by Carol Ross
“It never came up.”
“I took you home to meet my family.”
“Yep, well, things change, circumstances change, right?” Did they ever, he realized, as he thought about the fact that he was now trying to devise a way to be with Mia tonight. Maybe she could drop the girls off at the movies and they could grab dinner?
Abby’s eyes lit with eagerness. “They sure do. Maybe we should get these two together for a playdate, huh?”
“Um...” Jay said, because Mia and Charlotte were now standing in front of them. “I don’t...”
“Sounds like a great idea,” Mia chimed in brightly and rather unhelpfully. “It’s really important for dogs to socialize.”
“Hear that, Jay?” Abby giggled and gave his arm a playful nudge. “Dr. Frasier thinks we should socialize.”
Coastie was prancing around her feet, so Mia picked her up. The dog sniffed her neck and Mia let out a little laugh. What kind of a man was jealous of his own dog? And why was Mia trying to foist him off on Abby?
Abby addressed them. “Hi, Dr. Frasier. Hey, Charlotte.”
“Hey, Levi,” Mia said, putting Coastie down and positioning herself closer to him with her back to Jay and Abby. “Charlotte and I were going to grab scones and snacks for Mom’s team. Do you want to give us a hand?”
Abby was waving at someone down the beach. After a quick goodbye to everyone and a “see you later, Jay,” she sped away.
“Yeah, sure.” To Jay, Levi said, “I’ll meet you by Mrs. Frasier’s sand castle, okay?”
Jay watched them walk off toward the booth that read Authentic State Fair Scones. Then he looked at Coastie, who’d plopped beside him in the sand and was gazing longingly in their direction.
“Yeah, I know, girl. We like scones, too.”
* * *
SOMETHING WAS UP and Jay didn’t like it. Mia hadn’t smiled at him even once. Well, unless you called that closemouthed grimace a smile. He didn’t. Fortunately for him, Laney and Elise were staying the night with her after the Sandcastle Expo. They were going shopping in the morning. He was incredibly grateful not to have to take two teenage girls shopping.
Dropping them off for the evening also gave him an excuse to find out what was going on. Luckily for him, the girls immediately grabbed a volleyball and headed down to the beach.
Jay took a seat on one of the stools behind the bar in the kitchen. “Your mom is really talented. First place in the over-fifty-five division and third place overall. That’s fantastic.”
She sort of smiled at that. “Yeah, I know. I’m really proud of her. She’s new to sand sculpting, too. She’s good at everything art-related. She paints, draws, sculpts...”
“What a gift.”
“I know,” she said flatly. “She’s awesome.”
“Okay, what’s going on?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that I’m not an idiot. You won’t smile at me. You cringed earlier when I tried to touch you. You’re mad at me.”
“No, Jay, I’m not. I don’t want to be. I’m just... I’m sad at you. And I don’t like myself very much right now either.”
“Sad at me? What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means...” She looked out toward the ocean for a few seconds and he could see her eyes cloud with tears. Had he done that somehow? Had he made her cry? The very idea made his heart hurt. When she met his gaze again Jay knew this was going to be bad.
* * *
“IT MEANS I don’t think this is going to work. I thought maybe I could do this. I wanted to try. I agreed to it and for that I’m sorry. I really thought we could be friends and...a little more. I liked you so much I was willing to try to be content with as much as you were willing to give. I thought I could be satisfied with that. Keep things casual and let you take the lead.” Saying the words out loud upset her, but they also strengthened her resolve. She’d been heading down the same path as her mom without even recognizing it, letting the man in her life call the shots in the relationship. And a man in the Coast Guard no less, whose assignment here would eventually end. Even if he was able to get reassigned here, then what? How had she let this sneak up on her? Because she cared about him, that’s how. She’d made allowances for Levi’s and Laney’s sakes, too.
