by Jo Leigh
The thought of not telling her, of acting as if they had a lifetime ahead of them, was tempting. But it would be a lie, and he’d know it every day. He’d know that it was selfish—and how could he love someone so completely and care nothing for her feelings?
It wasn’t fair. In fact, it was a cold, hard bitch—a cruel trick by an uncaring god.
He loved her. It wasn’t something he could turn off like a faucet or pretend didn’t exist. He had to make some decisions, and he had to make them soon. Before Paris. If there was going to be a Paris.
She stirred, and he wanted to make love to her again. But she was probably sore, and he didn’t want to hurt her that way, either. Three times, he’d been inside her. Three times, he’d had mind-blowing climaxes. Three times, he’d watched her shudder with release.
He wanted her again, desperately, but instead he slipped out of bed, careful not to wake her. He went to the bathroom and started a bath. She’d need the warmth and the comfort after such a workout. He even added some bubble bath the hotel had provided.
After a few moments, he went back into the bedroom. She was awake, and her smile made his insides go crazy. How was it possible to feel so much in such a short time? He’d never believed love could hit him like this, like a truck going sixty miles an hour. But he’d been struck, all right.
“Do I hear a bath?”
He nodded. “For you.”
She sighed, and her smile warmed him. “What time is it?” “Three.”
“P.M.?”
“Yep.”
“So that’s why I’m so hungry.”
“While you’re in the tub, I’ll order food. What do you want?” “Everything.”
He laughed. “I think you need to be a little more specific.”
“Eggs. Bacon. Toast. Hash browns. Pancakes. Coffee. Orange juice.”
“Is that all?”
“I’ll let you know.”
Dammit, how was he supposed to leave this? Leave her? She was everything he hadn’t known he wanted. All his dreams fulfilled.
She pushed back the covers and got up. On her way to the bathroom she stopped and kissed him. “Thank you.”
“My pleasure.”
Her grin made her even more exquisite. “I know. I’ll be out soon.”
“Don’t hurry. I’ll let you know when breakfast comes.”
“Okay.”
And then she padded to the bathroom, and he watched her naked back, entranced by her bottom and her hips and her legs and every part of her—and he wanted her. Again.
“GABBY, SLOW DOWN. Start from the beginning.” Jamie sipped some tea as she brought her mind back to Gabby and her problems. It had been a difficult show. All she wanted was to go to Chase. To touch him. To make love to him. But the show must go on. Which, it suddenly occurred to her, was a crock. Who cared about a show when there was love in the air?
No. No, she did care. She loved her job. Just not as much as she loved Chase.
“He ended it,” Gabby said through her tears. “He even took his CDs—and the tie I gave him for Christmas.”
“Did he say anything before he left?”
Gabby sniffed. “He said he couldn’t take it anymore. That I was suffocating him.”
Jamie sighed. “I’m so sorry, honey. I know it must hurt like the devil.”
“You do?”
“More than you can imagine. I can’t think of anything tougher than to love someone with all your heart and not have that love returned.”
Gabby’s sniffle turned to sobs. For a moment, Jamie just let her weep. Then, softly, she said, “Gabby, there are lessons here. Maybe you can’t see them today, but when you’re ready, we can talk about them. You’re going to find true love, but only if you can learn from this and not make the same mistakes.”
“I know. I wanted too much.”
“Not too much. Just from the wrong source. You have to be whole before you can share yourself. You have to make yourself happy.”
“I’ll never be happy again.”
“You will. I promise.”
“Thanks, Dr. Jamie. And sorry about that thing with Chase.”
“No need to be sorry. I won.”
“I don’t know. You could have made love to him. You could have had the time of your life, but you didn’t. That doesn’t sound like winning to me.”
Jamie wondered if she should tell her listeners the whole truth. No, not now, not tonight. But she knew her show wouldn’t be the same after tonight. She wouldn’t change the format, but she wouldn’t be the same therapist. She saw now how pompous she had been in her posturing. Love wasn’t something that could be quantified. Rules were for fools and virgins.
“I’ll have to think about that, Gabby. Thanks. This is Dr. Jamie, and we’re talking about sex.”
MARCY SLIPPED into the booth across from Chase, and a moment later the waitress brought coffee. She was bursting with curiosity. Why had Chase asked to see her, and what was with all the hush-hush business?
He took a sip of coffee, then looked her straight in the eye. “I need to know you won’t ever say anything about this conversation to anyone, ever.”
“Okay.”
“I mean it. I won’t talk unless I have your word.”
“You do.”
He sighed, and Marcy noted how tired he looked. But still gorgeous. Her mind bounced to her man, Ted. Only, he wasn’t hers. Not the way she wanted him. They’d had dinner. And after a while, she’d actually had fun. But he hadn’t even tried to kiss her good-night. She hated the word platonic. It didn’t say nearly enough about the ache in her heart.
“Jamie and I—” Chase began. He closed his mouth for a moment, then started again. “Jamie and I have a problem.”
“Yes?”
“I can’t tell you everything, but there are some things…”
“What?”
