by Ginny Dye
Rose was ashamed to admit her own thoughts. Slowly she nodded. “I guess maybe I am,” she admitted. “It’s all I’ve ever dreamed of. All I ever wanted. I guess I just didn’t really think it would happen. Now that it’s close, I guess it scares me.” She paused for a long moment. “I guess I wonder if I can do it. If I can really be a teacher. If anyone will let me teach their children. If we’ll really make it to freedom. What will happen if a slave hunter catches us?”
Moses smiled and reached across the table. “Your mama would say there isn’t anything wrong with your fears.” Then his voice grew firm. “As long as you don’t let those fears stop you from following your dream.”
“Mama...” Rose smiled in spite of herself. “I can see her saying that.” Suddenly her eyes filled with tears. “I still miss her. It’s been almost two months, and I still want to walk into her cabin and smell biscuits cooking.”
“You gonna miss her for the rest of your life,” Moses replied. “You and your mama were that close.”
Rose nodded. “I know she’d like to know I was gonna be free.”
“I think your mama already knew that. I think she knew it was all right for her to go on home to be with John.”
Rose smiled. “I like to think of her with my daddy. I’m glad she doesn’t have to be a slave anymore.”
“She’d want you to be free, Rose. She wanted that for you all your life. She knew you wouldn’t go free until she was gone.”
A long silence filled the cabin while both of them tried to envision freedom. The logs crackled and sizzled as they welcomed in the first cool night. They could hear the owls outside heralding in a new season. It would soon be a new season in more ways than one.
“It will really be just the beginning you know,” Rose said thoughtfully.
“Our freedom?”
Rose nodded. “It’s like everything we’ve done up to this point was just to make us ready to be free. This isn’t an ending - it’s really just the start.”
Moses nodded. “All the things I’ve only thought about - now I can actually do them.” He paused for a long moment and then looked up with a determined expression. “I’m not going to be satisfied until I find my family. Until I know they are free, too. I’ll come back here you know.”
“I know.” Rose tried to push away the pictures of Moses coming back to the South once he was free. He wasn’t the kind of man who could blend in. His size would always make him stand out. He would be easy to recognize. But she would never try to stop him. He was letting her follow his dreams. She had to let him follow his.
“Do you think we’ll mess it up, Moses?”
“Mess it up?”
Rose nodded. “I don’t want to be like other people. I see it in all kinds - black and white. They’re free, but they don’t appreciate it. They waste their lives - afraid to do more than just be like everyone around them. Sometimes I used to feel bad because learning came so easy to me. I thought I should hide it so that other people wouldn’t feel bad around me.”
“Then your mama said something to you?” Moses guessed.
“Well, yes,” Rose said with a smile. “She told me it wouldn’t do no good to the world for me to hide what God done give me. She said other people might try to be differ’nt if they saw me doin’ it.” She said it just the way her mama had that day. Saying it made her feel better.
Suddenly for no reason she could identify, a surge of confidence went through her. She threw her head back in a loud laugh, stood up, spread her arms wide, and twirled around the room. “We’re gonna be free, Moses. We’re gonna be free!”
“You got that right, Rose.”
Rose and Moses spun around toward the door as Carrie stepped into the cabin.
“I didn’t even hear you, Carrie,” Rose gasped. “You startled me.” Then she ran to hug her. “When did you get home?”
“Just a few minutes ago. The storm today made the roads almost impassable. Two trees were down, and the carriage got stuck in the mud several times.” Carrie shook her head. “I’m just glad Sam was with me. To be so old, he sure has a lot of strength.”
Carrie looked around the cabin, smiled, and walked over to warm her hands by the fire. “Feels good,” she said appreciatively. Then she turned to them. “We have to talk.” She reached for the last remaining biscuit and took a big bite. “I’m starving,” she announced. “I didn’t take time to eat up at the house. I was too eager to come down here.”
