by Lisa Bilbrey
“She’s probably hungry.” Sadie pulled away from Elle and walked toward her mother, but Samuel stepped in the way. “Uh, you want to move out of my way?”
“No,” he said, defiantly. “Not until you tell me her name.”
“You’re refusing to allow me to feed my daughter, your granddaughter, until I tell you her name?” Sadie asked, folding her arms in front of her. “Kind of immature, don’t you think?”
“Yes,” he whined, lettings his hands fall to his side. “Look, I’ve tried to be patient —”
Callum, Derek, Lydia, and Lucia laughed.
“I have!” Samuel exclaimed. “Please, tell me her name. Make an old man happy.”
Sadie laughed as she side-stepped Samuel and lifted the baby into her arms, nestling her against her chest. “You want to know her name?”
“Yes!” Samuel pleaded, and though they’d had a good time mocking him over the last handful of weeks, everyone was waiting in haste for the reveal.
“Okay.” Sadie smiled as she said, “I’d like you to meet Flora Hope Davis, soon to be a big sister.”
With surprised gasps, their parents shifted their shock-filled eyes from Sadie to Elle, who smiled. “Yeah, I’m pregnant.”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding!” Ivy snarled, surprising Elle. The hate and venom in her voice was shocking. “Just fucking great.”
And without giving Elle a chance to say anything, Ivy stormed out of the house with Nick following.
Twenty
Elle’s heart raced as she stood in the middle of the living room with a dozen pairs of eyes locked on her. Each silently asked the same question: what in the hell had just happened?
Ivy had been the last person Elle would have expected to be upset to hear that she was pregnant. Her sister had always been her biggest supporter in life, encouraging to her be true to herself. So why was she so upset that Elle was pregnant?
“Excuse me,” Elle murmured, unable to keep her tears from falling as she chased after her sister.
She didn’t have to look far. Ivy and Nick were standing next to their car, arguing softly. At the sound of the front door closing behind Elle, the two turned and looked at her. Ivy’s face crumbled in agony, while Nick looked sympathetic.
“Talk to her,” Nick told Ivy before kissing her. He turned and walked up the front walk, pausing next to Elle. “Give her a chance to explain, okay?”
Elle nodded and waited until he was inside before she settled in one of the wicker chairs she and Sadie had bought for the small porch. She leaned her cane against the edge of the chair, dropping her hand onto the sore muscle.
“Remember when we were little girls,” Elle said, loud enough for Ivy to hear, “and we’d put pillows under our shirts and pretend to be pregnant?”
“Yeah.” Ivy sighed as she sat next to her. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be mad. Especially at you.”
“But you are.” Elle looked up at her. “Aren’t you?”
“Yes,” Ivy admitted, shame filling her delicate features. “It’s not you, Elle. It’s me.”
“Oh, well, that makes sense,” Elle quipped.
Ivy sighed. “A couple days before you got shot, I found out I was pregnant.”
“What?” Elle asked.
Ivy nodded softly. “Nick and I had always talked about trying for a baby as soon as we got married. We want a big family, and …” She paused, blowing out a deep breath. “Well, we planned to tell you that night, but then you were shot, and all I cared about was you being okay. A couple days later, I … I started bleeding, and …”
Ivy blew out a heavy breath. “I lost the baby, had to have a D and C. The doctor said I have too much scarring in my uterus, he doesn’t think I’ll ever be able to conceive and carry to term.”
“Oh, sis, I’m so sorry,” Elle whimpered. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because you were already dealing with so much, and I didn’t want to be a bother.”
“Do Mom and Dad know?”
Ivy looked away as she shook her head.
“Why didn’t you tell them?” Elle asked. “Mom would have done everything she could for you.”
She sighed. “Because for once in your life, they were more concerned about you than me, and I didn’t want to take that away from you. So Nick and I didn’t tell anyone, not even Regina. Nobody knew we were expecting, or that we were even trying, so we figured that was the best way to handle it. It was hard on us. We … Well, for a while I wasn’t sure we’d make it.”
