by Adams, S. C.
18
Abby
I couldn’t have heard her right.
“I’m sorry. Did you say he moved out? There’s no way.”
“Oh yes,” she said turning toward the door. “He parked his pretty little sports car out front, brought all his suitcases out, and loaded them into the trunk. He was quite the looker too. Even at my old age I couldn’t help but stare a little.”
I gave a fake chuckle, a smile barely formed on my lips. “Did he say where he was going?”
The old woman shook her head. “No, just that he enjoyed his time in Farmington and he was sure he would eventually make it back around. Honestly, he didn’t look to be in the mood to be talkative. That’s usually how those good-looking fellows are. Standoffish. Still, he was nice and quiet so it was good to have him here.”
I rubbed my forehead, looking at the brownies. “This is impossible. I’ve been texting with him all week and he didn’t say a word about leaving for good.”
All the blood drained from my face and my legs felt wobbly and weak. I grabbed onto the railing to the stairs and shook my head. I had no idea what was going on. Where did Ryder go? Nothing made any sense at all. I was here to surprise him. We just spent three amazing days and nights together at the beach. How could things change that rapidly?
I glanced up at the old woman who was staring at me, unsure of what was wrong. “Do you think he was just moving some stuff out? Was there a fumigation or something today?”
“Oh no, sweetie, this brownstone is very clean,” she said, waving me up the steps. “I’m Edna by the way.”
“Abby,” I managed, feeling like I was going to choke.
She pulled a set of keys out of her pocket. “I watch the place when no one is here, and the doctor’s definitely gone. Take a look around if you like.”
She rattled the keys in the door and opened it up. His scent still lingered strongly inside, and it made me feel like puking right there on the floor. I couldn’t get my feet to move so I stood there staring around the place. The furniture was obviously still there but every remnant of Ryder was gone. Every personal touch. Even the dishes were cleaned and put away, and the liquor cabinet was closed and locked. It looked like he had never been there at all.
Slowly I backed away from the door and let her close and lock it. Edna’s voice lowered and softened, and she put her hand on my shoulder. “I can see now that this wasn’t a mistake. Whatever happened, trust me, it won’t hurt forever. I’m sorry I had to be the bearer of bad news.”
My eyes focused in on the old woman’s face and I realized she wasn’t just some wrinkly old soul. She was a woman too, and she could see that pain radiating off my face. I shook her hand and thanked her, heading back out to the car. Slowly I got inside and sat behind the wheel, still clutching the brownies in my lap.
I was tense, angry and now heartbroken with what had just happened. I needed to go home and let it all out but for some reason, I could not get my body to do what it was supposed to do. It was shutting down, and refusing to listen to me.
Just start the car, Abby. Start the damn car and go. There is nothing left here for you.
Hearing those words in my head started an instant flood of tears. The key was in the ignition, though, and my fingers turned it automatically. I just needed to make it home.
After all, I should have known that what I had was a pipe dream. Ryder Rivington wasn’t some movie hero. He was a normal man in town for a gig, and he warned me about his itinerant lifestyle. In fact, I was prepared to let him go, and to say goodbye if needed. I just didn’t expect for it to happen like this.
Five minutes later I found myself sitting in the parking lot of the donut shop in town, eating my feelings, and sobbing on the phone with Mary.
“Abby,” she said kindly.
“Yeah?” I sniffled.
“I need you to take a deep breath because honestly, I think out of everything you just sobbed in the phone I heard “wrinkled,” “doorstop,” “brownies,” and “donut cream,”” she replied.
I threw my donut back in the box and wiped my nose on my sleeve. Leaning back, I closed my eyes and took in a raspy deep breath. Slowly I let it out from my drooping lips and started to talk again.
“Ryder’s gone,” I whispered. “He is just gone. He left and didn’t tell me anything.”
Mary was silent for a moment. “Oh girl, I’m so sorry. That is not right. Fuck. Why are men such assholes? Why are they always such huge dickheads? Why can’t they just be honest with us?”
I sniffled, my breathing calming down. “I don’t know. I guess they’re too chicken shit to see a couple of tears or get yelled at. I didn’t ask for this. All I wanted was a goodbye.”
“Aw, I know sweetheart,” Mary said sympathetically. “Listen, I know a couple people here who can take him out. What do you say? Ryder Rivington, subject of the next murder mystery on TV? Either Dirty Joe or Top Hat Harry would be happy to make a couple bucks as a hired killer.”
I laughed and cried at the same time. “Thank you.”
“That’s what you pay me for,” she said. “Why don’t you come over and we can get that ice cream and wine? We can kill two birds with one stone.”
I half smiled and put the box of donuts in the other seat. “No. I need to go home. I just want to be alone for a while to clear my head and get through this mess. I appreciate it though. Maybe tomorrow. My weekends for the rest of eternity are now free.”
Mary scoffed. “Please girl, we will fill those date nights right up. When you’re ready of course.”
“Which will be when I’m seventy,” I said morosely. “I don’t know why any woman would go searching for this kind of misery.”
“Because it’s like a drug. And once your heart heals, you magically forget all of the pain you just went through. It’s gross and mean, and genetically fucked up.” Mary was pissed, but I could tell she was holding it back for me.
