by Kat Mizera
Daisy and Zio had been on the phone for four hours. Renee wasn’t sure who’d called who, but she hoped they were talking on FaceTime or some other internet-based app and not making a regular phone call. International charges on a cell phone would be ridiculous, but she wasn’t going to say anything. Not today anyway.
By the time Daisy came down the stairs, Renee had baked brownies with white chocolate cappuccino frosting and cinnamon scones. Her new book had released today, which was always stressful, so after three whole hours of sleep, she’d gotten up at six and started baking. She hadn’t yet looked at her sales or even peeked at her social media. She had a service that scheduled Twitter and Instagram posts, and Chelsea took care of Facebook. She had some contests going on and would do an online release party later today, but for now, she was ignoring it completely.
Her very first book had bombed, and though almost all of her others had taken off, she subsequently refused to check numbers until later in the day. Just in case.
“Happy release day!” Daisy gave her a bright smile. “It’s number two on iBooks and I think—”
“Shh!” Renee raised a finger. “Stop. Don’t jinx me. You know I don’t look at numbers this early in the day.”
“Oh, Mom, you know it’s going to sell like crazy.”
“I never take that for granted. Anything can happen.”
“I know.” Daisy came and hugged her. “But congratulations anyway.”
“Thanks, honey.” She hugged her back. “How are you feeling? Are you hungry?”
“I could eat.”
Renee had just made her some scrambled eggs and toast when the doorbell rang.
“I’ll get it.” Daisy got up and went to the door, coming back a minute later with a beautiful bouquet of pink roses.
“Who are those for?”
“You.” Daisy smiled and handed her the card. “Who are they from?”
“Probably the girls. They know how neurotic I get on release days.” Renee opened the card and froze. They were from Jared.
Happy release day, beautiful. I hope it’s your best release ever. I’m officially one of your biggest fans. Xoxo, Jared
“I told you he cares about you!” Daisy said triumphantly.
“Did you tell him to send flowers on release day?” Renee eyed her suspiciously.
“When would I have told him? I spent yesterday in the hospital and all morning on the phone with Zio.”
“Speaking of which, are you going to tell me about it?”
“He said he’s sorry and I said I was sorry and…” She bit her lip. “I want to go back to school, Mom.”
“Are you sure?” She turned. “Things may never be the same with Zio.”
“I know, but no matter what, I need to get back. Now that there’s no baby, I can’t just sit home and think about what might or might not happen. I have to pick up where I left off with school and everything else.”
“And Zio has nothing to do with that decision?”
“Oh, no, he definitely does.”
“School doesn’t start for almost another month in Switzerland, so I’d like you to stay home another week or ten days, until Dr. Diaz says everything is cleared up. I don’t want you having another episode like yesterday when you’re seven thousand miles away.”
“Oh, I told Zio that. I have to make sure everything is okay physically before I come back. I was thinking two weeks.”
“That sounds good. Now eat.”
As soon as Daisy started eating, Renee picked up her phone and went into her office, shutting the door. She had a phone call to make.
34
Jared was at his desk when he saw Renee’s name on the screen of his phone. She’d probably gotten the flowers and he made a mental note to thank Andra for giving him the heads-up about sending her flowers on release day. He’d had no idea it was a thing, but now he knew.
“Hey, Renee.”
“Thank you for the flowers,” she said softly. “It was so thoughtful. Did Daisy tell you about that?”
“No. Andra did, but I honestly was going to anyway. I didn’t know it was a thing, though, for release day.”
“She shouldn’t have. I don’t expect anything.”
“It’s not about expecting anything, it’s about doing something nice for someone you care about.” He waited, hoping for more of a reaction than he’d gotten from her in weeks.
“You’re so thoughtful.” She hesitated, as if she was thinking hard about what to say next.
“I try,” he said finally, disappointed that she hadn’t reacted to the hint he’d given her. Or maybe she just didn’t return his feelings.
“I, um, I really hate this,” she blurted out.
“What?” he asked softly.
“The distance between us, how wrong everything went.”
“Maybe we could get together, talk things out.”
“I was thinking maybe Braden could come over one day, see Daisy before she goes back to school and we could…talk.”
“Okay.” He glanced out to where Jamie was motioning to him. “Listen, I have to go—work stuff—but congratulations again and we’ll make a plan to talk soon. Okay?”
“Okay. Bye now.”
Braden was in a bad mood when he got home that night, and Jared suffered through two hours of homework woes before finally letting the boy watch some TV until it was time for bed. He was really struggling with multiplication and writing in cursive, and while Jared could hold his own with elementary school math, he was useless when it came to penmanship and writing. Dot was doing some of that, but Braden was already talking about how stupid he was and Jared didn’t know how to handle it.
“Give him time,” Dot said after Braden had gone into the other room. “He’s struggling with a lot of different things right now. Losing his mother, bonding with you, not having any friends at school, academics… And the nightmares are almost every night.”
“Why isn’t therapy helping?”
“He’s only had one appointment. These things take time.”
