there. “I found this one when I slammed the drawer too hard and it made a funny sound. There are others back here. I pour them out. Sometimes I water them down. She can’t say anything to me of course, because if she admits she’s hiding liquor bottles she has to admit she’s got a problem. I found a bottle in the linen closet yesterday. A few in her car. She’s in trouble, Nancy. I could really use your help.”
Nancy pulled out a cigarette and instead of chiding her, Lily let her have it. God knew she felt like a smoke just then and she’d never been a smoker. Her sister sat and drew the smoke into her lungs, not saying anything. She looked around the room, her gaze flitting from space to space.
Lily continued to think on her options.
“Lily, why don’t you clean up in here more? Or make Chris.” The tone wasn’t as hostile, but the wary way she sized everything up had gone. She was paying attention now.
Lily saw the room from her sister’s perspective. Pamela Travis’s curtains had always been open during the day. But it’d been a while since she’d started telling Lily the light was too much and bothered her eyes.
Dim and cluttered.
“I come in every day after I take Chris to school. I make sure the kitchen is clean and do laundry. Even put it away. But she won’t let me vacuum or dust or touch any of the paperwork and magazines on the coffee table. Insists she do it herself.”
Lily didn’t need to say how ineffective that effort had been.
“Mom, the woman who raised us was proud of her home. She was proud of herself and her appearance.”
Nancy’s gaze honed in on their mother as Lily pointed that out. All Lily could do was hope Nancy saw what she did.
“You used to get your hair done once a week. You wore pretty clothes. You had lunch with your friends and ran the cakewalk every carnival. You rarely leave the house now. You sit here in the dark all day and with the television on. Staring and drinking. Watching you do this to yourself is breaking my heart.”
Pamela, shaking, pointed a finger at Lily. “I don’t need any help! I’m just fine. Nancy, you said you’d back me. She’s trying to take Christopher. Turn him against me. Those aren’t my bottles. She put them there. She wants to control me.”
It hit hard. She knew her mother was desperate and in pain and didn’t mean what she was saying. But she said it nonetheless. Lily turned herself away from her mother to face Nancy. “Help me. You have to see it. She needs help.”
Nancy shook her head and blew out a long puff of smoke. Looking around Lily to their mother, she said, “She’s uppity and thinks she’s better’n everyone else. But she wouldn’t do that. She’s right. You’re in trouble. You can’t do this to Chris.”
Chapter Twelve
He’d paced all morning. He’d hit his limit of patience. There would be no more distance. He’d do whatever he needed to do to prove to her they were meant to be together. She was meant to be with him, surely she felt that too. He refused to even entertain that she didn’t love him. They’d shared that intensity of connection again.
He’d kept an eye on Chris there at school as best he could. He hadn’t slipped back into his previous lazy patterns, but Nathan knew she worried he would.
The boy had brought himself up to a C minus. He’d done a huge amount of work in the time since his sister had come back home. He’d had the lowest grade in the class and now he’d pass. All due to Lily. What an amazing woman she was. She’d dug in and made a difference when most people would have given up.
Things would still be rough. Beth had called him and told him a very sparse account of what they’d spoken about in the Honey Bear and of the situation with Pamela. She’d added that she believed very much that Lily loved him and wanted to be with him. She’d agreed to come to Beth’s house that night for dinner knowing he’d be there.
He loved her, this amazing woman. He smiled as he looked up at the clock and made a decision.
School was nearly over and there’d be no reason not to stand under her window holding his boom box if he had to.
Lily pulled into the driveway and worked up the energy to heave herself free and into the direction of her apartment. Her mother had decided to check herself into the hospital for exhaustion and detox. It had been unbelievably painful as she’d hugged Lily, thanking her for the push. She’d looked small and fragile, and Lily had felt like a traitor.
Nancy had drifted off with an incredibly awkward hug after their mother had gone from sight down the hallway. Her help had been unexpected, but in the end, invaluable. And not just to their mother. Funny how sometimes fate could turn your opinion of someone on its ear.
