by Cole Lepley
When I face forward again, I hear his cackle float through the air after me. He probably wants to stab me again. My rage boils closer to the surface as I shove my hands in my pockets and continue down the road to the drop off point. If he does want to stab me, hopefully this time he jams the blade right through my heart. I don’t need it anymore anyway.
By the time I make it to the spot, I’m already second-guessing myself. To be honest, I’ve been second-guessing myself since the moment I agreed to this bullshit. I don’t have to dwell on that feeling for too long, because a black SUV pulls up and shuts its lights off. A guy gets out of the vehicle but leaves it running.
I nod as he starts to walk up to me. “You Sam?”
He smiles. “As a matter of fact, I am.” The shit-eating grin on his face makes me want to shoot him right now, but I don’t have a gun. What idiot in their right mind would send a guy to a deal with a verified murderer, unarmed? Robby would, that’s who.
My memory quickly searches for a time when I would have met him before, but I can’t think of any. In school we heard of him, and at the time, he was Robby’s boss. Something big must have happened between then and now that we missed.
He scans my face curiously. “You look familiar.”
I give a shrug. “Doubt it, man.”
Thugs like him aren’t stupid, but apparently I am. If we—or I mean, if I were smart, I would have sent someone else to pick this guy up. If he recognizes me and puts two and two together, I’m getting a bullet in my head sure as shit.
“You got my money?” I ask, giving him a stiff nod.
He smiles again. “Of course.” When he moves to reach in his pocket, my heart pounds faster. I can outrun a lot of things, but I can’t outrun a bullet. Thankfully, he pulls out a wad of cash and hands it to me. “It’s all there.”
I take it quickly and hand the duffle to him at the same time. He raises an eyebrow when I go to shove it in my pocket. “Aren’t you going to count it?”
My stomach drops and I curse myself for being so preoccupied with not getting capped that I forgot the most important step. I have to appear aloof.
“Aren’t you going to make sure I didn’t just hand you a bag full of kittens?”
He laughs once, dropping the duffle at his feet. “Funny guy,” he mutters, unzipping the bag.
My heart continues to beat double time until I see two pairs of eyes peeking up from behind him. They move quickly through the darkness and before I have a chance to get a good view, they tackle Sam to the ground, tossing a bag over his head. It takes me a moment before I notice that it’s Robby’s guys and then I start to relax a little more. I clutch my chest and breathe for a moment as they drag him away into a van parked down the road.
I reach for my pack of cigarettes and light one just as Robby is walking down the road toward me. “Come on,” he says and then smiles. “We have one more stop to make. You ride with me.”
Muttering under my breath again, I reluctantly follow him to his truck and get in. It’s a rather large, ostentatious SUV if you ask me. I look around at the buttons and screens and shake my head. All I need when I drive is a working radio, but I guess I have simpler tastes.
He drives for a few miles in silence. When we take a turn up a up familiar road, I reach over and grab his arm.
“Wait a sec. Are we going to the cliffs?”
He grins, driving further up the mountain. “Poetic, isn’t it?” He glances quickly in my direction. “I thought you’d appreciate that.”
“You really are a fucking dick,” I growl, lighting another cigarette. I push the button to lower the window and my smoke begins to curl outside. When I turn back to him, the anger is apparent on his face.
“You used to be borderline respectful,” he chides. “Now it seems like you don’t give a shit at all.”
“I don’t.”
He smiles again. I think he likes the fact that I’m so far gone at this point that nothing seems to bother me. I used to fear him, and now I’m two seconds away from grabbing his gun and putting him in the ground next to Sam. “Well, maybe you’ll feel better after this.”
Highly doubtful, but it can’t make me feel any worse. Can it?
43
Blind
Perry- Now
When I was twelve, I went hunting for the first time with my dad. I remember being so excited I was finally going to be able to shoot a buck just like him. I could have the horns mounted, and one day they would go on my wall and proudly display my accomplishment.
