by Lisa Shelby
“Ireland, sweetie, please make sure you aren’t asking Jonathan to stay the night again or to stay for dinner and things like that, okay?”
“Why? He’s our friend.”
“I know baby girl, but we don’t want him to feel like he has to. He is our friend, but we don’t want to ask him to stay the night or take us places just in case he’s just doing it to be nice.”
“But mommy, he asked us to go to the zoo.”
How do you explain to your daughter at such a young age not to get attached or to expect people to stick around?
“He did, you’re right. Just…don’t invite him to stay over or to stay longer unless he offers okay?”
“Okay, mommy. I really like him though. He’s fun and he calls me Princess.”
“He is fun,” I agree with her.
And he loves to use nicknames sweetheart. Be careful because he will steal your heart with that nickname. Been there…done that…
“Can I wear a princess dress to the zoo today?”
“No, it’s too cold for that. You’ll need a little jacket or sweatshirt and comfy shoes so that won’t really go with your princess dresses. Let me just get dried off and I’ll lay your clothes out for you and you can get dressed while I get ready. Don’t forget to make your bed too, little one.”
After getting out of the shower Ireland and I both get ready. She is so excited that she’s bouncing all over the place. I need to find a way to calm this girl down or she is going to be a little too hyper for Jonathan and he may rethink his plans for the day.
“Baby girl, let’s take Frank out for a quick walk before we go.”
“Ok, can we stay by the house though so we can see when Jonafon gets back? We don’t want to make him wait.”
“Sure baby.”
Yep, she’s a goner.
By the time Jonathan gets back and we hit the road for the zoo, it’s noon. Jonathan seems just as excited as Ireland does about our little outing. He tells us he hasn’t been since he was a kid and can’t wait for Ireland to show him around. Man, he really knows all the right things to say and do. If he is still the same guy I met years ago, then I’m pretty sure he is sincere. He does want more than just to get into my pants but he’s just too good to be true and That. Scares. Me.
Ireland has been talking and singing the entire trip but when we we’re about to drive through the tunnel she reminds us all to hold our breaths and we get about thirty-seconds of quiet.
“What?”
“We started this about a year ago, it’s our thing. We hold our breath as long as we can when we drive through a tunnel.” I lean towards him and whisper, “It gives you a moment of silence, enjoy it.”
“I see. Okay well, we’re almost there, Princess. Here we go…1…2…3…”
And just like that Jonathan joins in our little tradition and doesn’t bat an eye at our crazy little ritual.
“Woo hoo! Did you do it Jonafon? Could you hold your breath the whole time?” she asks the moment the truck is back in the daylight.
“I did, how about you?”
“I did and now that we are out of the tunnel that means we’re almost there!”
“How often have you been here in the couple of months you’ve been back?”
“Just once, but clearly it made an impact.” I say turning to look at my adorable daughter in the backseat. Ireland in her seat, looking like she and the booster seat are born to be in his truck. She is giddy and about to bounce right out of her seat with excitement.
The zoo is packed, but that’s not surprising. It’s the beginning of October and Portlanders know that this sunny weather that we’re still having won’t last long. It’s time to get all the fun outdoor things done before the rain arrives. The fact that it’s already 12:30 doesn’t help either. The only time this lot isn’t full is in the morning before the gates open and there will still be a line full of people waiting to get in. The Oregon Zoo is worth the wait and price of admission though. I grew up coming here and love that I get to see it again through a child’s eyes by bringing my own daughter back to a place I loved so much growing up. I can’t wait to bring her to Zoo Lights at Christmastime and to Concerts On the Lawn in the summertime.
We finally find parking and make our way to the line. The line moves quickly and just as he made it clear he would, Jonathan pays and hands us our tickets for entry and the train. When we first walk in the gates Ireland runs right to the Big Bear in front of the gift shop and begs us to take her picture. Jonathan pushes me to go with her and we take our picture with the ten-foot black bear. As we’re stepping away an older woman offers to let Jonathan step in with us and she’ll take our picture. He jumps at the chance and runs over to us, picks up my baby girl with one arm and puts his other around my shoulder and pulls me in to him.
The woman takes the picture and then just as we start to step away I feel his lips on my temple as he gives me a quick, yet innocent kiss. Just as fast as it happens, his arm leaves my shoulder and he sets Ireland down and goes to retrieve his phone from the kind lady that took our picture. I feel his lips on my temple the rest of the afternoon. It’s as if he’s branded me and deep down I want nothing more than to be branded his.
We spend the next few hours hitting every single exhibit the zoo has to offer. We spend the longest time at Ireland’s favorite spots. She seems to love all the same spots that I grew up loving. Our number one place that we spend the longest amount of time is with orangutans. They love to hang out by the glass and play with buttons or their toes or just roll around like they know they are entertaining us. Ireland has no shame and pushes her way to the front of the glass and kneels down to be face to face with Inji. She’s a female orangutan who loves to wear t-shirts. She takes them off and puts them back on and she’s often hanging out here where the people are rather than roaming the fairly new and large enclosure. She is spectacular and we could both sit and hang out with her all day. Thank goodness Jonathan is here to keep us moving because I think the two of us would have sat there all afternoon.
