by Lynn Wolfe
“I’ve never had the desire for an adventure that would risk my life at every turn. But when you think about it, it’s no different than my grandfather starting his shipping business and sailing to different ports around the world, other than the type of danger involved.
“I believe when my grandfather moved to America, he wanted to keep ties to England and the family he left there. Father, on the other hand, only wanted to trade in England. He has not kept any family ties in England that I know of, for America is now his home.
“Father always wanted one of his sons to take over the business, but none of us ever had the desire. I’m sure he was disappointed that we chose other vocations, but he’s never expressed it to me.
“I hope Luther changes his mind and returns to visit us, Susannah. But the truth is, I know how far that would be for him to travel home and the time it would take. I think the only reason Jacob is not going with Luther is he’s still torn to where he wants to live. His ties to family are stronger. I also think he truly likes the Ohio area. I hear it is quite lovely, especially along the Ohio River.
“If all goes well for Jacob, he can easily get supplies along the Ohio, and stay in touch with what’s happening in Baltimore, with so many people passing through. Time will tell,” James stated, wondering how his brothers were faring.
“I hope Luther’s safe. There’s so much danger out West, especially when you’re traveling alone. Hopefully, he’ll find someone to take along, someone who is as skilled living off the land, as he is. I sure hope he writes once in a while so we know where he’s been and what he’s seen, don’t you James?”
“I wouldn’t hold my breath to get a letter from Luther. You can be thankful, Susannah, I’ve no desire to travel except between here and Baltimore, although, I don’t rule out going to the Ohio Valley sometime in the distant future, as in a few years from now.” James remarked.
They sat in silence for a few minutes then James looked to see why Susannah had nothing more to say, he smiled when he realized she’d fallen asleep. He probably bored her talking about his brothers, he thought. He decided to enjoy a few more minutes outside before he awoke Susannah to put Andrew to bed.
*****
James decided the next morning to see Thomas and Anna. It was far too soon for Susannah and baby Andrew to travel. He was anxious to see how their cottage was coming after Anna added her touch, anything would be an improvement. It was a cool day and James knew his mount would be ready to run since he’d not been riding in several days.
James tied his horse to the hitching post in front of the cottage and now saw lace curtains hanging in the window. Anna had indeed made some changes. He never had liked the checkered red and white curtains that had been there prior to Thomas moving in.
He was about to knock when the door swung upon and Anna came sobbing into his arms. James was stunned. He’d never seen Anna so distraught.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying? Is Thomas here?” James asked trying to calm Anna down.
“No, he isn’t. He should be back shortly,” Anna haltingly got out. “He rode out to check some fencing and said he’d be back for lunch. Oh, James, I don’t know what to do.”
“First off, tell me what’s happened to upset you so.”
“I did something that I shouldn’t have, James. I couldn’t help myself. Please, come and sit while I explain the mess I’ve put myself in.
As they entered the parlor, James noticed Anna had recovered all the furniture in a lovely blue flowered material. He smiled and wondered how a woman could make a few minor changes to a home and have it appear much more comfortable with so little effort. There were some fall flowers in a vase on the table next to the chair where he sat. Anna had taken the chair across from him as she continued to wring her hands and every so often wipe her nose. James was sure Anna was over-reacting to her problem, as most women do.
“I decided to do some fall cleaning, starting with the den. I was dusting the top of the desk, when I accidently knocked his ledger to the floor. A few papers fell out and I happened to see the bill for my wedding dress. Oh, James, I knew I shouldn’t be so nosy, but I wondered how much my dress cost. I opened the bill to find it wasn’t a bill at all, but a note–—from his sister, Mary.”
“I don’t understand. How could that be?” James asked angry and confused. Mary wasn’t even in London during their visit, or so he thought.
“That’s just it, Thomas never mentioned seeing her. I don’t understand and I’ve read this note twice, but I’m still confused. I’ve known for some time that Thomas has been bothered by something he’d refused to discuss with me or anyone else. He’s always stating nothing is wrong but I’m sure it has to do with this note, from Mary, and something that happened in London.”
When James heard Mary’s name he winced. He didn’t want to read anything she’d written but how could he tell Anna he didn’t give a damn what the note said. Yet, he found himself curious about it. He took the note reluctantly and read it carefully and slowly trying to gather his thoughts and not allowing any facial expressions to change. He didn’t want Anna to feel any worse than she already did.
Thomas, to my surprise, I met Anna. I found her quite charming and extremely beautiful. I doubt that you could have found anyone better to spend the remainder of your life. I’m truly happy for you.
She came into the shop looking for a wedding gown. I knew I had the perfect one. You’ll find her looking like an angel this Friday. As I’m sure you’ve already surmised, the gown was to have been worn by another. Since that’s no longer possible, I’m giving you this wedding dress as my gift. If circumstances were different, I would have loved to have attended your wedding, but we both know that’s not possible.
I shall arrive in America someday in the future. At a point when I’m ready, I’ll contact you. In the mean time, I wish you happiness. I truly love you; I just need time to forgive you, Mary.
James stared at the note. Since he didn’t understand this note, how could he give Anna an explanation? What the hell was Mary talking about!
