Now that was just hitting below the belt.
“Watch what you fucking say right now, Tori. Some things can't be taken back,” he cautioned her, then he blew a stream of smoke into her face. She coughed for a moment, then snatched the cigarette away from him.
“Exactly! Like you can't take back all this time together. You can't act like that just didn't happen. You can't just be with me and then act like it's nothing and kiss some fucking girl right in front of me!” Tori's voice was quickly raising to a shout. “Liam never did those things to me. Would never do those things. So I'll say anything I goddamn want!”
“I didn't kiss her right in front of you!” he shouted back. “I didn't know that was gonna fucking happen – you think I planned that? If you can sit here and in one breath talk about us being something this whole time, and then say I planned that in the next, then you're the fucked up one.”
“Well I wouldn't know, would I? Because you don't say anything!” she shrieked.
Suddenly realizing how loud they were getting, Landon took a couple quick breaths and tried to calm down.
“Fine. I'll say shit. Just calm the fuck down and we can talk.”
“Calm down!? Oh, hell no,” she replied, and he let out a shout when she flicked his burning cigarette back at him. While he danced around, trying to bat it away, she marched past him. “You've had all this time to really talk to me. Time is up. Bye, Landon.”
He was still stamping out the butt when he realized she was untying the tent flaps. By the time he got to her, she was almost outside. She let out a yelp when he simply picked her up from behind and carried her back across the room.
“Where the fuck do you think you're going? It's the middle of the night in Thailand!” he snapped.
“Why do you care? You've been gone for over twelve hours, I could've been doing anything this whole time, and you didn't care,” she snarled, struggling with his hold.
Something about her statement made his blood run cold.
“Anything, huh?” he grunted, then he dropped her so abruptly, she stumbled forward.
“That gets your attention? You can go off fucking Ms. Volunteer-of-the-Year for the whole day, but I should just sit here waiting for you, twiddling my thumbs?” she asked. He narrowed his eyes.
“I didn't fuck her,” he corrected her assumption. “I didn't even kiss her. But what have you been up to, hmmm?”
“Oh, you know, just humping anything that moves,” she said, then she picked up a pillow and threw it at him. “Don't want to be out-slutted by the current reigning slut! I mean, it's all I'm good at, right!? Might as well put it to use! Don't fucking touch me!”
The last shout came when he grabbed for her arm. She tried to pull free, but he was too much stronger than her, and so much angrier.
“You wanna know why I didn't text?” he shouted in her face. “Why I didn't call, or even tell you I was leaving?”
“I know why! Because you don't care,” she snapped, yanking at his grip.
“Because I care too much,” he hissed. “And I see you with dipshits like that Max guy, and I wanna fucking cave his head in because I know he's so much better for you than I am.”
“So because you're jealous and throwing a pity party for yourself – again – you think it's okay to just ignore me and make out with some chick? Jesus, Landon, you know what you need? You need someone to treat you the way you treat other people,” she threatened. “How about I disappear for a day, then you can walk in on me blowing 'that Max guy', how does that sound? Sound fair? Would we be even stevens then?”
“You wanna go blow him? Be my guest. But don't compare some desperate bitch shoving her uninvited tongue down my throat to you being a slut.”
She walked past him again, and Landon knew she wasn't going to go do anything stupid. Maybe stomp around the camp. Maybe go to the women's group tent, crash with some of her new acquaintances. He didn't really think she was off to suck some random dude's dick.
But just the idea of it set his blood on fire and he grabbed her again. He yanked back on her arm, causing her to stumble off her feet and crash into the small table.
“What do you think you're doing!?” she demanded, clearly startled by his actions.
“You can't leave,” he spoke quickly.
“Like fuck I can't,” she snarled. “You can't keep me here, I'm not a prisoner.”
“You want me to talk? You want me to tell you what I'm feeling?” he shouted.
“No, because I don't care, because you don't feel anything.”
“I feel like I can't breathe,” he hissed, putting his hands flat on the table on either side of her hips.
“What?” she asked, his statement obviously catching her off guard.
“When I think about you and how I feel about you, it's like I can't breathe. I can feel you every moment of every day, all over my skin, and it's amazing, and I never want it to end, but I know it's going to end, because I'm going to ruin it at some point, and then I'll lose you, and I can't fucking handle that. So I can't breathe.”
She was beyond caught off guard – Tori looked completely stunned. He couldn't read her reaction, and that almost terrified him more than anything else. Scowling, he started to turn away from her. He'd had enough of embarrassing himself for one night. But Tori grabbed his arm and forced him to face her again.
“That's how you feel?” she whispered, staring at him with wide eyes. “I ... I had no idea.”
“You want me to take out an ad in the paper? You want me to be this certain kind of guy, Tori, and I'm just not. I'm not gonna get you fucking flowers and read you a sonnet or some shit. The only things I know how to do are save lives and be an asshole. Love is completely foreign.”
Love? Who said anything about love? Where did that word come from?
But it was out now, dropping like a bomb between them. Tori's jaw dropped and Landon was pretty sure he immediately went into shock. This whole time, he'd been warning her to not fall for him. He should've been the one to watch what he was doing.
