by Jo Leigh
God, today of all days… Colonel Graves had placed his faith in her… Damn. Her eyes stung. She blinked. Getting emotional wouldn’t help.
She couldn’t blame Luke. This was all her fault. Again. There was only one thing she could do that would fix this. The prospect literally would have brought her to her knees had she not been sitting. But she could see no other way around it.
She’d have to step down.
14
SARA LEFT HER OFFICE AT SEVEN. As the door clicked shut, she heard the too-familiar sound of Mike O’Malley half a hall away. She willed him to disappear, but the boot treads continued ever closer.
He was near enough that she could hear his annoyed mumble, but not the words.
“I’m not in the mood, O’Malley,” she said, finally letting go of the door. Could’ve been worse, she supposed. It could’ve been Luke. She’d dodged his calls, then left him a message strongly urging him to go out to dinner with one of the other team members and that she’d see him later. After she’d pulled herself together. She didn’t need to cry on his shoulder, but she did need to tell him to keep his distance.
“Who says I want something?” O’Malley asked.
She turned to face him. “You’re here. Ergo, you want something.”
“Ergo? Jeez. You look like hell.”
“Thanks. You’re a prince among men. Now go away.”
“You haven’t eaten. I know you missed lunch and I’m guessing you skipped breakfast, too.”
“What are you, my mother?”
“Nope. But you’re my friend and I want company at dinner, so as my friend, you’re going to join me, and not piss and moan about it.”
“O’Malley…”
“The sooner we get it over with, the sooner you can go sulk.”
“Insufferable. I have no idea why I put up with you.”
“It’s ’cause I’m so classically handsome.”
“Pfft.”
“I knew you’d say that. We’re just going to the diner.”
“How come you never come to me with your problems?” she asked. “Why am I always the one who needs to whine?”
He eyed her without turning his head. Kept on walking.
“I hate it when you go all Yoda on me,” she murmured.
When they reached the motel exit, O’Malley held open the door for her. “I didn’t say a word.”
“You’re buying,” she said, as she passed him.
“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”
By the time they were seated, she had accepted the fact that she was going to tell him everything. Almost everything. Some details would go with her to her grave, but O’Malley would get the gist because she needed a sounding board, and no one listened like Mike O’Malley.
He studied the menu. It was a rare thing, to have a night off that wasn’t a weekend or a moving day. Tomorrow would be a long one, though, with a job fair in Culver City during the day, followed by a full presentation. She’d scheduled this night off months ago. It should have made her feel good that things were working so smoothly, but with the massive sword hanging over her head it was hard to be self-congratulatory.
“I’ll have a chef’s salad with ranch,” O’Malley said. “Large chocolate milk.”
Sara hadn’t even noticed the waitress. The idea of food made her stomach tighten, but if she didn’t order, O’Malley would grumble. “Grilled cheese on white, please. And chocolate milk sounds great.”
The waitress left and her dinner companion stared. He wouldn’t come right out with it, but of course he’d known something was up. He’d been looming ever since she’d made peace with Luke, but with the colonel’s visit and all, he’d been too busy to corner her for a chat. Damn, he had to know about the pool kiss, too.
She met his gaze, opened her mouth and burst into tears.
O’Malley’s eyes widened with panic, which made her laugh while she was still crying.
“So, uh…” O’Malley said, his voice higher than she’d ever heard it. “Are you, like, pregnant?”
She laughed and sobbed simultaneously, harder now. Her only option was to grab her purse and make a run for the ladies’ room where she locked herself in a stall. The histrionics took a minute to control, which was several minutes shorter than the time it took to put herself back together. Pregnant. For God’s sake. At least it was good to know that the inscrutable Master Sergeant O’Malley could be spectacularly wrong.
She tucked a loose hair behind her ear, and went out to face the brutal facts.
THE BANGING AT THE DOOR put Luke into motion before his feet hit the floor. He stumbled when he realized his flight suit wasn’t waiting to be pulled on. Because this wasn’t a war zone, and the banging wasn’t bombs and he didn’t have to do anything but open a motel-room door. The damage was done, though, because the adrenaline rush guaranteed he wouldn’t be going back to sleep anytime soon.