But when the time came, I didn’t get that buck. Nothing prepared me for the feeling that came over me when I looked it in the eyes with my shotgun raised. It still bothers me I chickened out and shot the tree instead. My dad wasn’t angry with me for missing, but I felt like there was a certain level of disappointment in his eyes.
I won’t make that mistake again.
Robby pulls the vehicle to a stop and I light another cigarette. I take a long drag and stare out of the window at the large rock at the edge of the cliff. I can’t believe this is where he wants this shit to go down. I take that back. I can believe it. That sadistic fuck wants me to suffer, too.
He shifts in his seat, turning toward me. “You ready for this, Michaels? You’re playing with the big dogs today my friend.”
“I’m not your friend,” I mutter, keeping my eyes focused on the rock.
He laughs. “And why’s that? What have I ever done to you that makes you so resentful?” He pauses, lighting a cigarette of his own. The smoke curls out in front of me and I fan it away angrily with my hand. “We’re the same you and I.”
This causes me to laugh. I turn my head to him, my gaze hard. “We’re not the fucking same. I’ll never be like you. I never wanted this.”
“And yet, here you are.”
I don’t answer him and face the window again. It’s easy to sit in your own delusion. Thinking that maybe you are better than that when you know you really aren’t. If I had my choice, and I could back and do it all over again, I would like to believe I would have told Jeremy no. I would like to believe that, but I don’t know if it’s true. I’m still trying to figure out if I was really the innocent one trying to protect everyone, or if I’ve been holding my finger on the trigger this entire time.
Robby interrupts my thoughts by handing me a gun. “I saw that you’re unarmed.” I take it from his hand and he smirks at me. “That’s not smart.”
The first thing I do is check the chamber. It’s loaded. For some reason I don’t trust him enough to expect him to hand me a loaded gun. Reaching for the door handle, I look back to him. “I guess that’s why we’re really here, isn’t it?”
He follows and walks by my side. The other vehicle unloads four men and Sam.
“Let me tell you a little story,” Robby says. I keep my eyes on the men as they drag Sam over to the rock. “When you and your boy decided to go rogue and hook up with Sugar, I was fucking pissed.” He motions to my stomach. “I think you know that, but I wanted to tell you in case you forgot.”
I grit my teeth. “I didn’t.”
“Okay, good,” he says, smirking again. “I hate when small details ruin someone’s understanding of a good story.”
I stop and face him. “Will you make your fucking point already?”
The smile fades from his face and he looks me over carefully. “I was angry you got into something that I’d been trying to do since I got into this game. Sam wasn’t a very good leader, so I decided to change things.”
“You fucked him too, huh?”
Robby laughs once. “We all do bad things, Perry. That’s the way life works.”
I glance back to Sam. His hands are tied behind his back and his mouth is taped shut. Two men surround him on each side.
Facing Robby again, he continues. “Yeah, I fucked Sam. When the old lady kicked it, I knew that was my chance.” He pauses, leaning into me. “Too bad you two fucks already beat me to it.”
My stomach drops. Clearly he must have
seen us that night. It confirms my earlier suspicion about being set up when the cops showed up.
I cross my arms. “So, you cut out Sam and took over Sugar’s business. What does that have to do with us?”
“Sam thought it was you.”
I give a hard smile. “And why did he think that?”
“Because I told him you did.”
When I clenched my fist, he starts to smile again. “I never said I was innocent in all this. Maybe I did have a hand in Walker’s death, but I didn’t pull the trigger.”
Robby leans into me, pulling me closer by my shirt so he can speak close to my ear. “You wanna know the real kicker? That bullet was meant for you.”
I shove him in the chest and he releases me before stumbling back a step. He runs his hands down the front of his shirt and pops his neck. My fingers itch for the gun in my back pocket. I could kill him now and then shoot Sam. Getting rid of Sam and letting him live feels like I’m doing him a favor, and he doesn’t deserve one.
