by S. Nelson
“He’s the one from the foster home who…” I can’t continue, lowering my eyes until I’m staring at my trembling hands.
“Who what?” When I don’t look back over at him, I hear him suck in a ragged breath. “Essie, is he one of the bastards who raped you?”
Funny thing about words, they possess a different impact coming from different people. When I had said it to Drayden while telling him the story, or even when I just said it to Adam, I still had some power, knowing I would only give it so much strength. But when Drayden said the word back to me, at me, it stripped me of all that power, leaving me vulnerable and affected.
I raise my head and look over at him again. I inhale the same air which is now trying to smother me. “Yes.”
One word.
One powerful word.
The look in Drayden’s eyes is murderous. I’ve seen him livid and pissed off before but never like this. “I should have killed him when I had the chance!” he yells, pounding the steering wheel over and over with his fist.
“No, please don’t say that. I need you here with me, Dray.” I reach over and place my hand on his forearm, squeezing lightly. “You saved me, baby. I’m okay. And I have you to thank for that.” I try to break through his irrational thoughts, but a part of me doesn’t blame him. If there was someone in his life who threatened his very existence, I would feel the same exact way. I would want to extinguish their very presence from this Earth, never to be able to harm him ever again.
We drive the rest of the way home in silence. We’re both quiet now because we’re both wrestling with different demons.
Me with my past.
Him with my present.
{ Chapter 37 }
“You know I’ll never let anything bad happen to you, don’t you, Essie? I’ll always be here to protect you.” He’s staring directly at me, trying to provide me the comfort I so desperately need.
I know he’s still having a hard time with what happened with Adam two nights ago. “I know, baby.” I lean over on the bed and give him a kiss. “I know.”
“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there all those years ago to protect you from him.” The look on his face is as if he’s really angry with himself for failing me in some way. As if what he’s thinking and feeling is even plausible.
“Dray,” I say while snuggling closer to him. “You didn’t even know me back then. How can you blame yourself for something so out of your reach? It’s silly to feel bad for something like that.”
“It’s not silly.” He gets up from the bed rather quickly and makes his way to the bathroom, slamming the door to seal himself inside, no doubt to deal with whatever he’s feeling. But I don’t want him to feel guilty or upset about any of it, not for one more second.
As I approach the door, I hear the shower running. At first I consider leaving him alone to work through all of this in his own way, but I decide against it. I don’t want any aspect from my past to taint my life anymore.
I shed that the day Drayden told me he loved me.
I can see his form behind the glass shower door. He’s bracing himself against the wall, head hung low, allowing the water to cascade down his rigid body. I know I should only be focused on his emotional well-being, but I just can’t help myself. Seeing him like this, watching the water run down every plane of his body, is intoxicating.
I shouldn’t torture myself by getting in there with him, but my compassion and love for him wins out over my raging hormones.
I undress quickly and open the door. The only sign of awareness from him is a slight raise of his head before it falls back down. Reaching forward, I glide my hands over his back, trying to dispel his fear, drawing his regret away as I stroke each part of his flesh. My fingers trace the scar on his shoulder, my movements not even conscious. He stiffens under my touch and even tries to move forward to break the contact.
“Drayden, please talk to me.” I kiss his neck, pressing my naked body close to his so he can feel me. “Don’t shut me out.”
“I can’t…” He trails off before I can even understand what he’s trying to say. The sound of the water becomes too much. It’s deafening and as I’m about to say something else, he whips around and pins me against the wall.
The look in his eyes is killing me. He is so filled with guilt, fear and shame. I know it’s all unwarranted, but nothing I can say to him will take those feelings away.
“Baby, please don’t do this to yourself. I’m safe now. All because of you. You saved me, Drayden. Don’t you see that? You saved me in more ways than you know.” I try to reach out and touch him, but he’s bracing my arms against the tile of the shower.
He looks at me, trying to decipher if the words he just heard are the truth. And when he looks deep into my eyes, he knows it to be true. His mouth is on me before I can take another breath. He nips at me, begging for me to part my lips for him, which I grant without a second thought. My body is on fire, and I’ll do whatever he wants me to do if it means he’s going to claim me. Make me his yet again.
“I love you so much, Essie. I ache with how much I love you.” He lowers his hands and makes his way down my body until he’s cupping my plump cheeks. In one move, he raises me up and I instinctively wrap my legs around his waist, urging him further in his assault.
“Then love me, Drayden. Thrust inside me and love me,” I pant out as his lips do delicious things to my over-sensitive flesh.
His teeth grab a hold of my ear and he bites down in the most entrancing way. “My cock is aching for your sweet pussy, sweetheart. Wager be damned; I can’t wait anymore. I need to be buried inside you. I need to feel you squeeze me and drown me in your need.”
Well, hot damn! I’m definitely on board with everything he just said.
His mouth descends on mine again as his hand grabs hold of his arousal. He lines himself up and with one single movement, he pushes every single inch inside me. I gasp from the fullness but he wastes no time, pulling out and pushing back in, over and over again.
