by S. Nelson
I know it’s going to come to an end, but I will enjoy it all the same.
~~~~
It takes an entire month to find a place in a safe neighborhood which will fit into my future budget. Drayden spoke to Dela about me coming to work for her and she’s thrilled with the idea. She really needs the help and is only too happy to hire me for the job. I steal the phone away from his ear when I hear him start to negotiate my pay, though. It’s something which should only be between me and my future employer. He’s none too happy he isn’t privy to that information, but I’m sure with enough prodding, he’ll get Dela to spill the beans.
From my brief interactions with Dela, I know I like her and we’ll get along just fine. It’s weird knowing I’m going to be working so closely with someone in Drayden’s family, and that both rattles and soothes me at the same time. I wasn’t ready to give him up completely and this way, I’m almost guaranteed to see him every now and again.
Even with everything which has gone down between the two of us, there’s a constant underlying current present. It started the very first night we interacted at the bar. It continued even when we couldn’t stand one another. And it continues now, with every look and gentle touch passing between us.
We have never really kissed, not in the way you would with someone who affects you like this. We’ve only had sex twice in the entire time we’ve known each other. But it’s not like the desire to do so again doesn’t claim my every thought, and I’m sure it’s not just me. I can see the lust in his eyes whenever he steals a glance my way and he doesn’t think I’m paying attention.
But for there to be something real, something probable between us, we would have to erase the past, and that’s something we just can’t do. So I’ll take his stolen glances and forever live out the fantasy of us together in my mind.
Against my insistence, Drayden fully furnishes my new apartment, everything from my new bedroom suite right down to the silverware for the kitchen. I try to keep track of all the expenses, mentally jotting down the cost, but there is so much I just lose track. He gives me a funny look when I tell him to add it to my bill.
I don’t want to owe him anything or make him feel like he has to provide for me. I’m a grown woman and I need to act like it. This is my first stab at a real life--a normal life--and I’m going to grab on with both hands and see where the ride takes me. It’s scary, but it’s comforting knowing everything I’ve always dreamed of growing up is now within my reach.
I’m not looking for riches anymore. I’m only looking for a safe place to rest my head, a secure job which will provide me with enough money to take care of my small expenses, and hopefully some new people who I can eventually call friends.
For once in my life, I dream of a simple existence; one which doesn’t involve schemes and hustles, lies and deceit.
{ Chapter 28 }
“Hey, Essie, these scones are amazing. What did you put in them?” Dela asks as she’s still chomping on one, reaching for another.
“I can’t tell you because then you’ll have no further use of my talents. And a girl’s gotta make sure her job is secure, right?” I laugh as I start to mix up a fresh batch of vanilla swirl brownies.
“Seriously, girl, you have got some mad baking skills. We’ve managed to almost double some of our orders because of you.” She winks at me as she finishes her second scone, making her way toward the back of her small shop to take some inventory before we’re finished for the day.
I’ve only been working here for two weeks and already I can tell her business is picking up. Don’t get me wrong; Dela is a fantastic baker. In fact, I probably gained a few pounds munching away on her pastries, but I guess I bring a little something extra to the table.
It seems like we’re a good team together.
Just as we’re almost done cleaning up and getting ready to close, the bell over the door rings out as someone enters the store.
“Sorry, but we’re closing!” I yell out without raising my head. Part of my hair falls forward and I gingerly tuck it back behind my ear, still not engaging whoever just walked in.
“This won’t take long.” I still my movements when I hear his voice. I can never forget the husk and gravel etched so deep in the timber of his tone. My body breaks out in tiny bumps, sending a shiver right to my very core. I slowly lift my head and when my eyes find his, I feel a rush of desire pool between my legs.
He does it to me every single time.
I’ve fantasized about him every day, remembering the way he smells when he’s close to me. Remembering the way he looks when he’s both pissed off and when his mood is serene. He is hands-down the most addictive man I’ve ever met in my life.
And him standing here before me now just drives that home even more. As if I could ever forget. He’s wearing an impeccable, dark-grey suit which sets off his taunting blue eyes. His hair is a bit longer, but it does nothing to distract from his appeal. And he’s sporting two-day-old stubble which simply adds to his sexiness.
“What are you doing here?” I don’t know what else to say to him. I was hoping he would stop by and see me, but I didn’t think that would actually happen. Well, this soon at least.
“I came by to invite you to a family dinner this weekend.” He moves closer. “At my house.” He takes a few more steps until he’s standing directly in front of me. His gaze swoops over my body very slowly, obviously taking his time to drink me in. I’m wearing a simple cream top with a pair of skinny jeans, but he makes me flush as if I’m completely naked. When his eyes finally land back on my face, he flicks his tongue out and wets his bottom lip. I literally have to force myself to look away before I do or say something crazy. Thankfully, Dela interrupts us when she comes back into the front of the store, double-checking everything is done before we leave.
