Jake opened his eyes and the determination in his blue irises was enough to make me hold my breath as he whispered two final words.
“Burn it.”
And then he was gone.
Just like that.
Several quiet seconds ticked by as we caught our breath and the temperature in the room returned to normal. I kept my hand pressed against my heart, willing it to calm the hell down before it spun out of control and broke through the ribs holding it prisoner.
“Steady.”
I blew out a deep breath before turning to face Jay. His eyes were dark, unreadable. His brows were scrunched together over his nose and his lips were pressed into a tight line as the muscle in his jaw tensed with anger.
“What the hell was that?”
His voice would have scared me, or at least intimidated me, if it weren't for the way it cracked with emotion.
Holding my hands out in front of me, more to keep him in his spot than to protect myself, I approached him gently. “Okay, relax. I can explain.”
His blue eyes flashed. “Start talking.”
Chapter Nine
I jerked my head back, surprised by the venom lacing Jay's voice.
“What board? What the hell was he talking about? And why are you not freaking out? Has this- have you seen him before?”
Swallowing the knot of betrayal trying to clog my airway, I shifted on the couch and reached for his hand.
“I've seen him, yes.” Jay started to push off the couch, but I reached forward, grabbing his arms to keep him rooted in place. “But that was before! I didn't even know who he was until that day at the lake. I swear to God.”
Jay shook his head, but quit trying to stand. I took the vein pulsing on his forehead as my cue to let go.
“What board?”
“A... a Ouija board,” I whispered.
“Oh, for Christ's sake.”
“It was a birthday present from Nora and we messed around with it one night and nothing happened,” I rushed to explain. “But then something did happen and I tried it again and someone answered. And... and it was Jake.”
“And you didn't think of mentioning this to me before now?”
“And say what?” I let out a humorless laugh. “That I summoned your dead brother with a Ouija board? You would have had me committed!”
Jay scrubbed his hands over his face before letting out a chuckle. “I don't even know what to do with this. I just- I can't.”
Before I could stop him, he was off the couch and stomping his way to the door, pausing only long enough to shove his feet into his shoes.
“Where are you going?” I cried out behind him.
He didn't bother answering. Instead, he wrenched the door open and disappeared into the night.
Well... shit.
Seconds later, pounding on the stairs caught my attention and I jerked my head up to find Sydney, wide-eyed and alarmed.
“Was that Jay leaving? Hasn't anyone taught that boy how to close a door?”
“Sorry,” I said, trying to keep my voice even. “He was- he was in a hurry.”
“Hurry or not, some people are trying to sleep around here, unsuccessfully I might add.”
“Sorry,” I mumbled before waving as she stomped back up the stairs.
As soon as I heard her bedroom door shut, I slumped back on the couch. How I'd manage to screw something up so badly before we'd even had a chance to explore it was beyond me.
I didn't know what to do. I wanted to run after him, but what would I say? I wanted to apologize, but what would that accomplish? I wanted... Hell. I knew what I wanted.
I wanted Jay.
Jay, who made me smile so easily.
Jay, who made me want more.
Jay, whose truck keys were sitting on my coffee table.
“Aw, hell.”
Grabbing them up, I jogged to the door, ready to run after him if he'd done something crazy, like walk home in the dark. But as soon as I squinted out into the darkness, I found him.
He'd made it as far as the stoop before collapsing into an angry mass of man tears. Girl tears I could handle. Man tears? No. Totally out of my area of expertise.
I approached him carefully, slowly sinking down onto the concrete slab next to him.
“Are you okay?”
What a stupid freaking question, Bree...
“No,” he spat. “I am most definitely not okay.”
I tried and failed to think of something to say, something to ease his pain, but words weren't what he needed. There was nothing I could say to make things better, so instead of speaking, I laid my hand on his thigh, leaned my forehead against his shoulder, and let him cry.
We let the silence stretch out before us as we sat together, quietly working through emotions we weren't strong enough to deal with.
“He died,” Jay finally said. “He shouldn't be here. One minute he was buying ice for a party and the next he was blinked out of existence. So, why is he here? Why now? And why with you?”
“If I knew why, I'd tell you.”
“Like you told me you'd seen my brother's ghost?”
His words were harsh, but the malice that I expected was nowhere to be found. He wasn't angry with me. He was angry at life. I noticed the signs. I'd been there before.
“You would have told me I was out of my mind, and you know it. Or you would have thought I was being cruel. Neither of those things were too appealing.”
After playing with the hem of his shirt, which he was using to wipe away his tears, he nodded.
“Yeah, you're probably right.”
“As for why he's here, I have no idea. But I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and-”
“Bullshit,” he said, cutting me off. “The only reason he died was because of someone else's greed. That's it. There was no divine purpose. It wasn't for the greater good... It was just because life sucks.” He heaved in a shuttering breath. “He was a casualty in a screwed up situation. It could have been anyone in that store, but it was him.”
I didn't want to fight, but I disagreed. Strongly.
