Robert had been so much more than just a fiancé. He had been like a father to her brother, and acted as protector to her mother, sister, and herself while Allan was away at school. Why could Alfie not have just accepted my decision? Yes, God help me, I love him, but I had made a promise to Robert.
Reluctantly, she returned for lunch. Her husband did not.
She retired to her room in order to take care of her correspondence. She had promised to write to Elizabeth every day.
Dinner time came soon enough. Emma helped her change, and she joined her husband. He appeared to be just finishing up. He removed his napkin from his lap, stood, and hurried to her side. He pulled out her chair, and bid her to sit. His hair had recently been washed; the dark blonde curls were still wet, and the smell of his sandalwood soap was still strong. He took her hand, and absently caressed each finger as he spoke. “I apologize for eating before your arrival, but I still have my books to see to this evening. He finally brought her hand to his lips. I will join you later.”
Once her breathing slowed, and her heart rejoined her chest the final words he’d spoken registered. Each moment of her evening thereafter served to harden her heart for when he would, in fact, join her later.
*
Audra’s eyes had begun to close when the door connecting their chambers opened. She could hear him discard his clothing. She knew it was his habit to sleep without benefit of clothing, and he would soon be within inches of her if she allowed him to continue his course.
“Alfie, I realize I took vows, but... I am simply not ready. I am angry, can you understand? Please...”
She felt the bed move as it took his weight. “You will not have your own bed in the cottage at Lexington. Would you prefer to become accustomed to my sleeping beside you here, or once we are there?”
The question hung there between them. Their quick, private marriage would be cause for enough upheaval. It was probably best she not add anything to it.
She felt him gather her long hair into one hand, effectively sending shivers throughout her body. He gave it a playful pull. “I will take your silence to mean you are not demanding I leave your bed.”
She pulled her hair from his grasp, and dared to look at him. His face held a mischievous grin, but his eyes revealed his hurt. She turned away. She would not pity him. He had forced this situation, now he would have to suffer the consequences along with everyone else.
*
Audra awoke to a noise and caught sight of her door closing slowly, and quietly. She dared to rise, and behold the scene that had sent Emma scurrying back out the door. Her infuriatingly attractive husband lay sprawled across half the bed with only a corner of the sheet covering his nether region. She had seen his bare chest during his convalescence, but much more was revealed before her now.
She willed her color to drop, and clapped her hands together. She did not dare touch him she knew all too well what that may wrought. “Alfie, you must wake, and return to your room. Emma is waiting to attend me. Alfie...”
He stirred, and stretched, displacing the scant amount of the sheet covering him even further. He was doing this on purpose. She approached, and bent close to his ear. “You are trying to manipulate me, and that just makes me angrier with you.”
His eyes opened, and for a brief moment she felt his disappointment. She turned as he put on his trousers, and left the room. She admonished herself for letting him get under her skin. She would be stronger.
Chapter 12
Alfie continued joining Audra in bed each night; she continued to show him she would hold firm to her anger.
Alfie called for the barouche to be readied to carry them to the cottage at Lexington Hall. His items loaded, and there was still no sign of Audra, and Emma. He hurried up the stairs. He entered Audra’s chamber; Emma was still fiddling with her hair.
“Emma, please take Mrs. Lockwood’s bags to the carriage.” Emma left them alone. “Audra, we need to be on our way, we are expected for dinner with Eva, and my brother.”
“You have informed them then… of our marriage?”
“No, I informed them I would be attending with a guest. I did not feel a letter the appropriate form of communication, especially since our news will be a surprise to them.”
“Perhaps it would be best if you go without me. My presence is going to cause a distraction. The focus should be on your sister alone.”
He took her face in is hands. “You are my wife; I want you by my side.”
She pulled away from his touch.
They each had stood speechless before he motioned for her to proceed him from the chamber. Her rejections were beginning to cause him real physical pain. He turned the ring box over, and over in his pocket as he descended the stairs.
He watched her as they passed the turn off to her family’s cottage. She took notice, but as they passed Dr. Shirley’s newly renovated home, and surgery in the village, she could not completely stay her emotions. His heart ached as a lone tear slipped down her cheek. He remained quiet.
Once they reached the edge of his brother’s land he pulled the ring box from his pocket. “Audra, I understand you refused my grandmother’s ring because you felt you needed to control something of this marriage, but I am asking you now if you have ever had any care for me, please wear this ring while we are here.”
She remained still.
“If you truly do not want to have more attention brought on us than what already will be, please behave as if all is well with us.” Alfie said as he extended his outstretched hand a little closer to her.
She took the ring from his palm and placed it on her finger. “I will wear the ring, and behave as your loving wife, for your sister’s sake.”
“Thank you.” He would have to be satisfied with that for now.
They came to a stop in front of the cottage. Nora was at the door of the barouche before they could exit. He climbed down, and she immediately pulled him into her arms. “I have missed you Alfie. You must tell me how—” He placed a finger to her lips.
He turned, and took Audra by the hand; he assisted her down. “Nora, I would like you to meet my wife, Audra.”
