Impulsive (Reach out to Me)

by Christine McGreggor

  “I’m glad you like it,” Kara said with a grin. “I’m booking it for us in two weeks.”

  “What?” he asked in shock. “You’re booking it? Why?”

  “I just thought it would be nice to get away for a weekend,” she said, oblivious to his flabbergasted expression. “We could leave right from the wedding.”

  “We just had a weekend getaway,” Thomas said. “Remember the kayaking?”

  “Sure! That’s why I think this would be such a great idea! We had a really good time didn’t we?”

  He hadn’t had a really good time; he’d been worried and stressed out through the whole thing. Was he going to spend the rest of his life worried and stressed out if he spent it with her? He hated to think such a thing, but he really believed it was true. He sighed deeply. Why couldn’t he have met her when he was through with his master’s program? If he had the free time, this could have been perfect. It was breaking his heart to even think of losing her, but if he lost out on his degree he was losing out on a lifelong dream. He knew what he had to do.

  “Kara,” Thomas said tiredly. “I don’t know how to say this.”

  “Say what?” she asked, suddenly alarmed.

  “I can’t do this anymore,” he said softly.

  “Thomas,” she whispered in shock becoming obvious as to the severity of his tone. “You don’t mean that.”

  “Yes, I do,” Thomas said as he looked directly into her eyes.

  “Why?” she managed to ask as tears began to clog her throat.

  “I can’t keep up this pace. I’m in serious danger of falling so far behind in my classes that I will fail my final exam. On top of that, I missed a very important deadline at work—“

  “You didn’t tell me that!” she cut in, wiping her tears away and feeling anger build. “You never once said—“

  “Yes I did!” he interrupted. “I told you I had homework to catch up on and you came over with Chinese and DVD’s for a movie marathon. I told you about my deadline and you kept us out till past midnight in another town for that film festival. You don’t listen to what I’m saying, Kara!”

  She spun away from his penetrating gaze. She was confused and hurting and she didn’t know what to say.

  “So you’re just going to throw everything away instead of trying to work it out?” she finally asked, forcing her voice to be cool and distant.

  “I don’t see this working out,” he answered tiredly. “You want a guy who’s always up for anything. You want a guy who can drop whatever he’s doing and go on weekend trips and a guy who can stay up late and then flirt with you by email all day long. I’m not that guy. I need to concentrate when I’m at work and if I don’t concentrate on my school there isn’t going to be a master’s degree. You need something totally different to make you happy and since I can’t be what you need it’s better to end this before we become further invested.”

  “Further invested?” she hissed at him. “Listen to the accountant talking! Fine. I guess I’ll just walk out so I don’t take up anymore of your precious time. Have fun studying!”

  She made sure to slam the door behind her when she walked out, ignoring the way he’d started toward her when she’d swung it open. Who did he think he was anyway? He had actually just dumped her because she’d tried to make his life a little more fun! Angry tears gathered in her eyes as she clattered down the steps from the apartment and yanked open her car door.

  When she remembered it was his tight, exhaustively managed budget that had made her car and new apartment possible she couldn’t stop the tears from spilling down her cheeks. She loved her new apartment, but she didn’t want to go back to it and be alone. She wanted the comfort of Michelle’s house with her cozy bed set up in the library and Hayes and Michelle chatting easily in the living room. Or she wanted to be curled up against Thomas, snuggled in against him as they watched a movie and ate Chinese. Apparently all the good memories of those moments were on her side.

  It broke her heart to know that he’d been thinking of what a waste of time it was to be sitting around with her when he could be studying. It was especially painful because she’d been thinking that he might be the guy she could spend her life with.

  She remembered Michelle asking her if she’d ever thought Jeff was the guy for her. She remembered that she’d said yes, maybe, in the beginning. She knew now that she’d never felt for Jeff what she’d felt with Thomas. She had thought he’d be the one who would never hurt her, the one who she could grow old with, laugh with, love with, and maybe even have children with. He hadn’t even tried to fix things. Instead, he’d just pushed her out of his life as quickly as he’d dragged her into it.

  “He wasn’t even my type!” she said out loud, smacking her palm against the steering wheel angrily. “He had no business even asking me out!”

  She thought too that she’d had no business saying yes. What was wrong with her? Even when they had the good guy exterior, the men she picked always ripped her heart out and walked all over it before either shoving her away or grabbing on too tightly.

  Her angry thoughts turned to Michelle as well. Michelle, who had said that Thomas was perfect for her. Michelle, who had done her best to be nice to Thomas so that he might keep coming back around and settle her crazy friend down.

  In the very back of her mind, Kara knew she wasn’t being fair to her best friend but it felt good to vent some anger that way. It was better than dealing with the other thought running circles in the back of her mind. Was Thomas right? Had she tried to change him? Had she ignored what he needed in a silly attempt to make a good guy into a bad boy? Had she gone too far trying to make him “Kara-approved?”

