“You’re not mad?” she asked me.
“I’m pretty sure it takes two people to make a baby, love. Besides, with half of your genes and half of mine, that’s gonna be one pretty awesome kid,” I reassured her. She squeezed my hand as she smiled. The relief on her face was palpable.
“I would estimate from your hCG levels that you are around eight weeks pregnant. So, if you choose to keep the embryo, then we would need to do an early ultrasound to check that everything is progressing as it should,” the doctor said.
“If?” I asked disbelievingly.
“Mr Doherty, I’m sure it’s been explained to Miss Kelly previously, but with the heart condition that she has, any pregnancy is extremely high risk. Whilst we continue to monitor her condition, there is always the possibility of going back into surgery if needed. Having a baby puts an abnormal strain on her body. But the pregnancy is highly unlikely to survive open heart surgery if further valve repairs become necessary. You need to consider very carefully whether continuing with the pregnancy is worth the risk to Miss Kelly’s health,” the doctor said gravely.
If it was possible to pinpoint the moment that the bottom fell out of my world, that would be it.
“This baby is a part of us, and I’m not terminating it. I’ll rest as much as I possibly can throughout the pregnancy, and I’ll be as careful as I can, but I’m keeping our baby,” she said firmly, her hands resting protectively over her stomach.
“The fuck you are!” boomed Luca from the doorway.
“Excuse me,” the doctor said indignantly. “This is a private discussion. Now, please wait outside until I’ve finished with my patient or I’m calling security.”
Luca completely ignored him, and I stood myself between him and Irish as he stalked towards me angrily.
“I trusted you to take care of her. We all did. You know how fragile she is, and you know she could die if she tries to carry a baby full term. First you were fucking stupid enough to knock her up. Now you’re going to go along with this ridiculous idea that she can keep it!” he screamed at me. Despite my profession, I wasn’t a violent man by nature, but it took everything I had in me to stop myself from knocking him the fuck out.
“Back the fuck off,” I warned him. “Marie’s had enough shit to deal with the last couple of days without you getting in her face.”
“And who’s fault is that?” he asked. “She wouldn’t have been on that fucking bike if it wasn’t for you!”
I frowned. I was responsible for both her and Tommy being involved in the accident; the fact was still a painful twist to my gut.
“Yes, it’s my fault she was on the back of my bike. Yes, it’s my fault she’s pregnant, and if you want to beat the shit out of me to make yourself feel better, then fine, but not in from of Marie. What happens to the baby is our decision, not yours or anyone else’s. The only thing I care about right now is her. You yelling and telling her what to do isn’t good for her or the baby, so either calm down or fuck off, because if her blood pressure goes up even fractionally, and I’m kicking your arse.”
He seemed to calm down slightly at that. When he had his temper a little more under control, he looked around me at Marie. I followed his gaze to find her scowling at her brother.
“Would you like me to call security?” the doctor asked her.
“It’s okay, thank you. I can take care of my little brother. Would it be all right if Kieran and I had some time to talk things over though?” she asked him.
“Of course,” the doctor replied. “I’m keeping you in a few more days for observation, so we can talk again when I’m on rounds tomorrow. If all is well, I should be able to discharge you in the next couple of days, and I’ll then refer you back to your regular cardiologist.”
“I hear one more raised voice from inside the room, and you’ll be removed from this hospital,” the doctor warned Luca on his way out.
Matt and Tristan walked in behind the doctor, and I groaned. The shit going round in my head was more than I could handle, and the only thing I wanted to do was talk it through with Irish. The twins stopped as they sensed the tension between me and Luca.
“What’s going on, little sis?” Tristan asked her cautiously.
“I’m pregnant, and I’m keeping the baby,” she explained, crossing her arms over her chest indignantly.
“The fuck you are!” Matt replied. “Your heart can barely keep one of you alive, let alone two.”
“Hey!” I said, ready to knock another person out. Family or not, no one took pot shots at my girl.