“Landon, I -” she started speaking in a soft, low voice. He couldn't stand it.
“Oh, fuck off, don't fucking baby me now. I'm not asking you to feel the same way, or -”
Tori yanked him close, effectively shutting him up as she hugged him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and they held each other tightly for a long time, then she started to lay back on the table top, forcing him to follow her. Soon enough, they were stretched across the hard surface, Landon resting all his weight on her.
“You didn't ask me,” she whispered. “But I do. I feel the same way, Landon. That's why it hurt so much to see that girl kissing you. Because I feel like you're mine.”
“We shouldn't be like this, Tori. I'm awful,” he breathed. “I do awful things. You shouldn't like me. Please, don't like me.”
“You're not awful,” she insisted. He nodded without lifting his head from her chest.
“I am. I'll never be like other people. I'll never be good enough for you. I'll never be like my brother.”
There was a long pause. She was combing her fingers through his hair, almost absent mindedly. Then he heard a low chuckle through her chest and felt her kiss the top of his head.
“I hope you're always this way,” she whispered. “The good, the bad, and the completely fucking awful. Because if you weren't, then I wouldn't be here, and this amazing thing wouldn't be happening between us.”
“Amazing,” he echoed. “We're amazing. You're amazing. How did you do this to me?”
“I don't know. I didn't try at all.”
He squeezed her tighter – as tight as he possibly could. He could hear the breath rushing out of her body, could feel her fingernails digging into his shoulders.
“I just wanted to use you,” he told her. “I never wanted to fall for you. I wouldn't have thought it possible.”
“You and me both,” she chuckled again.
“When we go home, are you going to tell Liam about
you and me?”
“Do you want me to keep it a secret?”
“I want you to do whatever you feel comfortable with,” he lied.
“Then I'd be telling him right now, but it might be awkward, trying to have a conversation over the phone while you're laying on top of me,” she teased, her voice full of sass.
“Your friends ...” he searched for the right words. “They'll think I'm taking advantage of you. That I'm just sleeping with you because you like him.”
“Liked,” she corrected his tense. “And since when did you ever give a fuck about what anybody thought about you?”
Since I realized I could never let you go, that's when.
They stayed silent for a long time. He wasn't talkative by nature – Liam had inherited that particular personality trait. Landon liked it that Tori allowed him his silences and wasn't forever trying to get him to speak. He also liked that when he did decide to open his mouth, he felt like he could tell her anything. Tell her everything. His hopes, his dreams.
His fears.
“I don't want to lose this,” he whispered.
“You won't,” she whispered back, her lips brushing his forehead.
“I'll fuck it up.”
“I won't let you.”
“You don't know me.”
“I know you well enough to take a chance on you.”
“Why?”
“Because ...” now it was her turn to look for words. “You saw the bad in me, and the pathetic, and the sad and the lonely and all the horrible, and you didn't care. You didn't try to fix me or save me or change me. You just saw everything and decided to bring me on an adventure. Decided to give me a break. That makes you a good person, and that's how I know you're worth all the chances.”
Landon swallowed thickly and squeezed his eyes shut tight. Knew he should tell her the truth. Say it right now, so it wouldn't come back to haunt him later. But the moment was so perfect – almost as perfect as the woman in his arms. For once, he didn't want to ruin anything. He wanted to stay just like they were and listen to her heart beat for him. Wanted to let her heal some of the damage he'd done to himself over the years.
I can't ruin this. If I do, then I'm beyond saving.
“I wanted excitement,” he said. “That's why I came to Bali. That's why I came here. I didn't realize I could've found it next door to me if I'd bothered looking.”
“Now you're being ridiculous,” she laughed loudly. “I'm not that exciting.”
“No, you're better. You're an explosion. Blew my whole world apart.”
She didn't respond. Didn't try to analyze what he said or pull it apart or deny it or laugh at it. She just sat still for a long moment, then she pressed her hands against his face and lifted it so she could kiss him.
And just like that, I'm in a million pieces. Where's this girl been all my life?
TORI WOKE UP WITH A start and propped herself up, glancing around. Only two candles were still burning, and they were little more than puddles of wax on top of the filing cabinet. She hissed and hurried out of bed so she could blow them out. Thank god they hadn't burnt the place down.
She had to make her way back to the cot by feel, but by the time she was stretching out on her side, her eyes had adjusted to the dimness. It wasn't completely dark – the hospital tent was running round the clock, massive orange flood flights surrounded it, and the ambient glow crept into every corner of the camp. Soon enough, she could see Landon's features.
He was laying on his back, his right arm stretched up and curving around his head. It exposed his whole side to her and she let her eyes wander over the delicate script he had inked into his skin.
She reached out to touch it. To trace her fingertips over the words and his skin, but just before she made contact, she stopped and gasped. Pushed herself up onto her elbow so she could look down into his face. She couldn't believe it.
He was sleeping.