Anna quickly got his attention back to her, “James, what am I to do? I must tell Thomas I read the note. He’ll see it on my face that I’ve done something terrible. He’ll never forgive me, James.”
“Anna, Thomas will forgive you. I don’t understand the note, either. But for reasons I don’t wish to go into now, I must speak with Thomas, alone. Once that’s done, I’m sure this will be straightened out. I don’t believe you did anything different than your sister would have done under the same circumstances. It’s a woman’s curious nature. Maybe it wasn’t right, but things like this happen. I must speak with Thomas.”
James got up and kissed Anna’s cheek. “Trust me, Anna. Everything will turn out fine. I’ll see to it.”
Anna nodded and weakly smiled. James left her shaken and still sitting in the chair but he hoped she might be feeling somewhat better.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
James was furious. How dare Mary tell Thomas she couldn’t forgive him? What the hell did Thomas do that he’d need forgiveness from Mary! Then, James saw Thomas riding up; he walked over to the corral and waited so they could speak privately.
“Hey, James, what a nice surprise! What are you doing out this way?” Thomas asked, as he pulled his mount next to where James was standing. When Thomas realized James hadn’t responded he glanced again at James. He could tell he was angry, very angry, by the bulging vein on the side of his neck and his clenched jaw. His eyes were dark and glaring.
Thomas looked worried, James thought. There was a time when James thought he and Thomas could tell each other anything, as good friends should. Now he knew Thomas had kept something secret, not only from him, but from everyone.
“What’s happened, James?” Thomas managed to get out as he lit up a smoke.
“That’s what I’d like to know, Thomas, why don’t you tell me?” James waited until Thomas dismounted to continue. “I found your wife near hyster
ics when I arrived. She accidently found the bill to her wedding dress. Right or wrong, she opened it out of curiosity only to discover it wasn’t a bill, it was a note from Mary, which she allowed me to read.”
James was aware Thomas couldn’t even look at him and he had paled considerably. He looked towards the barn with a look of disbelief upon his face. After several moments James saw the tears form in his friend’s eyes. He felt some remorse for his harsh words for whatever Thomas knew about the note; it had caused an obvious reaction which not only made Thomas sad but emotional.
“Thomas, why does Mary feel the need to forgive you? Does this note have something to do with what’s been troubling you for so many months? Please explain so I can understand. I’d thought you knew there’s nothing in this world that could change our friendship. What could have happened that’s so awful you couldn’t confide in me or even Anna?
“As far as Anna’s concerned, you should have no secrets from her, for any reason. She’s your wife.”
Thomas swallowed and felt the dryness of his mouth. He prayed he could find the right words. He had finished his smoke and lit up another one. “I treasure your friendship, James. And I love and trust Anna completely. However, I’d been held by a promise I made to Mary. But deep down, I knew the day would come when I’d have to break that promise, and now I’ll have more regrets to shoulder.”
He wiped his brow with his sleeve. “I think I’m relieved this has finally come to light. Why I never destroyed the note, I can’t answer, maybe because it was my last link to Mary or maybe I wanted the truth to come out at some point. Once I share my secret, then maybe I’ll find some peace. But in doing so, I fear you’ll know my pain all too well.
“At least I’ll no longer have to pretend how happy I am. James, Mary put me in a position that I was damned if I did the right thing and damned if I failed to keep my promise to her. I’m not sure how to begin to tell you what’s happened to destroy so much and cause so much hurt to those I love.”
“Whatever it is, Thomas, I need to know the truth, and so does Anna. I want you to share this burden so I can help you through this. It’s bothered me for some time that you’ve been troubled by something and couldn’t or wouldn’t share it with me.”
Thomas took a deep breath and nodded. “Yes, I’ve carried this sorrow from the day we arrived in London with Anna and Susannah.” Thomas blinked back his tears.
“As you know, I wanted to see father to find out where Mary went. I told you, James, he wasn’t anywhere to be found. But there was something I hadn’t told. I discovered Mary was living at home. She wasn’t in the cottage, but her things were there, along with a used tea cup. We both know father wouldn’t drink a cup of tea if his life depended on it.”
“Why was she there, what had happened?” James demanded, more out of curiosity as to what had happened to her marriage.
“Not what you think. James, but I couldn’t wait to give her a piece of my mind. I was sure I would find her working for Miss Minnie, since I felt certain her marriage had not worked out.
“She was there, working in the back room when I found her. I told her what I thought and left nothing out after months of being angry and hurt for what she’d done to you. It was the perfect scolding, or so I thought.”
“Thomas, what happened between Mary and her husband? Who had she married? I guess I’m curious to find out – even after all this time. And what did she mean about forgiving you?” James wanted these answers to help his bruised pride; he was curious who could have captured her heart when he had so freely given his.
“That answer, James, is what’s been haunting me for months. You see, Mary hadn’t married. She never left or forgot her promise to you. Father’s letter was a lie. And so, she’d come to The Emerald the morning we arrived, very excited to finally be reunited with you and to get her ring. She’d spent almost every Sunday since we had left, working on her wedding gown.
