‘Hey, now, we can’t have a blotchy face on your special day. Get it all out in one big cry and then we’ll have to start work on making you perfect.’
‘Daddy made horrible pancakes and I shouted at him and I feel bad now, but I feel bad a lot cos of Mummy and I just wish so much that she was here.’
Riley ran her hands over her cousin’s hair. ‘I know. It sucks. Like, it really, really sucks, and you’re right to be sad and angry. Don’t worry about shouting at your dad. I feel like shouting at him, too. I know today isn’t exactly how you’d hoped it would be, but I’m going to make it as good as I can. Are you finished crying?’
Izzy pulled back and nodded. Riley tried not to mind the snot on her new T-shirt. She fished in her bag and handed Izzy a tissue. ‘Let’s get started.’ She pulled out the little chair beside Izzy’s desk and got her to sit down.
‘Wait, I have to finish cleaning my glasses.’ Izzy picked them up from her bed and rubbed them furiously with a cloth.
Riley sat beside her on the bed. ‘If you rub any harder, they’ll break. Besides, didn’t you say you weren’t going to wear your glasses on your Communion Day?’
‘Yes, but they have to be clean.’
Riley laid her hand over Izzy’s. ‘It’s OK, Izzy. I’m here now. We’re going to get you all done up so everyone in the church gasps and falls over when they see your stunning beauty. They’ll ask, “Who is that super-model?” and the priest will drop to his knees in front of you.’
Izzy giggled. ‘You’re crazy, Riley.’
While Izzy was distracted, Riley gently lifted the glasses out of her hands and put them behind her on the bed. ‘Slight exaggeration, but come on, we need to get started on beautifying your already beautifulness.’
Izzy stood up and threw her hands into the air. ‘I’m ready.’
Riley got Izzy to kneel up on her desk chair. She tipped her own make-up bag on the desk. Lipsticks, foundation, concealer, eyeliner and mascara rolled out. Then she pulled out clips, bobbins and her curling wand. She plugged the wand in and waited for it to heat up.
‘Now, madam, we shall apply some cream and a little concealer to soothe those eyes. Lucky for you, I happen to carry make-up with me at all times.’
‘You’re not going to put all black on my eyes like yours, though, are you? I don’t think Mrs Kelly would like it. She said no make-up at all. Hannah in third class got a spray tan last year and Mrs Kelly was not happy. She said we’re to look natural.’
‘Promise me you’ll never get a spray tan. Girls who go around looking orange are dumb.’
‘Mummy wears fake tan. She puts it on in the summer to make her legs look better.’
‘Yeah, a little bit is fine, but the girls who put on so much that they look like walking tangerines are ridiculous.’
‘You wear make-up, though.’
‘Yeah, but that’s different. Make-up is brilliant when you get older because it can make your eyes look bigger and hide spots and stuff.’
Make-up was the best invention since the wheel, as far as Riley was concerned. The way it hid spots and stupid freckles and made your eyes pop was bloody brilliant. She hated fake tan, though. The stink of it and the way it got all streaky and clumpy on your hands and feet was gross. Riley was fine about being pale. She never wanted to walk around in shorts, so she didn’t care if her legs were white. Besides, her fashion idol, and lots of people said doppelgänger, Kristen Stewart, rocked the pale look.
‘Now, we’ll leave your eyes to cool down and start on your hair. My mum said you’d already picked the style.’
‘Mummy has it on her phone.’
‘Hang on,’ Riley said. She unlocked the door and went down to the kitchen. Adam was sipping a coffee and talking quietly to Rob.
‘What? What is it?’ he said, jumping up. ‘Is she all right?’
‘She’s fine,’ Riley said. ‘Sarah had picked out the hairstyle and there’s a photo of it on her phone. Can you get it for me?’
Adam reached into the pocket of his jacket, hanging on the back of the chair, and pulled out Sarah’s pink-covered phone. Riley felt teary at the sight of it.
Adam scrolled through her photos. ‘There’s some hair ones,’ he said. ‘How will I know which one it is?’
‘You won’t,’ Riley said, ‘but Izzy will. Can I have it?’
Adam handed her the phone, and Riley took it back to the bedroom.
‘OK, Izzy, show me which one.’
She scrolled until Izzy said, ‘That’s the one me and Mummy liked. Mummy said it was, uhm … Oh, what’s her name? She’s in Robin Hood.’
