by Cole Lepley
“What are you doing?”
I release my seatbelt and lean into her seat so she has to look at me. “It is easy, take off that fucking ring and marry me instead.”
Her mouth drops open slightly. “Perry…I. Are you serious?”
“Dead serious.”
Her eyes soften and she puts her hand on my arm. “That’s not the most romantic proposal.”
I laugh once. “You want me to get down on one knee in the middle of the street I will.” I grab her face and kiss her hard. “I’ll give you whatever it is you need so that I get to have you. Just you and me, forever.”
I think that last word scared her, because the color is slowly draining from her fake tanned face. She shakes her head. “I love you, you know that—but this is all very sudden.”
I laugh loudly this time. “Sudden?” I sit upright in my seat. “I’ve loved you for seven years. How is this sudden?”
She appears shaken, adjusting the button on her blazer. “I need to think about it.”
I smile. “What’s to think about? You love me, I love you. Let’s cut out all this bullshit and just be together. We can go to the courthouse and say our vows, no fuss at all. We don’t even have to invite anyone.”
She doesn’t look convinced, so I keep going.
“Or, we can do it the right way. I can get you a ring, a bigger one obviously, and we can have the wedding with the fancy dress and all our family. Anything you want.”
I hold my breath when her eyes fill with tears. “I can’t.”
My jaw clenches. “You can’t right now, or you just can’t?”
She takes a shaky breath. “I need more time.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it.”
I lean back in my seat and press my finger into my throbbing temple.
“This is hard for me, too,” she cries.
I risk a glance over at her and for the first time, her tears don’t break me. It’s a cycle that I let her to take me on. The kind of mood I’m in right now doesn’t allow for sympathy.
“Get out.”
Her eyebrows shoot up. “What?”
“I said get the fuck out, Sloan.”
I reach across her lap and shove her door open. We’re currently five miles from town.
She looks out of the open door and back to me with a stunned expression.
“You can’t be serious. I’m wearing wedges.”
I get inches from her face. “I don’t give a fuck if you have to walk barefoot. Get the fuck out of my car.” My voice is a low growl and she flinches back from me.
With a huff, she grabs her handbag and steps out onto the sidewalk. I reach over and pull her door closed. She glares down at me through the window.
“Seriously, Perry? You can’t just leave me here.”
Her voice is muffled by the closed window, and I stifle a laugh. If I wasn’t so angry, I would have. Instead, I lock the door and peel tire all the way down the street. I catch her fumbling in her purse through the rearview, obviously calling for a ride. When she’s out of view, I slam my fist into the dashboard.
My anger now is mostly directed toward myself. I’m tired of being stupid because of her. If I let this continue, I’ll never be happy.
I let those thoughts consume me as I drive to the shop across town. I’ve been putting this conversation off with Tess for as long as I can. I’m leaving tomorrow and if I don’t hash shit out with Robby first, I’ll be worried the entire time. He’s unpredictable, and I can’t take any unnecessary risks when it comes to keeping Tess safe.
She’s standing behind the counter with her head lowered over her sketchpad when I stroll through the door. Tight, inky curls are clipped on top of her head and she’s wearing a studded black tank top and body-hugging distressed jeans. Her dark red lips pout when she sees my face and she drops her pencil.
“You look troubled,” she says, concern etching her brow. “You okay?”
I nod, but the knot in my stomach clamps tighter. It’s not about Sloan at this point and I have no intention of bringing it up right now. I rest my hands on the counter across from her and meet her gaze.
“You have anything to drink?”
She laughs. “What? Like booze?” She pulls out a bottle of Jack from under the counter. “I have this for when the tough guys get a little squirmy. They bleed more, but complain less.” She shrugs one shoulder and I finally crack a smile.
“That’ll work.” I take the bottle from her hand and twist off the cap. “You’re gonna need one too.” She watches me take about two shots worth and slide it over to her.
She pauses with the bottle poised at her lips. “This sounds serious.”
“It is.”
Tess takes a long drink, wincing as the harsh liquor hits her stomach. “Okay, let me have it.”
“Tess, I mean it. This is not a joke.”
She studies my face for a moment and then sighs. “I’m with you.”
I glance back to the door. “You have any more appointments today?”
She shakes her head.
“Good,” I say and then walk over to lock the deadbolt. I peek out into the street for good measure and then walk back to her. She looks nervous now, and my heart is already breaking for her. I take a breath. “This is about Walker.
Her shoulders visibly tense, but she keeps her eyes locked on mine. “What about him?”
“It’s about the money. The money he never delivered to Robby.”
She blows out a shaky breath. “It’s okay. I knew eventually this would happen.”
I see the worry on her face and round the counter so I can be closer. I place hand on her shoulder, looking her directly in the eye. “You don’t have to worry about all of it. I have half of my own still stashed at my parent’s house.”
Tess huffs a bitter laugh. “Well, I have all of it. More than all of it. I never spent a dime he made from Robby.” She pulls away from me and wipes under her eyes. “Did you honestly think I didn’t know?”