“I’m so sorry, Jay, but I have to break this off before it gets worse for me. I know I said I could handle this, the ‘little bit more’ or whatever. But it’s turned into a lot more than a little more for me. I... I have...feelings for you. But I know that you can’t give me what I want. And, yes, I know you already told me that.” Fresh tears sprouted and this time, she couldn’t quite keep them at bay. “I was afraid of getting involved with you because you’re in the Coast Guard, yes. But I see how much less important that was now. I don’t even care about that anymore. I mean I care, but what I should have been worried about is the other stuff. Like you not really sharing your feelings with me. Or your life. I’m thinking about how I didn’t even know you had a brother and sister until I met them. Everything I know about Josie, Dean and Delilah, I learned from Levi and Laney, which is precious little by the way. You’ve done a bang-up job of training those two not to talk either.”
“Mia, can I—”
“No.” She cut him off with an outstretched palm. “Let me... Please, Jay.” She tried to gather her thoughts. She needed to stay focused and not ramble.
“I want to be here for you, Jay. I do. For Levi and Laney, too. And the rest of your family, whoever they are. But I realize that I can’t really be because you won’t let me. You don’t want me to be. And that’s fine. That’s your choice...but it bothers me too much to not be.” Mia felt her already-cracked heart break into a million pieces.
Pulling her shoulders up into a helpless shrug, she went on, “You were right, Jay. Your reason was better than mine.” She stared at him, tears flooding her eyes. She tried unsuccessfully to blink them away. “Your reason was better than mine and I don’t even know what it is.”
His beautiful green eyes sparkled with unshed tears and Mia felt a million times worse that she was hurting him in this process, too.
His voice sounded raspy when he spoke. “Mia, I told you how it was with me.”
“I know.” She swiped at her moist cheeks and choked back a sob. “I know that and I didn’t listen. That’s what I’m the sorriest about. Because I feel like this is my fault. Because I’m the one who can’t handle things like they are.”
At the look on his face, she nearly threw herself into his arms and took it all back.
He inhaled a deep breath and released it. Then he nodded and came around to her side of the bar where he put his arms around her. “Okay,” he whispered, and held her tight. He pulled away, his gaze on her. His fingers entwined with hers and in that moment, she nearly caved, but his next words saved her.
“It’s not all your fault, Mia. In fact, it’s more mine than yours. I’m the one who can’t give you all of myself. I knew it wouldn’t be enough for you, but I was selfish to take what I could get. I’m so sorry I hurt you. Please believe me when I say I never meant to. I understand why you need to let me go. And somehow, I need to let you go, too.” He brushed a kiss across her forehead.
“I want you to understand that the Coast Guard is just a job to me. It’s a job I love, yes, but it wouldn’t stop me from loving you, too, and being exactly what you need. No, I can’t be with you in the way that you want, or the way that I want, and it was probably stupid of me to try. But just so that I’m clear about where I stand, I tried to keep you because I’ve never wanted anyone in my entire life as much as I want you.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
JAY KNEW MIA was right; they were better off ending things before they became any more tangled than they already were. Problem was, he’d done a terrible job of protecting himself
from getting hurt. Even worse, he’d hurt Mia. The whole “relationship thing” had been ill-advised. Being honest with himself, he’d known that from the beginning but selfishly, he’d wanted whatever he could get. His heart felt like a painful mass of battered pulp in his chest, every beat serving to remind him of how deeply this cut.
With Mia on a shopping trip with Laney, and Levi actually hanging out with a friend for once, Jay headed over to Mia’s house. Nora wasn’t home because he’d seen her car parked at the health food store. Was Jay avoiding seeing them? Yes, he was. It would be too painful to see Mia right now, and for some reason the thought of seeing Nora left him with a current of guilt.
Pre-heartbreak, he’d told Mia he’d check the camera’s images because she’d been having a difficult time accessing them with her tablet. He gathered his laptop from the backseat of his car and carried it to the front porch.