I sighed and started the car. “I love you Mary Berry.”
“I love you too, Snickers,” he replied with my old nickname. “Call me tomorrow.”
“I will,” I whispered, hanging up the phone.
I was calm enough to make it back, which was the best that I could do at that point. The shock of the rejection had started to wear off and, in its place came self-disgust. How could I have possibly been that stupid? I told everyone that they were wrong, when in fact, they were right. They all warned me and I sat back all smug thinking about how lucky I was. Meanwhile Doctor Evil was planning my heartbreak from the beginning. How could anyone be so cruel and uncaring?
Because while I thought we had something special, it was actually the opposite. Ryder gave zero shits about me or my feelings. He left here in his fancy car, with his fancy job, while I melted into a giant puddle of regret and heartbreak. This is not the way it should be. I would never, never, let anyone treat me that way again. I was going to be smarter and I was done crying.
* * *
Later that night…
Okay, maybe done with crying wasn’t really in the cards. Melody plopped down on my bed and looked at me partly as if I were an alien or disgusting bug, and partly as if she pitied me. What did I care? I pitied myself at that point.
My sister handed me a tissue.
“Pull yourself together, Abby.”
I took the tissue and wiped my nose.
“Thank you. God, where did I go wrong?”
“Would you like me to tell you exactly or…”
I shook my head. “I mean, rhetorically. I was a shy, quiet person with a simple laugh and then this happens to me.”
Melody put up her hands. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Happened to you? I am pretty sure that people told you this was a bad idea. People like me.”
I sighed dramatically. “I know. I should have listened but I fell in love with Dr. Rivington.”
“No way,” she said crossing her arms. “There is no way you could be quote, unquote, ‘in love with him.’ Things don’t happen
that fast.”
I shook my head. “That’s not true. Mom knew she loved Dad after the first date.”
Melody scoffed. “Yeah, and we all see where that got her.”
“It doesn’t matter anyway,” I grumped. “He’s gone. Done. Out of here.”
Melody clicked her tongue, holding her chin up with indignance.
“See? I was right all along. He is just a worthless cad who uses women for whatever his little desires are at the moment. Then, in a really easy escape from responsibility, he leaves. He even made you fall in love with him because that’s his MO. He’s not the only one either. There are a bunch of those fuckers out looking for their next target.”
Melody wasn’t exactly being nice about the whole thing, and it did not help the situation. In fact, with every snide remark, I just started crying harder.
But then, Melody had a change of heart. With a wrinkle of her nose, my sister gingerly patted me on the back. “Good lord. Deep breath, woman. You’ll get over this. You’re young. You’ll meet someone else and the memory of this guy will fade right off into the sunset.”
I groaned, rolling my eyes. “Like who? I’ve lived here my whole life and no one’s been interested in me. Why would they start now?”
Melody gave her a side glance and her trademark smirk. “I know one guy who is interested in you.”
“Who? Old Jim at the creek?” I asked angrily.
“No, Derek McHutt has been asking about you every time I see him,” Melody replied in a conspiratorial tone. “Maybe you could go out with him sometime. Sure, he’s no Doctor McHottie, but he likes you and always has.”
“Ugh yuck,” I snarled. “Derek McHutt is the literally the definition of gross. He’s a boy compared to Ryder. He’s nineteen, has braces on his teeth, and the worst halitosis I have ever encountered. Then there was the whole school dance fiasco where he tried to feel me up, sweaty hands and all. He’s so not my cup of tea. Or water. Or bourbon. Or algae infested runoff water for that matter.”
Melody covered her mouth while holding back a laugh.
“See? You already have a romantic history. Not the nicest one, but one none the less.”
I sniffled and soured, giving Melody a look.
“I would have to be dead to handle Derek McHutt. Even then, I just don’t think I could do it.”
Melody shrugged.
“Be a picky loser then. All I know, is you need to take the good you got from Ryder, forget the negative, and move on. He’s gone, and there is nothing you can do to change that.”
I knew he was gone, I understood that firsthand. But hearing it come from my sister’s mouth made me want to cry even more. Melody and I had a complicated relationship. Yet even amid all those snarky comments, she still found a way to be somewhat kind to me. Was it that bad? Had Ryder mistreated me so gravely that even the Queen of Ice could find warmth in her heart?
It just didn’t seem real to me. I wanted to rewind the clocks and go back to the weekend before, but I couldn’t. So instead I was going to sit on my bed and just deal with the pain. I was going to eat chips, ice cream, and candy, and I was going to stare at my new reality until I accepted it.
Meanwhile, wherever Ryder was, I hoped he was absolutely miserable. I hoped that karma would find him wherever he was, and wreak havoc on him. One day he would wake up and be completely and utterly alone because of his uncaring actions. And when that time came, I would be nowhere in sight. It was only fair, but I cried harder at the thought, my heart breaking again.
19
Ryder
Winchester, Iowa: another tiny town with nice yet non-descript people, and a bunch of patients that had absolutely nothing wrong with them. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I was in a new place exactly as planned, but at the same time, I was absolutely miserable. Maybe I was expecting something more out of Winchester, but it looked exactly like the town I was in the week before, and the one before that, and the one before that. The list just went on and on, and all the towns started blurring into one.