‘Maid Marian?’
‘Yes!’
Riley smiled. ‘I like it.’
She bent over the picture and tried to figure out how to copy it. She tested the wand: it was hot enough. She picked up a comb and began to divide Izzy’s hair into segments. Izzy’s tummy rumbled.
‘Sorry, I had no breakfast.’
Riley winked at her. ‘I have something for you.’ She pulled a big chocolate bar out of her bag. ‘This is for you.’
‘Yum.’ Izzy clapped her hands.
‘But I also brought you a banana, which you have to eat first.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes.’
‘OK.’ Izzy pretend-groaned.
While she peeled and ate the banana, Riley waved her hair with the wand and began to pull back the sides and clip them into place. By the time Izzy was halfway through the chocolate, Riley had finished.
‘That’s enough chocolate for now. Save some for later. I think you’re going to be happy with your hair. I’ve added in some of these little white butterfly clips I found and it looks very cool.’
Riley brought Izzy to the mirror hanging on the back of her bedroom door. ‘Ta-dah.’
Izzy’s face lit up. ‘Ooooooooh.’ She turned her head to get a better look at the butterfly clips. ‘Riley,’ she gazed up at her cousin, ‘it’s so beautiful. I can’t wait for Mummy to see it when she wakes up later. She’ll love it.’
Riley turned to get some hair spray and to fight back tears. Izzy continued to coo behind her.
When she had regained her composure, Riley held up the can. ‘Now we need to spray loads of this in, so your waves don’t move or fall or droop. Close your eyes and your mouth.’
There was a knock on the door. ‘Is everything all right?’ Adam asked.
Riley looked at Izzy. She nodded.
‘All fine, thanks.’
‘Daddy, I don’t want you to see me until I have my dress on.’
‘OK, Sweet-pea. We have to leave in five minutes.’
‘Relax, she’ll be ready,’ Riley said.
Riley drowned Izzy’s head in hair spray. Izzy coughed and spluttered as the fumes went up her nose.
‘Do you have to spray so much?’ She coughed again.
Riley shrugged. ‘If you want it to last all day, then yes.’
Izzy put on her tights, then Riley carefully helped her into her dress and zipped up the back. When Izzy turned, Riley felt a huge lump form in her throat. She looked so young and innocent and beautiful. She was so like Sarah.
She fell on her knees in front of her cousin, pretending to bow at her feet, giving herself a moment to get herself under control. Izzy giggled.
‘If I say so myself, I did a brilliant job. However, I have to admit that it was easy. You are absolutely stunning, Izzy. Don’t move. I have to take a photo.’
Riley stood up and pulled her phone out of the back pocket of her jeans.
Izzy beamed into the camera. ‘Show me?’
‘Hold it just one more second,’ Riley said. She grabbed Sarah’s phone and took a photo. She didn’t know why, but it made her feel like Sarah was there in spirit.
‘Show me now?’ Izzy said.
Riley showed her the photo and Izzy squealed. ‘I do look like a princess. I really do. Mummy said I would and I do.’
She tried to throw her arms around Riley, but Riley pus
hed her back gently. ‘No hugs allowed until after everyone has seen your perfect hair and dress. After everyone has seen how utterly gorgeous you are, you can hug and jump and do whatever you want. But I want you to be flawless when you arrive at the church.’
Izzy did a little dance. ‘I’m so happy, Riley, thank you.’
‘You’re very welcome. I’m pleased with my work. Maybe I should forget about being a human-rights lawyer and become a stylist.’
Izzy was too busy twirling in front of her mirror to answer.
‘We need to go, Izzy,’ Adam called.
Riley packed up her stuff. She handed Izzy her white bag and helped her buckle her shoes. ‘Ready?’
‘Yes.’ Izzy beamed.
Riley let Izzy go first and watched Adam’s face when he saw her. Rob put his hand to his mouth.
‘Oh, Izzy,’ Adam said, his voice hoarse. ‘You look so like … so like your mum. So … beautiful.’ Adam rubbed his hand over his face and tried to get a grip. ‘Sorry, Sweet-pea, Daddy’s just so proud of you and blown away by your dress and everything.’
‘It’s OK, Daddy.’ Izzy patted his arm. ‘When Mummy sees me later, I bet she cries too.’
