by Cole Lepley
“What? Walker, you’re seriously losing it man. I’m looking out for all of us. I’m not trying to act like I’m anything.”
He drags his hand down his face with a growl of frustration. “You’re right. I’m sorry, okay?” He looks to Tess and then back to me, lowering his voice. “It’s a good deal and there’s minimal involvement.”
“How is that possible?”
“I can’t talk about this right now.”
I laugh once. “She doesn’t know the truth, does she?”
He shakes his head.
“So, what did you tell her?”
The remorse is evident in his eyes before he speaks. “I told her Robby was looking for you.”
I lace my hands on top of my head and take a step back from him. “Wow. That’s real nice, man.”
“Perry, I…”
I don’t wait for his explanation as I stomp past him and out the back door. I barely have my cigarette lit before it flies open again.
When I turn around, Walker’s eyes are pleading. “I’m really fucking sorry. I didn’t know what to do. He showed up out of nowhere and I didn’t have a good explanation.”
“So you decided to throw it all on me? That’s fucked up, man.” I take an angry drag while pacing around in a small circle.
He shrugs. “She trusts you. For some reason if you’re involved it makes everything okay.”
“I don’t lie to her,” I say simply.
It was a low blow and I can already see the resentment in his face. He knows it’s true and I think he hates that Tess and I are so close. That’s too fucking bad.
Even though I know he wants to say something about it, he doesn’t. Instead, he continues to plead his case.
“He has a proposition that will keep us out of dealing directly for the most part.” He eyes me carefully and I motion for him to continue. “We haven’t worked through all the details, but he basically needs a business to run the money through.”
I laugh again. “He wants you to launder money through the shop.” I shake my head. “You’re an idiot.”
“No,” he says defensively. “It’s smart actually. I can charge whatever I want for a tattoo and make up clients if I need to. As long as I keep the totals close to the same every day when I make the deposit, no one will ever be suspicious.”
“You’re never going to be able to do this without her knowing.”
Walker smiles. “I do the books.”
My jaw starts to tick. “And you’re completely okay with keeping such a big secret from your wife? One that could potentially ruin you both.”
“It’s not like that, man. I’ll tell her once I figure this all out.” He grabs a cigarette of his own and takes a long drag. “I have a meeting set up tomorrow night. You should come.”
The anger pulses through me in heavy waves. The last thing I need to do is get involved with Robby again, but I can’t exactly let him go alone. He could be walking straight into a trap and I’d feel forever responsible if something happened to him. More importantly, there’s still time to talk him out of it. I just have to find a way to make it seem like it’s his idea.
I throw my cigarette to the ground and snub it out with my boot. “Okay, I’ll go with you.”
He grins again and I hold up my hand. “But we’re just talking. Promise we don’t make any deals until we come back and discuss it—together, all of us.”
Walker nods. “Sure, man. Whatever you need.”
I shake my head again. It’s not about what I need; it’s about all of us. In order to move forward we can’t keep letting people like Robby drag us back down into a life that was leading nowhere good. I would love to go to Tess right now and tell her what’s going on and maybe she could put a stop to it. But I can’t do that.
I can’t be the one who puts a strain on their relationship. Walker is my best friend. Nothing will ever change that. No matter how much he infuriates me with these crazy schemes, at the end of the day, he’s family to me. I protect my family—even if they’re wrong.
33
If You Stay
Tess- Now
Perry is quiet when we leave the restaurant. I expected a certain amount of awkwardness when we finally talked about what’s going on, but it doesn’t make me feel any less nervous. This is a huge step for us. Finally giving into feelings we both pushed aside for far too long will have its consequences. I’m not naïve enough to believe it won’t. All I can hope for is that we come out on the other side of this together—like it should have been all along.
He pulls along the curb outside my building and shuts the lights off, but lets the car idle. When he turns to me, his expression is uncertain.
“I would walk you up, but I’m afraid if I do I won’t leave.”
I smile over at him. “That would be a bad thing?”
He laughs and then runs his hand over the stubble on his jaw. “Um, I wouldn’t call it a bad thing. It would be a pretty fucking amazing thing I’m sure, but I don’t think it’s a good idea just yet.” He reaches his hand over for mine and brings it up to his lips. “I want to do this right with you.”
My heart flutters up into my throat. The way he speaks to me now affects me so deeply that I have trouble finding the words to describe it. I used to watch the way he was with Sloan and wonder if he would ever be able to look at another girl the way he looked at her. Now I think I have my answer.
“Okay,” I agree. “No sleep-overs until at least the second date then.”
This causes him to smile. “So, this was a date?”
I shrug, trying to appear casual. “If you want it to be.”
Instead of answering me right away, he leans forward and kisses me. “Yeah, it was a date,” he says, pulling back from my lips.
Regardless of how much that makes me happy, there’s still a few things I need to get off my chest. Well, one really large thing.