“Drayden!” I cry out. “Yes, baby…please…harder.” It feels like forever since we were last joined like this, even though in reality it was less than a week ago. Each and every time with this man is mind-blowing, and this time is no different. He’s hitting every nerve, precisely and expertly, drawing as much pleasure from my body as he can. I feel the dam building and building and it’s going to burst very soon, but I want us to come together this time. Normally, he makes sure to take care of me, numerous times, before he releases himself. But I want this connection to be something more. I need it and so does he.
“Baby? Are you close?” he asks as he drives into me with such force, almost as if he’s trying to leave a permanent mark on me.
“Yes, please, yes,” I pant. I grab hold of his face and make sure he’s looking right at me. “I want us to come together. Come with me, Dray.” I kiss his lips and this time I force my way inside his mouth, using his own technique. I nip his lower lip and when his mouth parts, I find his tongue and envelop it with my own. We’re hungry to taste each other, to take a little something from one another.
“I’m gonna come, baby. Fuck!” he roars as he thrusts in one last time before stilling his movements. And it’s all I need to let that dam break. We’re both so high from our orgasms, the only thing we can do is hang onto each other while we ride it out, licking and sucking each other as if we’re each other’s survival.
After a few minutes, he lowers me until my feet meet the floor of the shower and turns me away from him. I’m not quite sure what he’s doing until I feel a soapy loofa running all over my back. “I guess I should clean you up since I made you all dirty,” he says as he washes my body.
“You can make me dirty anytime you want.” I’m loving this time with him. If truth be told, I’m still getting used to this sweet side of him. I’ve endured his spiteful and mean side for so long, I thought that was the only part of him which existed.
But now I get to see all sides of him. He is short a
nd curt with me when we argue, but never mean. His possessive side comes out a lot, but he says it’s warranted because he needs to make sure everyone knows I’m his. He’s quite demanding, as well, but it’s mainly because he’s stubborn and is used to getting his way. But he’s also very sweet, just like now.
Once we’re finished up in the shower, we get out, dry off and make our way back toward the bed. I snuggle into my favorite position with my head on his chest and my leg wrapped over his. There is no better place in the world than in Drayden’s arms. I wish we could stay like this forever, but I know that’s just a dream.
“Obviously, I wasn’t able to resist you for as long as I needed to get what I wanted. But I would still very much like for you to consider moving back in here with me, Essie.” He lowers his lips to the top of my head and kisses me. “Nothing would make me happier.”
And I want to make him happy. I’m just not ready to give up everything I’ve worked so hard to get. My apartment and my independence mean something to me. They symbolize the new woman I’ve become, shedding my past and embracing my new future.
“I’ll think about it, okay?”
“Okay,” he says as he draws me in closer to him. “Besides, once we’re married, you won’t have much choice in the matter.”
What? What did he just say?
{ Chapter 38 }
It’s been a week since Drayden mentioned the whole marriage shocker. I haven’t been brave enough to bring it back up, and I think he’s so resolved to the fact he doesn’t feel the topic even deserves further attention.
My mind is still whirling with everything those three little words encompass.
Once we’re married.
He’s all over the place with me. First he hates me, then he tolerates me, then he’s chasing me. And once he catches me, he saves me. Now he wants to keep on saving and protecting me.
Declaring me as his and his alone.
He mentioned he wants to marry me.
Me!
Essie Horton.
The woman who sucked him into my world only to have him be the one who pulled me right back out of it.
“Whatcha thinking about, babe?” Drayden startles me, appearing in the bathroom mirror directly behind me as I’m putting the finishing touches on my makeup. “Sorry,” he whispers against my neck when he sees the look on my face.
“It’s all right. But I think I need to get you a bell to wear around your neck. You’re way too quiet.” Glancing at his reflection, I can see the lust blooming in his eyes as he stares back at me. And I know the reason why: I’m only wearing my bra and panties. I usually dress only after my hair and makeup are done.
“I’ll wear a bell, but it won’t be around my neck, sweetheart,” he chuckles as he moves in to kiss my shoulder, his eyes stuck on me the entire time.
“Well, don’t you think it would fall off? You know, when you’re not hard?”
“I’m always hard when you’re around, so that shouldn’t be a problem.”
We can go back and forth like this for hours, each one trying to outdo the other. But I’m running late as it is, so I simply say, “Of course you are, honey,” before turning around to give him a quick kiss. But I should know better because the quick kiss rapidly turns into a full-fledged, panty-dropping, searing of my lips.
“I want to take you so badly right now, Essie,” he growls against my mouth. He pins my hands around my back before his mouth latches onto mine again. I entertain him for a couple minutes before I break away, regretting it instantly. There is nothing more I want in this moment than for him to take me, but like I said, I’m running late.
“Dray, I can’t right now.” He nuzzles his face into the crook of my neck, slowly licking my skin until shivers run up and down my spine. Damn it, he’s making this so hard for me. I try to unhook my hands from his grasp but he only tightens it. “Drayden Warner,” I mumble in warning, “unhand me or else.” I’m kind of chuckling now but trying my best to keep a serious tone.