“Damn. I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to talk. Jamie and I—we’ve, um… I’ve fallen in love with her.”
“That’s wonderful.”
“No, it isn’t.”
“Why not?”
“It just shouldn’t have happened. That’s all.”
“Oh, no. That’s not enough. Come on, Chase. Spill it.”
“You know about my father, right?”
She nodded. “He owned the station.”
“And he died at thirty-five.”
“I’m sorry. I had no idea he was that young.”
“My grandfather died at thirty-five. And his father died at thirty-four. You get the picture?”
“Is it a heart ailment? A congenital defect?”
He shrugged. “The doctors don’t know why. They can’t see anything wrong, and, believe me, I’ve had every test in the book.”
“But you still think you’re going to die, like them.”
“Wouldn’t you?”
“I don’t know.”
“I do. Destiny is a hard thing to face when it doesn’t hold anything good.”
“But you love Jamie, right?”
“Which is the problem. Which is why I’m here. You need to look after her.”
“Why?”
“Didn’t you hear me?”
“Yeah. You think you’re gonna die. I have news for you, Chase. No one gets out of this alive. We’re all gonna die.”
“Not in the next three years.”
“How do you know? I might walk out of here and get hit by a bus.”
“Yeah, but—”
“The truth is, you don’t know what’s going to happen. You might die at thirty-five or a hundred-and-five. You don’t know until you go.”
“But if I do go in a couple of years, what will that do to Jamie?”
“You’re worried about something that might or might not happen in two years? Good God, man, you are gorgeous but you’re not very bright.”
“Hey—”
“You know what you have? Today. That’s all. Yesterday is gone, and there isn’t a thing you can do to chan
ge it. Tomorrow is a maybe, a complete unknown. So all that matters is now, right now. So you have a couple of choices. You can waste today thinking about a tomorrow you can’t see, or you can live right here, right now, for all you’re worth.”
“You don’t get it.”
“I do. More than you can know. My mother had Alzheimer’s, Chase. I watched a vibrant, lovely, loving woman become a stranger who didn’t even know my name. And I thought about all the days I’d wasted with her. When we could have been talking and laughing and just being with each other. I can never get that back. I wasted my todays just like you are doing. I was a fool.”
“There’s something else.”
“Uh-oh.”
“It’s about Jamie.”
She waited, trying not to nudge him into talking faster. “She’s… She was… Damn, I don’t know if I should tell you. But I really think she needs a friend and, well…”
“If you don’t tell me now, I’m going to strangle you.”
“Oh, crap. Jamie was…a virgin.”
“Pardon me?”
He nodded. “As pure as the driven snow.”
“You’re lying.”
He shook his head, and she knew it was the truth. But how could that be? “She’s Dr. Jamie.”
He nodded. “Yep. And she was ready to quit because she felt like a fraud. This whole thing, it’s been rough on her. I can’t help her, but you can.”
“Oh man. But it makes some kind of weird sense, you know? Things I couldn’t quite put together. Holy— I’m assuming from your use of the past tense that she’s no longer?”
“Right.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“I can’t shake the feeling I’ve done something wrong, something that will hurt her. It wasn’t my place—”
“Did you force her?”
“No. Jeez.”
“So, she was willing and consenting?”
“Yes.”
“So, it’s not your problem, unless you totally sucked at it.”
His grin said he didn’t think so. But then, he was a guy, and sometimes they didn’t see so clearly.
“Okay, then. You made love with a beautiful woman who wanted to make love to you. You fell in love with this woman and, from what you say, she fell in love right back. The only fly in the ointment is a future no one can predict. Unlike the rest of us who know every detail of what’s going to happen for the rest of our lives.”
“All right. I hear you.”
“Do you?”
“I watched my mother fall apart after my father died. We nearly didn’t make it.”
“But you did. And so did your mother. Tell me, have you ever asked her if she’d have been happier if she’d never loved your father?”
He shook his head. “No.”
“Ask her. I already know the answer.”
He didn’t say anything for a long time. Then he got his wallet, left several bills on the table and stood. “Thanks, Marcy.” “You’re welcome.”
“I’m glad you’re Jamie’s friend.”
She smiled as he walked away, and she wondered if she’d ever be loved by a man like Chase. If she’d ever be loved at all.
JAMIE WALKED OUT of the elevator, and the world shifted one degree to the right. To the perfect. Chase was at her apartment door.
She hurried—hell, she ran—and she didn’t even warn him when she jumped into his arms, wrapped her legs around him and kissed him senseless. He staggered, but only for a few seconds. Then he held her tight and kissed her back.
She’d memorized his scent. It was an aphrodisiac, a balm to her soul, a catalyst for her awakening. She’d thought about him all night, and if he hadn’t been there, she’d have hunted him down.
He broke the kiss, making her moan, but then he smiled. “You’re light as a feather, and normally I could do this for several days, but I have to use the facilities, if you get my drift.”
She sighed dramatically. “Oh, okay. I suppose I could let you go. But a real man would have lasted another ten minutes at least.”
“No, that would have been a real stupid man.”