“Oh, hi, Dray.” She gives him a puzzled look before starting to panic. “What are you doing here? Is everything okay?” She’s getting herself all worked up, but thankfully, he puts her out of her misery almost as soon as it starts.
“Calm down, woman,” he says with a smirk. “Everything’s fine. I just stopped by to invite Essie to the family dinner on Saturday.” He’s suddenly becoming nervous, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.
Why would he be nervous?
“Jesus, you just about gave me a heart attack,” she dramatically says.
“Why?” he asks.
“Because you never come in here, that’s why.” Dela narrows her eyes at him, trying to guess what his real motive is here.
“Whatever,” is his dismissive response to her before he turns his eyes back on me again. “So, Essie. What do you say? Will you come? Everyone is dying to see you and spend some time with you.”
“Even you?” Dela asks, trapping him to give an answer.
Without wavering, he says, “Of course, even me.”
I break the eye contact and shift my body around so he can’t see the apprehension on my face. I really want to go, but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea. I miss his family terribly, but I’m scared I’m setting myself up for heartache in the near future. Nothing can come of it between us, so I’m only kidding myself by playing into the notion that it can.
“I don’t think I should, Drayden. But thank you for offering.” My back is still turned to him when I answer, and I’m quickly relieved when I hear the front door open and close. Exhaling a breath, I turn around and start to speak to Dela when he comes back into my line of sight.
What the hell?
“Where’s Dela?”
“She left. She knew we needed to be alone.” He kills the space remaining between us with his long legs and is standing directly in front of me before I can move back. He grabs my chin and forces me to look at him.
“Why would we need to be alone? We don’t really have anything to talk about.”
“Yes, we do.” He looks away briefly before reconnecting with my gaze. “We have a lot to talk about but every time I muster up the cou
rage to do so, you shut me down with that look of yours. But no more, Essie.”
He leans in closer to where his lips are but a breath away from mine. I swear I can taste them, and I want nothing more than for him to ravage my mouth but I move back, putting some much needed distance between us.
This is all new for me. He’s someone I didn’t bank on; not before and not now. I’ve never had anyone want to be nice to me before, especially after pulling one of my stunts. I’ve never had anyone make me feel everything Drayden has managed to evoke from me.
He’s new territory for me and I’m not sure how to react. I’m going on instinct here, but my instincts have proven me wrong before.
I draw myself up in a rigid stance and look directly into his eyes. I know I have to dispel any notion he has before he forms it into something more. “I know what happened between us will never go away. We’ll forever share that bond and the pain will forever reside in my soul, but I can’t be around you or your family yet. It hurts too much. I’m still too raw, Drayden. Please understand.”
He backs up a few steps and drops his arms to his sides. He looks disappointed, but there is still a glimmer of hope behind his wishful demeanor.
“Okay.”
That’s all he says before he turns and walks out the door, the bell ringing louder in my ears than ever before.
The next day, I can’t get away from Dela. She’s asking me what happened between us. She keeps telling me how odd it was for him to show up like that; he obviously wanted to see me and invite me himself. She tells me he could have just as easily passed on the invite through his brother.
She’s going a million miles a minute, never letting me get in a single syllable.
Finally, after she’s done with all her observations, she looks at me, waiting for me to say something.
“What? I’m not ready, Dela. I need more time.” For some reason, my hand flies right to my belly, a nervous habit I’ve picked up over the past couple months.
“Sorry, honey, I didn’t mean to press you. I know you’ve been through something tragic, but it’s just we haven’t see this side of Drayden in a very long time. You’re all he ever talks about with Dex, which, by the way, is a miracle in and of itself.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s been so closed off from his family for years. The simple fact he’s coming around again is simply wonderful. And I think it has everything to do with you.”
No, I can’t believe that. What impact could I have had on him welcoming his family back into his life?
“Well, I need more time. Maybe someday in the future I can, but not right now.”
“I understand. And hey, they have a family dinner every weekend now, so I’m sure he’ll invite you again real soon.”
I’m both thrilled and nervous about the prospect.
{ Chapter 29 }
And so it begins.
Drayden comes by the bakery once a week and invites me to dinner. He also attempts chit-chat, which is kind of odd for him but endearing in the fact he’s trying to hold normal conversations with me.
He also starts to call me at home: checking in to see how everything is going, if I’m liking my new job and my new apartment, if there is anything I need. And each time, I assure him I’m doing well and I’m fine. We end up talking about the new projects he has going on at work and how his family is doing. We never touch on anything too deep for fear our bubble will burst and we’ll be thrown back into pain.
To say our relationship is complicated is an understatement. It didn’t start out as anything but one huge lie, only to be turned into a devastating tragedy. And now, we are trying to start over as if we don’t own our past.
But we do.
Our past is always going to be there to consume us at every turn. For every good thing which happens from this point on, our past is going to be lurking around the corner, teeth bared and ready to pounce.
But I don’t want to live with that unknowing fear anymore. It’s too much of an anchor and I want to be free. Free to live in oblivion. Free to live not knowing what can happen. Good or bad.