“Perry,” I say, turning in my seat to face him. “I know you’ve always been honest with me about what you and the guys were doing, and although I wanted to be in the loop, it didn’t make it any easier.”
He reaches over and grabs my hand again, his thumb sliding back and forth across my knuckles “I know that, and I’m sorry.”
I take a breath. “That being said, I want you to know I’m done with that part of my life. I don’t want to be constantly worrying the person I love is out doing something that could get them killed.” His eyes meet mine and the pain behind them pushes the unease further into my throat. “So, if you’re still involved with Robby or anyone from before I need to know about it, and if you are then I’m not sure we can go any further with this.”
He starts shaking his head before I even finish speaking. “Tess, I swear. That part of my life is over, too.” He pulls his hand into his chest. “I told Robby when we made things square that I was out for good and I’m never going back.”
I release a quick breath, nodding. “Okay, good.” My heart starts to beat a little slower and I lean back in my seat. “I know you weren’t there toward the end, and it wasn’t your fault, but—Walker was different. I could see the change in him and I refused to believe it was real.”
When I glance over, Perry is watching me speak like he knows what I’m going to say. “The night he died…” My voice catches and I take a shaky breath. “We were fighting. I know you think I’m strong, but the truth is, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I just wanted him to stop.”
The muscle in Perry’s jaw ticks. “And what did he say?”
I swallow down the growing lump in my throat. “He said it was his last one. One more big deal and he was out.” I laugh bitterly as a tear slips down my cheek. “Do you know how many times he told me that?”
He shakes his head even though I’m sure he knows the answer.
“Every single time,” I breathe. I run my hands through my hair and take a few more breaths. “He left me a voicemail just moments before he was shot. I didn’t answer because I was still so angry with him for
leaving that night.” My eyes drift shut and I shake my head. “I really wish I did because the next call I got was from the sheriff.”
My eyes are still closed when I feel Perry’s arm come around me. He’s practically in my seat with me, holding me as close as he can get. I bury my face into the crook of his neck and all the pressure building inside my heart starts to lighten. His lips press against the side of my head.
“I hate that you had to go through that. I never wanted that for you.” He pulls back and presses his forehead to mine, holding me with his gaze. “I promise you you’ll never have to go through that again. No matter what happens for us, I will always put you first. I always have.”
Except when it comes to Sloan—but he didn’t say that. I just hope this version of Perry is smarter than the younger one. He always chose Sloan.
There’s only two days left until Sloan gets back from her week away with Johnny. I hope they rekindle whatever it is she saw in him and I don’t have to deal with her constant indecisiveness. I know that’s a long shot, but a girl can dream.
Perry’s really been doing well at the shop. Rumors spread around town he was back in the game and his appointments booked in record time. I’ll admit I’m a little jealous his waiting list is longer than mine, but I’m not surprised. He’s always been amazing, he just never let himself do what he really wanted.
He closes the register after cashing out the last client of day and turns to me with a grin. “What do you say we do something fun tonight?”
“Isn’t every night fun with me?” I ask with a wink.
He walks over from behind the counter and wraps me in his arms. He plants a quick kiss to my lips. “Of course it is, but I have something planned that we haven’t done in a very long time.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Should I be scared?”
The smirk that etches his perfect face makes my stomach flip for more than one reason. “No, I think you’ll like it.”
When we’re standing at the top of a snow-covered hill about an hour later, I’m starting to question how excited I’m going to be. Perry grins at me, carrying the orange and yellow plastic sleds in his hand.
“You’re going to love it,” he says, nudging me with his shoulder.
“I don’t know,” I say, looking down the steep bank. “It was different when we were young. You’re fearless when you don’t have responsibilities—or when you still have decent medical coverage.”
Perry laughs and hands me a sled. “You act like being twenty-one makes you an old maid. Live a little.”
I begrudgingly take the plastic death machine from him and almost laugh. The looks we were getting from the cashier at the store were hilarious. Imagine her surprise at two grown-ass adults, covered in tattoos, standing there with no children in sight buying sleds made for a ten-year old. It was priceless.
He leans into me, and his warm breath brushes my cheek. “What if we make a friendly wager?”
I laugh again, turning my face toward his. “You want to make a bet?”
He nips my bottom lip with his teeth. “Yes, I do.” His voice is so low that I swear it vibrates all the way into my stomach.
“Okay.”
He smiles, pulling back from me. “The rules are simple. Whoever makes it to the bottom of the hill first wins. If I win—I get to sleep in your bed tonight.”
“I thought you were saving that for the second date,” I tease.
He shrugs. “Technically this is our second date.”
I bite my lip. The thought of Perry sharing my bed again makes me all kinds of twisted up inside. Especially since this time I’m sure he’ll want to do more than some light spooning.
“What do I get if I win?”
“Whatever you want.”
You, forever.
“Um. I guess if I win, I get to sleep in your bed.” He laughs and I slap him in the chest with the back of my hand. “What? I may be a girl, but my mind is in the same places yours is.” Extending my gloved hand to his, I smile. “Is it a deal?”
