by Kat Mizera
She didn’t say anything as they walked through the lobby, giving herself time to gather her thoughts.
“Mom, I’m sorry—”
“No.” Renee shook her head. “Here’s the thing—you have nothing to be sorry about. Was the sex consensual?”
Daisy looked shocked. “Yes, of course! Oh my god, you don’t think he forced me?”
“No, I didn’t think so, but that’s the whole point. The sex was consensual. I’m assuming you like him.”
“Well, duh.”
“So calling it a ‘walk of shame’ upsets me. Someone recently pointed this out to me, and she was right. Why are you ashamed? You’re not doing anything wrong and we all need to stop buying into the idea that women who enjoy sex are slutty or somehow guilty of something. I promise you there’s no walk of shame when Zio leaves the room, so why should you or I feel that way for enjoying ourselves with men we like?”
“I guess it’s just…a saying? I don’t think anyone is actually ashamed, although I didn’t think I’d be running into my mother.”
“Nor did I plan to run into my teenage daughter.” She paused. “I respect the fact that you’re an adult, Daisy, and it’s perfectly natural for you to be falling in and out of love at this stage of your life. I just want you to be careful, both with pregnancy and your health, and on top of that, your heart. Be true to yourself.”
“Are you being true to yourself?” Daisy asked softly.
Renee looked at her. “What do you mean?”
“You’ve been single so long, Mom, and I know there have been guys interested, but I see how you keep them at arm’s length…even Jared.”
“Jared’s younger than me and so stinkin’ hot.” There were no words to describe how sexy he was that were appropriate for her teenage daughter. “When hockey season starts, the women are going to start coming out of the woodwork, and I don’t want to be the one left behind when that happens.”
“Why would he leave you behind?” Daisy stopped walking and stared at her mother. “You’re beautiful, rich, successful, and kind. You’ve already raised your child, so you don’t come with that kind of baggage, and you’re a wonderful person. Why would he leave you for some gold-digging twenty-year-old?”
“Well, partly because that’s what guys do,” Renee said softly. “And also, my baby-making factory is closed and at his age, he might not be ready to call it a day with all that.”
“You can still have kids, can’t you?”
“I can, but honestly? I don’t want to. I’m thirty-nine and have a kid in college. I love my life, with the freedom to go where I want, when I want. I can stay up all night writing, travel, do my own thing… I can’t imagine being bogged down with a little one again. Someday, when you have them, I’ll be happy to help and play grandma, but right now? I have no interest in that.”
“That makes sense.” Daisy leaned against her as they stepped into the elevator of their hotel. “So what’s going on in Ascona tomorrow?”
“We’re going to double-date.”
“Really?”
“Don’t you want to?”
“Of course I do, but I’m still trying to wrap my head around this dating stuff with you.”
Renee laughed. “I’m still human, kiddo, and as you’ve pointed out, I’ve been alone for a long time… I get lonely, especially now that you’re gone.”
“So maybe you should give Jared a chance anyway. You know, in spite of the baby stuff.”
“Nothing is ever that easy, especially not with a guy like him.”
“Mom, you’re gorgeous… I don’t know what any twenty-five-year-old has that you don’t have.”
“Perky tits?”
“Did he say your tits weren’t perky enough?”
“No, silly, but no guy would do that. Especially not when he’s trying to get in my pants.”
“But that’s just it. If your tits weren’t perky enough, or whatever dumb thing you’re thinking is the problem, why would he have come back for more and then ask you to go out on a double date tomorrow?”
“Oh, I know he likes me. It’s the future I’m worried about, not the present.”
“He used to play in the NHL,” Daisy pointed out. “It’s not like he doesn’t know what’s out there. If he was looking for puck bunnies, he wouldn’t have to bother with you because they’re easy to find.”
“I guess there’s that.” Renee unlocked the door to their room. She kicked off her shoes and sank onto the bed.
“Well, you should consider it, but I’m going to take a shower,” Daisy announced.
“Okay, I’ll go when you’re done.” Renee leaned back against the pillows and stared out the window. The night had taken a turn she hadn’t been expecting at all but it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. She’d hated the distance between herself and Daisy in the year since she’d been away and was grateful they’d come full circle, but the new direction her life had taken was going to require some getting used to.
The next few days were the most fun Renee had had in a long time. She and Jared spent time with Zio and Daisy, alone, and today they were spending the day at Fab and Chiara’s house. She hadn’t known what to think about meeting the man he considered a brother, but she was instantly swept up in the family’s warmth and friendship. Chiara was a beautiful woman of about forty-five, with sparkling blue eyes and dark hair. She laughed often and never stopped moving, whether she was cooking, cleaning up, or refilling drinks.
Renee followed her into the kitchen, determined to help, but Chiara just waved her off and refilled her glass of wine.
“I love to entertain,” Chiara told her. “And nothing makes me happier than spoiling my guests.”
“Well, thank you. You’ve made me feel very welcome today.”
“Of course. We were dying to meet the first woman to turn Jared’s head since that puttana left him.”
Renee didn’t need to know much Italian to understand that a puttana wasn’t a good thing. “You didn’t like her?”
