He always gave her a tickle whenever he looked at her that way.
After ending the call, Jasper faced her. “There are cinnamon rolls on the counter. Might want to heat them up a few seconds.”
When the idea of eating cinnamon rolls sickened her, Sadie put her hand to her stomach. “I’m not hungry.”
“Don’t like cinnamon rolls?”
“Not this morning.” She reached for the pot of coffee and then got a whiff of the strong smell. What was wrong with her?
She’d have orange juice.
Retrieving the container and a glass, she poured some, pleased when the smell or the idea of it didn’t repulse her. Taking a drink, she finally allowed herself to acknowledge how odd it was to be sick over the smell of cinnamon rolls and coffee. Then the thought slipped in that she hadn’t had her period in a long time. She usually had a light one but not this time. Her implant was good for up to three years.
Oh, no. Sadie put down the glass.
Had it been three years since she’d had the matchstick-sized etonogestrel implant put in her arm?
She did the math and felt herself go cold in the face. Three years, six months and a week or two. Plenty of time to become fertile again. She was so accustomed to not worrying about her birth control that she’d forgotten to go in and get another implant. There had been no urgency, since she had no plans to rush into another relationship. And Jasper had come along so unexpectedly.
The smell of coffee and cinnamon exacerbated her rising panic, assaulting her nose and senses. Combined with the shock of realizing she could be pregnant, her stomach protested mightily.
She ran to the bathroom, barely making it again.
* * *
Seeing Sadie run off into her bedroom, Jasper ended his next call before finishing the number. What the...?
He went to her open door. He’d been sleeping in a connecting room, proud that he’d managed to restrain himself with Sadie. It hadn’t been easy. She tempted him no matter what she wore, be it pajamas that covered her from neck to ankle or skinny jeans. And the flash of her sexy brown eyes whenever he caught her looking at him had more than once nearly overpowered him. When he caught her looking at him with that unmistakable desire, he had the toughest time doing battle with his male urges.
“Sadie?”
Hearing her finish vomiting and then turn on water, he went into the bathroom to see her bent over the sink.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
She rinsed her mouth out and used mouthwash. Then she leaned on the counter and stared at him through the mirror.
Had something she ate gotten to her? The longer she stared without talking, the darker the mood became between them. He felt his uncertainty gradually transcend into knowing. Realization sank in like a dense fog in the dead of night. Denial fended off panicked questions.
“Did you eat something that didn’t agree with you?”
She didn’t answer, seeming to be in denial herself.
What if...
She couldn’t be.
No. Not now.
And then denial no longer worked. If Sadie was pregnant, what would he do? What would they both do? None of the limited options appealed to him.
She straightened and turned, still using the counter as though needing the support.
“How long have you been feeling like this?” he asked.
“I’ve been queasy for about a week now. This is the first time I’ve thrown up and I realized I’m late by about two or three weeks.” She didn’t track her periods.
She was late. Jasper held on to sanity. “Are you taking any birth control?”
“I have an implant but it’s...it’s probably...no good anymore.”
The air whooshed out of him. He couldn’t even begin to fathom how this would change his life. A tractor loader may as well have dumped a pile of rocks on his head.
He stared at her and she stared at him.
“I’m normally not forgetful about that sort of thing,” she finally said, seeming to need to talk about something. “I never planned on having kids...at least, I didn’t when I worked for my father. I guess I haven’t put any further thought to it since then. Things are so different for me now. My life is more open for kids...having a family...I suppose...but I...I don’t know if I want kids.” She looked at him funny, eyes squinting in her confusion. “Do I?”
While she babbled on in a near hysterical fashion, his mind did the same in silence. He didn’t feel trapped in his body very often but he sure did now. One of them had to get a grip, though.
“Okay.” He held up his palms. “Let’s remain calm.”
Calm. How could he remain calm?
“Do you really think you’re pregnant?” he asked.
She raised her palms. “You ate the same thing as me last night.”
“But you might not be, right?”
She lowered one hand and scratched the side of her neck. “Anything is possible.”
They shared another stare and he just knew her thoughts paralleled his. Her implant had expired. Her period was late. And she’d just gotten sick. They could not deny the signs.
He watched her crack under the realization. Her eyes widened. Her breathing quickened. “Oh, my stars. What if I am?” She began to hyperventilate. “Jasper.”
She was as freaked out as him. Unfortunately, hysteria would not get them anywhere. Jasper took her clammy hands and pulled her to him. Holding her, he looked into her frantic eyes. “Sadie. Breathe slower.”
She shut her eyes and took a great big breath and let it out. Repeating that a few times, she regained control of her nerves and then opened her eyes.
“Let’s not panic until we have facts.” Moving back, he let her go. “Let’s go get a pregnancy test.”
“Right. Good thinking. It might be something I ate.” She followed him out of the bedroom. “The cook might have done something different to my dinner.”
