"Are you sure you didn't mean the four of us playing out those dirty little fantasies you often have?" Wolf teases.
Pink colors her cheeks and spreads down her neck. I find myself captivated by the flush, desperate to know what else of hers turns pink like that. When we were together last night, I didn’t have enough time to look her over properly—to explore every inch of her soft skin.
We were tangled up in our past, and we let our bodies do the talking. I’d do it again in a fucking New York minute, but this time, I wanna watch every minute of it.
She's always felt like a gift to me—something to be treasured. Only now, I want to treasure her on my knees.
She shrugs her shoulder and licks her lips. I imagine those perfectly pouty lips wrapped around my cock, and I have to fight back the groan. I don't know what the fuck is going on with me. I'm acting like a thirteen-year-old the first time he saw tits.
"I mean, would it be okay if we, you know, all played together sometimes? I like one-on-one, but I think I might like to try other stuff too . . .”
She trails off as soon as she realizes the three of us all leaned toward her as if pulled by some invisible force. And fuck me, if I was getting a semi at just the idea of her before, hearing her say she fantasizes about the four of us is enough to send all the blood to my dick.
Apparently, I'm not the only one with that problem. Wolf picks up her hand and jumps up from the couch. "This is a good plan. Let's do Red's plan now."
She laughs, the joyous sound breaking some of the tension filling the room. "I am not messing around inside my aunt's house. Besides, we still have all this stuff to look through. But—maybe someday soon, yeah?"
She tugs on Wolf's hand, and he collapses next to her on the couch. "I know you have some sort of agreement, and I don't really understand it, but if one of you wants to . . . not be in this foursome, then that’s okay too.” She licks her lips. “I know it’s a little hypocritical of me to ask you three to share me even though I’m not willing to share each of you. So, I won’t hold it against you if you want to bail.” She looks right at me when she talks, and her gaze feels like it's staring straight into my soul.
I’m not sure if I’m ready for all that. To be with her, of course. To share her with my brothers? I’ll get there eventually. But I’m not ready to bare all my fucked-up emotional shit to her, not on a day where she’s up to her knees in her own emotional turmoil.
I shift my gaze to the file on the table and clear my throat. "Why don't we take this home? We can go through it a little easier."
No one calls me out on my obvious redirection, and I'm thankful. Rush replaces the few things we took out and wraps the strap around the binder, securing it.
The doorbell rings and the four of us look between each other. "Was she expecting anyone?" Rush asks, and just from the way he's gone stiff, hand hovering over the gun I know he keeps tucked in his pants.
Alaina shakes her head. "I don't—I don't know. Maybe I should go get my aunt?"
Before she can get Sloane, she appears at the mouth of the hallway. "Did I hear the doorbell? Strange. I wasn't expecting anyone."
Fuck. Okay. It could be nothing—or it could be something. And in this life, I like to err on whichever side keeps me breathing. I hand the file to Alaina and gently move her behind me as Rush grabs his gun and points it at the door, trigger finger ready.
Sloane opens the door, and I swear you could hear a pin drop.
"Da?"
Chapter Twenty-One
Rush
“Give me one plausible reason why you’re here and not just following us,” I ask my father as he stands in the doorway of Alaina’s aunt’s house.
My da stares at me, his face open. He raises his hands slowly, palms out. “It’s just me, boyo. No one else. You can trust me.”
“Answer the question.” I grip my gun tighter, my knuckles white.
“Coincidence,” Da answers, never breaking my stare.
“You know I don’t believe in those.”
“I know, son. I know. But I swear I only came to pay my respects to Lana’s sister. She was my fiancée, after all. I didn’t know you were here.”
I stare into his eyes, so familiar to my own and try to recall my earlier conversation with him.
Did I tell him we were heading here?
I’m clenching my jaw so hard I feel the muscle spasm. I want to believe him, and therein lies the problem. I want to believe him in the same way that I want to think my father would never lie to me. But he’s not infallible. He’s just a man, just like the rest of us.
