“Are you alright out here?” I turn to see Beth peeking out the door at me.
“I’m thinking of jumping in,” I confess, and she walks out with her hands wrapped around herself.
“Fun fact, I know it looks heated, and some may even tell you that it is, but trust me on this one, it most definitely is not.” She smirks and I grin at her reference, draping my arm around her shoulder to keep her warm. We really have come a long way. “What are you thinking?” she asks, her eyes shining up at me.
“I feel like I’m waiting for a bomb to go off,” I confess and she nods.
“Are you afraid that what they’re going to tell you will be completely different from what you think you remember?” I nod and she presses herself closer to me. “Why?” she asks.
It’s a good question, but I can’t bring myself to articulate the truth without feeling like I’m at the bottom of the pool, sucking water into my lungs.
“Maverick?” she says gently.
“If what they say is different, then it would mean that my entire life is a lie and I don’t know what the hell to do with that.” I sigh. “Where do I go from there?”
“I don’t know,” she whispers and it’s not what I want to hear.
“I was hoping for something more reassuring.”
She smiles, but her eyes don’t budge. “I know. And I would love to promise you something reassuring, but I don’t know what they’re going to say in there. I don’t know what to expect, but I know I’ll be right there beside you. I know that I’ll be there if you need me. Whenever you need me.”
That’s somehow reassuring enough. “Okay.”
“Okay,” she agrees.
I take a step forward, but don’t get too far. Beth’s hand is latched around my wrist and she’s pulling me into her. Face to face, it’s harder to avoid what’s happening between us. What’s been happening between us.
A few nights ago, when she was fast asleep, I told her I loved her. I’m not sure why. Other than the fact that, I had this burning need to get the words off my tongue. She didn’t say it back. After all, she was asleep. Right now, however, seeing the look in her eyes, I don’t think I need her to say it back. Not when I can see it burning so deeply in her irises.
“You’re okay,” she says. “And you’re always gonna be okay.”
She takes my hand in hers and we walk back into the room and take our seats.
“Is everything alright?” her mom asks, offering me a cup of tea. I like the fact that she’s made herself comfortable in here. But I also hate the fact that she’s made herself so comfortable in here. This is what family is. They use your kitchen. They offer you tea and comfort and love. I’m taking all of that from them, now. The only problem is, I don’t have a family to offer Beth in return.
I look down at the four teacups on the table.
“It’s chamomile. It’s supposed to be soothing and I think we could all use something a bit soothing right now.” I’m guessing the only reason I have chamomile – or any other tea – in my house, is because Beth shops like she’s eighty years old.
“Thank you,” I manage to smile at her. “Please continue.”
“Are you sure?” Christopher asks and I nod. Beth squeezes my hand and I brace myself.
“The night of the accident-” Beth’s mom’s voice breaks and her dad rubs her shoulders to comfort her. We’re not even halfway in…shit. What could be so much worse than what I had been led to believe this entire time?
I watch Christopher wrap his arms around his wife who leans into his chest with the easy comfort of a best friend and I can’t help but think that this little family, sitting here, supporting the guy who - until recently- thought so little of them, is the epitome of true love. It saddens me that I’m so unfamiliar with the whole thing. A part of me longs to have what they have. A part of me wishes that I had it growing up. Who knows the kind of person I would be today? Maybe I would even deserve this woman sitting beside me, resting her head on my shoulder.
“Your father was unfaithful to your mother.”
Somewhere in the distance I can hear a stampede approaching and I know I’m about to be trampled by this story. Just this sliver of information is beyond anything I was ever told.
“We were told that on the night of the accident, she had come home to find him in bed with someone else.”
“What?” His words are like razor sharp barbed wires being tightly wrapped around my neck.
“She grabbed you and ran out of the house with the intention of getting somewhere else for the night, but she never made it.”
Beth’s fingers tighten around my arm and I can feel the tremor vibrating through her body as she mirrors my devastation. I want him to stop, but it feels as though my tongue has been stapled to the floor of my mouth.
“Your father had decided to chase her, and the car wound up underneath a trailer.”
Beth’s mom’s face is wet as she relives the horrors. With trembling hands, she hands us a scrapbook that I am far too frozen to take. Beth reaches forward and pulls it from her mother’s hold.
“We’d kept clippings from newspapers that spoke of her accident. It was tragic, but it also helped to see what the entire world thought of Eloise. Maybe this will bring you some more closure.”
Beth looks at the closed scrapbook in her lap. She’s a weeping stone statue beside me.
“Beth?”
“I can’t,” she whispers, “I ca-I can’t open it.” Her voice is shaking, and I reach over and hug her the same way her dad just hugged her mom.
“Together?” I ask and she nods.
I open the scrap book and there are newspaper clippings detailing the horrific accident and marveling at the fact that the little boy had survived. In one article, it explains how the mother was found on the passenger side of the vehicle, wrapped protectively around her child.
In another article, eyewitnesses report that there had been a high-speed chase involving the “victim” and another person who was later identified as her husband. An anonymous woman came forward and confessed to having an affair with him and being caught in the act just moments before the tragic accident.