The only other places that Ireland and I need his prompting to leave are the Polar Bears and the Harbor Seals. Both are so playful and engaging and it’s so hard to leave them. I just know they are going to do something even more amazing as soon as we walk away. I may actually be worse than Ireland when it comes to walking away.
We did find Jonathan’s weakness and surprisingly it is the otter exhibit. Apparently he has always loved otters, and even used it as his camp name when he worked as a counselor at a summer camp the summer after high school. I can’t even imagine having a counselor that looked like Jonathan. I bet he was a big hit with all the little girls that summer. The thing is he doesn’t even seem to realize it. I mean he has to know he’s attractive but he doesn’t act like Mick or other guys I know that think they are God’s gift to women. At least I’ve never seen that side of him.
After we pry Jonathan away from the otters, we stop for a little snack and share some kettle corn that smelled too good to resist. Jonathan pays again, and it takes everything I have to hold back and not offer to pay. By the look on his face and the wink that he sends my way when I say thank you, he can tell how hard this is on me.
After we finish our little snack break we start to head towards the elephants and when Ireland asks us to swing her I realize she’s been walking in between us all day with each of us holding her hands. I’m sure we look like a little family and boy do I wish that the illusion was real. The sight of us walking along like this warms my heart and breaks it at the same time.
“Swing me!” Ireland asks jumping up and down and swinging her arms.
“Okay, on the count of three,” Jonathan says.
Together we all count.
“One…two…three…swing!”
Ireland jumps and Jonathan and I swing her between us over and over again, all the way to elephants.
“It’s stinky in here,” Ireland whispers later from atop Jonathan’s shoulders when we enter the ind
oor enclosure.
“It is, but look how close they are.” Jonathan whispers back while he takes her off his shoulders so she can get right up against the glass.
Still whispering she says, “So cool.”
And it is… the elephants are cool, the zoo is cool, my baby girl is cool and being here with Jonathan is very cool.
By the time we reach the top of the hill that Ireland insisted on walking up to view the outdoor enclosure, I can see that she’s starting to fade. She’s coming down from her zoo and kettle corn high. By the time we’re done with the elephants, she has asked to be carried. Jonathan doesn’t hesitate and picks her up and she instantly puts her arms around his neck, her cheek on his shoulder and she settles in. She is so comfortable with him and he seems to be with her that it is almost overwhelming at times. This would be one of the times. I have to force myself to look straight ahead and not at the beautiful man carrying my sleepy daughter.
We decide it’s time to go and head for the parking lot. Ireland is barely awake when we buckle her in and head home. By the time we reach the tunnel her little blond curls are bobbing up and down as her head hangs forward in a deep sleep.
The ride home is a quiet one and I and can’t help but feel that there is something bigger happening here today. It’s like the cab of the truck is thick with unsaid words and feelings and you can hear both of our minds whirring through the scenarios of what’s going to happen next. Or maybe that’s just me and I am hoping that he’s as anxious as I am.
We make it home with Ireland still asleep. Jonathan pulls into the drive way, turns the truck off and removes his seatbelt from its lock and turns his body to face me. He doesn’t say anything, but leans his head back against the window with his eyes locked on mine.
“Thank you for a great day, Jonathan.” I whisper so we don’t wake Ireland.
Jonathan whispers back. “No, thank you for including me. I hadn’t been to the zoo since I was a kid and I had a great time. She really is an amazing girl and it was fun to experience the day with the both of you.” He takes a look behind us at Ireland hunched over in her seat. “We should probably get her out of the truck or her little neck is going to be sore. How does she sleep like that?”
“I have no idea how she does it. I would be aching for days if I slept like that. She seems pretty durable though. She never even says a word about it but yes, let’s get her inside.”
Jonathan unbuckles my baby girl from her seat and lifts her into his arms. Watching him with her it’s clear he’s a natural at this whole kid thing and will make a terrific dad one day.
He follows me to the front door and stands behind me as I unlock it. We get into the house and head straight to Ireland’s room. It’s 6 and she is still out for the count as I remove her coat and shoes, cover her with a blanket and surround her with her favorite stufties. Jonathan turns on her nightlight and walks out of the room. I follow behind him and gently shut the door.
As soon as my hand is off the door handle, Jonathan pulls me to him and grabs my ass as a way to lift me off my feet and my legs naturally go around his waist. He gently and quietly pushes me against the wall. The moment my back touches it, his warm lips devour mine. Even though he isn’t rushed he’s still kissing me like a starved man eating his first meal in weeks.
I’m grateful for several things in this moment. I’m grateful that Jonathan was clearly feeling the same thing I was amid the silence in the truck on the ride home. I’m grateful that Ireland didn’t wake up when the truck engine stopped, like she usually does, and I’m grateful that my brother isn’t a decorator and there isn’t anything hanging on the hall wall to get in the way of what Jonathan is doing to me.