“I know. I just hate to watch him suffer.” The idea that Braden was still having nightmares broke his heart. Mostly, he wanted to beat the living shit out of Roger, but that wouldn’t help anything. Hopefully, therapy would.
“Don’t worry, Jared. Everything is going to be okay. Kids are resilient and I’ll be here to help.”
“And I appreciate you more than you know.” Jared smiled, squeezing her hand. “You’ve been a lifesaver.”
“That’s what you hired me for. No need to thank me. He’s a wonderful little boy and I’m happy to have a child in my life again. It gets lonely as you get older. My children are wonderful, but they’re busy and their careers have taken them far away. I was tired of the pressure of being a principal, so I retired, but there isn’t a lot to do when you don’t have a spouse. I have friends and such, but it’s not the same.” She eyed him. “I don’t know what happened between you and Renee, but I don’t imagine a good-looking guy like you will be single for long.”
“I’ve been single since my divorce ten years ago.” He chuckled. “I guess I’m not that good with relationships. I’d hoped it would be different with Renee, but I don’t think she’s interested in being a mom again. At least not to my kid.”
“I think you might be surprised,” Dot said with a mysterious smile. “You might have to just work a little harder.”
“What are you doing here?” Petra was surly, which was both good and bad. Good because it meant she was feeling better, but bad because it meant she was gearing up for a fight. As much as he loved her spirit, Phantom was tired of it, and he wanted her to just give him a chance to explain. Everything.
“I had to see you.” He stood beside her hospital bed, head down, looking at her sweet but grumpy face.
“Dammit, Phantom, I told you I didn’t want to see you again.”
“Albert,” he said quietly. “Or Al.”
“What?”
“My name. Phantom was what
the guys in my unit called me in the military, but you always wanted to know my name, so now I’m telling you. It’s Al.”
For the first time since he’d met her, Petra seemed at a loss for words. “Um, wow. I didn’t picture you as an Al. Of course, I can’t picture you at all, because even though I know every scar on your body, exactly how big your dick is, and what your lips feel like on mine, I don’t have any idea what you look like.”
Phantom sighed and slowly pulled off his baseball cap, followed by the bandana he always wore wrapped around his head. For the first time in nearly six years, he looked at someone straight on.
Her blue eyes met his in surprise, but instead of revulsion or pity, he saw pain.
“Oh, Phantom.” She reached out a hand and he slowly put his in it, surprised when she pulled him forward until he was leaning over, his face just inches from hers.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I know it’s hideous.”
“No…” Her voice was breathy. She ran tender fingers over the scars he’d gotten when that damn IED had blown up beneath him. “You’re beautiful.”
“Stop it.” His voice was gruff as he glared at her. “Now you’re mocking me.”
“Never.” Her face softened. “You were beautiful before I ever knew what you looked like. You’re beautiful when you touch me, when you hold me, when you make love to me… I don’t care about your scars, I care about your soul. And your eyes. They remind me of the ocean, so brilliant and turquoise.”
“I’m ugly as fuck,” he muttered, “but I love you and I think you love me. If you can stand to look at me.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re such an idiot, you know that?”
He scowled. “Baby, I know things have been difficult but—”
“Difficult? You’re a Neanderthal who was happier to let me go than admit your feelings. Which led to me getting kidnapped, beaten, and left to die in a building that got blown up.”
“To be fair, I chased you across fourteen states, beat the shit out of the guy who hurt you, and then ran into a building that had exploded to save you.”
She shrugged. “It was the least you could do.”
This time he was the one who rolled his eyes. “What do you want from me, Petra? I’m here. I fucking love you. I told you my name. I’ve shown you the real me. What else? What will it take?”
“Nothing.” She met his dark gaze with an impish smile.
“Excuse me?”
“Nothing else. You fought for me. That’s all I ever wanted.”
“You wanted me to fight for you?”
“Figuratively. Not the literal fight against the guy who beat me, although I would’ve liked to see it, but the kind of fighting that shows you love me, want me. No one has ever fought to keep me, to show me I’m worthy. I just wanted you to love me more than I love myself. Because no one ever has and I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t love me to infinity.”
“How, exactly, do you measure that?” he asked, tying the bandana around his head again.
“I don’t know,” she responded, and without missing a beat, “and why are you doing that?”
“Because my bald, scarred head makes people uncomfortable,” he answered equally quickly. “I can be myself around you, but this is a hospital and I don’t want more pitying looks. I just want to sit next to the woman I love and hold her hand until I can take her home.”
“We have to talk about home,” she said.
“You told me you didn’t care about money,” he said in surprise. “And that you love the cabin.”
“It’s not about money, and I do love the cabin, but the whole outhouse thing? Yeah, no, not gonna happen. Especially when we have kids. I’m not dragging my nine-month-pregnant ass outside in four-degree weather to pee every ten minutes.”
“How do you know you’ll be that pregnant in the winter?”
She met his gaze and raised her eyebrows.
He frowned.
She waited.
“Jesus fucking Christ, Al, I’m due in February.”
“What?”