Rose jumped up immediately. “I have some apple turnovers from last night.”
Carrie grinned. “Like the ones your mama used to make?”
“Just like them,” Moses said.
Carrie reached for them. “I won’t be getting many more of these. I’d better eat all I can now.” Her smile faded and was replaced by a look of sorrow.
“Carrie?” Rose asked.
Carrie shook her head and looked up, forcing a smile to her face. “Y’all leave next week.”
Rose gasped and leaned against the table. Moses reached out and enfolded her hand in his huge one. Neither one knew what to say.
Carrie shrugged her shoulders. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know how else to tell you.”
“Something like that you just got to spurt out,” Moses agreed.
Rose found her chair and sank down in it. “Next week? We’re going to be leaving here next week?”
Carrie nodded.
Rose felt a flash of excitement when the words penetrated her brain. There was so much she wanted to know. Now that the time was actually here, she had so many questions.
Carrie raised her hand. “Don’t start in with your questions yet,” she said with a laugh. “I can see them written all over your face. Let me tell you everything I can. Then you can ask me questions.”
Moses took Rose’s hand in his again. “We’re listening,” he said in his deep voice, his own eyes glowing with excitement.
Carrie began. “I went to Richmond to meet with a man named Pastor Marcus Anthony. Once he was convinced I was legitimate, he proved to be a wonderful source of information.”
“Is the Underground Railroad still operating?” Rose couldn’t help the question that rushed from her mouth.
“Yes,” Carrie replied. “But they have to be even more careful. The old methods don’t work as well. Several loads of slaves escaped around here last year by climbing into wagons. That won’t work anymore. A few have gotten through, but the state has increased its militia and the number of slave hunters. They routinely check every wagon that goes by.”
Rose felt a sharp twinge of uneasiness and turned to look at Moses. He was listening to Carrie intently, but there was no fear on his face.
He felt her eyes on him, turned to look at her and squeezed her hand. “Just keep listening, Rose girl. Ain’t no use borrowin’ trouble ‘fore it find you.”
Rose smiled as he repeated the words her mama had said to her so many times before. “You’re right. I’m sorry, Carrie. Go on.”
Carrie nodded. “We do have a plan, and I think it’s a good one, but I think it’s only fair you know all the risks beforehand.”
Moses nodded. “We need to know what we’re getting into.”
Carrie continued. “Not all the slaves who have left here since last summer have made it to freedom. At least, not the freedom you want.”
Rose gasped. “What do you mean? None of them were brought back here.”
“You’re right. They’re in what the North is calling contraband camps. Seems some of them had heard there was protection to be offered by the Union army so instead of heading north, they headed east toward the coast. Some of the areas there are occupied by Union troops. They have offered them protection and a place to live but little more.”
Rose leaned forward, noticing the distaste on Carrie’s face. “It’s bad?”
Carrie shrugged. “I’m sure some of the slaves think they have reached paradise. I think Cromwell slaves might wish they were back here. Pastor Anthony told me the camps ar
e dirty and crowded and that food can be hard to come by. People are crammed into buildings. Seems the Union is trying to figure out what to do with them.”
“Why don’t they just send them farther north?” Moses asked.
“I asked the same question,” Carrie responded somberly. “Seems they sent letters to northern governors asking that very thing. None of the fine men want them in their state.”
Rose sat back, dismay on her face. “Isn’t there anywhere we can go?”
Carrie nodded quickly. “Not everyone feels like that, Rose. There are plenty of places where slaves will find support while they get started again. You just have to be careful.”
Moses spoke up then. “We’re not headed for any contraband camp, Rose. We’re headed north. And we’ll keep going until we find a place where we can make our home.” Both anger and determination were in his voice. Rose turned to look at him. He held her with his eyes as he continued. “We knew this wasn’t going to be easy. But people before us have done it and so can we. Nothing in this life is guaranteed. You just make the best choices you can and then try your hardest.” He paused. “I reckon we can trust God to take care of the rest.”