“I wasn’t sure. He wasn’t always…well, he had a lot on his plate toward the end.”
“Just say it how it is,” she spits back at me. “He wasn’t honest. He lied to me, Perry. All the fucking time.”
Her sudden burst of anger surprises me. I assumed she knew some things, but there was always so much he kept from her. It put a strain on our relationship as well. I never lied to Tess and keeping something so important from her felt wrong to me. Walker started to resent my loyalty to her.
My eyebrows pull in. “You knew?”
“Of course I did. He was my husband after all.” She wipes away another tear as they start to flow faster. “I don’t think he wanted to tell me, but I don’t think he had a choice. There was too much money to hide anymore.”
My eyes drift away from hers, my jaw tensing. “I fucked up. I know I should have never left him alone in this.”
“No, don’t do that,” she says.
Her hand is on my arm, but I refuse to look at her. “Do what?”
“Don’t put this all on you. You didn’t have a choice when you left. He had a choice to keep doing it and he didn’t listen.”
“But it’s my fault he was doing it in the first place,” I grit out. My nostrils flare and I take a step back lacing my hands on my head. “If I never went to prison, I could have stopped this. I could have prevented it from going further.”
“Perry, stop,” she pleads, stepping closer to me again.
Her hands land on my waist and I lower my arms around her. I press my cheek to the side of her head and hug her to my chest. “It was my job to protect you,” I whisper.
When I still won’t look at her, she grabs the sides of my face so I have to.
“Perry, look at me.” Our gazes connect and I see the firmness in her eyes. “You protect everyone. Walker, Mack, even that bitch Sloan. But who protects that big, dumb heart of yours?”
“It doesn’t—"
She clasps her hand over my mouth so I can’t fini
sh my sentence. “I do,” she says, and then releases me with a small smile. Her arms come back around my middle, holding me to her. “It’s my job to protect you whether you want it to be or not.”
I bury my face into her neck, the severity of our situation hitting me harder than I expect. “I fucking love you, Bishop. Do you know that?”
She nods into my chest and I thread my hand in her hair. I lift my head and kiss her temple. “I’ll never let anything happen to you. I can live without a lot of things, but I can’t live without you.”
Her fingers dig into my back to clutch me tighter, and then she whispers, “I love you, too.”
22
Because I Had You
Tess- Now
It takes a little while for Perry to calm down. When he’s upset or angry, he always has trouble forming a logical thought. I knew Walker went ahead and made a deal when Perry went prison. It extended his role with Sam and Robby and also pulled him deeper into their world. Without Perry around, nobody was here to rein him in. That was his downfall.
We’re driving to my parent’s house across town. Shortly after Walker died, I had to move the money. I was afraid someone would come for it and kill me for good measure—but they never did. Evidently, Perry made a deal of his own with some acquaintances on the inside.
He’s chain smoking beside me in the car and hasn’t said much since we left the shop. I decide to break the silence first.
“Did Robby come for you?”
He nods and then takes another long drag.
“When?”
I glance over at him at the same time his eyes cut over to mine. “Yesterday.”
For some reason I feel relieved by his answer. It would be one thing for him to wait months to broach the subject—but he didn’t. Walker always waited until the last minute to tell me something. He constantly tried to delay the inevitable fight that would follow. I’m thankful Perry is still mostly transparent with me. At least that hasn’t changed.
The air is thick between us and I know what he’s thinking. Perry has always carried the weight of our burdens on his shoulders. His heart is too pure to put it on anyone else.
“I never blamed you,” I say before I can take it back. He shifts in his seat beside me, but I keep going. “Walker’s death wasn’t your fault.”
He stays quiet for the longest time and then he sighs. “It doesn’t matter,” he says, his voice low and rough. “I promised he would take care of you, and I never intended to break that promise.”
My chest squeezes. “It wasn’t your promise to make.”
The words come out thicker than I intend them to. Talking about Walker in a bad light hurts me more than I can describe. I know he was a good man, and his intentions always came from a place of love—but it was the greed that destroyed him. No one can take responsibility for that except for him. Regardless of how much Perry wants to.
The tears are building in my eyes and Perry reaches his hand over and rests it on top of mine. His fingers close over my hand as one slips down my cheek.
“I’m here now,” he says. I risk a glance in his direction and he shakes his head. “You’ll never face this alone again. I’m not going anywhere.”
His words give me comfort and fear at exactly the same time. I’m consoled that he’ll be here if I need him, but afraid I’ll never get to have him in the way I truly want. It feels selfish of me to still be in love with Perry after all these years, but I can’t deny that a part of me always has been.
Another thing that will never change.
He pulls his hand away and my heart stutters back to a normal rhythm. The emotions I’ve been feeling lately are overwhelming. I’m still mourning the loss of my husband, and yet I’ve been consumed with guilt over being happy about having my best friend back. There’s no rule book to help you decide how long you’re supposed to wait before you’re allowed to move on. It would be different if it were someone new—but it’s not. My heart already knows how to love to him.