Nora pulled her into her arms. “Welcome to the family.” Nora looked at him with all too familiar tears in her eyes. “She is beautiful Alfie.”
Nora looped her arm through Audra’s and entered the cottage. He followed.
“When was the wedding?”
Alfie had answered before Audra had the chance. “Four days ago.”
“It was not our intent to distract from your day. I apologize…” Audra said.
“Don’t be silly we will all celebrate together.”
Alfie knew Nora would corner him later for all the details, but she was as gracious as she could be with Audra, and he was thankful.
Nora escorted Audra to his old chamber; they left her to freshen up for dinner with his brother, and Eva.
Nora urged him out, and into the garden. “Alfie...”
“I know. I know. I should have sent word to you. It all happened so fast.”
Nora twisted her hands together. “How is the doctor? He appeared to be a good man—I feel for him.”
“He just wanted her to be happy.”
If only she were happy, he thought.
*
Jamieson, the butler at Lexington Hall, escorted Alfie, Audra, and Nora into the parlor.
“Mr. and Mrs. Winter will be with you shortly Mr. Lockwood.”
“Thank you, Jamieson.”
Nora kept close to Audra. She seemed to sense all was not well with Audra. Garrick and Eva joined them shortly after. Garrick was cautious as usual, and Eva the gracious host.
There was a time when Eva took his breath away, but now his heart, his body, and his soul belonged to Audra alone.
“So you are the mysterious guest,” Eva said as she pulled Audra in her embrace.
Alfie took Audra’s left hand in his, taking note of its cold temperature. “Garrick... Eva, please let
me introduce my wife, Audra Lockwood.”
Eva hugged them both as best she could with her burgeoning belly. “I am so happy for you both. I knew the two of you would come together.”
Garrick gave him a rare grin, and slapped him on the back, before bestowing a kiss upon Audra’s hand, and congratulating her as well.
Eva thankfully did not push for details of their short engagement, and private wedding. She too catered to Audra seeming to grasp the delicateness of the situation.
Garrick granted him no such quarter, after the two of them retired to the library after dinner. “Do not mistake me Alfie, I am thankful to see you no longer pine for my wife, but what in the hell is going on? I believe it is clear to everyone something is amiss. Is this not the young woman who cared for you; the woman who was to wed your Dr. Shirley?”
“Despite current appearances, we fell in love with each other during the time she cared for me. Dr. Shirley recognized our feelings, and encouraged me to act on them. I did, but Audra held firm onto her promise to the doctor; however, I used her feelings for me to force her hand.”
Garrick swirled the dark liquid in his glass. “She feels guilty.”
“I am afraid so.”
“Be tenacious Alfie, do not make the mistakes I made. Some thing’s you can never regain once you’ve lost them.”
I intend to.
Chapter 13
Eva took a seat next to Audra. “How long will you, and Alfie stay here at Lexington?”
“My understanding of his plans are he intends to stay until the transition of the lease is complete, then we will return to Lockwood Farm.”
Nora leaned forward from her chair and laid a hand on Audra’s. “I am so glad you found a way to each other.” Nora looked at Eva. “We both realize it must not have occurred smoothly, but we are glad to have you as a part of our family, and we are here for you if you need us.”
Audra had to respond with a nod of her head to keep from bursting into tears.
Talk turned to Nora’s wedding, Benjamin’s latest hijinks, and the like. After which, she, Alfie, and Nora returned to the cottage.
Audra hurried to bed in hopes she would be fast asleep before Alfie joined her, but it wasn’t to be. Her head had just settled down into her soft pillow when he entered. Surely he would not expect to consummate their union here—now. Her guilt and anger was still too close to the surface. She still felt confused about her feelings. She had fallen in love with Alfie, but she couldn’t work through the guilt she felt at betraying her lifelong companion. She knew he suffered, and blamed herself as well as Alfie for it.
As before they left Lockwood, she felt his weight press down on the bed, and soon after the touch of his bare skin against her arm. Despite her animosity, her pulse sped at his nearness. The unique scent of his skin wafted over to her; her desire for him resurfaced. She felt a tear escape. She wanted to reach out to him. Deep inside, she knew Robert had encouraged him, and would want nothing more than her to be happy, but the guilt held her captive.
*
Garrick provided a barouche for their early morning travel to the church. The ladies sat together with Garrick, and Alfie across from them. Side by side Audra could examine the half-brothers. Alfie was slightly shorter than Garrick, and three years his junior. Garrick dark in color, and mood where Alfie was light and charming. He was always ready with a mischievous smile. The commonality being those astounding greyish-green eyes. The ceremony was much like her own. The return trip forced her to sit with Alfie as Nora rode back to Lexington Hall with her new husband.
As they entered the entrance hall, young Benjamin awaited them. Audra had yet to meet the little fellow she had heard about. He ran as fast as his chubby little legs could carry him, straight to Alfie. It was apparent who his favorite person was at the moment.
“Benjamin. I would like you to meet your Aunt Audra.” Alfie was aglow with love for the boy.