“You and Nick almost broke up?” Elle shrieked.
“We were both hurting, and instead of talking to each other, we tried to pretend that everything was okay. Then one night, a few months later, he came home late from a rehearsal with Taj and I’d made dinner, which had turned cold. The minute he walked into our apartment, I lit into him. Screaming and yelling, calling him every four letter word I could think of, and then making up a few. And the entire time I was screaming at him, he never said a word. Just stood there and took it. I was so angry, I was crying, and you know I don’t cry easily.”
Elle reached over and took hold of Ivy’s hand. “You never did.”
“After several minutes of me lashing out at him, he wrapped his arms around me and said, ‘I’m mad, too.’ I didn’t understand what he was talking about, but then he said, ‘I would have been a good dad.’ And just like that, months of hurt and pain and anger just poured from both of us. We sunk to the floor and cried together. Once we were done crying, we drank an entire bottle of wine and talked. A lot. About the baby we’d never have, the feelings we were bottling up. He told me he didn’t feel he had a right to grieve for our baby because he wasn’t the one who had been pregnant, and that he wanted to be here for me, but felt like I had pushed him away. And looking back, I see that I did. I didn’t mean to, but I did push him away because I was so angry.”
An awkward silence settled over the two women. Elle watched as a bird landed in the middle of the yard, pecking at the ground in search of worms.
“And now, instead of being angry with Nick, you’re mad at me,” Elle finally said, sighing.
“I am,” she admitted. “What can I say? I’m a selfish bitch.”
Elle snorted. “You’ve never been selfish, Ivy. Least of all toward me.” She shifted in her chair. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me.”
“You didn’t need my baggage on top of everything you were going through,” she grumbled. “And I am happy for you, Elle, but I look at Flora, and I think about the baby I lost, and it’s hard not to get emotional.”
“Nobody expects you not to be emotional,” Elle insisted. “Have you and Nick considered all your options?”
Ivy shrugged her shoulders. “Not really.”
“There’s adoption, or surrogacy,” Elle suggested. “And you got pregnant once, right? So maybe you still can.”
“My doctor is recommending that I have a hysterectomy,” she said. “Says the damage is severe and that’s why my periods are so heavy and painful.”
Elle frowned. “Oh.”
“Yeah,” she mumbled.
“I don’t know what to say to make this better,” Elle confessed.
“You can’t,” Ivy whimpered, pulling her hand away as she stood up. “I’m sorry. I just need some time.”
“Yeah, okay.” Elle grabbed her cane and stood up, wrapping her free arm around her sister. “I’m here anytime you want to talk, all right? Day or night?”
“I know,” Ivy cried, ripping herself out of Elle’s arm and rushing down the front walk and climbing into her car.
Elle sighed as she turned and walked into the house, unsurprised to find Nick sitting on the bottom stair. He looked up at her, his eyes shifting to the empty doorway, and he frowned.
“She’s in the car,” Elle told him. “She told me everything.”
Nick nodded as he stood up and walked over to her. “Give her some time. She’ll come around.”
“I know.” Elle
leaned up and kissed his cheek. “Take care of her, okay? She needs you.”
He smiled. “I always do.” Pausing, he added, “Congratulations.”
“Yeah, thanks.” Elle stood in the doorway and watched as Nick climbed into the car and they drove away.
Closing the door, Elle walked back into the living room. Helina was cuddling with Flora, James perched next to her. Lydia had turned their attention to the laundry Elle had abandoned, and Samuel, Carlos, and Bruce were talking, but not really listening to each other. It was clear that Sadie, Derek, and Callum were worried about Elle, and that meant everyone else was worried about them.
“I’m going to make some coffee. Anybody want some?” Elle asked, gesturing toward the kitchen.
“No coffee for you,” Sadie said, looking over the back of the couch. “You’re pregnant, remember?”
“How could I forget; you keep reminding me,” Elle muttered before turning and walking into the kitchen.