After removing the card from the camera, he slipped it into his computer and downloaded the file. Scrolling through, he was surprised at the myriad animals captured on screen: raccoons, opossums, rats, mice, a family of skunks and numerous stray cats. A lone coyote showed up in three photos. There was no evidence that it was hunting cats, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t. It was a fact that coyotes preyed on cats and even dogs. But if, as Mia believed, such a large number of cats had disappeared, it seemed like it would have taken a whole pack of coyotes.
Then a strange shot appeared; a person wearing a stocking hat and dressed in dark clothing. A man, judging from the size and general shape of him, although he couldn’t be 100 percent sure. A surge of adrenaline rushed through him as the possibilities ticked through his mind—a prowler, a burglar, some killer looking for victims... But no, the figure reappeared and left a trap at the brush line. Jay watched the events play out in a slide show; a cat approached the trap, sniffed around and went inside. Presumably, the trap snapped shut because the figure showed up again, disappearing with the trap and then returning. This happened again and again, sometimes over successive nights, and sometimes a few days would go by. He also captured various other animals, all of which were turned loose. The cats were never seen again. Was this some kind of vigilante cat rescuer? But why would this person be so secretive? Where were the cats? Why wouldn’t Mia know about this person?
The slide show continued. Several nights captured more of the same; raccoons, rats, the skunk family returning, the coyote, more rats, cats... And then, the form appeared again. This time, it came closer, the camera catching his furtive glance first one way and then the other, but never fully revealing his face. He was sure it was a male, and he seemed familiar. Jay felt like he should know him...
One thing was certain, though: he needed to talk to Mia.
* * *
JAY DROVE THE short distance home from Mia’s wondering what to do. There had to be a logical explanation here that he wasn’t considering. Yet a weird, unsettling feeling was creeping over him. Someone was trapping cats without Mia’s knowledge, but why would they do that?
He parked in the driveway and walked into his house. Instantly, he realized no one was home here either, not even Coastie. Where was his dog? Stepping into the kitchen, he saw a note on the counter: Ty and I are walking Coastie on the beach. Levi. That was a relief. Ty with the blue hair? Huh. Well, she seemed like a nice girl.
Feeling antsy, he moved into the bedroom he “shared” with Levi. He’d pretty much given it up for his little brother, keeping his clothes in the closet and in the bottom two drawers of the dresser. Intending to catch up with the kids on the beach and maybe take a walk of his own, he noticed Levi had put some of his socks in one of the drawers Jay was using.
When he opened Levi’s drawer to put them away, an envelope fell out. He picked it up, noticed the return address and froze: State of Oregon, Juvenile Court.
A flood of adrenaline swept along his bloodstream. Levi was in trouble? What should he do here? Did he read the letter?
He fished his phone out of his pocket. Maybe Josie would have a clue. His finger was poised to tap on her number when he realized that if she knew Levi was in trouble, she would have shared it with him already. Besides, Josie had enough on her plate as it was; he needed to handle this on his own. He put the envelope back without looking inside.
* * *
SHOPPING WITH TWO teenage girls was enough to make anyone forget their problems, if only for a little while. Mia was glad that Jay didn’t allow their estrangement to affect her relationship with Laney and Levi. She and Laney had planned the trip the week before along with Charlotte and Elise. They’d driven an hour down the coast so the girls could go to an open-air outlet mall. All in all, the day had gone great. Mia thought she’d done a good job of keeping her heartache to herself.
She got up the next morning to a quiet house. A combination of hope and habit had her preparing a bowl of food for her still-MIA cats. She took it, along with her coffee, out onto the porch to enjoy the ocean view. Laney joined her before she’d finished drinking that first cup.
“Hey, um, Elise and I were wondering if we could walk to the bakery this morning and meet Brianna and Kaylee for doughnuts?”
“Yeah, sure. Go for it.” Mia checked the time on her phone. “You’ve got a few hours before Jay is picking you up.”
“Cool. Thanks, Mia.”
A few minutes later the girls departed and soon after that Nora came downstairs outfitted for work at the health food store. After downing a cup of tea, she headed out the door and Mia found herself alone again. She was considering a walk on the beach when she saw Jay’s car pull up.
