After work, I decided to walk the long way home to clear my head. It was a nice day, warmer than usual this time of year. I watched the happy couples as they passed me. What is it about when you’re single or going through a break up that everyone seems to be a couple except for you?
When I reached the square, I heard music. A jazz band was playing a song I recognized: “La Vie en Rose.” I closed my eyes and let the notes run over me. The memory of dancing with Drew as this song played from his phone was so clear in my mind, I could still feel his arms around me.
I kept walking toward my building, listening to the notes rise and fall, wishing I could just go back to that moment when we were happy and our relationship was uncomplicated, when he was still Drew. I stopped and closed my eyes, just listening to the lyrics.
“They’re playing our song.”
I opened my eyes to see Drew leaning against my building.
“You need to leave,” I said, proud that my voice sounded calm and in control.
“I can’t.”
He pushed off of the building and came toward me. When he was about two feet from me, I stepped back, not wanting him to get any closer. If he touched me, I wouldn’t be able to resist him. I took a step toward the front entrance and Drew stepped in my way, blocking my exit.
“Alex, please.” He looked so hurt and so beautiful. I wanted to hug him and then slap him.
“Drew, get out of my way,” I said through clenched teeth.
“I can’t leave things like this. I need you, Alex. Please.” He reached out, his fingers brushing against my elbow.
“Don’t you get it? There‘s nothing left.” I wrenched my arm away. “It’s done. You can’t fix this with an apology and a charming smile. You broke my heart, Drew!” I took a breath and shook my head as the tears welled in my eyes. “The worst part?” I said. “I shouldn’t have expected anything more.”
He winced and took a step back, looking like he had been shot. I took the opportunity to bail. I ran through the front doors and straight up to my apartment, slamming and locking the door behind me.
I set down my stuff and poured a glass of wine. In the living room, I set my glass on the coffee table and opened all the windows. I leaned against the window frame, listening to the sweet melodic jazz that floated through my window, letting the tears stream down my face.
***
It had been almost two weeks since Drew had shown up at my place. He continued to call and text, but I couldn’t bring myself to listen, so I just deleted all the texts. I didn’t want to see him. I went out of my way to avoid places he would go, which included The Den.
After the second time I skipped trivia, Sean called. “Hey, beautiful. How ya doin’?” he said in a sing-song voice.
“Okay, I guess.”
“Liar.”
I smiled. “You got me. So, what’s going on? Has Papa Jack let you back in the bar yet?”
He laughed. “Yeah. He says I am on probation.”
“That’ll teach you to grab a waitress.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry about that, by the way,” he said. I knew he never meant any harm. “Look, Alex. You know I didn’t call about that.”
“Yeah, I know.” I let out a long breath.
“He’s pretty messed up.”
“Yeah. Well, so am I.” I was having a hard time keeping the anger from seeping into my voice.
“I’m just playing the devil’s advocate here. I love you both, you know that. He fucked up. He fucked up big, but Alex, you should at least try to hear him out. Give him a chance to explain.”
“Sean, I heard everything he told David. I heard it loud and clear.”
He was quiet for moment. “Alex, you mean the world to him. I don’t know what he said to David, or why he said it, but I think you should listen to him.” I didn’t say anything. After a long silence, he said. “Can you at least promise me you will think about it?
“Fine.”
“Thanks. We’re still good, right?”
“Of course.” Sean was still my family. I may have inherited him, but he still meant a lot to me.
“Great. Well, just think about what I said, okay?
“Okay.”
“And please call Millie. She’s really worried about you. We all are.”
“I will. Talk to you later. Bye, Sean.”
I hung up. I promised to consider hearing Drew out, but I don’t think I could take it. Only time would tell.
***
Another week went by and I was still not talking to Drew. I checked in with Sean and Millie, as promised, but continued to stay away from anywhere I thought I could run into him, which included Down the Street. I had to settle for the generic weak brew at the office. The lack of good coffee was making me hate him more.
I threw myself into work. It seemed to be all I had left. Everything connected to Drew. He was everywhere. When I went home, he surrounded me. It wasn’t just in the pictures and the gifts or the things he’d left, but my memories of him took over and everything became a part of him. I couldn’t escape. My apartment once was my sanctuary and now it was like a cage surrounding me with all things Drew.
Later that night, my phone rang, waking me from a dead sleep. I sat up and rubbed my eyes as I tried to stop the infernal ringing. I glanced at the clock. Who was calling me at one forty-five in the morning? I picked up my phone. It was Millie.
“Hey, Millie,” I said, my voice thick with sleep.
“Alex, you need to come.”
“What? Where?” The concern in her voice had me in a panic. Something was wrong.
“It’s Papa Jack,” she said. “He had a heart attack.”
Chapter 23
Drew (Then)
I ran into the lobby of the emergency room and headed straight to the triage desk with Red following close behind me. I slammed my body into the desk, trying to catch my breath. “Excuse me. My mother Emma Collins was just brought in.”
