by Lisa Shelby
Not letting me down, Cami returns to my side with a big ole smile on her face and within a couple of minutes there are three shots of fireball being placed in front of us. I push my shot towards Cami while she’s turning towards the table of guys to wave her thanks, but she pushes it right back in front of me as soon as she turns back to me.
Damn!
“You deserve one night of letting lose. One shot with your girls, chica. It’s just happy hour. We aren’t going to stay out all night.”
“If I take this one shot will you leave me alone?”
Cami crosses her heart and Alex says, “We promise to be nice, Em. Just have one shot to loosen you up a bit. You deserve it.”
I hope doing this will get them off my back. If so…taking this one shot may be worth it! I finally cave and pick up my shot glass.
“That’s my girl! On three!” Cami hollers.
“1…2…3…” we all count down and slam down our shots. Damn, that stuff burns.
“Woo!!!! Damn, Cam that’s strong!”
We slap hands while I shake my head to try to get rid of what the fireball is doing to my brain, because my brain…my brain is fuzzy already.
I’m such a light weight! What was I thinking?
“I know, isn’t it great?”
“No, I don’t think great is the word that I would use. It’s like fire!”
“Alex, why would you let her talk me into this? What kind of friend are you?”
“It’s just one shot, Emmers. You’ll be fine.” Alex replies but Cami isn’t having any of that.
“We’ll have one more please!” she says raising her hand to get the attention of the bartender.
“Cami! No way! I have to work tomorrow!”
While waiting on the bartender she turns to me and says, “So tell us about it.” I just look at her confused. “Come on, Em. Talk to us about Jonathan. He told me at Mick’s the other day that he wanted to try again but you weren’t interested. Why?”
“Why does he always talk to you?” I don’t know why it surprises me that they seem to be teaming up again after the plan they concocted back in San Clemente…but it does.
“Honey, you broke his heart that day. He’s still crazy in love with you and he wants to get to know Ireland. He’s such a good guy. You said you still loved him after seeing him at Kells and he’s hella hot, so what’s wrong with him? Do you not have feelings for him anymore?”
I can feel the Fireball warming my insides up and I’m already feeling tipsy, this must be why I suddenly become so free with my words.
“What is it, Em? Talk to us.” Alex pleads ever so gently.
“There’s nothing wrong with him, you guys. He’s perfect and yes, I still have feelings for him. That stupid Badge Bunny, Courtney, just ruined it by throwing it in my face that she had been with him. It scared me and I instantly put my walls back up. I know it’s been over five years and I don’t expect him to have been celibate the entire time, but it just made me sick to think of him with her and I pushed him away.”
“And friend-zoned him.” Cami adds.
“Yep, I sure did.” I say as I slam my hand down on the bar. “I just reacted and didn’t think it through. But Cami, I do have a lot on my plate with raising a child, work and classes. Do I have time for more?”
“Do you still love him?”
Where is that next shot? I cannot have this conversation even a little bit sober.
“Here you go, ladies,” the hipster bartender with a full beard, flannel shirt and suspenders says as he puts another shot of Fireball in front of us, but this time I can’t slam it down fast enough.
“I’ll take that as a yes, then?”
“Oh God, it burns Cami. No more!”
“That’s why it’s called Fireball, chica. Now, do you still love him?”
At that moment Kings of Leon starts playing in the background and one of my favorite memories of our time in California comes back to me….
It’s Thursday evening and we’d spent the day at Universal Studios. Jonathan has built a fire for us on the beach, and we’re listening to what is now ‘our’ album while we make s’mores. It is the perfect way to end a perfect day. As I’m trying to lick all the sticky marshmallow goodness off of my fingers, Jonathan comes over to assist. He puts each of my fingers in his mouth and makes sure that all the sticky goodness is now gone.
“You have a little something…right here. Looks like chocolate, don’t mind if I do.” He uses that amazing tongue of his to get the chocolate off of the corner of my mouth and then gives me a sexy, little smile. Everything he does makes my heart nearly flutter out of my chest.
“Come Around Sundown” is the perfect music for tonight. I’ve always loved Kings of Leon but this new album is…well, it’s just perfect. It’s set the mood for our week and we haven’t stopped playing it. At this particular moment “The Face” comes on and Jonathan takes my hand and leads me a few feet from the fire. He holds me in his arms and we slowly dance to ‘our’ music, on the beach, in the dark, in front of the fire. I think this might just be the most romantic moment of my life. There’s no talking, no kissing—just my head on his chest as we sway to the music. The song ends and when “The Immortals” starts, and is a little peppier, he swings me out from him and then back into his chest. He starts trying to do some sort of funny swing dancing thing, but it doesn’t work, and we both start to laugh. Before we know it, we’re both just being the dorks that we are and acting a fool. We do every random dance we know and not very well. Jonathan does do a mean sprinkler and my running man is usually pretty epic, but not in the sand. I fail miserably.