I make a decision then, and I hope that I don’t regret it.
“We found something interesting. Looks like Lana left Alaina a list of coordinates. A list that looks remarkably similar to a list in our safe back at Summer Knoll. Know anything about that?”
Da flicks his gaze pointedly toward Alaina and her aunt with a raised brow. I get that he doesn’t want to talk business in front of just anybody, but he should read the fucking room. He’s the one who taught us how.
“Alaina’s not a stranger. We trust her.” Wolf practically growls the words, and I know he’s taking it personal that Da has secrets he hasn’t shared with us.
All of us have our own abandonment issues, I’m not naive enough not to realize it. It’s part of why Alaina’s drawn to us, whether she knows it or not. The four of us all struggle with that parental attachment. When you grow up in the kind of life we did, there’s no game of catch in the backyard with your da. There are drills disguised as obstacle courses, weapons training pitched as playing ninjas, and plans concealed as treasure maps for fresh earth to bury a body. That last one is a little outdated now, ever since Sully perfected his science skills.
The dude loves efficiency.
Da shoves his hands in his front pockets and rocks back on his heels. “I was looking for Aidan. I hired a top-of-the-line private investigator who’s familiar enough with the Brotherhood to know where to look without asking too many questions. The list is a collection of places he’s supposedly been before—either on a job or traveling with his family.”
“Then how did Lana get one?” Sully asks, his tone guarded.
“Dunno, boyo. I suspect she hired her own investigator. Did her list say anything else?”
I shake my head. “We’ll let you know if we find anything worthwhile to you.”
He understands my dismissal right away. A muscle in his cheek twitches and I idly wonder if that’s what I look like when I’m curbing my anger. What an interesting thing to pass down a generation.
There’s a charge in the air, compressing the space between us as neither one of us speaks. What is there to even say?
He knows better than anyone how easy it is to breed distrust in this life, and right now, there’s enough to fucking choke on.
I look him over and notice how fucking tired he looks. Dark circles shadow under his eyes, and his beard is a little rougher than I’m used to seeing. Almost involuntarily, something inside me softens a little.
Fuck.
At the end of the day, he’s still my fucking da. Doesn’t that deserve the benefit of the doubt?
I open my mouth to, I don’t fucking know, throw an olive branch, but Alaina beats me to it.
“It’s fine. We were just leaving anyway,” Alaina says as she steps around Sully.
I don’t like her being out in the open like that. It makes me feel fucking twitchy. I relax my hold on the gun just a little bit. Not enough to stow it, but enough to not be a single second away from firing.
It’s like he senses my small yield. Da steps inside the apartment, but he doesn’t stray past the entryway. Sloane stands off to the side toward the kitchen, and Alaina beelines for her.
Wrapping her arms around her aunt, she murmurs something too low for me to hear.
“It’s all in the file, Lainey, but your mom didn’t want a traditional funeral. She just wants her ashes to be spread at sea, where she always found
peace.”
Alaina nods and hugs her aunt again.
I keep her in my peripheral vision, but I don’t take my eyes off my da. He turns to face me, his broad shoulders stretching the fabric of his gray shirt. We’ve been about the same size for a few years, but I’ve got an inch on him now.
Looking at him, it’s like a glimpse into the future. Except for maybe that beard. I don’t know why the fuck he keeps that thing. I can’t imagine having something that long and scruffy attached to my face all the time—a few days’ worth is long enough for me.
I feel my brothers on either side of me before either one of them says anything.
“You ready to tell us what the fuck is really going on?” Wolf challenges him.
Da glances between the three of us before his gaze rests on Alaina talking quietly to her aunt. He exhales, his shoulders falling with the movement. He focuses back on us, meeting each of our eyes before settling on me. “Meet me at home tonight.”
“Now’s better,” Sully says.
“Alright. Your apartment, then,” Da says as he folds his arms across his chest.
I’m already shaking my head before he even looks at me. “No. That’s not an option either. Somewhere neutral.”