The nurse behind the desk typed something into her computer, completely unphased by dramatic entrance. “The doctor is in with her now. You need to have a seat and someone will be out to talk to you.”
“Is she okay?” I asked, frustrated that she was not telling me more. I needed them to tell me she was going to be okay.
“Sir, the doctor will be out to talk to you soon,” she said, her voice becoming more firm.
“Drew.” Red pulled on my arm. “Come on, Drew. Let’s sit down. Papa Jack is with her.”
I let her pull me to a couch in the waiting area. I dropped my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands. Red took a seat next to me and rubbed my back. I was losing my mind. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. Mom was still undergoing treatment. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. We were supposed to have more time.
The doors behind the triage desk opened and we got to our feet as Papa Jack came out. He looked pale and terrified. He walked up to us and I searched his face for some kind of sign that she was okay. He was not looking like it was good news.
“What is it, Pop?” I asked, afraid of what his answer could be.
“The doctor said…” he said as tears welled in his eyes. “He said it’s her heart. The chemo and radiation have done some severe damage to her body and her heart just can’t take it.”
Red gasped. She covered her mouth and sank down to the couch. I heard the words he was saying, but I couldn’t process them. Her heart?
“So, what happens now?”
Papa Jack put a hand on my shoulder. “She’s awake, and they are doing everything they can to make her comfortable. Right now, we have to…” His voice cracked. My father, the strongest man I knew, was moments from breaking down. Things were really bad. He took a deep breath. “We have to call David and Millie. In a little while, we can go in together and say good…goodbye.”
“Goodbye? No! She was fine. She…She was fine. We were just dancing. We were just…and I promised…I can’t.” I just broke, and my burly bear of a father pulled me to his chest, hu
gging me tight.
“It’s okay, son.”
“We were supposed to have more time,” I said, gripping the collar of his shirt in my hands as the pain clawed its way up my throat. “I need more time.”
“I know,” he said, his own tears rolling down his cheeks.
“I can call David for you,” Red said, her voice soft and thick with tears.
We looked at her. Her cheeks were wet and her bright eyes shined with tears.
“Thanks, Alex,” Papa Jack said, “but I think I better call. You stay here with Drew.”
He gave her a sad smile and pulled his cell phone from his pocket, walking through the automatic doors to the sidewalk outside.
“I’m so sorry.” Red pulled me into a hug and I clung to her as what Papa Jack said about saying goodbye finally started to sink in.
My head was spinning. How did everything change so quickly? It was only hours ago that Mom and I were dancing at David’s wedding. She was calling me out on how I felt about Red. She was smiling at me and dancing with Papa Jack. Now she was dying in a hospital room. I didn’t understand. She was fine. She was fine and then she wasn’t.
The three of us sat in the waiting room, just staring straight ahead, not speaking. We waited for them to tell us we could go back to see her, waited to say goodbye.
Red threaded her fingers through mine and I took comfort in the fact that she was there. I needed her there. She was the only thing keeping me from completely falling apart. I squeezed her fingers and met her eyes.
“Don’t let go,” I whispered. She just nodded and squeezed my hand.
David and Millie ran through the doors a few minutes later and we all embraced. I felt bad that their wedding day had to end like this, but I was thankful that at least Mom got to be there. I knew she wouldn’t have wanted to miss David and Millie starting their lives together.
My chest tightened when I thought about everything she would miss: grandchildren, me finally settling down, my college graduation…
I was a selfish bastard. My mom was dying in a hospital room and I was thinking about what she will miss in my life.
Eventually, the doctor came out and told us that we could head back to see her. We all headed toward the door and the nurse at the desk looked at Red and held up her hand. “I’m sorry, ma’am. Family only.”
Red stopped in her tracks. I faced the nurse, pulling Red closely to my side. “She is family.” The nurse looked over my shoulder to the doctor, who nodded and led us back to Mom’s room.
We took our turns saying goodbye. David and Millie went in first. When they were done, Papa Jack went in. I watched as he leaned down to kiss her and had to turn away. It was one thing for me to be losing my mother, but Papa Jack was losing his wife, the woman he spent the majority of his life with, the mother of his children. I couldn’t begin to understand how hard it must be for him to say goodbye to the only woman he has ever loved.
When Papa Jack came out, he nodded to me, letting me know that it was my turn to go in. Red was right by my side, still holding on to my hand. She kept her word and hadn’t let go, but now she started to pull away. I turned to face her, tightening my grip. “Come with me?”
“Drew, I…”
I stopped her. “I need you, Red,” I said, cupping my hand to her cheek. She looked up at me, unsure of what to do. She looked over my shoulder to Papa Jack, who just nodded. She tightened her grip on my hand and let me pull her into the room with me.
The room was quiet. The only sound was a soft beep from the heart monitor. I walked around the bed and Mom opened her eyes to look up at me. She looked so small. Tubes were running under her nose and from her arms. I hated to see her like this. My mother was tough as nails. She could handle anything life threw at her. She battled the hell out of the cancer, but it won in the end.
I stepped up to the bed, taking her hand. It was ice cold to the touch.