As Jonathan uses the wall as leverage his hands leave my ass and work their way up my body. One hand stops and cups my breast while the other tangles in my hair and pulls me even closer to him. All the while my hands make their way up his strong arms and over his broad shoulders, but in the end both hands are grabbing his hair and pulling him to me frantically. We silently kiss for what seems like forever before Jonathan pulls away and leans his forehead against mine and says, “I have wanted to do that all day.”
“I’ve wanted you to do that all day,” I say practically out of breath.
“My God woman, what you do to me,” he growls.
He just stares at me for another moment and then with both hands grabbing my ass again pulls us away from the wall and starts walking down the hallway to the kitchen. He sets me on the counter and is standing in front of me with my legs now hanging to the side of him with his hands on the counter on either side of my hips.
“How about some dinner? You hungry?”
And just like that our make-out session is over, much to my dismay.
Chapter 23
Jonathan
Stopping that kiss in the hall and bringing her to the kitchen and not to her bed, was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I’ve never wanted anybody as much as I wanted her in that hallway, but I want so much more than just a trip to her bed. I want to be the man she needs me to be. I want everything from her and I know she isn’t ready to take things all the way, but I needed a taste. Spending the day with the two of them was better than I could have ever imagined. The day felt so right. So many times I nearly took her in my arms to steal the kiss that I had just taken. Everything in me wanted to rip the clothes from her body and take her right there against the wall. Thankfully my big head won the battle and took control of the situation.
Now here we are in the kitchen sipping wine and making spaghetti and I’m just fine with that. I want to soak up every moment that I can spend with her. We talk about our day and all of Ireland’s entertaining moments at the zoo while we cook. As she gets plates and silverware out for us, Emily tells me about her usual Sunday routine of laundry, Downton Abbey and The Walking Dead.
“It really is an exciting and glamorous life I lead. My Sunday night ritual is proof of that if you ask me.”
I can’t help but chuckle. She is just too freaking adorable.
“It sounds pretty good to me.”
“Well, try not to be too jealous while I go poke my head in to check on Ireland. I’ll be right back.”
I bring our dinner of salad, spaghetti and garlic bread to the table and top off our glasses of wine. Just as I finish she’s back.
“She’s still out and I am starving! I can’t wait to dig in to our masterpiece of a meal here,” she says as she takes her seat at the table.
Dig in and eat is just what she does. I could just sit back and watch her for hours. Apparently that’s exactly what I’m doing without realizing it.
“What?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why are you sitting there just staring at me? Do you not like it?” she says with a full mouth of spaghetti.
It’s then that I realize I’m sitting back in my chair with one arm over the chair next to me and my glass of wine in my other hand. I really was just sitting back and watching her eat. She must think I’m some sort of weirdo with a strange food fetish or something.
“Sorry, I didn’t even realize that I was staring. I must have been lost in my own head there for a minute.”
I place my wine glass on the table and start eating. It only takes a minute for the awkward moment to end and for our conversation to pick up again. While we’re cleaning up after dinner, Emily squeals and does a little jump as she turns to me with glee in her eyes.
“Hey, how about some dessert? I know I don’t need any more food after eating half of the loaf of bread myself, but I need something sweet.” She opens the freezer and pokes around.
“Not sure we have anything other than vanilla ice cream, but that works for me if it works for you?”
Standing right behind her so we are just barely touching I say, “Come on now, Em, you know I like ice cream, but vanilla isn’t my favorite flavor now is it? My fondest memories of ice cream are of you and chocolate.”
She slowly turns
around with the carton of ice cream in her hand. The blush I love to see brightens her cheeks and makes my heart skip a beat. I take the carton of ice cream out of her hands and set it on the counter. Sliding my hand into her hair, I gently tilt her head back and expose her neck. The passionate whimper that comes from deep inside her the moment my lips touch her makes me hard in an instant. Her hands run up my chest and then back down again as they journey towards my waistband.
I hate myself for what I am about to do, but I grab her hand and stop her from going any further. I lean my forehead against hers still holding her head in my hand and whisper to her.
“No, Em. I hate telling you no because there is nothing that I want more than to take you on this kitchen floor right now, but no. I need to know that if we go further you are ready; that you are 100% in. I am not going to mess this up by moving too fast. You mean too much to me to take the chance of messing up whatever possibility we may have.”
Once again I find myself putting it all out there for her. It wasn’t planned, but I can’t seem to ever follow any plan when it comes to this woman.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yep.”
“Can I sleep on the couch again? No expectations and no hidden agenda. I just don’t want to leave the two of you here alone, and I kinda want to see what all this Downton Abbey hype is all about.”
“Okay.”
After getting another one-word answer from her I pull back so I can look her in the eye.
“So, when does your show start?”
She looks over my shoulder at the time on the microwave and says, “We still have two hours since it doesn’t come on until nine.”
“Cool, so we can get the laundry going before your show starts then. Sounds like your Sunday schedule will stay intact.”