“Or else what? What could you possibly do to me?” Oh, he’s so cocky, standing there and holding me captive in his desire. He arches an eyebrow, letting me know he knows I’m not really a threat.
And I guess I’m really not, but it doesn’t stop me from trying to warn him.
I look back at him with such a cherished smile and innocently tease, “Or else I will be very upset with you. Disappointed even, that you thought nothing of ignoring my needs, only to be your usual stubborn self, wanting to get your way and not really caring about me.”
He smirks. “Nicely played, babe. Nicely played.”
“I learn from the best.” He releases me, allowing me to turn back around to finish up.
~~~~
On our ride to the bakery, I mention Dela has invited me out for a quick drink after work, and she’ll drop me off at home afterwards. Apparently, this little scenario does not please him, not one bit.
“No. I don’t like it.” A scowl instantly replaces the look of peace which was previously on his face.
To say I’m shocked by his blatant refusal is an understatement. But the only thing I can think to say is, “Why?”
“Because…” he hesitates. “I’m not fully over that piece of shit attacking you at the club.”
“You’re not over it? What does that mean exactly?” I turn my body slightly to the left so I can better face him for this. I know he’s possessive and demanding when it comes to me, but he has never before flat-out told me I couldn’t do something. Well, not since we got to a good place in our relationship, at least.
“Essie, don’t push me on this. I’m not over it means I’m not over it. Drop it.” His grip on the steering wheel is so intense, I think he’s going to rip it right off. I know he’s still having a hard time with what happened a week ago, but it’s no reason to deny me some time with Dela.
I need to try and talk to him about this instead of being my usual stubborn self and just ignoring him, doing what I want to do anyway. That never solves anything, always resulting in us getting into an argument. But then again, the make-up sex is out of this world.
Hmmm…
I shake my head in order to force me to get back on track.
“Drayden. Baby,” I say as I reach over and place my hand on his thigh. “He’s locked up and will be for a very long time. Plus, it’s not like I’ll be alone. Hell, I won’t even be that long. She only has like an hour or two before she has to get home to the kids. I guess Dex has some work meeting or something. It’s why she can’t stay out long.” Now I’m babbling. “Then she’ll drop me off at home, safe and sound.”
There is a good two minutes of silence before he speaks again. He never looks at me, but instead keeps his eyes glued to the road ahead. His grey suit jacket is straining against his shoulders because he is still tensing. We’re inching closer and closer to the bakery and I want to get this resolved before he drops me off. I don’t want to stew in my anger if he’s going to be a jerk about it and give me a hard time. Yes, what happened a week ago was frightening, and yes, I still thank my lucky stars Drayden was there to protect me. But I’m not going to let that define me or how I live the rest of my life.
“No.” That’s it. One word and my blood pressure shoots right through the roof. I’m about to blow a gasket right here in the front seat of his car. I’m not someone who takes this crap lightly. I’ve never let anyone run my life, telling me what to do, and I’m not about to start now.
I remove my hand from his leg and swiftly place it under my thigh. I’m protecting both of us by doing this. There’s such anger building, I fear me striking out at him because of it. And that’s the last thing I want to do, so I tuck it away to avoid any such scenario.
But my words, those I’ll let fly at him.
“You can’t tell me no,” I gasp, my voice increasing an octave with each word. “You won’t tell me no.” I fidget in my seat, wanting nothing more than to get the hell away from him.
“Oh, I can and I will tel
l you no, Essie. It. Is. Too. Soon.” He emphasizes each damning word to drive home his point.
As I’m about to let loose and yell at him, he pulls the car over in front of the shop. So instead of getting into an all-out battle, right here in the middle of the street, I choose to get out and walk away.
I’m evolving. The old me would have thought nothing of punching him, screaming and carrying on like a crazy woman. Thankfully, I’m not that person anymore. Although those thoughts run through my mind, I never act on them.
But just when I think I’m free of him, I hear the engine cut off and his car door open and shut. Sure enough, he follows right behind me through the front door of the shop.
I don’t have time for this shit. Dela and I have to bust our asses this morning for a huge company order which was placed last-minute. I don’t need Drayden and his demanding ways causing me to lose focus. Not today.
“Hey, guys!” Dela shouts out as she walks toward the back.
“Hi, Dela!” we both yell back in unison.
“What are you doing?” he asks me as I make my way toward the back, as well. Rolling my eyes to get it out of my system, I turn around and put my hands on my hips, clearly showing him I’m a little more than annoyed. My hands are fisting the sides of my dress, bunching it so I have something to do with them rather than raining down blows of frustration on him.
“I’m going to work. Something you should be doing, as well.” When I make to leave, he’s on me before I can turn around.
“I don’t want anything to happen to you, Essie. I don’t trust everything completely yet, and I’m not taking any chances. Not when it comes to you.”
“But you can’t flat-out tell me I can’t do something. That’s not how this works.” I try to get him to let go of my arms, but he isn’t budging. In fact, his hold is tightening. He isn’t hurting me by any means, but I know he wants me to take him seriously.