“Hey,” she said, her voice breathy and soft.
“Hey, yourself.”
“How do I look?”
“I’m not going to lie, Mom. You’ve looked better.” I smiled and wiped a tear from my eye.
She smiled at me. “Smartass,” she whispered.
“Pop taught me well.”
She nodded her head and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she focused on Red before looking back to me. “Remember your promise?”
“I will, Mom.”
“Take care of each other.”
Neither Red nor I could talk as the tears caught in our throats. We nodded. I lifted Red’s hand, which was still clasped in mine, and pressed a kiss to her knuckles.
I took a deep breath. “I love you, Mom,” I choked out.
“I love you,” she breathed.
I waved for everyone to come in and we all sat around her, holding her hand as the monitors fell silent.
***
By the time Red and I got back to the house, the sun was coming up. We hadn’t said a word to each other. Walking into the empty house seemed surreal, like this was all just a bad dream and when I woke up, Mom would be at the kitchen table, drinking coffee and playing Sudoku.
In my old room, I sat down on the bed, running my hand across my face. I felt raw. Red sat down next to me.
“What can I do?” she asked.
“Stay with me?”
She shook her head. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Even with everything that I had been through that night, the only thing I wanted to do was kiss her, but I couldn’t ruin what we had because I wanted to feel better. I would keep my promise to Mom, but I would do it the right way.
I leaned my forehead against hers and reached for her hand. “We should get some sleep.”
Red pulled back and nodded, pulling back the covers and climbing in beside me. I opened my arms and whispered, “Come here.”
She fit herself seamlessly into my arms and rested her head on my chest. We stayed like that and I fell asleep to the smell of her shampoo.
Chapter 24
Alex (Now)
I stumbled into the waiting room of the hospital. Millie and Sean were seated in the back, their heads down. David was talking to a doctor wearing scrubs with a face mask hanging around his neck.
“How is he?” I asked, out of breath from running.
Everyone looked up and Millie looked slightly relieved. “He is out of surgery. They said it went well, but they are waiting for him to wake up before we know for sure. Drew is in with him now,” Sean said.
“Good.” I nodded as I sank down to the hard vinyl couch. “Good.”
The last time we were all in this waiting room together, there was no good news. I was trying to stay positive. Papa Jack would be fine. He was too hardheaded to die on us. He was going to be fine.
“Alex,” David said, the apprehension clear in his voice. I raised my eyes to look at him. “I was just about to go relieve Drew.”
I got to my feet. “Okay. I will head down to the cafeteria. Just call me when you hear something.”
I turned to head out, but David grabbed my arm. “You really should stay. Alex, he needs you.”
“I…”
I was still so hurt and angry. I wasn’t ready to see him or talk to him. I came for Papa Jack. David looked at me, pleading for me to stay. I glanced at Millie and Sean, who were wearing the same pleading look.
This was going to kill me, but I had to stay. Drew hurt me, but he was my family. As much as I wanted to just turn it off, to stop how much I loved him, it didn’t work that way. I didn’t leave him when his Mom died and I couldn’t leave him when his Dad was sick. If he needed me, then I would be there for him no matter how much it hurt. He would do it for me.
I nodded and David gave me a small smile. Then he turned and disappeared down the hall. I took a deep breath, trying to brace myself for the pain of seeing him again.
“Red?”
I flinched at the sound of his voice. Drew took a few quick steps toward me, then stopped a few fee
t away, like he was afraid I would spook. He slowly closed the distance and pulled me into his arms.
My body relaxed into him in an automatic response. My emotions were warring in my head. I felt relieved to be in his arms again. It felt so natural, like this was where I belonged, but then everything that happened between us made me angry and hurt all over again. A tear slipped down my cheek, but I didn’t move. I let him hold me because it was what he needed.
“You came,” he said, his voice quiet.
I pulled away slightly to look into his face. He looked terrified and sick, but he was still beautiful. How did he pull that off? In the middle of the night, in the halogen light of a hospital waiting room, he managed to still look gorgeous. It was just further proof that life was not fair.
“Millie called,” I said. “How is he doing? Is he awake?”
Drew shook his head and I guided him into one of the chairs near Millie and Sean. We all sat there quietly, staring at the floor, looking up every time the door to the recovery wing opened.
Drew reached out and took my hand. I winced at the shock I felt from his touch, but I didn’t pull away. He needed me to be here for him and I would do it, but just being this close to him was torture. It was too much.
David came out a little while later and said that Papa Jack was awake. We all sighed in relief. He was still pretty out of it, but he would be fine. Sean took Millie home so she could get some rest. I stayed so I could see Papa Jack. Drew was in with him now and David and I sat out in the waiting room. They would only let one of us in at a time.
“Thank you for coming,” David said.
“You all are family. Of course I came.”
“It means a lot to Drew that you are here.”
I let out a long breath. “This doesn’t change anything. I can’t see him after this is over. It hurts too much,” I said and hung my head.
Somewhere In Between (Madison Square Book 1) Page 24