The second he was coherent enough, hope flared that it was Sara. Had to be. He’d waited up for her call, but he must have fallen asleep at some point.
Luke stumbled to the door, cursing when he recognized O’Malley. Then he got scared. “Is she okay?”
“Yes and no,” the sergeant said. “We have to talk.”
Luke ran a hand over his face, looked at his watch, at his bare chest. At least he still had his jeans on. “Goddamn, O’Malley, it’s one-thirty in the morning.” But he was already at his closet grabbing a non-uniform shirt.
“No need to get dressed. This won’t take long.” O’Malley had walked in. He waited by the table, arms crossed. Quiet. Intense.
Luke had the uneasy feeling that this had something to do with Van Linn. He pulled on the shirt, left it unbut-toned, and stood by the bottom of the bed.
O’Malley gripped the back of a chair and leaned over it. The look in his eyes could have curdled blood. “I need to know this, and you’d better not bullshit me, Captain, because I’ll tell you right now I am one dangerous bastard. If you in any way lie, you won’t see it coming, but trust me, you’ll never know a decent day in the air force again.”
“Fine,” Luke said, pissed at the threat, but also real clear O’Malley wasn’t kidding. “What?”
“Did you screw around with Terri Van Linn?”
“No.”
“You sure? Not even a little bit?”
“O’Malley, I don’t even know how to screw around a little bit.”
“Flirting? Making promises she could misinterpret?”
Luke frowned. “What are you talking about? I thought this was about Sara.”
“It is.”
“Sara knows there is nothing between Van Linn and me. I told her everything. Terri and I went for a walk, early on. To the park. She invited herself. When I got the vibe she wanted something more I passed.” He thought about bringing up the kiss at the pool and what Hanover had said, but reconsidered. “Why? What the hell’s going on?”
O’Malley’s shoulders relaxed, but he still looked serious. “I have to be sure. Van Linn’s coming after Sara.”
Luke tensed, and he was as awake as he’d ever been. “What does that mean?
“She’s threatening to write up a formal complaint accusing Sara of professional improprieties and degradation of unit cohesion. It’s all bullshit, but it won’t look good on Sara’s record.”
“That’s crazy. Sara would sooner shoot herself than put the tour in jeopardy.”
O’Malley sighed as if he were just getting to the bad part. “Van Linn saw you two kissing in the pool. She might not have been the only one.”
Luke sat down as all the air left his lungs. “So I heard.”
The sergeant’s eyes widened. Luke had gone from an ally to the enemy in a split second, and O’Malley looked as if he wanted to strangle him with his bare hands. “And you didn’t tell Sara? You let her get blindsided?”
Luke felt like a goddamned curse. Like something biblical. He’d walked back into Sara’s world and sent it straight into the toilet. “No, it
wasn’t like that. I heard it from Hanover before the dinner with Graves. I couldn’t get to Sara.”
O’Malley released the back of the chair, practically throwing it across the room in his frustration. “You really are a selfish prick.”
Luke stared back, guilt burning a hole in his gut. “You’re right. I can be, but not when it comes to Sara. Not anymore. I left messages, I tried to see her. She ordered me to stay away until I heard from her. I thought it had something to do with Graves’s visit.”
O’Malley stared at him in that gargoyle way of his, assessing, measuring, and Luke wanted desperately to be sure that some small part of him hadn’t avoided telling Sara what he’d heard. No, he’d dreaded telling her, hoped that it wouldn’t put a damper on their new relationship, but he’d never imagined Sara would be Van Linn’s target.
He kept his gaze even with O’Malley’s. “Van Linn should’ve come after me. I swear to you I never would have done anything to put Sara’s career in jeopardy. For God’s sake, I—I wouldn’t.”
“Then you’d better fix it,” O’Malley said. “Fast.” He kicked the chair out of the way and left the room.