“Jesus, that was harsh,” Marie said, looking really hurt.
“How about asking your sister how she is, how she’s feeling, and whether she needs anything from you other than a shitty attitude?” I asked him.
“Like we need you to tell us what our fucking sister needs?” Luca argued angrily.
“What she needs is not to be in a room where everyone is yelling. Which, coincidentally, is exactly what I need!” Stella Kelly said, shutting the door behind her with a soft click.
“How are you, sweetheart?” she said, bending to kiss and hug her daughter.
“I’ve been better, Mum,” she replied sadly.
“So, I gather from all the shouting that I’m to have a grandchild then?” Stella asked her.
“I have to have an ultrasound, but the doctor thinks I’m around eight weeks,” she replied.
“And how do you feel about this Kieran?” Stella asked me.
“We haven’t even had time to discuss it before the boys came barrelling it, shouting the odds,” Marie commented.
“I’m absolutely fucking terrified,” I admitted, and the room fell into a sort of stunned silence. “My parents had that kind of epic love you see in movies. But when Da died, it nearly broke me ma. So I avoided any kind of relationship, because I don’t think there can be many things worse than losing your soul mate. Only today I found one. I love Marie more than I thought it was possible to love someone. To lose her would fucking break me. But to lose her, knowing she died because I allowed her to carry our baby? Do you think there is anything worse in the world a person can fucking experience? But to give her a better chance at life, you want me to ask her to kill our child. And maybe right now, it is a tiny little bean, and maybe I wasn’t expecting to be a father when I woke up this morning. But from this moment on, a father is exactly what I am. And a father’s job is to protect and love their child. And you know what? I may fuck things up most of the time, but I think I’d make a pretty good dad. I had the best da in the world, and he wasn’t that much older than I am when he had me. So if I’m half as good a father as he was, then I think our kid will be okay.
“Now, if Marie wanted to terminate the pregnancy, I would understand her decision and support her through it. Inside, I think I would bleed slow forever, but I wouldn’t love her any less for it. I’d bleed because I put her in a position where she has to make that choice. But I think she wants our little bean as much as I do. So you tell me what to do here. Tell me what decision doesn’t turn our happily ever after into an absolutely heartbreaking, fucking travesty.”
For the first time since the Kelly brothers walked into the hospital, I thought they imagined themselves in my shoes. Tears were streaming down my girl’s face, but she looked strangely proud of me. Wiping away those tears and sniffing loudly, she squared her shoulders and looked ready to do battle.
“Kieran, you haven’t left this hospital in days, and our poor dog is going to forget what you look like. Mum and my brothers will stay with me today. I want you to go to your Mum’s house and get some rest. Then go and visit Tommy for a bit. We’re seeing the doctor again tomorrow morning, and we can talk afterwards. Would that be okay?”
I looked at her brothers, trying to judge whether or not they’d give her a hard time if I left them alone. All three looked like they’d run out of steam at my speech though. When I caught Stella’s eye, she winked at me.
“Go and get some rest. I’l
l be here,” she reassured me. Finally nodding in agreement, I leant down to kiss my girl.
“Give me a call if you need me, and I’ll come straight back,” I assured her.
“Would you do something for me?” she asked.
“Anything.”
“Take a shower,” she whispered.
“Shut up. You love my manly smell, woman,” I answered, smiling. I kissed her goodbye, then eyeballed Luca on my way out. He’d pissed me off, but truth be told, he was right. I was the one who’d put us in this position, and now I had to find a way to live with it.
I made it all the way down to the hospital car park before I lost my shit again. Since my bike was totalled, I’d been using Tommy’s truck. Waiting by the side of it was Marie’s dick of a stalker.
“My name is Alastair—”
“I know who you are,” I interrupted. “What do you want?”
“I want you to walk away from Marie and never look back.”
“I’m seriously not in the mood for this shit,” I replied tiredly.