I struggle with those thoughts for the next few miles until I take the turn on my childhood street. When I pull into my old driveway all the lights are off. My parents are spending the next couple months at their house in Florida, so this was perfect place to stash it. No one will be around.
Perry steps out of the car and pauses below the basketball hoop. “Every time I come here it feels like I’m seventeen again. I wish we knew back then how good we had it. How lucky we were to have each other.” He turns to me and the pain in his eyes radiates through me and mixes with my own. “Maybe then we would have made better choices.”
“I think everyone did what they thought was best,” I say, walking over to stand beside him.
“I’m surprised you stayed here,” he says, motioning to the empty house. “You could have gone with your parents and got away from it all. At least for a while.”
I swallow the lump forming in my throat. “Well, it was simple. I knew eventually you’d come back. I wanted to be here when you finally did.”
He looks down to me and opens his mouth to speak, but then thinks better of it. He walks forward and steps inside the garage. Flicking on the light, he turns to me. “Where did you hide it?”
I pull a small key out of my pocket and hand it to him. “In the chest, behind the lawn equipment.”
He gives me a skeptical look and I laugh. “I panicked. I know it’s not the most obscure place, but I didn’t know what else to do.”
I watch him walk over and unlock the chest. He pulls the duffle bag out and sets in on the floor in front of us. When he unzips it, his eyes widen. “How much money is in here?”
I shrug. “I’m not entirely sure. I stopped counting at a hundred grand.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” he hisses. He stands and throws his arms out. “We only owe fifty.”
My heart starts to pound. “I…I don’t know. This was what he had.”
Perry’s nostrils flare, but then he closes his eyes to take a few deep breaths. When he looks at me again, he at least seems calmer. “Okay, this is okay. Maybe Walker saved some money.”
“Makes sense,” I say, nodding. “We didn’t exactly put all the money he made in the bank.”
Perry grabs the duffle and slings it over his shoulder. “We’ll go back to your place, separate the money, and I’ll deliver Robby what’s owed. Whatever is left you can do with what you want.”
My eyes start to burn, but I hold it back. “I don’t want that money.”
Before I can stop myself, I start to cry. It doesn’t go longer than a second until Perry’s arms come around me. He drops the duffle to the ground with a thud, and I grip his sweatshirt. He curses under his breath while he runs his hand down my back.
“I know you don’t,” he says softly.
I pull back a little, wiping under my eyes. “Why did he think I would? I never needed him to do this.”
He brushes my hair back and cups my face in his hand. “I don’t know, sweetheart. His intentions were always honorable, regardless of how they turned out. He loved you more than anything.”
Of all the people in my life I was lucky enough to love—Perry has been the most consistent. He always put everyone’s well-being above his own and it’s time he doesn’t. I want him to find what makes him happy.
I’m not sure what comes over me, but I lean up and press my lips to his. He kisses me back and I find myself being surprised at how soft his lips are. I’d be lying if I said I never thought about what it would be like to kiss Perry before. I pull back, my heart racing, and he presses his forehead to mine.
“We’re going to be okay,” I whisper.
His eyes squeeze closed for a moment, and then his lips brush my cheek once more before he pulls away from me.
“I have to go to Cornell. Mack needs me or I wouldn’t go.”
He looks torn, so I smile. “Go be with your sister. I’ll be fine here.” I shove my hands in the pockets of my jeans to hide the fact that they’re still shaking.
<
br /> Biting his lip, he nods. “Okay. I don’t like leaving right now, but I have to.” He takes a step toward me, placing his hand on my shoulder. “When I get back, I’ll come work with you and we’ll get everything figured out. We’re going to do things right this time. I promise.”
A part of me hopes he’s referring to more than just business. I’m not entirely sure what the situation with Sloan looks like at the moment, but I can only hope he moves on from her. She was never the person he was supposed to be with. That’s one thing I’ve known all along.
23
Golden
Perry- Then
Sloan has been at college now for an entire semester. We broke up a few times since she left, but are currently in a good place—for now. I’m not entirely comfortable with her going to the same school as Johnny, but I have hope it’s a large enough campus that they won’t run into each other often. Maybe it’s wishful thinking or maybe I’m just plain dumb, but I love that crazy bitch and there’s nothing I can do about it.
Things with Walker and I are also going better. The new arrangement with Sugar is going surprisingly well. We almost doubled our previous profit and have less hoops to jump through. I’m actually starting to believe it was a good idea. He was able to buy the building downtown and we’ve been working day and night to get all the renovations complete. It also helps when you have a seemingly endless stream of cash and people willing to work under the table.
Tess is at school, so Walker and I are able to team up and make a few last minute deals before she gets home. We just finished meeting with one of our regulars when I spot a familiar-looking Suburban creeping down the road. I nod to Walker and pull him into an alley. We huddle together behind a dumpster.
“That’s fucking Robby. You think he knows?” I whisper.
Walker shakes his head. “I don’t know, man. If he does, I bet he’ll be pretty pissed.”