Rose nodded again, once more filled with the peace and excitement she had felt before Carrie had walked into the cabin. Her body and face relaxed. “You’re right. Both of you are right!” She laughed. “Tell me what we’re going to do.”
Carrie gave a sigh of relief. “The first leg of the journey we’re going to be on our own...”
The fire had died down to nothing but glowing embers when all the plans had been laid.
“I think you’ll see that everything will go smoothly,” Carrie said with a smile.
Rose and Moses nodded.
Suddenly the three friends stared at each other in realization of what all their planning meant. Up till now they had shied away from the subject, but here it was again, staring them in the face.
“I’m going to miss you, Carrie,” Rose said softly.
Carrie said nothing, just bit her lip and blinked at the tears in her eyes. Mutely, she nodded her head.
Moses was the one to break the silence. “Let’s go for a ride!” he exclaimed, jumping up.
Rose and Carrie stared at him.
“It’s after midnight,” Rose finally managed to say.
“Exactly!” Moses said with a grin. “Haven’t you always wanted to ride under a full moon? You may never get another chance.”
Carrie added her grin to his own. “He’s right, Rose. We have to make the most of this next week. Let’s go do something crazy.”
Rose laughed, caught up in the new spirit infusing the cozy cabin. “Let’s do it!”
Carrie led the way into the barn. “Be quiet!” she whispered. “We have every right to do this, but there’s no reason to make everyone else think we are absolute nuts.”
Moses snorted. “Most everyone is sound asleep. But I can guarantee you Sam is watching us right now. He never misses a thing around here.”
Carrie laughed. “You’re right.”
“We can wave at him on our way out,” Rose said lightly.
All three horses were saddled quickly and led out into the beautiful night. By unspoken agreement, once they were on their horses and headed out, not another word was spoken. The glory of the night spoke for itself.
Carrie gazed around her and felt her throat thicken. It had been years since she had ridden at night. Even her father didn’t think she should go out alone at night, and he had been too preoccupied with other things to join her. Now she realized what she had missed.
A soft breeze was blowing, caressing her skin with a cool breeze that made her thankful for the wraps they had put on before coming out. The moon was past full but still cast a luminous glow over the earth. The silvery landscape, with its lightly tossing branches, seemed to send laughter back up to the moon. Trees and brush seemed larger than life as they cast dancing shadows onto the ground. Crickets, frogs, katydids and owls all joined in to perform a final concert for the departing summer. An occasional firefly blazed in accompaniment.
Carrie led the way down the road in an easy trot. She was in no hurry. After about thirty minutes, the trio emerged on the shore of the James River. Carrie pulled her breath in with delight. The gently riffling waters acted as a living mirror, reflecting back the silvery light of the moon.
“It looks like diamonds out there,” Rose said with quiet awe.
Carrie nodded silently. The river was prettier than any picture she had ever seen. The dark shapes of the trees formed a perfect border for the exuberance reflected before her. As she watched, a low flying heron, long and graceful, broke through the border of the picture, and glided across the water in front of them. A fish split the surface and then was quickly followed by more.”
“They look like they’re playing,” Moses observed with laughter in his voice.
The deep sudden bass of a nearby frog startled them all out of their thoughtful reverie. Carrie had had enough of contemplative thought. She knew it would soon carry her back into depressing waters. She wheeled Granite around, urged him into a canter, and then yelled back over her shoulder. “The first one back to the house gets the rest of the chocolate cake Annie made today.”
She could hear answering whoops behind her. Then she lost herself in the feel of her horse beneath her. The moon was bright enough for the road to be easily seen. Leaning forward, she buried her face in Granite’s mane and let him run. Only she knew she was hoping the wind would blow all the sorrow and tears from her heart. The idea of Rose and Moses being gone was almost more than she could bear. Yet she knew she was doing the right thing.
She just wished she could feel better about it.