Clenching his fists, Luke watched the door close, his mind racing ahead. He had to get to Sara, and then he’d take care of Van Linn.
SARA HAD AVOIDED LUKE all day, and now that they were at the college auditorium, she couldn’t put it off any longer. This morning, he’d knocked at her door at around two, then again at five. Of course she hadn’t slept, and she figured if he was trying that hard to get to her, then O’Malley had paid him a visit.
Once she’d left her room, she’d been swamped. So had Luke. Still, he’d left message after message. She hadn’t listened to one of them. She couldn’t afford to. She wasn’t going to speak to Luke until she’d made her final decision. Not that there were many options, but she couldn’t risk getting sidetracked. Not today.
O’Malley had tried very hard last night to take the decision out of her hands, but she didn’t want that. Well, not all of her wanted that. This was her mess. She was in charge, and if she couldn’t handle it, then she didn’t deserve to be in command. When it came right down to it, she hadn’t needed advice, just a friend.
Her night had been interminable. She’d written enough lists to paper the walls and had paced what felt like the length of Santa Monica Boulevard.
Yet she always ended up back at the same place. She’d step down, walk away from the biggest success she’d ever had. What was she going to tell Graves? Probably the truth, although, God, she didn’t want to. She could already imagine the expression on his face. He’d given her a chance, and what had she done with it? Allowed her ex-boyfriend to turn her into a confused, sloppy mess.
In her right mind, she’d never, never have dreamt of kissing anyone under her supervision, no matter what the circumstances. Not in public. God, no. It didn’t matter that they weren’t in uniform, that they were the same rank. It was a matter of propriety. Of dignity.
She’d been utterly reckless, and that’s why she deserved to lose this battle. The rest of it didn’t matter. She was in charge, and nothing should ever take precedence over that. Just because she wasn’t on the front line and no lives were directly at stake, she had no right to do anything that would sully the reputation of the air force.
George Tritter brushed her shoulder as he hurried to get backstage. Everyone seemed on edge tonight. The job fair had been good, but long, and there had barely been time to grab a meal. Now the auditorium at Pierce College was packed, and there was still one speaker to go—Luke.
Van Linn was on now, and while the woman’s voice made Sara’s skin crawl, she gave no hint of her discomfort as she looked for Luke. Sara had timed this down to the minute—she’d tell Luke not to worry, that she had everything under control. His only job was to concentrate on the talk and get on with the tour.
She hadn’t planned on doing even that, but he’d been off his game at the job fair. He’d been distracted and jumpy, and she had to put an end to that. The only thing she could do was appeal to his professionalism.
Luke caught sight of her and froze where he was, hand just shy of running through his hair. When he exhaled, she could see his chest collapse with it, as if he’d been holding his breath all day.
The audio cues were such a part of her that she barely had to listen to know that Luke had seven minutes before he had to get on stage. Sara wanted to be gone by then. She had no desire to see Van Linn, to stretch things out.
Luke took hold of her arm the minute she was near enough, and pulled her away from the curtain, into a dim corner with no traffic.
Before he could speak, she held up her hand. “I’m stepping down. I’m not sure when I’ll be leaving, but it’ll be soon. I’m going to make an announcement to the team tomorrow and I know you’ll want to defend me, but don’t.”
Even in the terrible light, she could see Luke’s jaw tighten. “Damn it, Sara, I’m sorry I didn’t warn you about Van Linn.”
“You did. I didn’t take it seriously enough.”
Luke shook his head. “No, about her seeing us kiss at the pool.”
Sara blinked. “What?”
“Hanover told me. Right before the dinner with Graves. I couldn’t get to you with the colonel hovering, and it didn’t occur to me—I thought I was her target, not you.”
“You thought—you didn’t tell me?” She saw the frustration in his face, but didn’t care. “This is my command, Captain.”
“I know that, and I swear it wasn’t what you think.” He leaned in and lowered his voice. “Please don’t do anything rash. We’ll talk about this later, but you need to know I’m going to speak to Van Linn tonight. This was all my fault, Sara, and I’m not about to let you take the fall.”