“When she first spotted me, she said she was thrilled and overwhelmed I’d come back to see her wed, even after I swore I wouldn’t. She had called out to both of us but we never heard her. When she finally got close enough to get your attention, it was then she saw you with Susannah.
She knew at that moment, seeing you with the lady carrying a child, you’d already married. Everything she’d ever hoped for was lost. It nearly destroyed her, James, for she knew you had left her for another.”
James said nothing. He couldn’t. He was trying not to believe what Thomas was saying. His heart ached as he closed his eyes and pictured Mary seeing him with Susannah.
He couldn’t imagine a worst thing happening to anyone, finding out the man you loved and sworn your allegiance to, had married another, after you’d spent an entire year waiting for his return.
James was positive he’d broken Mary’s heart. He’d loved her so much and then hated her to the core when he received Henry’s letter. Until, he thought, he found himself able to show forgiveness, when he fell in love with Susannah. But, now, to learn Mary had never betrayed him, gave him the worst feeling inside he’d ever experienced.
“Don’t hate me, James. Mary made me promise not to tell. She knew you’d never change your situation, you couldn’t. She also knew you wouldn’t have married another unless you had fallen in love, again.
“She said if you ever learned the truth, you’d only feel pity for her. Mary had been loyal all along and I’ve been ashamed of my actions ever since I confronted her. I hurt her as badly as you, maybe even worse, with the words I said that day.
“She told me she’d have never doubted me if the shoe had been on the other foot. The look on her face, as she shared her heartbreak, well James, it’s something I haven’t been able to put out of my mind. I’d spent my entire life trying to protect Mary from any kind of injustice and now I know I’m equally to blame for her sorrow.”
“Aye, we both are. If only I’d remained loyal. I should have known your father would do anything to break us up. And now I love Susannah. If only I’d known the truth while we were in London. I could have explained to Mary how this came about. I would have tried to ease her pain.”
“It would have only hurt her more, James, to hear you explain how you now loved another. Not after she had such high expectations.”
“I hate your father, Thomas. I shall hate him until the day I die. And Mary, no wonder she hates me, and rightfully so. To think she had to find out the way she did. Have you heard from her?”
“No, I don’t expect to hear from Mary for at least a year, if then. I pray she’s safe. James, I’ve never felt so ashamed.”
“I know her sorry will haunt me, too, Thomas. We must tell Anna and Susannah what happened in London. I’ll share with Susannah how I betrayed Mary and why. Susanna and Anna will certainly understand the pain your father has caused all of us and the suffering Mary has been enduring, not only because of him, but our stupidity. They’ll hopefully understand how we managed to be complete fools and why we feel ashamed.
“I know Susannah will have no doubts regarding my love for her. As much as I’d loved Mary at one time, I now love Susannah more.
“Say goodbye to Anna for me. I pray Mary will forgive me, someday. I’m not sure she should. I wish you would have shared this with me in London, but I understand why you didn’t. But had I known the truth, I would have begged Mary for forgiveness; I’m as much a fool as you.
“We’ll have to live by our choices, as will Mary. It sickens me to know how badly I crushed her spirit.” James thought about Mary now being alone with that evil man they call a father. Alone, James thought. How many times had they said it would be the three of them, forever? James knew he couldn’t change the past but that didn’t make him feel any better. No wonder Thomas had spent the last few months struggling with his feelings.
James realized there was a slim chance the day might come when he would have to face Mary. At some point she might forgive Thomas and visit him and Anna in the future. In one way, James wanted to see
her again, to tell her how terrible he felt about what had happened, but in another way, he hoped he’d never have to face Mary and see the pain she carried within.
He knew she would put a big smile on her face and say everything was fine, but in her eyes he would see the sadness, knowing Mary as he did, he knew she would probably never get over the love she held for him.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Parker Plantation
Thomas and Anna were anxious to speak with James and Susannah now that the truth about Mary was in the open. After sharing dinner together and Andrew was put to sleep for the night, the men excused themselves to the den while Anna and Susannah went to the parlor for some tea and time alone.
“Susannah, I didn’t think we’d ever get the men to the den.” Anna whispered. She very much wanted to know Susannah’s reaction regarding Mary.
“Can you believe we actually met Mary? Of course, she had used her middle name of Hope, but even with that knowledge, we had no idea she worked at Miss Minnie’s Dress Emporium. What a brave front she’d put on. I’m quite sure I never could have been civil to the woman, or the woman’s sister, who married the man I loved!
“It must have been agonizing for her and all the while she allowed me to try on the dress that she had made for her wedding to James. She was quite lovely, too. Now, I look back and realize it was no wonder she had shed those tears when I tried the dress on!”
“I agree, Anna. I, too, felt only sympathy when James told me what had happened. I openly cried for her as I put myself in her place. I knew exactly how devastated I would have been witnessing what she saw at the docks. I’m fairly certain I wouldn’t have had the ability to control my temper as she did. I would have wanted to confront James the minute I had seen him with another woman. In fact, I probably would have wanted to shoot him!”
“When I mentioned what I’d have done to James, he smiled and nodded. In fact, he said he was certain I’d have made such a scene in London; they’d probably still be talking about it today!