When that didn’t ring true in his gut, Jasper wished he didn’t have such acute instincts. He wanted to ignore this one.
By the time they returned they’d both have had time to assimilate what Sadie being pregnant meant. They’d have time to get some perspective.
* * *
All the way to the store, Jasper kept trying to imagine himself becoming a father. The only things that came to him were pictures of him holding a baby straight out in front of him; looking down at a baby crying in a crib and not knowing what to do, the earsplitting sound reverberating in his head; driving a minivan with a car seat in the back; and Sadie breastfeeding. The last defused all the others. In his mind’s eye, she looked angelic, face radiating love only a mother had for her baby. A baby he had given her. That image stayed with him as he parked in the market lot.
“You don’t have to go in with me,” she said.
“What?” What was she talking about? “No. I’ll go in with you.” This would be his baby as much as hers. He wasn’t the type of man to walk away, no matter how appealing that seemed right now. Long-term, he knew he’d regret not stepping forward, straight up against this life-altering situation.
He walked with her toward the entrance. A grocery store never seemed so ominous before. He didn’t want to go in there. He didn’t want to buy what they had to buy. Because later, that moment of reckoning would come.
Sadie groped for his hand and entwined her fingers with his as though he was her lifeline. He held her hand as they entered.
A woman at one of the checkout counters saw them and smiled.
Could she tell why they were here? Jasper didn’t mind if she did, he only wondered if their nervousness was obvious. He felt like he was back in a junior high health class being taught about what happens when boys have sex with girls.
Each step closer to the correct ai
sle felt like a suffocating walk to his doom. Still holding her hand, he walked with her toward the pregnancy tests. They stopped together, checking out the options. And then he looked at her. She looked back as though as hesitant as him.
A shopper pushed a cart down the aisle. Jasper paid the woman no attention until she slowed and he saw her adoring smile.
“Is this your first?” the five-foot-tall, chubby-cheeked woman asked.
One glance at Sadie confirmed the question only flared her anxiety. Maybe the trip to the market wouldn’t give them enough time to gather perspective.
“Yes,” Jasper said.
“Oh,” the woman’s face glowed like the moon with affection. “You look like such a perfect couple. And you came with her to get the test.”
“Wouldn’t miss it for anything.” He began to have fun with this. What else could he do? He’d deal with the consequences later. He didn’t have to think of them now. Besides, playing as though he and Sadie were married and had planned to have a baby was so far from the truth it had to be funny.
“How long have you been trying?” the woman asked.
Obviously she had a very poor “appropriate question” barometer. He felt like responding with something like, we’ve been going strong every day for a year.
“Not long,” he said instead.
“Babies can be a little daunting to new parents, but once they arrive they have a way of casting a spell of awe over everyone. They are such a miracle.”
“We can’t wait.” He hoped his sarcasm didn’t come out.
“Congratulations.” The woman smiled and went on her way.
He noticed Sadie’s gaze following the woman until she disappeared around a corner. Her anxiety had calmed and now she seemed contemplative. Then her catlike dark eyes shifted up and the softening ended. She turned back to the tests.
Jasper took the initiative and grabbed one. “Let’s go.”
* * *
Sadie took the test into the bathroom after drinking a tall glass of water. She was about to shut the door when Jasper put his hand on it.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“I want to be part of this.”
“I’m going to pee on a stick.”
“And that stick is either going to have a plus sign or a minus sign and I want to be there when it does.”
“Why?”
Why? Why was she asking him why? “I could be a father today. It’s kind of a big deal.”
“I’ll let you in after.”
“Sadie, I’ve seen you naked. Just let me stand here.” When she still seemed to recoil out of shyness, he moved to the other side of the wall beside the door. “How’s this?”
She laughed briefly. “Much better.”
His supportiveness must be working to alleviate some of her stress.
A few seconds later she finished and when he heard the toilet flush, he moved into the bathroom. She’d put the test on the counter and he bent over to see. It was already starting to change color. She leaned next to him and he smelled her sweet scent and felt her warmth. Her long hair tickled the side of his face. He glanced at her. She glanced at him. A moment of that mysterious, potent attraction passed between them.
Together they watched a plus sign emerge.
Sadie swore three in a row.
Jasper straightened and looked through the mirror at the woman who would be the mother of his first child. “I don’t believe it.”
She looked back at him. “I don’t, either.”
He left the bathroom. Out in the living area, he walked to the window and then walked all the way into the dining room, circling the table. Then he leaned over the table, trying to come to terms with this explosive reality.
“You don’t have to worry about making any drastic changes to your life.”
Jasper looked up and saw Sadie standing in the open double doorway. “I just need a few minutes.”
Her stoic expression didn’t change. She sure had come to accept this a lot faster than him. In just the short walk from the bedroom to the dining room she seemed to have come to some decisions.
