‘We all were,’ Mia said.
Adam pulled back slowly. ‘Look at us. Sarah would be delighted to see us getting on so well. She always wanted us to be closer.’ He smiled through his tears.
Mia laughed. ‘She’s controlling us even from the grave.’
‘Daaaaaddyyyyy!’ Izzy raced into the room.
Adam quickly wiped his eyes. ‘Yes?’
‘Look what Riley got me.’ Izzy held up a huge Beanie Boo owl.
‘Wow.’
Riley came in after Izzy.
‘Thank you, Riley. I’m not sure how we’re going to fit it into the case, but thanks.’
‘I knew she wanted it, so …’
Mia knew they cost a lot of money. While Adam and Izzy admired the owl, Mia turned to Riley. ‘That was really thoughtful, love, but how …’
‘I sold my guitar.’
‘Oh, Riley.’
‘It’s no big deal. I hardly ever played it. Izzy deserves it.’ She held out an envelope. ‘I got you this with the rest of the money. Open it later.’
Mia put the envelope into her pocket. ‘Thank you.’
‘Well, we’d better go. Tell Johnny goodbye from us.’
‘You know he’d have been here if it wasn’t his second day at his new job,’ Mia said.
‘I’m delighted he’s working again – it’s brilliant news.’
It wasn’t a great job, but while he waited for a journalism job to come up Johnny had decided to teach English to foreign students. The pay was quite good and he was happy to be busy and contributing again.
‘Did Dad call you?’ Mia asked.
‘Charlie FaceTimed last night. Their cruise had just reached Capri. He looked well.’
Mia smiled. ‘He needed to get away. Olivia was right to drag him off.’ She bent down and picked up Izzy. ‘Well, my beautiful and most favourite niece, I’m going to miss you. But I want you to promise me you’ll have the best time ever. Enjoy this exciting adventure in Canada.’
‘I will,’ Izzy said. ‘But I wish you were coming too.’
‘We’ll Skype every week and the time will fly by.’ Mia kissed her.
‘I love you, Mia, you’re the best aunty in the world.’
‘I love you too.’ She put her down and Izzy ran to Riley.
‘Thanks for my owl. I love him.’
‘No problem. And, hey, have fun! Come back soon. I’ll miss our sleepovers and our chats. I’ll have my bed ready for the night you come back – we can stay up all night and have a midnight feast and you can tell me all about Canada. OK?’
‘OK. Promise you won’t get a new best friend when I’m gone?’
‘No one could ever be better than you.’ Riley kissed her.
Adam took his daughter’s hand. ‘Come on, time to go.’
They walked out to the hall. Izzy hugged them one last time and began to cry.
‘No tears now, go and have fun. We love you and we’re here for you.’ Mia nudged her gently towards the car.
As they drove off, Izzy waved out of the back window and Mia felt tears running down her face.
Riley ran into the house, sobbing. She raced up to her room and closed the door.
Mia shut the front door and went back to the kitchen, her hands in her pockets. She felt a rustle. It was the envelope Riley had given her.
She opened it. Inside was a memory stick. Mia opened her laptop and plugged it in.
Music started playing – Whitney Houston singing ‘I Will Always Love You’ – and then photos … lots and lots of photos … memories … beautiful memories. Sarah as a baby, Sarah as a toddler. Mia and Sarah, Penny and Sarah, Charlie and Sarah, all of them together. Holidays, Christmases, Halloweens, weddings, christenings and then the final photo, Mia and Sarah roaring laughing into the camera. Sisters. Best friends.
Mia put her head in her hands and wept.
She heard a noise behind her. ‘I didn’t mean to upset you.’
Mia stood up and threw her arms around her daughter. ‘I love it – I love you. I love you more than I can ever say. Thank you. Thank you for this precious gift.’
‘I love you, Mum, and I think you rock and I know I don’t say it enough, but I do. I probably won’t say it again for ages because it’s just really awkward.’