Thankfully Beth picked Chris up from school and took him back to her place until Lily got free. The last thing she wanted to do was have a big dinner with these people who’d most assuredly become her family in the time since she’d been back in Petal. But she supposed it was what she needed, and that’s what kept her moving.
She raced home first to take a shower. She desperately needed to wash the day from her skin before she went to see her brother.
Nathan waited on her top step with a pie box from the Sands. She paused midway to look at him. He’d come to her. The intensity of her relief brought tears to her eyes. She hadn’t allowed herself to really admit how much she needed him to come for her.
“What kind of pie is that?”
“Lemon meringue. I’ve got a coconut cream too.” He pointed to a bag near the door.
Oh someone was getting lucky very soon. “You were supposed to give me some space.”
He grinned. “I have a problem with authority. I’ve known this since the second grade.”
“You did bring pie. That goes a long way in my book. I suppose I can let you in for a slice or two.”
She moved past him, breathing him in as she did. She motioned him into the house once she got the door unlocked.
He came in and put the stuff on the kitchen counter near the fridge. “Lock the door.”
She wanted to giggle and clap her hands with glee but managed to grin as she hurried to do it.
“Beth said to tell you she and Jake are taking Chris to a movie and pizza. We’ll meet them for pizza after the flick. Chris told me he knew I was sweet on you and he thought it was okay as long as I was nice to you. And stuff. Eloquent and heartfelt.”
She leaned in to him, burying her face in his neck. His arms wrapped around her and held on tight.
“I’ve missed you. I’m glad you came for me.”
“I would have come earlier when my free period was up but I got sucked into yet another meeting. I’m sorry about your mom. But I’m glad she’s getting help.”
“I need to shower this day off. Come with me? I’ll tell you.”
He took her hand and they headed to the bathroom. “I missed you too. It’s been hard not to barge in here, to be satisfied with a phone call or texts.”
“I was beginning to get annoyed that you hadn’t disregarded everything I said and showed up looking just like you do now.”
She took her blouse off and tossed it in the laundry.
“I’m going to make every effort not to think about fucking you in every way possible while you tell me. It’s going to be a herculean effort, just so you know and can compensate me accordingly afterward.”
She tiptoed up for a kiss. “You’re good to me.” She turned the water on and then got naked.
“I’m coming in. Even if I can’t violate you just yet, I want to touch you.”
“Damn you’re good with that mouth.” She stepped under the spray and watched as he undressed to join her.
&
nbsp; She closed her eyes and got her hair wet. “Just getting her into the car was interesting. She’s strong for a little woman. And then she cried the whole way to the therapist’s office about how the neighbors probably saw it and now everyone would think badly of her. She puked in the parking lot once we arrived. Better than in the car I guess.
“Bless the therapist and her colleague, who took us in right away. It went back and forth for a few minutes, but my mom just suddenly said she felt like she was going to lose it. She said she was too tired to think. She’s about to break. We could all see it. Even Nancy.”
Nathan moved behind her and took the bottle of shampoo from her. “Close your eyes and let me take care of you.”
Tenderness sliced through her as she closed her eyes and tipped her head back. Strong fingers massaged her scalp. “She denied and denied and denied. I was so sure she’d leave. And wham out of the blue she just tells us she’s having a breakdown. It was…difficult. She’s not from a generation so understanding about getting mental-health help. She’s ashamed of that more than the drinking I think.”
He rinsed her hair and then massaged through conditioner. His hands on her felt good. Their chemistry heated up, the tension between them building.
“How long will she be in the hospital?”
“Two weeks for now. They’ll monitor her situation and adjust at that point if necessary. I don’t know. I hope she’ll get the help she needs.”
“She’s taking a big step. That whole business with your dad took its toll.”
“I know. And like I said, once she’d admitted it, she started feeling all the stuff she’d been walling off.”
He soaped up his hands and started at her shoulders, slowly moving to her elbow, down her forearm and to her wrist and each finger. All the tension melted away as he did. As he ministered to her. She felt cosseted and adored.