“We both know you won’t have time to settle down and raise a child. You won’t want that. You need excitement and your job gives you that.”
He put aside her mention of his need for excitement. “You’re going to exclude me?” He’d just insisted on being present for the test. Didn’t she understand he’d want to be a part of every stage of her pregnancy?
“Your job is too demanding...and dangerous.”
He also heard her thinking she didn’t trust him or any man. She’d gone the last five years living alone and independent, with no one to direct her path forward anymore. He agreed this was a bit sudden, but he wasn’t going to ignore his responsibility.
“Why do I get the feeling this is more about your father than Darien?” he asked.
She moved farther into the dining room. “What do you mean? This has nothing to do with my father.”
“You were all too happy to leave your life in Toronto. You left a lead position at a foreign subsidiary at your father’s direction. Always at your father’s direction. You ran, and now you’re hiding and you prefer to keep it that way.”
“Yes. I did love getting away from my father. But I don’t want to hide forever.” She spread apart a few pages that were lying on the table, something idle to do as she likely suspected what he meant. “I don’t see what that has to do with us.”
“You won’t trust anyone not to take over your life again. Your experience with Darien only made that threat worse. I didn’t understand why a woman like you would choose to live somewhere so remote. But it all makes sense now. No one can control you there.”
She moved her hands from the papers to face him. “You’re right I won’t let anyone control me the way my father did, but I also won’t control anyone else.”
“You wouldn’t control me if I decided to be our baby’s father.”
“Yes, what kind of hero would you be, after all, if you didn’t?”
Her aloofness disconcerted him. Few people could do that to him. His attraction to her must be to blame. She’d created a soft spot.
“What’s wrong with doing what’s right?” he asked.
“Nothing if you don’t need excitement all the time.” She stepped over to him and put her hand on his chest as though that would soften the blow. “I won’t let you tie yourself down with me and a baby when we barely know each other. We aren’t in a relationship. Neither one of us is ready for that.”
“Are you ready for a baby?”
She dropped her hand with a scoff. “No.”
“Well, neither am I, but that won’t stop a baby from coming. Our baby. This is just as much my problem as it is yours.”
“And when this case is solved, what then? Will you live here?”
He had a house in Rock Springs and an office at DAI. He didn’t know how he’d reconcile that but he’d find a way.
“Are you going to be happy sacrificing everything for this baby?” she asked.
“Are you going to let me take on some responsibility?” he countered. “What if I don’t give you the choice?”
“I can’t stop you, you’re right. But I don’t think you trust yourself with something this big,” she said. “You still blame yourself for Kaelyn’s death. You aren’t over that. Jumping into a family won’t help you. You’ll only feel trapped and wish you could move on to more exciting things. Do you even realize how you use excitement as a crutch because of Kaelyn’s suicide?”
Now she was starting to make him angry. She was being insulting. “I never said I’d give up my job to be a family man. My job is enough and excitement isn’t a crutch.”
“It isn’t? Why do you need it then?”
&nbs
p; He couldn’t answer that. She’d already gotten him wondering if he’d fallen for Kaelyn because of the wrongness, which in turn gave the affair an exciting thrill. He didn’t like thinking of himself like that, but his affair with Kaelyn had been exciting.
“My job is enough.”
“Am I enough, Jasper? Is any woman enough for you?”
Although he could see where she was going with this, he didn’t think he was the only one with baggage. “Is any man enough for you, Sadie? You’re the one running away from us together for the baby.”
“Because I’m not ready for that.”
“Neither am I.”
“Then...” She let out an agitated breath.
“We don’t have to get married. But I can still be a part of our baby’s birth and life,” Jasper said. “Don’t even try to exclude me from that.”
He wouldn’t stand here and argue with her anymore. He stormed out of the dining room and left the hotel room, feeling safe in doing so, given he had plenty of security roaming around.
* * *
Sadie almost regretting saying the things she had, except they had to be said. She didn’t trust Jasper to be reliable enough to commit to a baby. And did she want him to? He was right, she had run from her father and she felt like running away from Jasper. Did that mean she’d become so independent that she couldn’t open her heart to another man? Giving her love again did scare her. She wasn’t afraid to admit that to herself.
“I don’t want a man in my life,” she said to the empty hotel room. Hearing the words aloud, however, didn’t convince her they were true. Did she not want Jasper in her life? Maybe it was too soon to tell. Maybe she did want him in her life—for now. That didn’t mean she’d grow to want him permanently. A baby was permanent.
She went to the window and caught herself looking down the many floors, searching for a tall blond-haired man. She almost felt abandoned. Would he come back? She wished he hadn’t left at all. Maybe she should have chosen her words more carefully. She was too high up to see enough detail on the street below. She missed him already and he’d just left.
Runaway Heiress Page 15