“I know his death was hard. I can't even imagine. And what just happened in there is probably even harder, but-”
“Stop, Bree!” I flinched as Jay bashed his fists into the concrete. “He's dead! He was nothing special, alright? The universe didn't have some grand plan that he was a part of or any shit like that. The truth of the matter is that he was wiped out. He died. That's it. End of story. He's gone!”
“But he's not gone!”
“Well, he should be!”
My breath caught in my throat at the sight of the callousness in his eyes.
“You don't really believe that,” I whispered.
After boring his eyes into mine for longer than made me comfortable, he sniffed, stood, and grabbed the keys resting between us.
“It doesn't matter what I believe.”
He stomped off in the direction of his truck, wiping his face as he swung open the door and started the engine. Not knowing what else to do, I let him go.
***
I spent all night wondering what I could have said, what I could have done, to comfort Jay. My insides twisted at the thought of him driving off angry, hurt, and confused. Seeing his brother, who he knew to be dead and in the ground, had practically ripped his heart right out of his chest. I could see it in his eyes. His soul was blazing with pain, unable to distinguish fact from fiction or dream from reality.
After maybe two hours of sleep, eight hours of dealing with the most hateful people at work, and a construction zone on the way home, I was done. I wanted nothing more than to crank up my music, grab a bottle of something strong, and give the entire world the middle finger before barricading myself in my bedroom.
So that's what I did.
After showering, I locked my bedroom door, cranked my favorite playlist on Spotify, shoved in my earbuds, and started in on a Mike's Hard Lemonade. It wasn't my drink of choice, but it's all
we had in the fridge. As I laid across my bed, eyes closed, letting soulful lyrics drift through my head, my phone buzzed.
“Seriously, people?”
Normally, I would have ignored whoever was calling me, but the ringing silenced my music. After removing my earbuds, I glared at the screen.
UNKNOWN CALLER
“What the hell?” I clicked on the green icon and carefully placed the phone to my ear, wary of whoever would call my phone after blocking their number.
“Hello?”
“Hello, yourself.”
Jay's voice sang through the receiver and my shoulders instantly relaxed.
“You scared the hell out of me! Why would you block your number before calling?” I sat back on the bed after taking a healthy gulp from my bottle.
“Gotta keep you on your toes.” I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was smiling. “How was your day?”
Small talk? Really?
“It was... well, it sucked to be honest. But listen, I wanted to apologize.”
“For what?”
“For last night. We don't know each other all that well and telling you something like that just seemed like a recipe for disaster. I'm just sorry you had to find out the way you did. Actually, I'm sorry you had to find out at all. I just... I still don't know how to wrap my mind around it and I'm sorry if last night hurt you.”
The line was silent for a few beats as I held my breath, hand planted against my chest. Suspense was not something this heart knew how to endure and the organ itself seemed to be hanging onto every word that came through the speaker.
When Jay finally did speak, his voice was low, guarded, and to be perfectly honest, sexy as hell.
“Wrap your head around what, Bree? Death? The afterlife? The prospect of someone being strong and determined enough to come back?”
I hesitated, unable to read his tone.
“I guess.”
“Well, it's not meant for you to understand. It's just meant for you to experience.”
“Experience...” I wasn't following, but I didn't want to dive too deeply into whatever waters he was wading out into. “That's a unique way to look at it, I guess.”
Jay chuckled and my heart began beating at its normal tempo. Jay laughing I could handle. Jay going all dark and macabre on me? No. I couldn't handle that. Not yet. I still hadn't gotten a firm handle on his emotional compass.
“Sorry,” Jay said through a breathy laugh. “That was a little heavy for our first phone chat, don't you think?”
“Just a bit.”
I wound a stray hair around my finger and opened my mouth to ask Jay what he was doing for the rest of the night, but was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell.
“Huh,” I said, sliding off the bed. “I wonder if Syd ordered pizza.”
I moved to the window to look through the blinds, but couldn't see the front door from my angle.
“You better go downstairs and get that. He's probably there to apologize.”
“Who? The pizza guy?”
The voice on the other end of the phone laughed again, and every hair on my body stood at attention.
“No... Jay.”
My mind flopped into the passenger seat as my body went on full alert and took over.
The phone flew from my hands.
My feet pounded against the stairs.
My hand reached out and jerked the front door open wide. And there stood...
“Jay!”
He took a step back, noticing my flushed complexion, my heaving chest, and my shaking hands. “Um, hi?”
“Where's your phone?” I blurted.
Hesitantly, he jutted a thumb over his shoulder.
“It's charging in the truck. Why?”
That meant that a certain ghost was finally finding his voice, and was really good at manipulating technology.
Jay reached out and touched my arm, breaking apart my panic and bringing me back down to earth.
“Is... are you okay?”
“No,” I squeaked. “I mean yes! I- I just need some air.”
Not caring that I looked like a complete basket case, I charged past him straight to the yard. With my hands on my knees and my back bowed, I breathed in through my nose and out through my mouth. My body couldn't decide if it wanted to faint, shatter, or run away screaming.