“Never! She was terrible for him and in the end, she abandoned him when he needed her the most. We’re the ones who picked up the broken pieces of his life after that woman left with half his money. I’m the one who rocked him like a child when he wanted to give up. My husband is the one who got him back out on the ice after the doctors told him he never would. Our son is the one who crawled into his lap and made him remember that people still loved him, still needed him. We were there for him, not that…” She spewed a torrent of Italian that Renee also didn’t need to completely understand to get the gist of what she was saying.
“He’s very lucky to have you,” she said softly.
“And you? Who are you lucky to have?” She stopped moving for the first time, giving her a look that told Renee that she wanted an answer.
“My daughter,” she responded automatically. “I’ve lost most everyone else. My husband, my parents, even my in-laws. Daisy is all I have other than a handful of close girlfriends, but it’s not the same.”
“It’s lonely, no?”
“Very.”
“You’re beautiful, successful, independent… Why have you stayed single all these years?”
Renee shrugged. “In the beginning I was too grief-stricken and tired. I worked two jobs while trying to raise a toddler. Then my career took off and I was afraid. Honestly, there just hasn’t been anyone special.”
“And now?”
“Jared is amazing, but he’s about to start a whole new career. I don’t think he’s going to have the time or energy for a new relationship, so I’m being careful. He’s wonderful, but I’ve learned the hard way that nothing lasts forever.”
“Nonsense. You make your own forever.” Chiara leaned against the counter, eyeing Renee curiously. “Jared is one of the best men I know. He’s honest, caring, and like another uncle to our children. When he gets this job, his name will be all over the sports news, and they’re probably going to bring up his past. I hope you’ll have his back, becau
se underneath the gruff exterior, Jared is easily wounded. Not his heart so much as his soul. When Elsa left, she didn’t just break his heart; she destroyed his faith in himself and he’s only now found it again.”
“I would never hurt him,” Renee said softly.
“This makes me happy.” She began puttering around again. “What do you think of Daisy and Zio? Do you remember being in love at this age?”
Renee smiled. “I do. Of course, I didn’t have the exotic backdrop of going to college in Switzerland, but I want her to have all these wonderful experiences. I only worry that I’m so far away. If she’s hurt or heartbroken or lonely…it would take me two days to get to her.”
“Yes, but now she has us.” Chiara met her eyes. “Even if the romance doesn’t work, trust that we will keep an eye on her, yes?”
“Thank you, I appreciate that.”
“Daisy is a lovely young woman—we adore her. Almost as much as Zio does.”
They laughed together. “Don’t worry so much. It will give you frown lines.”
Later that night, after Daisy was asleep and Renee had snuck back into their room, she lay awake for a long time thinking about what Chiara had said. The evening had been lovely and afterwards she and Jared had escaped to the hotel room he’d kept so they could make love. She’d told him it wasn’t necessary, but he’d said it was worth every penny, and she had to admit if he hadn’t thought of it, she might have. Hopefully, when they got back to Las Vegas, they’d be able to spend the night together as often as they wanted without worrying about anyone seeing or hearing them.
Insomnia crept in, as usual, and she finally dug out her laptop to do a little writing. Hopefully, it would make her at least a little sleepy. Most nights she fell asleep around four or five and was up by nine. She was used to it but it often caught up to her in the afternoon, when she desperately longed for a nap. That rarely happened, though, and when it did, she wouldn’t sleep at all that night.
She’d had sleep tests done and there wasn’t anything wrong with her physically. The doctor had said it was stress and prescribed sleeping pills, but they’d only been effective for about a month before they stopped working. Nothing else worked so she’d learned to live with it, but it couldn’t be healthy and she hated the thought that she might be inadvertently hurting herself. It had been going on so long she rarely thought about it anymore.
Before Daisy had gone off to college, Renee had done all the things moms were supposed to do. Help with homework, volunteer at the school, supervise teenage parties, and be a shoulder to cry on. Once Daisy was in bed, Renee would write, often all night. She’d get a few hours’ sleep while Daisy was in school and then do it all over again.
Insomnia was the one thing time hadn’t healed. After her husband’s death, she’d had a lot of trouble sleeping. Everyone had said it would pass. She’d tried sleeping pills, essential oils, meditation tapes, watching TV, reading, even drinking until she passed out. Nothing kept her asleep more than three or four hours. With the exception of a bout with pneumonia about five years ago, she hadn’t slept more than four hours at a time in fifteen years. So she wrote or baked instead. All day, all night, whenever she could. She made a lot of money now and could afford most of the finer things in life. Too bad money couldn’t buy her a good night’s sleep.
“Mom?” Daisy called out in the darkness, startling her.
“Go back to sleep, hon. I’m just catching up on some writing.”
“Don’t lie. You never sleep.”
“I know, but you should.”
“Did you and Jared have fun?”
“We did.”
“Aren’t Zio’s parents great?”
“They are.”
“Mom?”
“Yes, honey?”
“Do you like Zio?”
“I thought I told you I did?”
“I know, but…”
“But what?”
“I’m falling in love with him and it’s kind of scary.”
