What did it all mean? Was he her boyfriend? Did she even like him? She suspected the answer was yes, she liked him very much, which made her nervous. She'd also liked his brother, and that had ended badly for her. She was positive Landon would be able to rip her in half if she gave him half the chance.
Don't give him the chance. Jealousy doesn't equal feelings – it equals possessiveness. He doesn't wanna share his human sex toy, that's all.
“This isn't as fun as I'd pictured,” she called out to him. He didn't say anything, but she could tell by the way his shoulders jerked that he'd laughed.
She'd wanted to go shopping. They'd spent the whole day in their hotel room, only leaving twice to get food. They hadn't had any more deep heart to hearts. She could only handle so many breakdowns in a twenty-four hour period, and they obviously didn't come naturally to Landon, so it was nice to just take it easy. From everything. They'd been lazy and watched movies and talked about pointless things. It had been nice.
But it had also wasted one whole day of her precious five. In four more, she'd be flying home, so she was determined to buy a shit ton of souvenirs. When she'd announced she'd be going off to find some, he'd simply said he'd come along.
He'd been a good sport, looking in all the shops with her, but she could tell it wasn't his thing at all. He seemed twitchy and uncomfortable, and he'd been chain smoking the whole time, having to stop into one small shop and by some off label pack to replace his empty one. When they finally broke free from the busy side street and came out into a square of sorts, she saw he was even sweating. More so than the tropical climate called for.
“You okay?” she asked. He nodded his head and let go of her hand so he could shake out another cigarette.
“Peachy keen,” he mumbled, struggling with his lighter. She finally took it from him and flicked it on. He nodded and leaned into the flame.
“You look sick,” she said, then she reached up and pressed the back of her hand to his forehead. He jerked away, but she could tell it felt clammy under her touch.
“I'm fine,” he insisted. She watched him for a second longer, then the wheels in her brain kicked into high gear.
“Oh,” she gasped softly. “The other night ... I walked in and she was doing a line.”
“Yeah, so?”
“You never got to do any, did you?”
“I told you it wasn't a big deal, I don't care that you dropped it all,” he said. She shook her head.
“You're detoxing right now.”
“Fuck off,” he growled, tapping ashes at their feet. “I'm fine. Worry about yourself.”
“When was the last time you had anything?” she kept going.
“I'm not having this conversation with you.”
“Let's see ... probably like the same morning, soooo ... forty-eight hours?” she guessed.
He'd been serious, though, and he walked away without answering. He was long legged and had a brisk stride, she had to jog to keep up with him.
“We're not so fucking close all of a sudden that you get to act like my fucking mother,” he snapped when she caught up to his side.
“Clearly you need someone to act like it,” she replied. “I just don't want you having a heart attack while we're out here.”
“I'm a doctor, I know what happens during detox, I know my body. I'm fine.”
“You're not fine. Look at me,” she snapped, grabbing his arm and yanking him around to face her. As they stumbled to a stand still, she grabbed his sunglasses off his face.
“What the fuck do you think you're doing!?”
He would always be handsome, no matter what his condition – god had blessed the Edenhoff men. She could tell, though, when they were worn down. She'd been around Liam enough to know exactly how he looked when in good health, and though they weren't 100% identical, especially when a person got to know them, it meant she also knew what Landon should look like at his best. And right now, his eyes were bloodshot and he had bags under them which were so big, she was pretty sure he could carry his groceries in them.
“Did you sleep at all last night?” she asked softly. He scowled and snatched his glasses back.
“I told you, I don't sleep.”
“You have to sleep, Landon.”
“Tell that to my hypothalamus.”
“Why can't you sleep?” she kept pressing. He sighed and looked over her head, nervously tapping his finger along the side of his burning cigarette.
“I just can't, alright? A lot of shit up here,” he said, rubbing at this temple.
“Like what?”
“I don't wanna talk about this.”
“Well, I'm asking about this.”
“We're not best fucking friends, Victoria,” he sneered. “I'm not sharing my deepest, darkest secrets with my best buddy here, okay?”
She was quiet for a long moment, absorbing what he'd just said.
“So your deepest darkest secrets are what keep you awake?” she asked in a gentle voice.
He turned and walked away again, this time moving purposefully fast. She got to his side just as he entered a tree lined pathway. The shade offered some relief from the heavy heat, but it did nothing to relieve the sudden tension between them.
“I seriously don't want to have this conversation,” he grumbled, flicking his cigarette butt to the ground and taking out his pack. When he went to get his lighter, though, they both remembered she still had it.
“No nicotine,” she threatened, holding up the Bic. “Not until you talk to me.”
“Get fucked and give me my lighter,” he said, holding out his hand.
“Nope. You may not want me as a friend, but you're stuck with me now, so you might as well let me help you.”
“I don't need any help.”
“Baby doll,” she chuckled sadly. “You need help more than any person I've ever met.”
Oddly enough, those words seemed to enrage him more than anything else she'd said. Suddenly he was grabbing her arms and forcing her backwards. Shoving her up against a tree trunk. She winced and cowered as he loomed over her.