She shook her head. “You’re going to need to remodel the house with indoor plumbing before the baby comes or I’m not moving in.”
“We’re having a baby? Is it okay? Fuck, how did this happen?”
“Really?” She wrinkled her pert little nose. “I’m going to call you Al when you say dumb shit, okay?”
He laughed, shaking his head. “Woman, you’re going to be the death of me.”
“You better not die. We’re having a kid now, so you’d better get to work on that bathroom.”
He leaned down to kiss her. “I’ll call in a contractor. It’ll take too long for me to do it myself.”
“Can we afford it?” she asked softly. “I mean, I can probably get a job answering phones from home if we can afford to install a landline.”
He shook his head. “I have money, babe. I live the way I do out of choice, not necessity. We can remodel the whole house to get ready for the baby. I’m not taking any chances with either of you. Not again.”
“I love you, Phantom Al.”
He grimaced. “One or the other please.”
Jared closed the book thoughtfully. Petra wanted a man to fight for her. How ironic was that? While the book might be fiction and most of the main elements of the plot had nothing to do with her life, there were so many elements of Renee in Petra. The loneliness, the loss, the inability to sleep, it all screamed of Renee’s own inner demons. Did she want him to fight for her? For them? Did she want him to chase her no matter how far and how long she ran? More than that, was he man enough to do it? He’d never chased a woman in his life. Not his ex-wife, not any of the women he’d dated since then, no one. Was it time and was Renee the one he needed to change for? Andra and Dot certainly seemed to think so, but with hockey season about to start and Braden struggling with the new life he’d provided for him, when was he going to have time? More than that, did he want her because he wanted a mom for Braden or did he want her regardless? Until he could answer that question honestly, he wasn’t willing to make a move. The problem was going to be figuring it out.
35
In an effort to get to know the guys on the team better, Jared scheduled an informal practice for the players who were in town and available. Only about half of the team showed up, but he’d done that by design. Getting to know all of them at once would have been too much, but by focusing on the full-time locals, he was really focusing on his team veterans and the backbone of the team. This wasn’t so much about skill or strategy as it was about bonding and getting familiar with them as human beings.
He was dressed to play as well, with Jamie, Rob and Petr also joining the fun. There were no real rules, just the basics of the game, with the team’s two equipment managers acting as referees. He and Cody had brought Braden and CJ, and Toli’s son Anton was playing with them as well. Anton was still in college but had been drafted by the Sidewinders, so he was joining in for the fun of it since he would be one of them in approximately a year.
“Let’s go!” Jamie yelled over to Jared, who was fastening his helmet. “What’s the holdup, old man?”
Jared skated out to center ice to meet him, jokingly asking, “Who the hell are you calling old? You wanna go?”
Jamie looked thoughtful. “Normally, I would say no, but since I’m retired now and it doesn’t matter if I break my wrist, let’s do it.”
They dropped their gloves and immediately threw fake punches, with Jamie putting Jared in a headlock and the rest of the team yelling and cheering, tapping their sticks on the ice for encouragement.
Once they slipped to the ice, both laughing too hard to continue, Petr stood over them with his arms folded across his chest. “Am I going to have to separate you two?”
“Most likely.” Jared got to his feet and offered Jamie a hand, who joined him. “Okay, as Jamie so eloquently pointed out, it’s time to play. Let’s go!” He glanced at the bench and was disappointed to see
Braden focused on his DS, but CJ was nudging him and he finally looked up long enough to give Jared the thumbs-up sign.
The game was a blast. Jamie scored a goal skating backwards, shooting it between his legs and bouncing it off the post. Toli played the whole game using a left-handed stick even though he was right-handed, and Anton skated faster and harder than all the other guys put together.
Watching the young defenseman playing so hard got Jared excited about the future of the team. Anton was a year away from graduating and coming to Vegas to play and he was going to enjoy molding him into an NHL-level player. The kid had all kinds of talent, probably even more than his legendary father. Having the two of them on the team together was going to be epic and he suddenly hoped Braden would come to love the game the way Anton did. He didn’t care if he had the same talent, but not being able to share the game he loved so much with his son would be hard on him.
“Hey, Coach, can we put CJ in for a couple of minutes?” Cody asked, skating up to him. “He brought his stuff and he asked if he could try out for you, since you’re new and all.”
Jared grinned, nodding. “Absolutely. Suit up, CJ!”
The boy was prepared and his mother, who’d come to watch, immediately started pulling items out of the bag he’d brought. Cody skated over to help speed up the process and within minutes, CJ was in his goalie gear, skating out to replace the Sidewinders’ starting goalie, Karl Martensson, who patted him on the head and leaned down to whisper some advice. CJ listened solemnly, nodding, and doing a few stretches in front of the net.
Having CJ in net was the most fun Jared had had in a long time on the ice and based on the reactions of the other players, they thought so too. Already tall for a twelve-year-old, CJ had a good grasp of the game and showed a lot of promise. The guys had a blast gently testing his skills and to Jared’s surprise, Braden was totally enthralled, standing on the bench, cheering every time CJ made a stop.