“That’s part of the fun,” Renee responded gently. “Finding each other, learning to trust each other, figuring out whether or not what you have is temporary young love, real love, or even forever love. It’s too soon for you to think about all that, though; just relax and let it happen. That’s the best way to fall in love.”
“Are you falling in love with Jared?”
“It’s way too soon for that, but if it happens, you’ll be the first to know.”
“Good night, Mom.”
“Good night, sweetie.” Renee stared at her computer screen for a long time. Was she falling in love with Jared? Two months ago she would have said the idea of falling in love with anyone after two weeks was ludicrous. Especially for her. Now, she had to re-think that position. She wouldn’t admit it to Daisy or anyone else, but she was definitely starting to feel something. Which was absolutely not in the plans. What the hell was she going to do with a guy like Jared?
15
Jared was getting really tired of Renee leaving after they had sex. There had to be more to it than just getting back to Daisy. Hell, Daisy had been hooking up with Zio in the room down the hall the last three nights, on Jared’s dime, though Renee and Daisy didn’t know that. Where else were an unemployed twenty-year-old college student and his nineteen-year-old girlfriend supposed to have sex, though? Jared didn’t want them doing it in Zio’s car and risking getting caught, so he’d offered to pay for a room for a few nights. He didn’t know what they’d done before school let out—and he didn’t want to know—but for the summer, he was happy to help out a little in the name of safety. At their age, sex was a given and he figured this wasn’t a bad thing.
He wasn’t sure enough to tell Renee, though. She waffled between totally chill and overprotective when it came to Daisy, so he wasn’t going to muck up those waters at all. Sleepovers, however, was a topic they were going to have to discuss sooner rather than later. He loved morning sex but had yet to indulge with Renee because she was fucking gone every morning when he got up. Except for that first night when he’d been drinking heavily, he always woke up the moment she got out of bed, but the last two nights he’d pretended not to, watching in the darkness as she crept out like a thief in the night. What was it that made her leave like that? At four in the morning, Daisy was long since asleep and probably wouldn’t know what time her mom got home anyway.
Up at six, since she’d left just over an hour ago, he couldn’t go back to sleep so he fished around in his bag for her book and started to read again.
“When are you going to trust me?” Petra glared at Phantom, hands on her hips. “I’ve been here two months and you know everything there is to know about me, but you still won’t even let me see your face. Do you think that little of me?”
“I’m protecting you, Petra. You know this.” His gruff voice bordered on a growl when they argued like this. It was kind of sexy. Too bad he was so infuriatingly stubborn.
“Me not knowing who you are doesn’t protect anyone but you!” she hissed.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, little one.”
“Would you stop calling me that?”
“Petra.” He stood and his six-foot-six-inch frame dwarfed her five-feet-four-inch one. “The things you don’t know can hurt you. Trust me. Tomorrow I’m putting you on a bus back to Florida. Where you’ll be safe.”
“They’ll find me in Florida,” she whispered. “The only place they haven’t found me is here. With you.”
“But you can’t stay.”
“Why? I thought you cared about me. God, you’re just like everyone else. All you care about is yourself. Your secrets, your pain. You know what? I can’t wait to leave your stupid little cabin and your damn backwoods, lumberjack lifestyle. I can’t wait to go back to civilization. Somewhere out there, in the millions of people you work so hard to avoid, there has to be just one that actually thinks I’m worth loving.” She stalked to the door and slammed it on her way out, ignoring his calls for her
to stop.
Jared stared at the page a long time after he read it.
Somewhere out there, in the millions of people you work so hard to avoid, there has to be just one that actually thinks I’m worth loving.
Why did that sound so much like Renee and far more fact than fiction? She was the saddest, loneliest little rich girl he’d ever known. Under all the makeup and fancy clothes, life had somehow beaten her down, just like it had done to him. The only difference, it seemed, was that he was still fighting his way back up while she’d essentially given in to demons of the past. She wasn’t willing to risk any more pain to find what would make her happy, so she buried herself in worrying about her daughter and making money. As if those things could somehow numb the pain of losing her husband. Maybe he was simplifying it, but that’s what his gut told him and it rarely steered him wrong.
They had to talk, but he wasn’t sure how to bring it up. Maybe texting would be better, a nonconfrontational way of letting her know he wanted to spend quality time with her.
JARED: Good morning. You up?
RENEE: Good morning! Yes, I’ve been working on edits for my next book. My editor just sent me the first round and I’m going through them. I want to finish before we head to Italy and Greece so I can lie on the beach and be lazy.
JARED: I think I’m going to miss you.
RENEE: I think I might miss you too.
JARED: Let’s do a sleepover before you go.
RENEE: Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?
JARED: No, I mean a real one. Where we sleep together all night, wake up in the morning, have more mind-blowing sex, and then eat breakfast in bed. You know, romantic stuff.
RENEE: I really like being here with Daisy when we wake up. You and I will have plenty of opportunities for sleepovers when we get back to Vegas.”
JARED: We won’t be in Switzerland when we’re in Vegas… Come on, one night together, somewhere romantic. Montreux is gorgeous this time of year. I can get us a room with a view of the lake. Say yes.