Rob and Riley exchanged a look. Adam swallowed hard and tried to speak, but no words came out. Riley knew he needed help.
She clapped her hands together. ‘Come on, everyone! The Communion girl is not allowed to be late. I want Izzy to make a big entrance and for everyone to be awed by her magnificence.’
‘Yes,’ Adam agreed. ‘Let’s go, princess.’ Izzy walked out through the front door and Adam turned back to Riley. ‘Thank you,’ he said.
‘You’re welcome, Adam.’
‘You’re an absolute star,’ Rob said. ‘This is so hard, but you’re doing better than us.’
‘It’s all about Izzy,’ Riley said.
They walked out together. Adam carefully helped Izzy into the car.
Riley waved them off and hopped on her bike. She rode away just as the tears began to fall. She gazed up at the blue sky. ‘Oh, Sarah, you would be so proud of her,’ she whispered.
47
Mia stood outside the church, welcoming her class as they arrived and showing the children and their parents to their allocated seats. She’d been awake most of the night, crying for her sister. She knew how much Sarah had been looking forward to Izzy’s Communion Day, and how much work she had put into planning it so it would be perfect.
She hoped she’d cried out her daily allowance of tears, so that she would be able to hold it together today and be professional. Mrs Kelly had offered to let her skip the day, but Mia knew how much her class were looking forward to it and she wanted to be there for them. Besides, it was a distraction she needed badly.
Mia watched proud mothers holding their daughters’ hands, fixing their hair, straightening their dresses and beaming down at them, love emanating from every pore. She felt herself wobble and pinched her arm to keep control.
She was doing quite well until she saw Izzy. It was as if a light was shining over the little girl’s head. She looked so like Sarah. Mia felt a surge of pain as a memory hit her. Sarah was about ten: she’d got a new white dress and she’d slept with her hair in plaits so it would be wavy. That morning she’d burst into Mia’s room where she was studying, and pranced about, swishing her hair and singing, ‘I Feel Pretty’. Mia gazed at Izzy: she was Sarah in miniature, like a reincarnation. Mia clung to the railing at the side of the church as she tried to suppress the memory and the pain.
Izzy saw her and ran over. ‘Hi, Mia! I want to hug you, but Riley said not to until everyone has seen my dress and my hair. Do you like my hair? I love it. Riley is so clever.’
Somehow Mia pulled herself together. ‘Yes, I love your hair. You’re a vision of loveliness. Am I allowed to kiss your cheek?’
Izzy grinned and nodded.
Mia kissed her. She wanted to put her arms around the little girl and never let her go. She was as close to Sarah as Mia could get now: her sister’s living, breathing child. Mini-Sarah.
‘I have something for you,’ Mia said. She fished in her pocket and pulled out a silver bracelet, with one charm hanging from it: a little silver angel.
‘Ooh!’ Izzy held out her arm as Mia closed the chain around her wrist.
‘Every year on your birthday I’m going to buy you a new charm. This first one is an angel because you’re an angel and also because it’s like a guardian angel to watch over you.’ Mia coughed to clear the lump in her throat.
‘It’s beautiful,’ Izzy said quietly. ‘Thank you, Mia. I’ll show it to Mummy later. She’ll love it, too!’
‘Izzy,’ Adam called, ‘I told you not to run ahead.’
Izzy spun around. ‘Look, Daddy, Mia bought me an angel bracelet.’ She wriggled her arm in front of Adam’s face.
Adam nodded. ‘Very nice. Come on, we should go in.’
‘Are you coming, Mia?’ Izzy said, holding out her hand.
‘You go on, sweetie. I’ll see you inside.’
Izzy went ahead of her father and Mia grabbed his arm. ‘Please don’t ruin her day by freezing us out. You’re only hurting her.’
‘I think you’ll find that trying to bully me into switching off the ventilator and give up on her little brother will hurt her a lot more,’ Adam hissed. He pulled away from Mia and marched into the church.
Rob shrugged. ‘Izzy keeps talking about Sarah waking up. He’s barely hanging in there, Mia. All we can do is be here and try to support him.’
‘Miss Mia,’ Katy squealed, as she bustled forward in a big puffy dress.
‘Don’t you look gorgeous!’ Mia nodded at Rob, who moved towards the church door, then arranged her face into a smile for her student. ‘Where are your mum and dad, Katy?’