We’re both out of breath from dancing and laughing our asses off when the next song comes on. It’s a mellow tune that causes Jonathan to pull me back into his arms and we start swaying again. This time though there are words and kisses.
“This has been the best week of my life, Gracie.”
“Mine too, Georgia.”
“I wish we could just freeze time. I could stay here on this beach with you forever.”
There are no words that would say it better than he just did, so I just kiss him to let him know how I feel.
“God, I do. I still love him. He’s it for me. I know it now and I knew it then. Cami, you are so right…he’s such a good man. You should see him on the streets at work. He’s so respectful and kind to everyone he comes in contact with. There was this homeless man, named Willy, that he has a full on friendship with. He checks on him to make sure he doesn’t need for anything. Do you think Mick is doing any of that?”
Alex, surprisingly comes to my brother’s aide. “I wouldn’t imagine he is, but you never know. People are different at work than they are in their real life. Besides, you know better than anybody that Mick’s frat boy image is just an act. Your brother is a good man, Em. It’s nice to hear how great Jonathan is at work though.” I just shrug, not really wanting to talk about my big brother right now.
“Then there’s Ireland. the two of them just clicked! She took to him so easily. Watching her in his lap was almost too much for me. It was like all my dreams coming true. She doesn’t take to most men easily and she just took to him. He’s all I think about! I can’t believe he lives here and works with my brother and knows my mom! How did that happen?”
“Sweetie, it’s loud in here but you don’t have to shout. We can hear you just fine,” she says with a grin.
Oh boy…I sure do feel all warm and fuzzy inside. My first drink and now two horrendously awful shots are hitting me quickly. I’m not sure there’s enough fry bread to save me now.
“Cami, no more drinks for me. Let’s share a mac and cheese and then I need to get my butt home.”
“Deal.”
“Wait, how are you gonna drive us home? You’ve had as much as I have.”
“Nope, I’ve just had the Bellini. I didn’t really drink the shots. Those were all yours honey.”
“You suck, Cam!”
“Oh hush, how els
e am I gonna get you to tell us how you really feel about him? Besides you’re a cheap date.”
She’s right. I’m slumped and leaning my cheek on my right hand and my words have begun to slur just a tad while I try to get deep with Alex.
“Alex, he’s so freaking hot and the sex…Alex…oh my God, the sex. There are just no words. I wonder if he’s gotten better with age? Not sure how that’s possible and I do not want to know who he might have practiced with, but God what I would do to have that man again. He is hot, sweet—remembered how I take my coffee after all these years—gorgeous, adorable, hot, strong and hung!” A little hiccup sneaks out at that last outburst and Alex just laughs at me. “Oh and don’t forget he rescued the cutest dog ever and her name is Frances! He’s hot and he rescues dogs, Alex!”
“Then why don’t you tell him how you feel?”
“Alex, he doesn’t need to be tied down with an instant family, and I have issues. You know that!”
Cami replies before Alex gets the chance. “You’re stupid, that’s what your issue is. Nothing will ever hold you back from your life more than your own insecurities, Em. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that, but you are both amazing and stupid at the same time. Hopefully, one day you’ll wake up and realize how much you have to offer. Now eat your mac and cheese so you can sober up and we’ll get you home and to bed.”
“Love you, Cam.”
“I know you do, Em,” she says as she bumps my shoulder with hers. “And I love you right back.”
Oh my God…my head is pounding…where the hell am I? What is going on?
It only takes a moment to realize I’m home—well, Mickey’s home that I’m crashing in because I still don’t have my life together—and that my head is pounding from the drinks that Cami made me partake in last night. We didn’t stay out late, so I cannot believe I feel so crappy. I reach out for my phone and realize it is only three a.m. I also notice that there are a slew of text messages waiting for me and the one on top says it’s from Georgia.
Oh no, Emily. What the hell have you done?
I drop the phone back on the bedside table scared to see what I wrote.
This cannot be happening!
I did not drunk text him. No way! That is just not me!
I don’t get drunk, therefore I don’t drunk text.
I get out of bed, get a glass of water and take something for the pounding in my head, while I pace my room. I just keep staring at my phone like it’s about to jump up and bite me. I’m so anxious. I want to know what the messages say, but I’m too much of a chicken to pick up the phone and read it.
I distract myself and walk out into the hall and poke my head in Ireland’s room to see her sleeping soundly with all her stufties around her. She is an amazing little girl and I am so proud of her. I wouldn’t change anything if it meant I didn’t have her in my life. She’s worth all the sacrifices I’ve made, but when I really think about it, none of it was a sacrifice…because I have her.
I don’t want to wake her up so I head back to my room, shut the door and pick up my phone. Let’s see what kind of damage control I need to do. I make myself not read anything and go to the beginning and oh boy do I have a lot of scrolling to do. Looks like we were at it for a while.
Gracie: I heard Kings of Leon tonight and it reminded me of dancing in the dark, on the beach, in front of the fire. That was fun.
Georgia: It was fun.