However, instead of making any coffee, she sat at the table and buried her face in her hands, sobbing. Ivy should have been able to come to Elle when she lost her baby, instead of keeping her feeling locked away inside. Just one more way Elle had made life difficult for her family. If anyone had been selfish, it had been her.
Elle looked up when she heard the door to the kitchen open, unsurprised to see Sadie, Callum, and Derek standing in the doorway.
“She needed me, and I wasn’t there for her,” Elle cried. Instead of replying, the three of them sat at the table, waiting for her to explain. She sighed, dragging her fingers through her hair. “I wasn’t ready to tell everyone that I’m pregnant. For once, I didn’t want the focus to be on me.”
“What are you talking about?” Derek asked, confusion marring his features.
“From the moment we started dating, it’s about me and my fears of commitment, Leo, my parents.” She paused. “I got shot, I almost died, and instead of being there when Sadie needed me, I was in the hospital. Instead of being there when Ivy needed me, I was in the hospital. And even after I got out, after the wounds healed, I let my anger and fear of Trixie coming after us keep me from living. Really living.”
Tears saturated Elle’s face, but she made no attempt to wipe them away.
“I suspected I was pregnant a week ago,” she told them. “My period was late, and two home pregnancy tests confirmed my suspicions. But instead of telling you, I made an appointment with Dr. Kemp. That’s where I was when Sadie’s water broke.”
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Callum asked, his voice tight and firm, like he was struggling to keep from screaming at her. “At least one of us. You lied to us, Elle.”
“I didn’t lie, I just didn’t share everything,” she argued, defending herself. “I was scared of how you’d react,” she confessed, her secrets pouring out of her like water. “We’ve been married three months. Flora was due any day, and I didn’t want to add any more stress onto Sadie than needed. And I was scared of how you’d react.”
“I don’t understand,” Derek said, frowning. “Did you really think we’d be pissed?”
Elle shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. We were literally hours away from having our first child. Don’t you think it’s kind of quick to be adding another child to our family?”
“No,” Callum scoffed. “Are you saying that you don’t want to have the baby?”
“Of course that’s not what I’m saying!” she yelled.
“Everyone calm down,” Derek ordered, putting a hand up.
Elle leaned back in her seat. “Of course I want the baby, but this was Sadie’s turn to be in the spotlight, not mine.”
“So what? You’re upset because I told them you were pregnant?” Sadie asked, her lips trembling.
“No,” Elle insisted. “I just wish you’d talked to me about it first.”
“Well, I’m sorry for being excited,” she quipped.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Elle asked.
“It means that instead of sitting here whining about how the attention is always on you, you should be thankful that we love you so much that we want to share everything about you.”
Sadie placed her hands on the table as she stood up. “I’m not going to apologize for wanting to tell our parents, the people we’ve been longing to accept us for years, how happy we are. Now, I have a baby to take care of. When you’re done throwing your fit, feel free to join us.”
And with that said, Sadie turned and walked out of the kitchen, leaving just Elle, Derek, and Callum.
“She’s just emotional,” Callum said, drawing her attention to him. “Post-baby, you know.”
Elle nodded and stood up. “Yeah, I know.”
This time, Elle was the one who left them sitting in the kitchen. She hobbled into her studio and blocked out the outside world. As she settled on her stool, leaning her cane against the front of her easel, Elle wept for the pain and anger filling her sister, the loss she and Nick had experience, and tried to paint away the guilt for hurting those she loved the most. Why couldn’t she just be happy? She was in love, she had a wonderful career, an amazing family, and now a beautiful baby, with another on the way. She had everything a woman could ever want and great sex.
—FA—
“Elle, sweetheart,” Helina called through the closed her, the sound of her knuckles thwacking against the wood reverberating around the small room. “Dinner’s ready.”
Sighing, Elle dropped her paint brush on the tray of her easel, grabbed her cane, and hobbled to the door. She pulled it open, finding her mother worrying her bottom lip.
“I’m not hungry,” Elle told her, but when she attempted to close the door, Helina threw her hand out. “I’m not hungry, Mom.”