“I’m done talking,” I say, reaching for the gun. Instead of pointing at Robby, I move to the rock. Sam’s eyes meet mine and I freeze again, just like the last time.
Robby must sense my unease, because I hear a snicker behind me. “Oh, I forgot. This is probably you’re first time. You must be nervous.”
Several of the other men join in and I can feel the heat creeping up my body and pulsing out through my fingers. The gun starts to shake.
“Oh, it’s that fucking easy, huh?” I growl, the gun still shaking in my hand. I lower it to my side and take forceful steps back to Robby. He puts his hands up when I get right in his face. “How many people have you ever killed?”
“Whoa! What the fuck are you doing, Michaels?”
I tuck the gun in my back pocket and poke him in the chest. “Since you like stories so much, let me tell you one.” He takes a step back, the scowl deep on his face. “I have a six inch scar where you stabbed me. The doctor said that if that knife would have went even a centimeter either way, it would have nicked a major organ and I would have bled out before I even made it to the hospital.”
“What’s your point?” he demands, crossing his arms.
I look around at the guys behind me and take a step closer. I lower my voice to a harsh whisper so only he can hear. “Because judging by the size of that blade and the extreme precision it must have took to stab me just like that—I’m guessing you knew that.”
His eyes are hard when I step back and stare at him.
“It’s easy to fucking hurt people,” I say, pulling the gun from my pocket again. “Taking someone’s life though,” I pause and study the barrel, cocking it into place. My eyes land on his again, all my anger bleeding through. “That’s a whole other thing.”
I begin to pace around in a circle, now scratching my head with the tip of the loaded gun. I’m starting to lose it. My eyes keep drifting back to the guy standing by the ledge and then to Robby. I would bet my life he’s never actually killed someone. For the first time since I met him, he looks scared.
My focus directs back to the rock again and I immediately think of Jeremy. “You know what?” I say suddenly, to no one in particular. I keep with my erratic pacing, waving the gun around in the air casually. “If my boy Jeremy were here, he would say, fuck that motherfucker, an eye for a motherfucking eye, bitch.” I stop abruptly and point the gun back at that son of bitch who killed Walker.
His mouth is still taped and that adds to the brewing frustration raging inside of me. I walk up to him suddenly and tear it off in one quick motion. He lets out an angry growl and throws his head to the side, wincing.
“Well, motherfucker. What do you have to say for yourself?” I step closer and dig the gun into his temple. “Why shouldn’t I blow your fucking brains out all over this rock?”
His expression is blank almost, unaffected by the situation. He’s older than we are—mid-forties I’d say. His lips curl into a sneer. “You’re just another punk-ass who thinks he’s hard. You want to kill me, guy? Go right ahead.”
Speaking through clenched teeth, I press the gun further into his skull. “Well you killed my fucking brother, so maybe I should.”
“Then shoot.”
My pulse is still racing too fast I can barely catch my breath. Is he lying? Trying to fake me out so I shoot Robby instead? I honestly don’t fucking know.
“I should fucking kill you,” I say with a dark laugh. My hand raises the gun back up to the middle of his forehead. “Because you see, you took someone from someone who was their everything, and now she’s destroyed. You ruined everything for her and unlucky for you…” My voice trails off and the snap of the gun cocking gets his full attention. “That girl means every-fucking-thing to me. And for that, you should die.”
His closes eyes and it pisses me off. I want my face to be the last thing he sees.
“Open your fucking eyes,” I demand.
They pop open at my words and lock with mine. The rage is still fueling me from the inside out, but I’m starting to sweat. Sam is starting to look nervous, too. I’m sure he thought I was bluffing, but now that’s he staring down the barrel of gun his cockiness is fading.
“I’m sorry…”
With an angry laugh, I cut him off. “Stop talking now,” I growl.
“Geez, Michaels. You gonna make him do the hokey pokey or what?” Robby remarks from his spot a couple feet away. A series of snickers fills the air from the guys standing around us and I grit my teeth, turning back to him.