Gracie: It wasn’t a song from our album though.
Georgia: Where are you?
Gracie: On my way home from happy hour with Cami and Alex. Cami made me go.
Gracie: :(
Georgia: Ah, so you’re drunk texting me, I hope somebody else is driving?
Georgia: I’ll take the drunk texting as a compliment, I think?
Gracie: Cami is driving.
Gracie: California was great, wasn’t it?
Georgia: It was. I think about it all the time.
Gracie: Me too.
Georgia: Gracie…what’s going on? Why are you texting me and not your other “friends”?
Gracie: I don’t know.
Gracie: Hearing that song just reminded me of you and I am drunk.
Georgia: I thought you didn’t drink?
Gracie: I don’t really and if I do I am a cheap date as you can see. I think you probably figured out why I didn’t drink in Cali?
Georgia: Any other white lies from that week?
Gracie: Just one…
Georgia: …
Gracie: I actually love roller coasters! It’s just all the signs said not to ride if you were pregnant and I didn’t know what to do so I lied and said I didn’t like them. I am so sorry but I swear the drinking and coasters are it! I really really love coasters.
Georgia: I think I can live with that. You’re forgiven.
Gracie: Thank you.
Georgia: Of course.
Gracie: No I mean it.
Gracie: Thank you.
Gracie: For not hating me.
Georgia: I could never hate you. I understand everything now.
Georgia: Would you like to get coffee again sometime soon?
Georgia: Frances would love to see you again. She said we could even take Ireland to the park or something if you would rather do that?
Georgia: Em, you still there?
Georgia: Sleep good, Gracie.
Gracie…he called me Gracie!
He forgives me and doesn’t hate me!
I feel myself start to break out into a full sweat and must re-read it instantly and let the analysis begin. Steps must be retraced to make sure I didn’t miss anything too embarrassing.
The first notable item is that this all started with the potential to go very bad when I mentioned dancing on the beach because what followed that dancing was very naughty. He didn’t go there so that could mean he was being a gentleman because I was drunk, or he didn’t want to remember the naughty times.
Second, I called it our album, so embarrassing! I can feel my cheeks getting hotter and hotter. This he didn’t comment on, but was that because that album doesn’t hold the same meaning for him or because he knew that I was drunk and didn’t want to get too deep?
Third, he made it a point to call himself a friend and he did this in quotes. This could mean he’s calling me out on friend-zoning him or does it mean something else? People usually drunk text their ex’s or people they have a thing for. He is both to me, but maybe not in his mind?
Fourth, he called me out on my lies and forgave me. He forgave me for everything and I was passed out.
Fifth, and the most important and notable item is that he called me Gracie. He knows what that means to me and he still called me Gracie.
I would say as far as drunk texting goes this wasn’t too bad, but I am still mortified. Do I text him back and say I’m sorry? Well, not now, it’s the middle of the night and I don’t want to wake him up, but I would love to call and wake Cami up. She was clearly with me for some of this and I’m sure she was encouraging me. Some best friend I have. I could have confessed my undying love for him and she would have let me. Man, am I lucky it didn’t go any worse than it did. Thank God for granting me this small miracle.
Now if this headache would go away and I wasn’t so full of adrenaline I could go back to sleep. That would be a couple of miracles I could stand, but I don’t see that happening in the next hour or so. I guess I’m up for the day. Today is going to suck…
Chapter 17
Jonathan
I feel anxious…excited, but anxious. What family I have left is going to be here, staying in my house that I am so proud of, and that I was able to pay for free and clear thanks to my mom and my frugal four years in the Marine Corps. On top of the Fanuas coming to visit the other reason for my excitement—little girl giddiness, if I’m honest—is the fact that since Emily drunk texted me, we’ve continued to text. That was Monday night and now it’s Thursday and we’re still talking.
We aren’t ha
ving deep conversations, it’s just little things but it’s something. It started with her apologizing for texting me when she was drunk. I wasn’t sorry though, not at all. The hope that soared through me just knowing that she thought of me, of our album, and that my forgiveness meant so much to her, was something I couldn’t put into words. As we texted, I told her not to feel bad and asked her how she felt that next morning. She wasn’t feeling too hot so I decided I would text again in the afternoon to check on her and it went on from there. We’re just saying hi and asking how each other’s days are…for now. It’s not a relationship but it’s a start. Every text I get from her fills me with just a little more hope. Hope that I can get her to see how much more we could be.
My best friend Liam and his family are on their way from the airport. Liam texted me when they landed and said they were going to get their bags and rental car and be here shortly. I can’t wait and I’m so amped that I can’t sit still while I make sure the house is just right. I’m not the most organized or tidy person. I keep things clean but there isn’t much organization involved. It works for me and Frances puts up with it. I feel like sharing the home that was always meant for my mom with her closest friends, is like sharing it with her. The nerves and excitement I’m feeling are a surprise, but they’re my family and I haven’t seen them in close to a year.