‘They’re fighting,’ Katy said rolling her eyes. ‘Mummy said my dress was like Belle’s from Beauty and the Beast, Daddy said it looked like a – a whatsitcalled? Oh, yeah, a gypsy dress. They got into a big fight and Daddy said, “I can’t believe that yoke cost five hundred euros,” and Mummy said, “It was eight, actually,” and Daddy got all red in the face and shouted, “What kind of arseology is this?”’
‘I see,’ Mia said, trying to hide her shock. ‘Well, never mind. Mummies and daddies get a bit excited on Communion Day, too. Look, here they are.’
Mia watched Katy’s mum marching ahead while her father followed behind muttering, ‘Eight hundred bloody quid.’
‘Good morning,’ Mia said loudly. ‘Lovely to see you and your gorgeous daughter. You must be so proud of her.’
‘Good morning. Yes, we are.’ Katy’s mum smiled widely.
Mia turned to Katy’s dad.
‘Yes, yes, of course. She’s a great girl.’ He took Katy’s hand in his. ‘A really great girl.’
‘Excellent. Take your seats and have a wonderful day. These days are very precious.’
Katy’s mum squeezed her arm as she walked by. ‘You hang in there. We’re all praying for your sister.’
Mia turned to wipe her eyes. A handkerchief was put under her nose. ‘How do you never have a hanky?’ Charlie said.
‘Dad? I didn’t know you were coming.’
‘Well, I said to him, “Charlie, you are not going to let Adam stop you seeing your granddaughter on her big day,”’ Olivia’s voice boomed. Mia turned. Olivia was standing behind her in a very bright orange flowery dress. ‘That little pet needs her family now.’
‘Thank you,’ Mia said to Olivia.
Olivia nodded, then said brightly, ‘Well, we’d best get in or all the seats will be taken and I’m not standing in these shoes, I can tell you.’
Mia led them in and found them seats at the back of the church. Izzy saw them and jumped out of her seat to come over.
‘Oh, God,’ Charlie croaked, as Izzy walked towards them. ‘It’s Sarah.’
Olivia gripped his arm. ‘Hold it together, Charlie.’
‘You came!’ Izzy clapped her hands. She gave them a twir
l. ‘Do you like my dress? Riley did my hair.’
‘You look sensational,’ Charlie said.
‘Spectacular,’ Olivia added.
‘Izzy!’ Adam’s voice rang out.
‘You’d better take your seat. The mass is going to start soon,’ Mia said.
‘OK.’ Izzy hugged Charlie. ‘I’m so glad you’re here, Granddad.’
‘I wouldn’t miss seeing you today for the world.’
Izzy skipped back to her seat beside Adam.
Charlie sat down heavily on the pew. ‘I’m not sure how much more I can take of this, Mia,’ he said. ‘It’s splitting the family apart.’
‘Dad, we’ll work it out. Rob is trying to broker a peace deal in the background. Don’t worry.’
‘I told you, Charlie, worrying will only make you sick. Tongue out.’
Charlie put out his tongue and Olivia sprayed Rescue Remedy on it. ‘Now, deep breaths.’
‘Can I have some?’ Mia asked.
Olivia smiled at her. ‘Tongue out and don’t cough. We can’t be passing around germs.’
Mia did as she was told. Olivia sprayed her tongue.
The choir began to sing. Mia hurried over to take her place beside her class. She closed her eyes and let the music glide over her. She saw Sarah twirling in her white dress, but this time the memory didn’t floor her. This time the memory was beautiful.
48
Adam dug his fingernails into his palms as a trickle of sweat rolled down his back. He thought the veins on his neck were going to pop out with the effort he was making not to throw himself on the floor and howl.
The little girls’ voices rose as they paraded out of the church singing ‘Circle of Friends’. Izzy walked by, her hands held up in prayer, looking so innocent and angelic. Adam’s hand shook as he tried to steady his phone to take a photo to show Sarah. He knew it was stupid, she was dead, but he liked to talk to her and show her photos and tell her all about Izzy. She’d want to know every detail about today.
He clicked wildly on his phone, hoping some of the pictures wouldn’t be blurred. He had never felt so alone, sitting in the church, an empty space on one side of him. Sarah’s seat. Well-meaning parents gave him sympathetic half-smiles across the church, but he couldn’t bear it. He avoided eye contact.
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