I raise the gun to the Robby’s head. “You’re awfully fucking mouthy for someone who’s not holding a gun.”
He holds his hands up and smirks. “Well, judging by how long this is taking, I think I could have gotten away by now.”
A half-scream, half-growl bursts out of me and I fire the gun into the air. Everyone collectively ducks and I make a small circle, facing each one for a moment as I speak. “Let me fucking do this,” I say slowly, enunciating every word.
Silence comes over them when I turn to face Sam again. With a slightly steadier hand, I bring the gun back to my original target. That’s when I see it, and my hand starts to lower again. Walker’s stupid grin flashes in my mind. He used to piss me off so goddamn bad, but when he would smile at me like that, being the happy, and sometimes seriously dumb, person he was—it was almost impossible to stay mad at him.
I would die for him, too.
“What’s it gonna be, Michaels?” Robby calls from behind. “We don’t have all night.”
I wipe the sweat from my brow with the back of my hand before raising the gun again. My hand trembles while I try to aim. I bring my other hand up slowly in an attempt to keep it straight and fail miserably. I see Robby walk up out of the corner of my eye.
“Fucking shoot him,” he says into my ear. “You’ll feel better.”
I close my eyes and realize instantly what a big mistake that is. Tess. How will she ever be able to look at me again if she knows I straight up murdered someone?
Lowering the gun, I shake my head. “I can’t.”
Robby grunts in frustration. “Come on, Michaels. Point the fucking gun and squeeze the trigger.”
I shake my head again. “I fucking can’t.”
“Jesus Christ!” he groans, grabbing the gun from my hands. Before I even have a chance to process what’s happening, the gun fires and warm liquid spatters my entire face. When I look back to Robby, he’s as white as a sheet.
Something comes over me and I take a step closer to Sam’s body. It’s still half on the rock, dangling close to the edge. I kneel down to him.
Picking up the bottom of my shirt, I wipe the blood from my face. “There’s someone really important to me at the bottom of that cliff. He doesn’t deserve to be there, but I think you do.” I’m whispering even though the air around me is so quiet now you could hear a pin drop. “I would tell you to watch yourself on the other side, but I don’t think you get to go where they are.” I click my tong
ue, moving to stand over his body again. “And I’m not sure I will either.”
Without another word, I kick his body off the edge of the rock. It’s so far down you would never hear it hit the bottom. I start walking back toward Robby, his face still clouded in disbelief. I give his shoulder a rough pat on the way past. “I’m ready to go home now.”
For a moment, nobody follows me and I walk alone with my thoughts. Going home doesn’t have the same meaning anymore. Now there’s no Walker, and no Sloan, but most of all—there’s no Tess.
44
Heal
Tess- Now
I haven’t spoken to Perry since I left the hospital last night. Our conversation has been eating away at me ever since. I never left Walker alone in this, and yet, I did that to Perry. I’m terrified that decision will be the reason he gives in. He’s been fighting for so long to get straight and now he has nothing to keep him there. I think what hurts the most is that I couldn’t be that reason for him. It had to be his, on his own terms. I pray those terms don’t come at a cost he will never be able to live with. No matter what he says, I know he can’t.
Despite not sleeping or even having the ability to think properly, I’m fully booked today. It’s been like that since he left. His absence is everywhere and I’m trying to do anything I can to make it stop.
I’m working on a particularly large piece on a guy who won’t quit squirming. This is going to be a long day. That thought is immediately confirmed when the bell above my door rings, followed by the sound of heels clicking on my floors. I don’t have to turn my head to know who it is—I can smell Sloan from here.
“Perry’s not here,” I say over my shoulder. I catch her roll her eyes before I go back to outlining this massive eagle on my client’s back.
Her nails tap along my front counter, traveling back to me and sending angry chills down my spine.
“Tess,” she says, hesitation in her voice. “I need to talk to you.”