Just watching him get out of the car, she was startled by how painful a wave of longing she felt. He was so good-looking, and sure, she’d been attracted to that initially. But now that she knew him better, she realized that it was everything inside that had hooked her. His attempts to keep her out had failed in some ways because she could see his goodness—fostering Coastie, caring for his siblings, his devotion to the Coast Guard volunteer outreach, helping with Lucky Cats and refusing to give up until he’d rescued Duke. Mia had asked Dr. Anthony about the cat and he’d told Mia he would try to track him down for her. She hadn’t said anything to Jay yet, hoping to surprise him if Ted was able to locate the cat.
“Hey,” she said, managing a smile as he climbed the porch steps. Coastie pranced along beside him. “I thought you weren’t picking the girls up until ten so I told them they could walk to the bakery to meet their friends.”
George let out a welcoming woof.
“That’s fine. That’s good, actually. I need to talk to you anyway.”
“Okay.” Mia led them all inside so she could get more coffee. She offered him a cup while he turned on his laptop.
She took a seat across from him at the table. “What’s going on?”
At his serious tone and expression, a ball of nerves tightened inside her. “Mia, I looked at your camera photos while you guys were gone yesterday.”
“And...?”
“I don’t know how to tell you this, so I’m going to show you instead.”
“Jay, you’re scaring me. What did you find? Is it a cougar?”
He tapped a few keys and then swiveled the screen until she could see the monitor.
“What is this? What is going on?”
“He’s trapping cats. Do you recognize this person? He seems familiar to me but I can’t quite...”
Mia sat back, confusion and dread clouding her brain. “Why would someone be trapping cats at my house?”
Jay shook his head. “I don’t know. I was hoping you could tell me.”
She leaned in and studied the photos again. He seemed familiar...
A loud crash sounded from somewhere upstairs. She jumped up and looked around. “Where are the dogs?”
“I don’t know,” Jay said. “Coastie?” he called. No r
esponse.
They climbed the stairs, peeking into each room as they traveled down the hall. As soon as Mia reached the guest room she could see what had happened. “Oh, George, what have you gotten into?”
Jay followed close behind as she entered the room the girls were sharing. Garbage was strewn all over the floor, trailing from the open door of the bathroom. She went there. “Ugh. He pulled over the garbage can in here.”
“That was a loud crash, though.”
“I know. I told the girls to keep it up on the counter so he wouldn’t get into it. He found a way obviously.” She glared at the dog.
An already-contrite George slunk out the door. Coastie followed, tail wagging.
Jay said, “I can see Coastie and I are going to have the ‘don’t jump off the bridge just because your friends are doing it’ talk, huh?”
They looked around at the mess. “Please don’t ask me to trade dogs with you,” Jay joked as he began picking up the garbage.
Mia laughed and went to work in the bathroom. As she knelt on the floor, she saw a small brown paper bag with Laney’s name written across the front. Torn and crinkled, she figured George had been after Laney’s sack lunch leftovers. She picked it up and the contents fell out. As she absorbed exactly what she was seeing she felt the breath catch in her throat. She stared down at the box, the strip of colored cardboard and plastic on the bathroom floor.
“Jay,” she called with a shaky breath as a sick feeling washed over her. “You need to come here.”
“What is it? Now you’re scaring me.”
As he walked up behind her, she pointed.
He bent and peered at it. “What is it?”
“Pretty sure it’s a pregnancy test.”
“Is it Laney’s?”
“I can’t be sure. But it was inside a paper bag with her name on it.”
“Is it...? Is she...?”
“It’s positive.”
* * *
AND JUST LIKE THAT, Jay felt the fragile framework of this world he’d been trying to create crumble down around him. A whooshing sound pulsated through his head like the crashing of ocean waves against the jetty. A sharp pain shot through his chest as he struggled to inhale a breath. If he wasn’t medically trained he’d think he was having a heart attack as a combination of panic and anxiety bore down on him hard and fast.