“You think I'm some stray fucking kitten you can take in and nurse back to health? Is that it? If you're sweet enough and nice enough, maybe you can fix me, and maybe I can be a replacement Liam for you?” he yelled at her. She gasped.
“Is that what you think?” she was appalled. “I would never do that! I could never think that!”
“Good, because I will never be like him. Now give me my fucking lighter.”
“Talk to me,” she urged. “Is that what keeps you up at night? Worrying everyone just wants you to be like your brother?”
“You wanna know what fucking keeps me awake at night? I killed someone. That's what fucking keeps me up at night.”
Tori was so stunned, she didn't move when he snatched the lighter from her hand and stomped away from her. He was a good fifty feet down the path when she came to her senses and trotted after him. By the time she reached him, he'd lit a cigarette and was greedily sucking in the smoke.
“You ... killed someone?” she asked slowly. What was she supposed to think after a statement like that? Was he a serial killer? A psycho? Was it a drug deal gone bad?
He sighed and exhaled a long stream of smoke. Then he took another deep drag before heading over to a bench. She hesitated for only a second, then sat down next to him.
“I was in Colombia,” he started, playing with his lighter while he spoke. “Some shitty field hospital. Not enough medicine, old equipment, dirty tools. We were working all the time, twelve, eighteen hour days.”
He paused for a while, so she licked her lips and risked the question, “were you high at the time?”
“No,” he chuckled. “But I wish I had been.”
“What?”
“It was a kid. Maybe eleven. Came in the morning, bullet wound to the chest. It shouldn't have been a big deal. He was bleeding a lot, but I could've stopped it, I'd dealt with worse.”
“So what h
appened?”
“I passed out. One minute I was turning to grab some gauze, the next I was laying on my back. I don't know how long I was down there for, no one had checked, they were all too busy. The kid bled to death on the table while I was unconscious.”
“You just fainted?” she asked.
“I was tired, hungry, hadn't eaten in like a day or two. That's the shitty thing, because I keep thinking if I had used, I would've stayed awake. I wouldn't have passed out. That kid would be alive right now, walking around. Hanging out with his friends. Going home to his mom. But he's not, he's in some mass grave somewhere, and all because I couldn't keep my fucking eyes open.”
“Landon,” she said his name softly. “That was not your fault. How could you think so? You couldn't help it, it could've happened to any doctor.”
“But it didn't – it happened to me,” he said. “I never slept good before that, and after ... I don't think I've slept through a whole night since then. So I do fucked up things so I won't think about it. Drugs help me forget. Sex helps me forget. Stupid shit helps me forget.”
“Being an asshole to everyone helps you forget?” she guessed, gently teasing him. It earned her a small smile.
“Yeah, or at the very least keeps them from talking to me about it,” he replied.
“Maybe you should talk about it. Does Liam know?”
“No, I never told him.”
“Maybe you should,” she suggested. He finally looked at her. Stared at her for a long moment.
“I'll tell him right after you call Katya and tell her you've been here with me this whole time,” he challenged her.
She frowned. Not fair. Their situations were very different. Still, she didn't want this eating him up anymore. She chewed on her lip and came up with a compromise.
“These aren't conversations we should have over the phone,” she spoke, her voice full of caution, and she slid her hand into his, lacing their fingers together. “So how about if we get through this whole ordeal without murdering each other, we'll tell them when we get home, okay?”
“We?” he asked, squeezing her hand so tightly it hurt.
“Yeah, we. You're not getting rid of me so easily, Dr. Edenhoff,” she said, bumping his shoulder with hers. “We're friends now. A basket case and an asshole. Who knows, we may be each others only friends after we talk to them.”
“Scary fucking thought, Tori.”
“Why? Not like you have any friends now.”
He snorted and dropped her hand.
“C'mon, let's stop being depressed and get the fuck out of here.”
9
“You're not a bad guy,” Tori said.
“I'm the worst fucking guy,” Landon replied, his breath hot against her stomach.
“You bury the good and only show the bad.”
“If I bury it, it's because its dead.”
“I don't believe that.”
“You're naive,” he sighed, his lips traveling up her breast bone.
“I'd rather be naive than jaded.”
“Stupid girl,” he breathed. “Don't you know I'll break you?”
“Yes,” she whispered back. “But maybe breaking me will help you fix yourself.”
“And you would offer yourself?”
“I would.”
“You're too good for someone like me, Victoria Bellows,” he told her as his lips found the side of her face.
“Maybe not. Maybe I'm just perfect for you.”
“Don't go looking for rainbows where there aren't any.”
“You don't look for rainbows,” she corrected him. “They just ... appear.”
“Does that make you my rainbow?”
“Maybe it makes you mine.”
“I just wanted a vacation,” he sighed, letting all his weight rest on top of her. “And some excitement.”
“And?”
“And,” he paused for a long time. “I think I got more than I bargained for.”
“I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen.”
“Neither did I. Don't be sorry.”
“Landon?”
“Hmmm?”
“Thanks for inviting me.”
“Thanks for coming.”
10
“I can't do it.”