The article that stands out the most bores the headline:
Guardian Angel on earth, as she is in heaven.
“The theory is that she realized what was about to happen and in a split second decided to-”
“Save me,” the words roll off my tongue and fall into my lap with a heavy thud. My father was a fucking monster. “She saved my life.” I can’t stop saying it. I didn’t kill her. My father had lied to me and apparently to himself.
How was he not locked up?
Why didn’t someone do something?
Why didn’t he tell me the fucking truth?
Why did he make me think I was responsible?
Even as I ask myself the question, I already know all the answers. I’m nauseous to my core. I remember my father’s mantra. It’s something he always said. Something he passed on to me. Something I’ve said many times and I’m hit with a new wave of guilt as I stare down at Bethany crying beside me.
The right amount of money in the right hands can do just about anything.
Fucking bastard.
Bethany looks up at me and smiles.
“You were wrong,” she says softly, and she doesn’t need to say anything else.
I can feel ten-year-old me sitting under a table in the corner of the great hall of our house, unable to speak or recall the joys that he once experienced with his mother.
The little boy who was with her before he closed his eyes and who woke up to find her gone forever. My body shakes as tears claw their way out of me.
“It wasn’t my fault.” I hear myself saying, but it’s Mavvy and not me that’s being set free from the lies of a vile old man.
“Why would you think it’s your fault?” Her dad asks, and I finally break.
“You’re okay. We’ve got you.” Her mom says as I struggle to catch a breath. F
or the first time in my life, I feel like I belong.
For the first time in forever, I know what it feels like to have a family.
For the first time in my life, I don’t feel guilty.
44
“I’m still not convinced,” Christopher says. His face is pointed forward and there’s no mistaking the sweat on his brow. Just as there was no mistaking the way that, only a short moment ago, his heart thundered like it had been hit with Thor’s hammer. It’s such a contrast to a few hours ago when we were sitting in their living room, munching on chips over a game of Uno. An even starker contrast to how at ease he was while we shoveled forkfuls of Lasagna into our mouths.
We’re sitting in my Lamborghini now, having left the ladies inside over a half an hour ago. The moon is high in the sky, further illuminated by the twinkling of faraway stars. It’s much later than either one of us expected this night to carry on for. Not that I’m complaining.
It’s been two weeks since I’ve properly been welcomed into Beth’s family.
Two weeks that I’ve felt like the world really and truly was mine for the taking.
Two weeks of knowing what it feels like to have a family.
I wouldn’t trade it for the world. But, by the look in Christopher’s eyes, it looks like I might need to trade my Lamborghini for it. That was the whole purpose of him taking this trip with me. The car scared him. He wanted me to prove to him that he has nothing to be afraid of. Beth’s mom told him he was being ridiculous. She’s protective of her daughter, but Christopher and Beth, they have a special connection. It’s great to see that not all fathers are like mine. And hopefully, if it should ever come to it, I’ll fall a fucking planet away from my father’s tree when it comes to the kind of parent I’m going to be.
“Oh come on.” I shake my head at him. “You can’t tell me you don’t at least see an inch of the appeal.”
“Not even a little bit,” he deadpans. “But at least it’s pretty?”
I laugh and put on my best serious face. I really am pleading with him, something I never thought I’d ever do in my life. Much less to be okay with it. How times change. “But I’m careful, Christopher. Seriously, I got you here in one piece, didn’t I?”
He places a hand against his chest and sighs loudly. “My heart certainly doesn’t feel like it’s in one piece.” Shifting slightly, he turns so that he’s facing me head on. “What about a Volvo or…Nissan or…you know, something reliable. Something dependable.”
“The Lambo’s not gonna let me down.”
“The Lambo scares the living crap out of me. You and my daughter whizzing through the city in the Lambo…it terrified me before. Now that I’ve been in the Lambo…”
“I’m a really good driver.”
He sighs. “And a really fast driver.”
“I slow it all the way down when she’s here with me.” He raises a brow, challenging me to go back on my lie. “Not initially,” I admit. “But you know Beth. She’s relentless. And kinda strict.”
“You need to slow it all the way down even when she’s not in here with you.”
“Deal,” I say. Much as I like watching the city lights whizz on by, I know the risks of putting foot to pedal. If he cares enough that I don’t rear-end a light post, then I’ll put the dominos in order and make sure it doesn’t happen.
“Fine,” he says. It’s not the answer I was expecting and my eyebrows arch in confusion.
“Fine?”
“But, if you’re not careful…”
He sounds like he’s about to tell me that he’ll ground me or take my car away. It’s absolutely hilarious and so I laugh. As does he. When the laughter falls away, however, there’s something that’s not even close to funny. It breaks my heart and fills it up all at the same time. Finally, I think I know what it feels like to have someone care about me like a father should care about his son. Deep down, I know it’s not just Beth he’s worried about. He’s worried about me too.
“I’ll be super careful,” I tell him.
“Even when you’re out and about on your own?”
“Even when I’m out and about on my own,” I agree.
“Even without Beth to take your foot off the gas.”
“Even without Beth to take my foot off the gas.”