  She flicked on her turn signal and cruised into her parking spot at her new apartment. She didn’t bother to try and wipe away the tears on her face as she got out of the car. She didn’t care if anyone saw her looking like a horrible mess anyway. She felt like a horrible mess. She just wanted to curl up and forget about everything.

  Kara went into her apartment, glad that tonight was Friday and she could simply stay in bed all weekend. She made a cup of warm tea and curled up on the couch with one of the crocheted throws Mrs. T had made as a housewarming gift tucked around her legs. She turned the television on as she sipped her tea carefully so she didn’t burn her tongue. She flicked through the channels until she found a horror movie. It normally wasn’t her thing, especially since she was alone, but it was nice to see someone having a worse day than her.

  She watched up until it looked like the movie was headed for a happy ending, and then turned the television off. She didn’t even have the energy to go to bed. Kara just slid down on the couch and put a throw pillow under her head so that she wouldn’t wake up unable to move her neck in the morning and fell asleep.

  The next day wasn’t any better. For one thing, since she’d slept in the living room, she woke up much earlier than she wanted when the sun streamed through her sheer white curtains. For another, she’d kicked the throw off in the middle of the night and her feet were freezing. Just as she was thinking of getting up long enough to walk down the hall and get back in bed again, her phone rang. She practically vaulted over the back of the couch and looked frantically for her phone. It was in the purse she’d dropped by the door last night because she hadn’t had the energy to hang it on the hook where it belonged.

  She checked the caller I.D. and felt her heart sink when it wasn’t Thomas. She decided to let Michelle’s call go to voicemail. She didn’t feel like explaining herself to anyone just yet. Everything else seemed like too much work, so she walked down the hall and crawled into her bed.

  The pillow on the left side still smelled like Thomas’s musky, clean scent and she buried her face in it as she fought the urge to cry once more. When her phone rang again, she simply turned the phone off. It was silly to assume that Thomas was going to call her. It was almost as silly as assuming that he’d loved her or that they might be headed for a deeper commitment.

  S
he groaned a few short hours later when she dreamed someone wouldn’t stop calling her name. A bop on the head from her spare pillow woke her up fairly efficiently though.

  “Kara!” Michelle said for the seventh time. “What in the world is going on? We were supposed to be on our way to pick up the dresses half an hour ago!”

  Kara covered her face with her hands and groaned again.

  “Get up!” Michelle gave her another, less-friendly smack with the pillow.

  “Can we please go tomorrow?” Kara mumbled. She didn’t really care how many times Michelle hit her; she wasn’t getting out of bed today and that was final.

  “They aren’t open tomorrow,” Michelle answered, clearly trying to hold on to her temper and remain composed. “Kara, this is important! I know you were probably out late, living it up with Thomas, but it’s time to come back to reality and, oh I don’t know, do your job as my maid of honor!”

  Really? Now Michelle was yelling at her? Kara sat up and eyed her friend angrily.

  “No Michelle, as a matter of fact, I wasn’t out living it up with Thomas last night. I was out getting dumped by Thomas last night. And have you ever considered that you wouldn’t have so much to freak out about if you’d taken my advice and done this a little earlier than two weeks before the wedding?” she snapped.

  Michelle clearly wanted to address that last comment, but there were more important things to talk about.

  “Thomas dumped you?” she asked, sitting down beside her friend in shock. “Oh Kara, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

  “You should be,” Kara answered, giving in to her need to have a good fight with someone.

  “What?” Michelle was clearly stunned. “What on earth do you mean by that?”

  “You practically threw me at him! Oh Kara,” she said, slipping into a poor imitation of Michelle’s voice. “He’s so good looking! Oh Kara, he’s so perfect for you! He’s so stable and so good and so not likely to punch you in the face! You never once stopped to think that he might hurt me so much more than anyone else ever has! You just wanted me to end up with a guy like Hayes!”

  “Kara,” Michelle said, clearly hurt. “I know that you’re hurting but it’s not fair to say that I threw you at each other. I thought he was a nice guy and I was happy to see that you were dating someone who might be good for you for a change, but you did all the chasing yourself.”

  “So this is my fault? Are you actually agreeing with him? Are you actually going to stand there and take his side?” Kara was so upset that she had to work with everything she had not to start to cry again.

  “Kara, how can I take his side when I don’t even know what happened?” Michelle asked. Then, before she could get angrier with her friend, who she knew was only lashing out because she’d really cared about Thomas and was hurting a lot right now, she went on. “Why don’t we both take a break and calm down? You go hop in the shower and I’ll run get you some breakfast. Well,” she corrected herself with a glance at the pink alarm clock on Kara’s oak nightstand. “I guess I’ll get you some lunch.”

  “Fine,” Kara said as she swept the sheets and comforter back and stomped down the stairs and into the bathroom.