“So you said.” Helina pushed her way into the room. “But I came to visit my daughter, and you’ve been locked away all afternoon.”
Elle shook her head, closing her eyes for a moment before turning her attention to her mother. “Ivy could your attention.”
“And if she hadn’t left so upset, she would have gotten it,” Helina chirped.
“But she needs you!” Elle snarled, surprising herself by how much anger laced her words. “Why are you so stupid? Why can’t you see how much she’s hurting?”
“Elle!” Helina gasped and took a step back, knocking the wet canvas to the floor.
“Now, look what you’ve did!” Elle shrieked, dropping to the floor and yanking the painting up. The picture was smeared, the paint bled into each other. “You ruined it. You fucking ruined it, like you’ve ruined everything!”
“I’m sorry,” Helina whimpered, reaching for Elle’s arm, but she pulled away from her mother, throwing the canvas against the wall.
“Go away!” she screamed. “Get away from me!”
But instead of waiting for her mother to leave, Elle pushed herself to her feet and rushed out of her studio, unsurprised to see everyone in the kitchen, staring at her like she was a freak. It was a look she was used to getting, one that she’d always hated.
“Elle!” Helina yelled, chasing after her. She paused in the doorway, her eyes flittering around the room before landing back on her daughter. “I said I was sorry about ruining your painting.”
“My painting?” Elle cried. “This has nothing to do with my stupid painting!”
“Then what did I do wrong?” Helina begged. “Please, tell me what I’ve done.”
“You weren’t there for her!” Elle wept, leaning against the counter as her leg buckled beneath her. From the corner of her eye, she saw Derek take a step toward her, but she threw her hand up, stopping him. “Ivy needed you, and you weren’t there.”
“When wasn’t I there for Ivy?” Helina asked, confusion filling her features.
“When I got shot,” she said, her lips trembling. “She was pregnant.”
A collective gasp filled the room.
“What do you mean was?” Sadie asked, and when Elle looked at her, she saw her cradling Flora against h
er chest.
“She lost the baby,” Elle told everyone. “She had a miscarriage. Instead of being able to tell you, to tell anyone, she and Nick kept it bottled up inside, because she didn’t want to take the focus off me.” Elle paused, struggling to keep her thoughts to herself. “She needed us to support her for a change, to hold her while she cried, to let her scream and rage and curse and punch a pillow, but she couldn’t. None of us were there for them, and it’s my fault.”
“What?” half the people in the room shouted, while the rest responded with a fiery, “No.”
“Let’s stop bullshitting about this,” Elle snapped. “Trixie Maxwell came after me because I had who she wanted. Me, not Sadie. I was the threat. Leo tried to kill me because I refused to let him control me.” Elle shifted her eyes to her mother. “And you called me a whore because I wasn’t the daughter you wanted me to be.”
“You’re just going to keep throwing that in my face, aren’t you?” Helina asked, shaking her head. “No matter how many times I apologize, it will never be enough. You want to blame someone for all the horrible things that have happened to you? Go ahead and blame me. I can deal with it, sweetheart, but you’re not to blame for any of it.”
Helina cradled her face in the palms of her hands. “You’re scared and angry, and you’ve had an emotionally draining few days. Now, I’m going to go see Ivy, because right now, she needs me more than you do. I love you, Elle. That will never, ever change.”
Elle stood stunned as James and Helina rushed out of the kitchen. A quick glance around the kitchen told her that everyone was too scared to reply, so she simply left them alone and hobble upstairs to their bedroom.
—FA—
“So, everyone’s left.”
Elle lifted her head off her pillow, looking toward the door. Sadie was leaned against the doorjamb, one hand resting casually on her abdomen while the other clutching the baby monitor.
“Samuel and Lydia invited Mom, Dad, Carlos, and Felicia to stay with them. Not sure if your mom and dad are planning on staying with Ivy, or getting a hotel. I called, but it went straight to their voicemail,” she explained.