So, that’s why one day, about six weeks after he starts asking me, I accept Drayden’s offer to come to one of his family dinners. The look on his face melts my heart. He is so happy, probably the happiest I’ve ever seen him, and it’s wonderful to witness.
It’s funny. We’ve known each other for close to a year now, and this is the first time we’re casting out pure feelings. They aren’t tainted by any ulterior motives, no underlying deception. And quite honestly, I never thought we would be here.
Never.
But here we are.
~~~~
I’m in the process of getting ready for dinner when my cell phone rings.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Ess, it’s me.” It’s kind of nice having this sort of familiarity with him now. Plus the fact there’s no mistaking his sexy-as-sin voice. It’s so deep and come-hither-ish. Sometimes, I imagine him whispering in my ear, tickling my nerve endings with that rasp while I pleasure myself to the very thought of him.
But I digress.
“Hi. I was just finishing up getting ready.” I pause briefly. “Is it weird I’m a bit nervous?” I put the finishing touches on my outfit before heading out toward my living room, cell phone still glued to my ear.
“Why are you nervous? It’s not like you don’t know everyone.” There is silence on the other end of the phone. “Or are you nervous to be around me?” he asks.
I met his family on the day my life changed forever. Then I saw them a lot while I was in the hospital, then recovering back at Drayden’s house. They would stop by to see how I was doing but most of the time, I only visited with them in small increments, not wanting to see or talk to anyone really. The closest one to me now is Dela, and it’s mainly because we’re able to spend so much time together since I work at her bakery.
So no, the nervousness isn’t because of his family.
It’s because of him.
Because I’m uncomfortable answering him and telling him the truth, I deflect and ask him, “Are you nervous to be around me?”
“Of course not. Would I have kept asking you if I was?”
“Well, maybe you never thought I would say yes.” I’m smiling to myself because I’m always calling him out on his bull.
“I knew you would eventually say yes. Come on; it’s me, babe.” Now I know he’s the one smiling. I can hear it in his voice.
“You really are full of yourself, aren’t you?”
He laughs and proceeds to tell me why he’s actually calling me. “I was thinking I would pick you up for dinner tonight. This way you can have a drink and relax. You don’t have to worry about driving home or anything.”
I was fortunate enough to find a great deal on a used vehicle which fit nicely in my new budget. Drayden had argued with me, telling me I should have allowed him to buy me a newer, more reliable car, but I stuck to my guns. My six-year-old Chevy is perfectly fine for getting me from point A to point B.
“No, it’s okay. I’ll be fine, really.” I’m touched he’s willing to go out of his way, yet again, but I want to be able to leave if it gets a little too weird. If it really is too soon for me to hang out with all of them, I need to know I hold the keys to my own escape.
“I insist. I’ll bring you home whenever you want to leave.” Is he reading my mind now?
“No, I insist. I’ll drive my own car to your house, and I’ll drive my own car home when I’m ready to leave.” I can hear him huffing over the phone, not disguising his frustration at my refusal. “Why are you getting so mad?” I ask him, not wanting to mask over this new issue.
“I’m not. I just wanted to pick you up, that’s all.” Is he pouting?
“You want to get me drunk so I’ll stay over,” I teasingly say. Holy shit! I don’t even know why I said that. Oh, my God. I could die right now.
“Well…” He’s flustered. He’s never flustered. I think I
hit the nail on the head with my little outburst.
“Dray,” I start. “I’m not ready for something like that. I …” He cuts me off before I can go any further.
“I’m messing with you, Essie. Of course it isn’t my intention. However, now that’s all I can think about, so thank you.”
I have to get off this phone before there are any more uncomfortable words exchanged between us. But somehow, I know this won’t be the end of it.
“I’ll see you soon.” I hang up the phone without even saying goodbye. I know it’s rude, but I had no other choice in the matter.
{ Chapter 30 }
The evening with his family is going really well. Everyone is there and the conversation is flowing nicely, talking about everything from the weather to movies and sports. Granted, I zone out when the men start discussing which football team has the best defense.
Drayden and I seem to be dancing around each other, wanting to see what the other one is up to without making it too obvious. Every now and again, our eyes will meet and a smile will quickly form then drop, then we’ll continue on with whatever conversation we’re presently engaged in. We think we’re being inconspicuous, but Vivian and Eli notice almost right from the start.
“Why don’t you guys just get together already? The tension in the air is something I don’t want to witness, especially since I’m not gettin’ any at the moment.” Eli is standing right behind me, talking low into my ear. He startles me at first but once I register his words, I’m embarrassed. And he knows it. All he does is laugh and walk away, but not before squeezing my shoulder and giving me a quick kiss on the cheek.
My head is down so I never even realize Drayden witnessed the entire exchange between us. When I look up, I’m shocked to see he’s a little more than annoyed. His body is rigid and his jaw is clenched. He cuts into me with his dark gaze, walking toward me as if I have the faintest idea of what’s going on. But once he’s practically on top of me, his features soften.