“O’Malley’s at nine tonight,” Wolf suggests. I glance at the clock hanging in the foyer. That gives us almost five hours to get back to the apartment, grab food, and go through the file from Lana. I can make that work. I nod my agreement at Wolf.
“Aye. I’ll see you boys tonight. Jack’ll make sure we have some privacy. We’re going to need it for this conversation.”
I stare at him then, apprehension and a tiny kernel of hope mingling inside my gut. “Don’t make me regret this, Da.”
A wide, satisfied smile blooms on his face, and he tips his chin up at me. “You’ll do just fine, boyo, just fine.”
My chest puffs up a little involuntarily—a leftover side effect of forever searching for my father’s approval.
Alaina steps next to me, close enough that her arm brushes against mine. She glances between the four of us, her eyes guarded. “Everything okay?”
I toss my arm around her shoulders, bringing her closer to my body. It’s more of Wolf’s style, but I felt compelled to. And I’m not in the business of denying myself anything when it comes to her.
“We’re good, birdie. Let’s go home,” I say into her hair before placing a kiss against her head. I don’t miss the shiver that skates down her spine at the word home.
I guide her toward the door, Wolf and Sully behind us when Da steps into our path.
“I’m sorry for your loss, Alaina,” he says. His voice is low, and his eyes actually look a little glassy. Fuck me, did he actually have feelings for Lana? I thought it was more or less a sham?
Alaina clears her throat before she says, “Thank you. I’m sorry for your loss, as well.”
Da nods his head, but he doesn’t say anything else before he steps to the side.
The four of us are quiet as we leave Sloane’s apartment and head to the car in the parking garage.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Alaina
Cobi's "Don't Cry For Me" plays when Rush starts the car up again. I stare at the buildings as we drive back to the apartment. I close my eyes against the late afternoon sun shining in my window and lean my head against the headrest. The warmth feels nice against my flushed face. Comforting. Rejuvenating.
I guess I was wrong. I guess I fell apart fairly quickly, all things considered. I take a moment to look inside myself, search for a way to put my feelings into words.
Rolling my head to the left, I open my eyes to see Wolf staring right at me. "I'm not sure I've ever felt so much and so little at the same time."
He scans my face, his big body taking up most of the space in the backseat. He's propped in the corner, an elbow propped up on the windowsill, leaning half his big body against the door. "What are you feeling?"
I close my eyes and open them again. "Grief for losing someone. Grief for the loss of possibility. Joy at having all of you in my life. Guilt for feeling joy during such a sad time."
Wolf nods and the sounds of "I Should Live in Salt" by Ásgeir fill the car. I cut my gaze to Sully. Once upon a time, we shared a love of music, and I distinctly remember telling him how much I loved The National. He doesn't turn around or meet my gaze in the mirror, but I know he did it.
I lean forward to flutter my fingertips along his shoulder in gratitude. "Thank you." He nods but doesn't offer anything else.
Leaning back into the seat, I notice the look Wolf's giving me. Curiosity and something a lot like wonder.
"You don't need to feel guilty for feeling two different emotions at the same time, even if they're on the opposite spectrum of emotions. Whatever you're going through is unique to you, and you don't have to apologize for it. But most of all, you're not alone, baby girl."
I reach over and slide my hand over his as a tear slides down my cheek. "Thank you. Thank all of you. I . . . I don't know what I would've done if I didn't have you guys."
"You wouldn't be here." Sully's words are low but not unkind. "If you never met us—if Lana never agreed to marry Da—then you wouldn't be here."
His words sting. Even if they aren't delivered to be blows, they land just the same. I flinch without thinking.
"What the fuck, man?" Wolf growls the words. Rush just shakes his head and sighs.
"What? It's true," Sully says as he crosses his arms.
I clear my throat, wading through all my initial hurt. My emotions are raw and on the surface right now. "He's right. I wouldn't be here—with you all—if Mom didn't meet Cormac."