She stared at Luke, trying to make sense of what he’d said. She already knew she’d let her feelings for him cloud her judgment, but how far off the rails had she gone? No matter what else, Luke should have warned her. A friend would have called. A lover would have broken down doors. Was it possible he had been manipulating her all along? She needed time to think, to sort this through because she didn’t want to believe he’d fooled her again.
Luke’s musical cue was seconds away. “It’s my responsibility. Not yours. You have to get out there. Do your job.”
They both looked at the stage, at Van Linn coming through the curtains. She saw the two of them standing close in the small space and she smiled.
Sara wanted to smash the woman’s face, but she just smiled and nodded in return.
“Fine,” Luke said, tugging her with him as he headed for the stage. “I swear, we’ll figure this out. Just don’t do anything until we talk.”
“There’s nothing to discuss.”
He stopped, touched her cheek. “Please, Sara. Trust me. Just for a little while longer.”
Sara closed her eyes and realized she’d leaned into his hand. God help her, his touch felt safe. It shouldn’t but it did, and damn, she was tired.
The stage was empty, the music playing on a loop in Luke’s absence. “Go,” she whispered.
She didn’t open her eyes until the sound of applause drowned out his footsteps. His voice rang loud and clear through the speakers, and Sara went down the stairs into the auditorium proper. She found a seat at the end of a row where she had a good view of both Luke and a large section of the audience.
They were so quiet. The particular kind of quiet where attention was being paid. By the end of his speech, right before the applause, ninety percent of the students would be leaning forward, looking up. Didn’t matter that most of them had already decided the military wasn’t for them and were here for other reasons.
She listened to Luke, for once not evaluating or making notes on improving and changing his talk. She put a lid on her doubts about his sincerity, about his motives. If she could, she wanted to hear his story as if she’d never heard it before, unbiased, as if she weren’t his lover.
Minutes in, she wa
s captivated by his passion, his eloquence, his humor. She looked around, and though it seemed outlandish, the fact was most of these people had fallen a little in love. Luke somehow made it feel as though each individual was in a private discussion with him, and every word was meant for that person alone. So much adoration from so many people, all in the blink of an eye. Not just when he was on stage, either. This was Luke’s life.
He held back nothing, despite all the drama off stage. There was no faking, no going through the motions. The idea of him leaving the tour was ridiculous. Luke was irreplaceable.
Oh. The whole picture suddenly came into sharp focus. Terri Van Linn’s anger and frustration had nothing to do with Sara or Luke, not personally. Van Linn wanted what Luke had. She coveted his magnetism, not his relationship or Sara’s management skills. The OSI officer was furious that no one leaned forward for her.
Van Linn was coming after her to weaken Luke. Clever woman, she must have realized Graves wouldn’t kick the most popular speaker off the team. But she could still screw up his game by going after his lover.
Well, damn. Even if Sara did step down, it wouldn’t address Van Linn’s problem. Luke’s resignation was the only thing that could, but that option was off the table. In the end though, if Van Linn sent in the complaint, this kiss would derail her career. Better to remove the threat entirely by resigning. That way, Luke’s name would never come up and she could use her resignation to convince Van Linn to destroy the report.
The prospect made her ache. She loved the service, loved her job, but she’d acted inappropriately, and that was all on her. Luke had gone through enough during his time in the service. He didn’t deserve a stain on his record. It didn’t matter what their relationship was, or why he hadn’t warned her about Van Linn. Sara would convince her to drop the complaint. That was all there was to it.
She went back to watching Luke. Whatever happened later, there was a good chance that this would be the last time she’d ever get to see him on stage, and she wasn’t going to waste it.
He’d just said something funny which she hadn’t caught, but she found herself grinning along with everyone else. Whatever his magic was, it was infectious. Whether these kids knew it or not, Luke’s very presence up there was a greater influence on their future decision than any combination of words and pictures and music.