When he leaves the car to get Beth, I find myself contemplating getting rid of the Lambo. I think maybe I actually will. How fucking crazy has my life become? And to think that I’m sure this is just the beginning.
I’m so deep in my thought that a tap at my window almost has me jumping out of my skin.
“Hey you.” I turn to Beth, motioning for her to inch back so that I can open the door.
When the wing is fully extended, she peeks inside. “Dad says I should drive.”
I laugh. She laughs. “Are you serious?”
“Serious as the heart attack you almost gave him.”
Groaning, but not even mad about it, I give in. Beth steps away from the car, making room for me to exit. She’s about to shimmy her way inside when the mere distance of her body coming closer to mine sets me on fire. My hand around her wrist stops her from entering. Then I’m throwing her back against the car and devouring her lips, slowly, then quickly. She moans into my mouth before thinking better of what’s happening here. Now, her palms are pressed against me as she tries to push me away.
“My parents,” she manages to whisper.
“We’re adults. Married adults. Newlyweds,” I whisper into her mouth. She tries to fight me just one more time before her body wins over.
There, in the dingy parking lot, across from crackhead number one and crackhead number two, we put on the show of our lives. So lost in the moment we are that, for a while, the world dulls at the edges. Space and time no longer exist. It’s just us. Me and her, not fazed by a world that knows disappointment. Not fazed by neglect or rejection. Right here and right now, as my hands slide up her body and my tongue dances in perfect unison with hers, nothing matters. No one matters. At least not until crackhead number one’s voice rips through the air.
“Get a room.”
I trap Beth’s lower lip between my teeth and slowly work my eyes open. The erection that was straining my jeans slowly vanishes. “I don’t think they approve,” I whisper against her.
“Not even a little bit,” she agrees.
There’s some loud mumbled screaming that follows as I walk to the other side of the car. Something to the effect of my priorities and being able to afford a fancy shmancy car and not a bed. That makes me laugh.
“Told you you shouldn’t be showing up like this in my neighborhood. Next time you’re here, they might steal the rims off your car and make a crackpot out of it.” Beth huffs as she adjusts herself in the driver’s seat.
If only she knew how close I am to trading it in for a minivan. That thought is further reinforced when my phone dings.
I pull into my hands and read the message. “You’re a good kid, Mavvy. It’s great to have you as a part of the family.” I smile and take a screenshot then save it in the album beside the message where Christopher told me my mom would be proud of me.
“Who was that?”
“No one.” The answer comes quick. And even quicker is the way I shove my phone back into my jeans and sweep a tear away from my eye. Thankfully, Beth is one of those drivers who keeps her eyes on the road 99.9 percent of the time.
I flick my focus back to her and admire the beauty of her as well as the beauty she’s brought ever since she was forced into my life.
45
The hockey arena goes wild as Maverick scores the final goal, bringing his team into the umpteenth victory of the season. I can feel his eyes on me, piercing my skin with the heat of a thousand suns. Giving in for a short moment, I shift my gaze from the crowd to him and, just as expected, meet him eye to eye. He smiles and I pull my gaze away, looking at the girl to my right and the guy to my left as I hold onto hope that no one caught what’s passed between us. It’s alway
s like that. In the hallways when he steals kisses. In the dining hall when he whispers sweet nothings into my ear as he walks by. And here, in the arena, filled with girls hooting his name, with his teammates and friends, fans and supporters, enemies. I’m still his dirty little secret. Still keeping myself in the dark while he tries to force a light on me. But I’ve told him again and again, he and I are not one and the same and I don’t need to give this high school just another reason to hate me. Soon enough, however, it’ll all be over and we can live out the love we never thought we’d find. All the evils of high school will be behind us and the world will be ours for the conquering.
I watch as Jared picks up his crutch and sticks it under his arm and I cringe at that too, seeing as it is my fault that he’s injured. Maverick’s convinced that it’s all for show and that in a few weeks Jared will be in tip-top shape. He won’t be able to play out the season, though. Won’t be able to get recruited. Seeing him makes the realization weigh on my conscience so hard that I feel a couple inches shorted and a lot of pounds heavier.
I know that Jared got what was coming to him and I know that if he wasn’t the one limping off that bench, it would have been Maverick. Still, the guilt sits. And then it stings a little harder as I see Jessica’s pack of Cheerleading bunnies bundle together with no Jessica at the center. Maverick says I don’t need to get my stomach in a tangle over that either. He insists that Jessica is getting the help she needs. I can only hope that’s true. I also hope that that help doesn’t mean she’ll catch onto the real deal behind my relationship with Maverick. When people are given time to think, they often think too hard.
The crowd disperses, screams turning to whispers and whispers to screams. Everyone is as excited as they should be, except Maverick. I get into the hallway and make myself small as I watch his movements. The look on his face crushes me, but still, I stand my ground. He’s looking for someone and that someone is very likely me. All his friends have found their arms around the girl who’ll be warming their sides and their beds for the rest of the night. And even though Maverick has me, he has no one. Maybe stubbornness really is a detriment. Maybe, soon enough, it’ll come back around and bite me in the ass. Or maybe, this really is for the best.
Vile Intentions: A Dark Sports Bully Romance Page 23