Two days later, Rose finally caught Sam alone. “Sam, can I talk to you?”
Sam eyed her closely and sat down next to the woodpile, laying down his heavy burden first. “You gonna tell me the secret you been carryin’ round?”
Rose smiled. She wouldn’t even ask how he knew. Sam had always been able to see inside her heart. “Yes,” she said simply.
Sam leaned back against the tree. “I’ll save you the trouble. You’re leavin’ here, aren’t you, Rose girl?”
Rose gasped with alarm. “How did you know? Does anyone else know? It’s supposed to be a secret,” she cried, looking around to make sure no one was listening to her outburst.
Sam laughed. “Oh, it’s a secret. You don’t got to worry ‘bout nobody else knowin’. It’s only me that can see inside your heart.”
“I know,” Rose agreed softly, tears springing to her eyes. “You’ve always been like a father to me. That’s why I couldn’t leave without telling you - without saying good-bye.”
“When you and Moses be leavin’?”
“In five days.” Rose paused. “I can’t tell you anything. I promised. But I’ll find some way of letting you know I’m all right.”
Sam nodded. “It’s best that way. A body can’t tell what he don’t know.” Then he smiled. “I guess I’ll be headin’ on soon myself.”
“You’re going to leave here?” Rose couldn’t imagine Sam anywhere but on Cromwell Plantation.
“With you gone, my job will be done.”
Now Rose was confused. “Your job? What are you talking about?”
Sam smiled at her. “Let me tell you a little story, Rose girl.”
Rose leaned back against the tree and waited. She had never seen such a tender and serious look on Sam’s face.
“I know ‘bout that twin brother of yours.”
Rose gasped. “How, Sam? I thought mama never told anyone. How did you know she told me?”
Sam shrugged. “I know your mama. I knew she wouldn’t go home to be with John until her baby girl knew the truth. All these years, your mama didn’t know I knew ‘bout her baby boy.”
“Why not?”
“Cause I promised your daddy. When he found out they was gonna sell him so that nobody would ever find out the secret ‘
bout Miss Carrie’s granddaddy, he come to me late at night. He was scared to leave you here alone. Said it wadn’t right dat you wadn’t gonna have a daddy. He made me promise dat night to take care of you for him. I reckon I did all I could.”
Rose smiled, remembering all the times he had waited up for her when she had been teaching her little secret school in the woods. She remembered his teaching her how to act right in the big house when she was just a little girl so that she wouldn’t get in trouble. How he used to save her an extra biscuit when she had been working hard. “I reckon you did a wonderful job,” she said softly. She had to speak around the lump in her throat and blink back the tears brimming in her eyes.
Sam reached out his big, weathered hand. “I gonna miss you, Rose girl, but I’m glad you’re gonna get your chance to be free. You done got a lot to give, girl. Don’t you let nobody keep you from givin’. You run into hard things - you just find a way to go over them. If you can’t go over them, then go around them. Just you remember there always be a way to get where you’re supposed to be. You just got to find it.” His voice was thick with emotion.
Rose listened closely. “I’m gonna miss you, too, Sam. Thank you for all you’ve done.” She reached out and clasped his big, rough hand.
Sam nodded. “I reckon we’ll be seein’ each other again. This here be a mighty big world, but God has a way of connecting folks’ hearts. We’re connected in our hearts, sure ‘nuff. I reckon God will find a way to let us see each other again.” He looked off as if he could see something she couldn’t. “Yep, I reckon we’ll be seein’ each other again.”
Rose leaned forward and gazed into his eyes. “When do you figure you’ll be heading on?”
“Why you askin’?”
Rose hesitated. She wanted to say she was just curious. She knew he wouldn’t believe her. But she didn’t want him to feel obligated either. If it was time for him to be free, she didn’t want to do anything to stop it.
Sam answered her dilemma. “The truth usually be the easiest to say, Rose girl.”