I was filling in for another General Practitioner who was on vacation. I started to notice that I seemed to be the one always filling in for practitioners on vacation but was never actually the one that took a vacation.
Then again, for a while there, I felt like my job was my vacation. Traveling all over, having no real ties, and doing whatever I wanted to do in brand new places almost every week. But standing here today, wiping the crumbs from breakfast off my white lab coat, I wasn’t feeling the excitement that I used to feel from being a traveling doctor.
I had always been so dedicated to my work, so ready to go to bat and get my hands dirty, but today I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t get my mind wrapped around my job. I stood there in the empty examination room staring out the window at yet another asphalt parking lot, my mind somewhere else.
“Doctor Rivington,” the physician’s assistant chirped out as she burst into the room.
I jumped, spinning around. I had to grab the windowsill with my other hand to make sure I didn’t fall over. I had been so lost in my thoughts that she scared the living crap out of me. I hadn’t met this physician’s assistant yet. She was cute, a bouncy blonde with a pepped up attitude like she drank seven cups of coffee each morning.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” she giggled as she walked forward putting her hand out. “They told me you were in here and I wanted to introduce myself to you. I’m Helena.”
I gave her a wooden smile and shook her hand, my heart still beating wildly in my chest. “It’s nice to meet you. I was just lost in my thoughts.”
Her smile seemed to grow bigger. “Well, you better find your way out because you have a huge patient list today. And I do have to say, I understand why everyone wanted to make an appointment.”
Only half hearing what she said I scrunched my forehead. “Why’s that?”
She laughed and shook her hand at me innocently. “Because everyone says you’re super handsome and, of course, now I can see that they were right.”
Was she flirting with me? Oh shit, Helena was definitely flirting with me. Am I really asking myself that question? I used to be able tell within two seconds if a woman was flirting with me, but to be honest, I wasn’t really paying attention. I blinked my eyes at her and glanced up at the clock on the wall. Without warning, as if I was a robot finishing up my charge, I jolted forward and walked quickly from the room.
As I passed her, I mumbled, “Excuse me, I have a patient to see.”
I wasn’t really even sure if I had a patient yet. I just needed to be alone. Helena was a very pretty girl, and most likely was able to hook quite a few guys, especially with that petite body and her flowing blonde hair. She kind of reminded me of one of those women that was super-obsessed with raw foods and at-home workouts.
Normally, a girl like her would interest me. But I wasn’t feeling it at all, which should have been setting off an alarm in my head. But for some reason, I just kept feeling confused. Every time I even tried to think about another woman, Abby came into my mind. If I couldn’t be with Abby, then who would I be with? That’s the question I kept asking myself over and over again.
My conscience was honestly killing me. I felt terrible about leaving Abby like that. I didn’t tell her a thing, I just up and left. Experience had always told me that a clean break was best. There was no sense in dragging things out because long goodbyes are painful and they can last forever. Plus, they usually ended up in tears and snot, with lots of wadded-up Kleenex.
As a result, I was hell-bent on making a clean break, and even changed my phone number because I wanted to start everything new and fresh when I moved. But who really benefited from a clean break? Every other woman in the past had been easy for me to leave. I just left, and within hours I was in a new place with new women. But this time, thing were different. My fingers itched to call Abby. I longed to hear her voice and to lay eyes on those sassy curves.
I couldn’t get her out of my mind.
I’ve been trying so hard. My best friend counseled me and as a result, I went to bars, I talked to women, and yet still she was right there. All I could think about was how absolutely stunning Abby looked. How she took my breath away when we went on vacation together. How I missed her laugh and her smile. But it wasn’t just about her physical attributes, they were just the starting point. Once I got to know the girl, I realized how sweet and giving she was. She said hello to people as we passed them on the street, and even dogs wagged their tails at her in greeting.
She was the kind of girl that when she cared about you, she cared about you a thousand percent. She was the epitome of selfless, and no matter how many compliments I gave her, or how many times I told her she was absolutely gorgeous, she never lost that essential goodness. It just glowed from her. She had a simple life as a call center worker, yet she tried to pay for a doctor’s dinner. I wanted to treat her to everything and anything she ever wanted, but she never asked for anything. When it came down to it, I wanted to take care of her. It was the first time in my life I ever wanted to take care of anybody besides myself.
After all, sometimes the people who had almost nothing financially were the most generous people that you would ever meet. Abby was the embodiment of that. For all intents and purposes, she was poor, yet she was the person who had the most giving heart. She wasn’t impressed by fancy hotels and expensive dinners. She was impressed by big hearts and good conversations.
I had never met anyone like this girl, and I had a feeling I was never going to meet anybody like her again. She was one in a million, and I had to be honest with myself: I missed her. I missed her texts, I missed her phone calls, and I missed that excited look on her face whenever we got together. She made me feel so special, and she truly thought that I was special as well, and for no reason at all. The only other person that I could think of that ever thought I was special was my mother, and that’s because she was genetically predisposed to think I was god’s gift to man.