She'd seen Landon doze, had witnessed him nodding off on several occasions, but she'd never actually seen him sleep. Now he looked completely conked out. He was looking away from her and seemed to be scowling at something in his dreams. His lips were slightly parted, as if he were about to speak, but his teeth were clenched together tightly. His other hand was on his stomach and she realized his fingers were gripping the sheet at his waist.
She didn't want to wake him up, but she also didn't want his first real sleep in a long time to be marred by a nightmare. So she very slowly smoothed her hand over the top of his, spreading her fingers wide. She rubbed back and forth for a second, till she felt his fingers unclenching. When they relaxed completely and his brow had unfurrowed, she scooted in close, gently pressing herself to his side.
“What have I gotten myself into?” she breathed as she laid her cheek on his chest.
The man was trouble. Always would be. He was vice and sin wrapped into a ridiculously sexy package, with a healthy sprinkling of damaged-dickhead on top. He was better looking than she was, smarter than she was, meaner than she was – so many things she could never be, and would never want to be, either. He was so unlike his brother, in almost every way possible.
Yet ... they'd had some beautiful moments, and not just that night. Throughout the whole trip, there were gems to be tucked away and kept in her memory forever. Stupid man, she didn't want him to be like Liam. She wanted Landon to always be himself, in all his fucked up glory, because he was amazing. A force to be reckoned with, like a hurricane or a tornado.
Or an explosion ...
“I'm not brave enough to say I love you yet,” she whispered into the darkness. “But I really, really like you, Dr. Edenhoff.”
She held still when he shifted under her, afraid she'd woken him up. But after a moment he let out a deep breath which was more than half snore and turned his head towards her. She could feel him breathing against her hair and she sighed.
I really, really like you, and I think falling in love with you would be very, very easy. Please, please, don't ruin it Landon.
16
“Do you ever feel like we're in a bad soap opera?”
“No.”
“Really? Doctor with a drug problem falls for the girl who fell for his twin brother, bum bum buuuum!”
“I've never watched a soap opera, and you didn't 'fall for' Liam, not really.”
“Not really, no.”
“Here, get rid of this.”
Tori grimaced as Landon handed her a large wad of bloody bandages and gauze. She turned and hurriedly dumped them in a bio-hazard trash can, then moved back to the bed side. A man was stretched out in front of them, a large gash running almost the full length of his thigh. Landon was leaning close to the wound, quickly and neatly stitching it up, a lit cigarette dangling from his lips.
“You'd make a good nurse, you know,” he mumbled, and she watched as ashes fell from the almost burnt out butt. “You should go to classes when we go home. Become an RN or something.”
“Me? Nah,” she chuckled.
“You're good at this.”
“You think so?”
“I know so.”
“Thanks,” she smiled. “I feel like I'm doing a good job here, and I'm actually really happy I came.”
“Me, too.”
Okay, now the smile was a full on grin, accompanied by a blush.
“But I'm sorry, blood and guts and puke are not my thing. If I never have to do anything like this again, it'll be too soon.”
He laughed and the cigarette finally fell free from his mouth. She quickly ground it out with the toe of her shoe, then helped him clean and bandage the wound so the farmer could go home.
It had been a week since their crazy melt down. Since feelings had been openly acknowledged and talked about and explored. No titles had been specifically said, but when Landon spoke of going home, it was always in the plural. When we get on the plane, when we go to the apartment, when we talk to Liam.
Barely three weeks of “we” yet I've practically forgott
en what “I” means.
Tori had been all for calling Liam and having a heart to heart with him over speaker phone. Landon had been the one to agree with her statements from earlier in the trip, that some things were better discussed in person. Liam was apparently very protective of Tori, and also only knew the one side to his twin brother, so he wouldn't believe it wasn't all bullshit.
So she agreed to at least two more weeks in Thailand, saying that afterwards they could go home together and talk to Liam. Landon had told her she didn't have to stay, she could fly home first if she wanted – she didn't have to stay just because of him.
To which she'd replied of course she had to stay “just because of him”, and she also wanted to see this adventure through to the end. He'd nodded his head and turned away from her, but right before he did so, she was pretty sure she caught a glimpse of a smile at the corner of his mouth.
Days were filled with endless chores and bodies and duties. Nights were filled with showers together and stealing kisses in dark corners and spending all their spare time in bed. Sometimes being gentle and sweet, but other times, well ... other times were more like explosions.
She loved it.
“You're daydreaming.”
Tori jerked her head up and realized their patient was gone. Landon was peeling his gloves off and tossing them in the trash can. Tori quickly followed suit, then also yanked the plastic bags off her tennis shoes, tossing them as well.
“So back at home,” she said, hurrying to keep up with him as he strode out of the tent. He nodded while he dug out a fresh cigarette.
“Uh huh.”
“What are you going to do there?” she asked. He glanced down at her while he held his lighter to the end of the cigarette.
“What do you mean?”
“Like work,” she continued. “Are you going to try to work at the club with Liam?”
“Sweet christ, no.”
“Just gonna hang out again?” she asked, trying to keep her voice even. Landon was an adult and could do whatever he wanted – Twin Estates building one was completely rented, so he had income. But still ...
Neighborhood Watch Page 15