“Hello little one,” she said as she took his wet fingers in hers as greeting. He smiled then turned his face into Alfie’s shoulder. She was in awe as Alfie laid one of his hands against the boys curly dark hair, and cradled him. He was a good man, but her niggling brain said so was Robert.
The wedding breakfast prepared was far more than they could consume. Eva had arranged for a little of everything: ham and eggs, hot rolls, cake...
Eva and Audra took turns on the piano as an accompaniment for some playful dancing. Alfie danced with Nora while Audra played. Once Eva took over the piano, Audra danced with Alfie for the first time. She could feel the muscles of his shoulder move beneath her fingers, which aroused memories of his unclothed physique slumbering in her bed. The warmth from his hand at her back seeped through her gown. I want to let this anger go, I want you to make me your wife in every way, I want to give you pleasure, but I feel so filled with guilt, she thought. She did not want to make a scene, but she had to put some distance between them before she embarrassed herself. She stopped dancing and started stepping back from him. She attempted a smile. “Excuse me.” She sought out a refreshment.
Audra watched as Alfie stepped in to dance with the new bride once again. Once the dancing ended, and everyone returned to the refreshments and conversation, Eva took Audra’s arm, “let’s go enjoy the garden.”
They had walked arm in arm in silence for a few moments before Eva spoke. “All is not well between you, and Alfie?”
“No, it’s torment actually,” Audra said as a single tear escaped.
Eva continued her line of questioning, nonetheless. “Is this distress due to Dr. Shirley?”
“After you, and I spoke; I realized if I caused Robert to suffer by breaking off our engagement, I would never be able to forgive myself. I would then be unable to be the wife Alfie deserved.”
Eva nodded her head, and urged her to continue.
“I went to Lockwood Farm to explain my decision to Alfie. Instead, I participated in my own ruin. He saw my brother had arrived; he initiated the intimacy, but I enthusiastically took part.”
“It was not the purist of actions on Alfie’s part, I admit, Audra. Although, I believe he was fighting for your love, and in his desperation he took the path presented. Only you can decide if the love the two of you have for one another is important enough to forgive the action he took. Dr. Shirley must have thought it was, to have encouraged Alfie; however, if you are unable to overcome your anger, or your own guilt, you will have to make Alfie see that to continue would be foolish.”
Eva left her to her thoughts.
*
The newlyweds were off to the inn in the village for their wedding night; the remainder of the party had dinner, and dispersed for the evening.
Garrick walked with them to the cottage. Audra retired. Garrick and Alfie returned outside for a smoke.
“We’ve yet to consummate our vows,” Alfie said as he looked out at the starless sky.
“She refused?”
“No, she told me she was unready. I believe she is afraid the moment I touch her that she will not be able to deny me.”
Garrick laughed. “That’s a bit arrogant.”
Alfie was not amused. “What I mean to say, is the passion, and the love I felt from her before her brother entered my study that day was earnest. It was real.”
“I’ve no doubt the woman loves you Alfie, but she is at war with herself. She will be unable to forgive you until she forgives herself.”
Alfie picked up a rock near his foot and threw it. “I am powerless to help her.”
Garrick gripped his shoulder. “She is going to have to fight this battle on her own, be patient, and pray you are on the winning side.”
*
Alfie and Audra planned their return to Lockwood Farm to consist of visiting her family, and staying for the evening. They would carry on the following morning. They had sent word ahead, so Elizabeth was waiting for them by the big tree where Alfie had kissed her. The memory brought her body to life.
Elizabeth’s squeals
of joy brought Allan, and her mother outdoors. She stood first, and Allan assisted her from the carriage. “How was your trip?”
“Good.” She was not sure what more to say; it had been good meeting his family.
Her mother hugged her.
“You seem tired, Mother?”
“I am fine my girl.”
“Audra, me, and Allan were going to go on a picnic, would you, and Mr. Lockwood go with us, there is plenty of food?
“I will go if Mother will go.”
Her mother pinched her side. “Audra...”
They walked across the meadow to the shade of an old Wych Elm.
Elizabeth was more interested in them trying to catch her as she ran about the meadow than she was in eating. She eventually had them all involved accept their mother.
The little imps weaving about caused them to collide, and fall. Allan pulled Elizabeth to her feet, brushed her off, and insisted she allow the adults to catch their breath.
Alfie held his hand out to Audra. Her laughter faded, but she accepted his help. She looked away when he pulled a piece of long grass from her hair. She looked back. He was giving her that mischievous grin of his. “You have a lovely smile you know,” Alfie said.
“We should be getting back. I think mother is not feeling well; she just will not admit it.”
His grin disappeared.
What is wrong with me? Why can’t I show him the least bit of kindness?
They reunited with her family.
*
They laid together in the bed where he’d convalesced. His love for her had begun on that dark road where he had awoken to her angelic voice, but it had bloomed, and taken over his world in this chamber. They had been married a fortnight without consummating their union. He knew she was not yet ready, the trip to Lexington Hall seemed to soften her feelings, but they had a long way to go. Unfortunately, lying next to her every night was killing him, especially since he often read desire in her as well.
A Bride for Alfie (Yorkshire Brides) Page 5