“Everything was great before you showed up. Our relationship was just getting off the ground when you came along and stole her away from me. I’m not naïve enough to think that you don’t have feelings for her, but whatever you have isn’t enough. All you’ve done since you’ve come along is fuck everything up. I’m done with asking Marie to leave you. Now I’m telling you to get out of her life for good.”
“You have no relationship, you fucking psycho. I get why you would fall for her, I really do, but this shit stops now. Marie is my girl. The mother of my child, and I ain’t going anywhere. So I’m giving you one last warning. Stay away from my family, or I will fuck you up.”
“She’s pregnant?” he said in absolute shock. I didn’t get the chance to answer before he was pacing backwards and forwards and rubbing his hands through his hair like a crazy person. “No, no, no, no, no, no, no… you’re fucking everything up. It was all going to be so perfect. She was going to have my children. She was going to marry me, and you’re ruining everything,” he ranted, but it was almost like he was talking to himself.
“The fuck you say?” I replied, getting seriously worried that this guy wasn’t so much a creep as a sandwich short of a picnic.
“It doesn’t matter. She’s still mine. The baby will still be mine. You’re nothing more than a petty thug. Marie could do so much better, and she will, as soon as she sees what bottom-feeding pond scum you really are. I’m going to give her everything she ever dreamt of.”
My patience with this fucker had just about come to an end. But despite that, I had the feeling that Marie was right. This guy needed professional help. He looked half crazed, and what he was saying was completely nuts.
“Look,” I said tiredly, “why don’t you come inside with me. We can speak to one of the doctors together. Maybe figure out what to do.” Who was I kidding? I had no fucking clue what to do. But the idea of going inside and trying to find anyone who could diagnose his problem was a hell of a lot more appealing than walking away and imaging him sat at home making obsessive stalker scrap books of all his fantasies featuring my girl.
“Why couldn’t you just die like you were supposed to?” he screamed at me. “That’s all you had to do! Nobody would miss you. In fact, I would be doing the world a favour, so why couldn’t you just do what you were supposed to? Marie might mourn you for a little while, but she’d have me there to support her. With a baby, she’d have to give up that stupid shop, and we could raise it together,” he said, painting his own rosy fucking picture of his world without me in it.
“What did you say?” I asked him, wondering if I could possibly have misheard. “You caused the accident?”
“Nobody else should have gotten hurt. You ride that bike everywhere. All I had to do was clip the back wheel with the car. You should have been taken care of. Instead, you sent your friend out on a wet day to pick her up on that death trap,” he screamed at me.
“How could you fucking do that? Marie was on the back. You must have seen her!”
“I thought it was one of your friends. She was wearing jeans, boots and a man’s jacket. I didn’t know it was her until it was too late. It wouldn’t have been her if you hadn’t let her ride around on that bike! The only one responsible for her injuries, is you,” he argued.
I lost it. I’d been drowning in guilt over this accident and he’d been the hit and run driver all along, All the pain and suffering I’d experienced over the past few days was behind every punch as I laid into him. One good hit to the face got him to the ground, but I kept going.
“You stupid fucker! Do you know what you’ve done? Tommy could be fuckin’ brain damaged and Marie could have been killed! You put her in hospital all because you couldn’t take no for an answer,” I shouted.
“No, you put her there! The minute you put your grubby little hands on what’s mine. What’s always been mine,” he wheezed.
There was no more talking after that. He curled into a ball as I hit him over and over. By the time a strong pair of arms lifted me off the ground, Alastair’s face was a bloody mess.
“Get off me,” I screamed, knowing it was Con who held me back.
“Enough, Kier, he’s done,” Con replied.
“You don’t know what he did!” I protested.
“I heard enough. Now let’s get out of here,” he told me. He dragged me to his car and shoved me into the passenger side. The tyres squealed as we peeled out of the car park, leaving that piece of shit where I left him. I took no notice of where we were going until he pulled up outside Driscoll’s. The few fighters that were training or sparing turned to stare as we barged through the doors.