Mia smiled. ‘This is enough, Riley. You are enough. I have everything I need, right here in this house. I am so lucky. It took Sarah dying to make me realize how lucky.’
‘We’ll be OK, Mum. I’m here for you and so is Dad. And now that Dad is earning money again, you don’t need to worry so much, and I’m going to get a summer job and make my own money too. I don’t want you to worry about anything.’
‘Thanks, Riley, you’re just great.’
‘I’m going to meet Zach now. Are you going to be all right? Do you want me to stay?’
‘No, pet, go and have fun.’
‘Are you sure?’
Mia nodded. ‘Yes.’
She watched her daughter leave. Mia blew kisses behind her back as she walked out.
She sat down and pressed Play. She wanted to be with Sarah again. Back to the beginning, where it all started. Two sisters, beginning life full of hope and dreams. Two sisters, united for ever by family and love.
My darling Izzy
We read your mother’s seven beautiful letters of love. Now, I’m going to try to write the eighth.
Mummy told you about your first step, smile, tooth and word. She wrote about your first day at school and your first Christmas play, where you were the most beautiful angel.
I missed a lot of those precious moments because I was too busy working. I’m sorry, Izzy. I’m sorry for not being there more. I promise you that I will be a better father.
The last few months have been heartbreaking. But through it all you, my very own angel, have kept me going. When I look at you my heart bursts with pride. I sometimes think it’s going to explode out of my chest.
You are the light and love of my life. You are so like Sarah. Sometimes when I look at you, my heart skips a beat. It’s like looking at Sarah. You have her beauty, her big heart, her kindness and her strength.
I know you miss her. I know your little heart is broken. I hate that life has shown you how cruel it can be at such a young age.
I hate that you’re not going to have Sarah sitting in the front row at every school event. But I’ll be there. I promise you, Izzy, I will be there, clapping and cheering as loudly as I can.
I’ll keep trying to get better at cooking and hair-plaiting and shopping.
We can do this. You and me. And we’re lucky because we have so many people who will help us and who love you and want to be part of your life. I promise that I will make sure that you see your mum’s family all the time.
I promise that I will do everything in my power to make your life happy. I will keep you safe and I will try to love you enough for two people.
It’s you and me, Izzy, you and me against the world, and there is no one I’d rather go through life with than you.
I love you,
Daddy
Acknowledgements
This book was originally inspired by a devastating court case I read about a few years ago. The story of that woman stayed with me. I wondered, at the time, what would you do if …
As always I have many people to thank.
Biggest thank-you goes to Rachel Pierce, my editor, who was a huge help in getting this across the finishing line; Patricia Deevy, for her great insight, ideas and cheerleading; Michael McLoughlin, Cliona Lewis, Carrie Anderson, Aimee Johnston, Brian Walker and all the team at Penguin Ireland for their continued support and help; to all in the Penguin UK office, especially Tom Weldon, Joanna Prior and the fantastic sales, marketing and creative teams. To my agent Marianne Gunn O’Connor for being a great agent and always knowing the right thing to say, and for her unwavering support and loyalty. To Hazel Orme, for her wonderful copy-editing and for being such a positive force. To Colin Murphy, for helping me wi
th the complex details of the medical procedures and processes that arise in this book. Any and all mistakes are my own.
To my fellow writers: thanks for your support, encouragement and for always knowing when a kind ear or a coffee and a bolstering chat are needed.
To my mum, sister, brother and extended family: thanks for always being there.
To all of my friends: thanks for your support and love, and for your wise words and counsel.
To Hugo, Geordy and Amy – the brightest stars in my sky.
To Troy, for being my other half.
THE BEGINNING
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PENGUIN IRELAND
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Penguin Ireland is part of the Penguin Random House group of companies whose addresses can be found at global.penguinrandomhouse.com.
First published 2019
Copyright © Sinéad Moriarty, 2019
The moral right of the author has been asserted
Design and illustration by Helen Crawford-White
ISBN: 978-1-844-88408-7
This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorized distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.
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