  It didn’t really help matters in the grand scheme of things, but she felt better when she slammed the door, so she slammed the medicine cabinet as well and yanked the shower curtain back as hard as she could before turning the water on full-blast. Once steam was rolling out from behind her ducky-printed shower curtain she stepped in and gasped as the hot water began to pound her skin. Okay, maybe she could take it down a few notches. She adjusted the temperature and force of the spray and then leaned her forehead against the tiled wall.

  The shock of the hot water had taken the fight right out of her. She felt terrible for the things she’d said to Michelle. She knew her friend had only been looking out for her best interests. She’d also been right. Kara wished a thousand times over that she’d just listened when Michelle warned her about pushing Thomas so far out of his comfort zone or taking up too much of his time. She might still have him if she’d just listened to Michelle!

  She was rubbing lotion on when she heard Michelle come back into the apartment.

  “Michelle?” she called. The bathroom door was closed, but the apartment was small so she knew her friend would hear her.

  “Yes?” Michelle asked warily.

  “I’m so sorry,” Kara admitted. “I shouldn’t have said any of the things I said.”

  “It’s okay, Kara,” Michelle said. “I understand. And I’m sorry to hear about you and Thomas.”

  “Me too,” Kara said, but she knew she’d spoken too softly for Michelle to hear her. “Hey,” she went on in a louder voice. “Would you mind setting the table? I’ll be out in just a few minutes.”

  “Sure.”

  Kara heard dishes clinking as she hurried into her room to dress. She picked out a bright pink skirt with a flared out hemline and a crisp white shirt to go with it. She might feel dark and depressing, but maybe if she looked cheerful, it would help. She put her hair up in a twist and dabbed some bright gloss on her lips to give them that wine-stained appearance she went with on light make up days. A little foundation and a touch of mascara was all she had the energy to do after that.

  She told Michelle that she didn’t feel like rehashing the breakup, and that was the truth, but it was mostly because she had the sinking feeling that her friend might have been right. She thought back to Michelle’s warning last week about taking up too much of Thomas’s time. It still didn’t give him a good and sufficient reason for breaking it off with her without even giving her a chance to fix it.

  Kara forced a cheerful mood when they picked up the dresses and continued forcing that mood for the next two weeks of wedding preparations. She didn’t hear from Thomas once and they hadn’t even run into each other at work. She figured he must just be getting there extra early and leaving late. She tried to dress a little nicer than usual everyday so that, if she did run into him, she’d be devastatingly hot and he’d regret his decision, but so far she hadn’t had any luck with that.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “Oh Michelle you look beautiful,” Kara gasped when Michelle stepped into the room in her wedding dress.

  “You’ve already seen me in it once,” Michelle said with a laugh.

  “Yeah, but not on your actual wedding day!” Kara protested. “This is so much better!”

  “I agree,” she said with a grin. “You look gorgeous too!”

  “Whatever,” Kara said with a wave of her hand. “Don’t be nice to me! I’ll cry and my makeup will run. Now, let’s get you out there and married off!”

  The ceremony was beautiful. The weather had cooperated perfectly by giving them a sunny, warm afternoon with just the slightest breeze. Kara sent up a prayer of thanks as she walked down the center of the lawn to the apple tree where Hayes and the priest stood.

  Michelle and Hayes had written their own vows and after they were spoken, Kara happened to glance out over the audience to blink away her tears. She nearly gasped out loud when she saw Thomas in a chair that had been empty until about five minutes before the ceremony began. When had he arrived? She took a deep breath in an attempt to calm her nerves and to try to stop her hands from shaking before she turned her focus back to her best friend’s wedding. She’d deal with him later, if he even stuck around. He had been invited by Michelle so maybe he just hadn’t wanted to be rude.

  When the ceremony was done and Hayes and Michelle began the receiving line, Kara slipped away and walked over to Thomas. He was standing away from the crowd, near the shelter of the apple tree. She wondered what he was going to say to her. She wondered what she should say to him.

  “Hello,” was all she managed to say once she got close to him. She was proud of herself when her voice stayed steady. She really hadn’t thought it would.

  “You look wonderful,” he said softly as he looked at her.

  “Michelle has good taste,
” Kara replied. “And she let me help.”

  Thomas gave a shy, half smile as he nervously shoved his hands into the pockets of his suit pants.

  “What are you doing here?” Kara asked bluntly when he didn’t immediately speak again.

  “I was invited,” he reminded her. “That isn’t my reason though. Honestly, I just wanted to see you.”

  “Well,” she said. “Now you have.”

  His face fell and he gave a slow nod. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have come.”

  “No,” Kara said involuntarily when he started to walk away. “I shouldn’t have said that. You don’t have to leave just yet. I know Michelle and Hayes would love to get a chance to see you before they go on their honeymoon.”

  He followed her without saying a word as she walked over to the newlyweds.

  “Hi!” Michelle said when she saw him. “I thought that was you in the back row! I’m so glad you came.”