“Everybody out,” Con ordered.
It was a testament to the respect he had that nobody questioned his orders. The gym was opened to all members, even when he trained for a title fight. If he wanted the place cleared, the guys knew it was serious. He sent a quick text from his phone then chucked it into his training bag as he pulled out a pair of wraps and chucked them at me.
“Put ’em on,” he ordered. I said nothing as I pulled my hoodie and T-shirt over my head and dumped them on his bag. For one glittering, shining moment I had everything I ever wanted, and now I was watching it all turn to dust. There wasn’t anything left to say. Wrapping my hands seemed pointless, given that my knuckles were split and covered in Alastair’s blood, but I did as he’d told me, lacking the will to argue with him.
“In the ring,” he ordered. Looking around, I could see that the place was already empty. I climbed through the ropes and squared off against Con. Bare chested and wearing low slung jeans like me, he’d taken the time to put on wraps as well.
“Let’s go,” he said.
I’d told him everything on the way over, and the journey had allowed me to force everything back into the bottle. Now Con was trying to push me, not only into opening the bottle and letting those feelings out, but into smashing the whole fucking thing.
“Don’t be a fucking pussy. Either hit me or start walking,” he goaded.
“Fuck off. Don’t you think I’ve had a tough enough day without getting shit from you?” I asked, feeling more and more pissed off with each passing minute.
“So, are ya gonna stand there whining like a little bitch all night, or are ya gonna do something about it?” he asked, jabbing me in the face. I blocked and blocked over and over until he finally scoffed and muttered, “You don’t deserve her.”
Like someone releasing pressure from a safety valve, I let the pure, unadulterated rage pour out of me. There was no skill in the way that I pounded on him. What every punch lacked in technique, it made up for in power. He took a few hits, but Con was never one to lie there and take a beating, not even for me. It just wasn’t in his nature to allow himself to be subjugated. Instead, he blocked and jabbed. He didn’t look for openings to beat on me, and Lord knows I’d left him many. But he didn’t make it easy on me either. With every hit, I thought about how it wo
uld feel if Marie or the baby died, or if Alastair lured her away from me. The tipping point was imagining the agony of watching another man marrying my girl and raising my child. When I had nothing left to give, I threw my head back in pain and dropped to my knees, sobbing like a little fucking girl. Kneeing down beside me, Con grabbed my neck and pressed his forehead against my own.
“What the fuck am I going to do? I had everything, the whole fucking world in my hands. How did it all turn to shit so quickly? I can’t lose either of them. And if Tommy doesn’t wake up, how can I live with that for the rest of my life?”
“Then fucking do something about it!” he ordered.
“Do what?”
“You get your shit together and you fight for what you want, Kier. It’s what we do.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Marie
It was a universal truth that hospital beds were the loneliest places on earth. The second loneliest place was the chair beside the bed. With nowhere to go to escape from my worries, I stared at the walls, my hands covering my tiny belly, and I prayed for the life of my unborn child. I suspected that those very same walls had heard more prayers than the walls of a church.
It saddened me that more people seemed to want my little bean terminated than want it alive. Rationally, I knew it was because the people who cared about me truly believed my body couldn’t handle carrying a baby. Matt’s gibe that I could barely keep one person alive, let alone two, had hurt. But none of them had any idea. Not really. Because there was no force on earth more powerful than a mother’s love. I didn’t need to hold our baby in my arms to understand that. I felt the truth of it in every part of my body. And I would be anything, do anything I needed to do, to keep my baby safe. If it took every last beat of my heart and every last breath in my body, then so be it. But the thing of it was that I didn’t feel weak or tearful. Maybe that would eventually come when the hormones kicked it. But the more I prayed, the more empowered I felt. With every fibre of my being, I knew.
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