I didn't like being played with. To me, everything in the world was black and white. Yet, Jake seemed to have claimed the gray area as his kingdom. It didn't make sense for him to screw with me. If he wanted someone to haunt, his first choice should be the man standing beside me.
Speaking off which... I chanced a look at Jay once I decided my heart wasn't going to hang itself.
“Fine, huh?”
“Sorry,” I pushed out with an exhale. “Just gimme a minute.”
“Take all the time you need.”
I heard rustling and looked up to find Jay lying in the grass beside me with a book propped in his hands- something I hadn't noticed before.
“What's that?”
He turned his face in the grass so he could see me, and his blue eyes seemed darker somehow. More serious. Concerned, even.
“I- have you ever- uh, do you...” Jay couldn't seem to get his thoughts in order and his eyebrows scrunched together in annoyance.
I straightened my spine and looked down at him. “Just spit it out, Jay.”
He sat up in the grass and took a deep, deep breath as I held mine.
“Which do you believe in: coincidence or fate?”
Easy enough. “Both, actually,” I answered honestly.
“Okay.” He chewed on the inside of his cheek as he opened the book. “Then which one is this?”
It took my eyes a second to adjust in the dim light of the evening, but the words that swam across the pages had my heart beating harder, faster, more frenzied than it had in months.
“Oh my God...”
I couldn't believe it.
Couldn't.
There was no way.
“My dad is a doctor at Saint Luke's in Kansas City.”
“Where I had my transplant,” I whispered, still gripped by the pages in front of me.
“Yeah. He was there that night. The night you were brought in. The night Jake was brought in.”
I couldn't breath. My vision was clouding.
“They... they said that a parent had signed off... that they insisted on the rush... that it wasn't hospital policy...”
“I know. That was my dad,” Jay smiled sadly. “He was the one that signed off on the transplant.”
I didn't try to stop my hands as they reached out. I had to have it. I had to feel the binding, the crisp pages, the roughness of the newspaper articles lining the pages.
After taking it from Jay, I gingerly sat it in my lap as I tried to remember how to breath. I ran my trembling hands over the article covering Jake's murder, featuring a picture of him smiling in a school photo.
Then, on the next page, another article. This one centering around a grainy black and white picture of a small car, the entire driver's side crumpled in like a wadded up piece of paper.
Jay reached forward to touch my arm and I jumped, startled back into reality.
“I don't know what any of this means,” he said softly. “But I do know that Jake didn't find you by accident.”
I let that sink in for a moment, before realizing that I didn't know what that meant.
“Then... why did he find me?”
Jay squeezed my hand a little too roughly before shaking his head as moisture gathered in the corners of his eyes.
“I have no idea.”
Chapter Ten
Jay and I sat together in the tiny front yard of my apartment until Nora returned from work and Sydney and Veronica came home with a trunk full of groceries. Jay had managed to keep the conversation light, so it was far from a heart-to-heart because he was still emotionally processing this new information. Which is why I didn't tell him about the phone call.<
br />
“We're not trying to run you off,” Sydney said, snuggling her new feline, Poe, to her chest as she watched Jay glance toward his truck.
“Nah, it's okay. I've got- I need to get home. Stuff to do,” he mumbled.
The girls cut their eyes back to me sitting in the grass before slinking away unnoticed.
“You sure you don't want to stay for dinner?” I offered, not wanting him to leave just yet. “Maybe talk some more afterwards?”
I still had so many questions floating around my mind- mostly about how he was feeling. I felt fine. He was the one who had to look at me and know that his brother died while I lived. Surely he had to be thinking on what planet is that fair? That his brother's heart beat soundly in my chest while the rest of him was buried six feet below a marble angel?
No. I was the one who was saved and I'd always been grateful, but at that moment, I wondered how Jake had drawn the short straw.
“Nah, I better get home.”
Jay kept his gaze trained on the ground as he ran his hand over the cover of the book. “I needed you to see this, but right now I think I need to go process, you know?”
“Yeah, I get it. Just um... don't be a stranger, okay?”
Don't be a stranger? Did I really just say that? What is wrong with me??
Jay laughed under his breath. “It's not like I'm saying I never want to see you again, Bree. I'm just saying that tonight I think I need some time. Actually, I think I'll drive back to my moms and give this back to her,” he waved the book in his hands. “Maybe go out to eat. Talk. Reminisce. Stuff like that.” He ended on a shrug before giving me half a wave and walking to his truck.
Not a 'goodbye'. Not a 'see ya later'. Not a 'go screw yourself'. Nothing.
After everything that had happened, from Jake materializing in my living room to Jay discovering how the three of us were connected, we should have felt closer. But as he drove away, I felt anything but close. I felt guilty.
***
After having dinner at Nora and Veronica's, I slunk back to my apartment to be alone. They were watching some romantic comedy that Sydney had picked out and I had no interest in swooning over a shy love interest or laughing at their shallow relationship problems.
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