He acts like he’s uncertain for a moment, keeping his hand just out of reach. Instead of shaking it, he leans down to me again, cupping my face in his hands.
“Just so you know, Tess. I would let you sleep in my bed any day of the week.” He presses his lips to mine so lightly I barely felt the warmth from them. “All you had to do was ask.”
“Let’s go there now where it’s warm,” I whisper.
He smiles and kisses me once more. “Nope. You’re not getting out of this that easily.”
With a sigh, I poise my sled on the ground next to him. The way he’s grinning from ear to ear right now reminds of when we were kids. I used to beg Jeremy to bring me here for hours, but then Perry would show up and take me immediately—no questions asked.
He looks over at me with that wicked grin before sitting cross-legged on the round plastic sled. It’s almost too small for him and it’s actually pretty adorable to see such a rough guy doing something like this.
“You ready?” he asks.
I take another breath, mirroring his position. After pulling the beanie I stole from him so many years ago over my ears, I nod. “Ready.”
We both push off the top of the hill at the same time. For a brief moment I consider wrecking into a tree so he wins. On second thought, I decide that either way—tonight is going to be incredible. Even more than it already is.
34
Choose Me
Perry- Now
Tess has woken up in my arms for the past two days now. It’s a feeling I can’t really describe. It’s comfortable and scary all at the same time. I keep remembering all those times I promised Walker that her and I were just friends, that the love I had for her wasn’t intimate. A part of me knows that’s always been a lie. Even though he’s gone, I still feel like I’m betraying him. That thought keeps me up at night.
It’s also part of the reason I haven’t taken things further. Sex isn’t a big deal to me, but sex with Tess is. I need to make sure we’re completely solid before we take that step, and I still have one major loose end to clear up.
I’m using my time between appointments today to run down to the drug store to pick up a few things. More and more, my stuff keeps ending up at Tess’s apartment. If we keep this up, I’ll be moved in by the end of the month.
Strolling through the laundry aisle, I come to a stop when I see a familiar face. Johnny’s smile fades as his gaze lands on me. I attempt a casual nod, but he sees through it.
His hand falls from the pack of dryer sheets he was grabbing. “I figured I’d run into you sooner or later.”
I shrug. “Small town.”
He laughs once. “Yeah, something like that.” His jaw is tense and I can tell he’s trying to keep the obvious anger brewing inside of him in check. I can’t really blame him. If I was engaged to Sloan, any guy that even looked at her wrong would be eating their teeth.
“Listen,” I say, rubbing my hand along the back of my neck. “I think I owe you an apology.”
The laugh that sputters out of him now is loud enough to cause a few eyes to drift over to us. “Apologize? For what?” He leans in closer. “For fucking my fiancé or convincing her to leave me?”
My chest immediately constricts around my heart. “Leave you?”
He shakes his head and reaches for the dryer sheets again. “Well, she hasn’t yet but I can already see the change in her since you’ve been back.”
“I don’t want any trouble.”
He throws the small box into his cart roughly. His nostrils flare when looks up at me again. “Do you think I’m an idiot? I’m going to be a cardiologist for fuck’s sake. Clearly I’m smart enough to figure out that my girl is still in love with someone else.”
For all the times Sloan ran to Johnny when we were fighting, I never once considered he might actually love her too. The look on his face right now is one I’ve seen in my own reflection enough to recognize it.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Don’t say anything. I knew coming into this that eventually you’d come back, and when you did I knew exactly how it would go.” He pauses and looks around for a moment. “I know how it feels to come in second to her. I always have and I don’t think that will ever change.”
My eyes drift to the floor and I shove my hands in my pockets. I’m sure Tess has the same fears. The only difference is, Tess never came in second to Sloan. I know she thinks it’s bullshit, but if it ever came down to choosing between them—I would have chosen her.
Just like I am right now.
He rakes a hand through his hair, messing up his perfectly styled blond locks. “All those years she would come to me crying after fighting with you, sad because she loved you so much, and scared because she knew you’d never change.” He grits his teeth. “I would’ve done anything to make her happy and you just walked around and did whatever the fuck you wanted regardless of how upset it made her.” He takes a step closer, lowing his voice. “You think people in this town don’t know what you are? It’s no secret what you and your friends were into and I would’ve hoped you were smart enough to see what a life like that gets you.”
It’s my turn to be angry. I shove him back a step. “Don’t act like you fucking know me. You don’t know shit about me.”
He runs his hand down the front of his button down and glares back at me. “I know enough to know that Sloan is better off with me.”
“You’re right. She probably is and I’m not going to stand in the way of what she wants.”
He tilts his head to me. “That’s the problem isn’t it? You and I both know what she wants.”
Before I can respond he sighs heavily and turns to walk out of the aisle. I don’t try to stop him. There’s no point in defending something when I know he’s right. Having my character called into question is nothing new for me, but I’ll admit it sucks to hear out loud.