She slid down until her feet were on the floor, then unlocked her door. Chase scooted past her, and although she knew it was absolutely ridiculous, she felt all warm and fuzzy that they had joked about something so personal, just like a real couple.
But were they? She hadn’t asked yet. Maybe because she didn’t want to know. He could still leave. He could break her heart this very night. On the other hand…
She went into the kitchen to make some iced tea, and realized she didn’t know if Chase liked tea or not. What if he was a beer man? She didn’t have beer.
There was so much to learn about him. She didn’t know anything about his family, his childhood. Why he’d gotten involved with racing and, for heaven’s sake, why he didn’t live in an apartment like a normal person. He could certainly afford it.
Who was this man who’d stolen her heart? Tonight, she’d find out.
His boots across her wood floor revved up her engine, and then his arms were around her waist and she leaned against his strong chest.
“Hey, beautiful,” he whispered.
“Hey, handsome.”
His hands moved to her breasts, and he cupped them possessively. She felt tingly. “What are you making?”
“Tea. Iced tea. Do you like it? I think I have some soda. Or maybe not. There might be a bottle of wine in the back of the fridge. Or I could go to the market—”
He spun her around. “I think I know what went wrong.”
“Huh?”
“I should have kissed you immediately.”
Her heart melted. “Exactly.”
Once more, she was in his arms, but this time she kissed him more leisurely. They weren’t going anywhere. And as for finding out about his family? That could wait. Most definitely.
Chase couldn’t believe how good she felt, how she excited him so quickly. He’d meant to talk to her, to figure out together what they were going to do next. But there was no talking possible, not until he’d sunk deep inside her, until he’d made her thrash and scream, until they’d both come. And come again.
He led her toward her bedroom. Even holding her hand made him crazy. Damn, he’d thought he understood sex, but he hadn’t. Sure, he knew what part went where, but he’d never guessed that it could be this fine, this important. Who knew that caring more about her than himself would lead to the most intense release he’d ever known?
“Chase?”
“Hmm?”
“Am I supposed to undress you?”
He grinned. “Not unless you want to.”
“I’d rather we just hurried.”
“Really, now,” he said, drawing the words out slowly. He sat down on the edge of her bed, stuck his hands in his pockets, which wasn’t all that easy considering his raging hard-on, and gave her a puzzled look. “You want us to hurry? Is that what you’re saying?”
“Yes.”
“Hmm.”
“Chase!”
“Yeah?” he drawled.
“What are you doing?”
“Making you nuts.”
She shook her head. “And you’re doing a terrific job. I’m taking off all my clothes right now, and then I’m getting in the bed and I’m going to have sex. If you want to join me, that’s fine.”
“And if I don’t?”
“Then, honey, it would be your loss.”
He reached up, grabbed his shirt in his fists and ripped it open, sending buttons flying across the room.
Jamie laughed, really laughed, and it turned out that he got naked before she did. Then he had to help her unhook her bra and slip off her panties. He didn’t mind.
And when she trailed kisses down his chest and took him in her mouth, he had to use all his control not to come in seconds. When he couldn’t stand the pleasure anymore, he lifted her by the shoulders and spread her on the bed. He kissed her over and over as his hands slid down to her se
x, and then he explored her like a blind man reading braille, every wrinkle and fold and crevice, and her pleasure became his pleasure.
After a long, long time, she took the lead, and she had him flat on his back. She straddled him, and their eyes met. She lowered herself inch by slow inch, then she did the most amazing thing. She moved her body like a belly dancer would, undulating, squeezing, swaying over him in a way designed to make him mad with lust.
He felt the wave build, and she somehow knew, and her rhythm changed. No more tricks or teasing. She balanced herself on her feet, braced her arms on his chest, and she rode him until he wanted to yell. Full strokes, until only the tip was inside her, then down to the base, over and over, so tight, so hot, he couldn’t think, couldn’t see. But he could feel.
He thrust his hips up to meet her, and then he came so hard he almost blacked out. He heard his own cry as if from a distance, his whole focus, every part of him, centered on their connection.
When he came back to earth, she was still on top, and he was still inside her. She smiled a woman’s smile, knowing exactly what she’d done to him.
“So you say you’ve never done this before?” he asked.
She shook her head. “Well, except for last night.”
“Fair enough.”
“What’s that smile for?”
“I was just wondering what you’ll be like when you get good at this.”
She smiled as she leaned forward, then she kissed him. He never wanted the moment to end. He had had enough of reality. Now he wanted ecstasy, and he wanted it forever.
His intention was to tell her everything. But, coward that he was, he didn’t.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow would be for hard truth. Tonight would be for magic.
SHE TIPTOED OUT of the bedroom and closed the door. He needed to sleep some more. So did she, but that wasn’t going to happen. Since she’d already grabbed a shower, she might as well get something to eat. It made sense to her that lovers died in each other’s arms—they probably just screwed each other to death. That wasn’t going to happen to them. She figured she’d wake up Chase with a big old omelette and some toast, and if she wasn’t mistaken, there was some bacon in the crisper.