Landon could feel Velez looking at him, but he didn't turn to face him.
“You serious?”
“Serious,” he sighed, nodding his head.
“I fucking knew it. It's the girl, isn't it?” Velez chuckled.
“It's the girl.”
The girl in question was standing on the back of a booth, shaking her ass to a heavy bass line. Landon had seen Tori dance before, knew she had moves, but it was different now. He'd seen exactly what those moves looked like sans clothing.
The resort's night club had seemed like a good place for a clandestine meeting with Velez. Since his little breakdown in the town square, Landon and Tori hadn't been apart. They'd gone back to the hotel room, lugging her roughly two tons of souvenirs behind them, and spent the rest of the day and all the next there. Just talking. Just resting. Just exploring.
Not that everything was fixed, though. He still couldn't sleep, and the first thing he'd done the next morning was bang out a couple rails of coke. Just to take the edge off withdrawals. He felt better, which really wasn't a good thing. Doing drugs just to feel normal. He was still, and probably always would be, a bad guy. But just maybe he wasn't the worst guy.
And only the worst kind of guy would set up an innocent girl and make her unknowingly transport drugs for him.
He couldn't do it. He was an idiot, thinking he could just bring her to a foreign country and sleep with her and use her. He should've gotten them separate rooms. Maybe even separate hotels. How could he have possibly known she'd be the one to wiggle past his defenses? How could he have ever guessed that some chick who worked for his brother, some neighbor, could be the excitement he'd been looking for?
It made him nervous. When would it end? When would the feeling go away? Because feelings always went away. She would realize what a bastard he truly was, or he would get bored. Fuck up. Do something stupid to ruin it all. Landon had no illusions about the kind of person he was, and thus had made no attempts to offer himself to her. Yet still, he liked Tori, and he wanted to be around her, and he was scared of how it would all end.
“Man, this really fucks with my plans,” Velez sighed, and Landon finally glanced at him.
“I'm sorry. I can come back and try again, after I take her home,” he offered. “I'll just do it myself.”
“No, not that, I don't give a fuck about the coke,” his friend waved him away. “I meant my plans to sleep with her before you guys left.”
Landon smacked him across the back of his head.
“Fuck off. She thinks you're gone, anyway.”
“That does put a damper on things. I'm flying out tomorrow. You've got what, like three more days? Two?”
“Something like that.”
A busty redhead was walking across the room, eye-fucking Landon every step of the way. He stared right back for a moment, then mentally slapped himself.
Do not fuck this up. One slutty redhead isn't even worth half of the blonde-ish bombshell over there.
“Well, if this gig is off, then I really am out of here. Guess I won't see you again for a while,” Velez sighed as he turned to face Landon. “I gotta be honest – I'm glad you flaked out. This isn't for you, man. You were meant for greater shit.”
“I was meant for 'greater shit', what a horrifying thought,” Landon snorted as they shook hands.
“Keep yourself out of trouble, and keep an eye on hottie over there, alright? She's special.”
Landon glared, but he didn't argue as Velez started walking away.
I know she's special, that's my whole problem.
He started wading his way through the crowd towards where she'd been, but during his little talk with Velez, she'd jumped down from the booth. She was with a
group of girls she'd made friends with, which normally Landon would think was hot, watching a bunch of chicks grind on each other. What wasn't hot, though, was the group of men they'd attracted, and among that group was the dude she'd been having dinner with the other night. He scowled and lurked around the back of their crowd.
“I haven't seen you in a while!” the guy was shouting over the music.
“Oh yeah?” she shouted back, still dancing from side to side. “Been busy! How was rafting?”
“Good, but it would've been funner if you'd been there!”
Landon rolled his eyes. “Funner” wasn't even a word, jesus.
“Probably,” Tori laughed.
“You leave in a few days, right?”
“Right.”
“We should hang out before then,” the guy continued. “I should get your info. Cali and Texas aren't all that far apart.”
Well, well, this was interesting. Landon was curious how she'd answer. Technically, they had no ties to each other, had made no real claims. Yet words had been spoken, feelings had been acknowledged. As he watched, she smiled slyly at the guy.
“Oh, you don't want my info,” she said while she pulled her hair up into a pony tail. “I'm bad news bears, sweetheart.”
“I think I'd like to decide that for myself, sweetheart,” dude laughed right back, then he took another step closer to her.
Landon snorted, over the whole scene. He didn't give Tori a chance to respond. She'd just barely opened her mouth when he sidled up to her, wrapped his arm around her waist, and proceeded to shove his tongue so far down her throat, he was pretty sure he could tell what she'd had for dinner.
“Hey,” he said, breathing heavy when he finally broke away from her. “I'm Landon. You are ... ?”
She blinked her eyes rapidly in stunned surprise, then burst out laughing.
“You know each other?” the guy asked.
“Saw her across the bar,” Landon said while shaking his head. “Thought she was hot. You were taking too long to make a move.”
“That's not cool, bro. You can't just grab -”
“I know him,” Tori interrupted, shoving at Landon's chest. “He's the guy I was telling you about, the one I came here with.”
Neighborhood Watch Page 10