"That's not entirely true . . .” Rush hedges as he shifts in his seat, adjusting his grip on the steering wheel.
Sully glares at him. "Explain."
"Ah, is this where you tell us all about how you had a plan for Red all along?" Wolf laughs under his breath.
My gaze ping-pongs between them, curious to see how this is going to play out.
Rush shifts in his seat again. It's such an uncharacteristically nervous gesture that it catches me off-guard. I tilt my head, even more intrigued to see how this will unfold.
Rush clears his throat as he turns a corner and pulls into the underground parking garage to their building. The air is already charged with tension and then “Rebellion (Lies)” by Arcade Fire starts. The irony of the name of the song isn’t lost on anyone.
“The playlist ended and it automatically played this song, so don’t side-eye me, man. Although . . . it is kind of timely.” Sully smirks.
Rush pulls into the same spot he was in earlier, the open one between Wolf’s car and a charcoal gray SUV.
He shuts off the engine and tips his head against the headrest. "She's funny and smart and kind and absolutely fucking perfect, and I won't apologize for wanting her the moment I laid eyes on her.”
Warmth unfurls inside me, flushing my cheeks at his words. A kernel of confusion worms itself inside the bubble of affection.
He got all that from watching me sing on Friday nights?
Wolf must be on the same wavelength because his next words echo my thoughts. "And how did you come to know all of that about Red, hmm?"
“You already know I went to O’Malley’s on Fridays.”
“Aye. And I also know that you two didn’t interact much until recently. So, explain it to me, brother.”
Rush meets my gaze in the rearview mirror. His stare bold. “I watched her.”
“How?” Sully asks.
“Because I had cameras installed." His gaze doesn’t flinch away from mine.
“I fucking knew it. No wonder you’re always glued to your computer,” Wolf says with a humorless chuckle.
“Where?” Sully demands.
“O’Malley’s. And a few surrounding streets.” Rush is unapologetic about his little foray into surveillance.
Surprise and something darker floods my veins. I think I should be alarmed that
he was essentially spying on me. Maybe I’m just on emotional overload because those are not the thoughts swirling around. Looking back on the last year, there were so many times I felt like there were eyes on me, but I always chalked it up to living in New York City. But now . . . now I wonder if it was Rush's eyes on me the whole time.
A shiver of awareness works its way through me. Would it be such a bad thing to have Rush looking out for me? It certainly doesn't feel like it now—and I didn't know him then, not really, but I have a feeling I wouldn't have minded then either.
"Okay. Okay. So, what does that have to do with our current situation?" Wolf asks, bringing my thoughts back to the present.
Rush shifts his gaze to his brother. "I was going to bring her in. For us."
Wolf's lips twist to the side as he taps his leg twice before he looks at Rush. "See, that's the thing, brother. I can't figure out why you didn't bring her up to us earlier if that's what you were thinking. No, I don't think you had any intention of bringing her in for our agreement. Not right away, at least."
Rush twists around in his seat, his calm facade cracking. "Do you want to do this in the car? Because I'd rather not get blood on the seats. I just got it detailed."
It's like the gauntlet was thrown down with those words. Wolf flings open his car door and stalks out of the car, rounding the trunk to stand in the driving lane. Sully's not too far behind him, and Rush watches both of them with his neutral expression. He turns to meet my gaze; his face softens and I can read his expression again. "Don't step in, okay? Just stay in the car."
I only stare and nod, confusion taking center stage.
I watch in fascination as Rush blanks his face again and prowls out of the car to meet the boys in the driving lane. I twist around to keep them all in my line of sight, but I can't quite hear what they're saying. I have a pretty good hunch it’s about me, at least indirectly.
I make a quick decision and get out of the car. On quiet feet, I walk to the back of the car and lean against the trunk. Wolf's in Rush's face while Sully stands to the side of them, his arms crossed over his chest.
Sully: An Irish Mafia Romance (The Brotherhood Book 3) Page 15
