As I burst into song I know that I’m risking everything. I’m treading a dangerous path that could ruin mine and Tia’s friendship, but I have to take a leap of faith or I won’t be able to control myself much longer. If I’m totally honest with myself I think she might be feeling the same way too. We’re both tiptoeing around it for obvious reasons, but I think it’s time to finally stop doing that. As my fingers strum and the words fly out of my mouth I know for sure that one way or another, tonight is going to change everything. I can only hope that it’s in the way I want…
***
“That was brilliant,” Hayley gushes as I descend off of stage forty five minutes later in a bit of a haze. “Honestly I think that might be the best set you’ve ever done.”
I turn to look at her with wide, blank eyes. I think I blocked most of it out because of how it makes me feel. I was so vulnerable, so open, so exposed. As I was up there singing it seemed like such a good idea at the time but now I’m not so sure. Am I really ready to take that step with Tia? What if she brushes me off and wants nothing more to do with me? It was such a risk… have I been an idiot for taking it? Am I about to really regret it?
“Erm, yeah, thanks,” I finally gush. “Well I think I better go…”
“You don’t want to stay for a drink?” Hayley hands me a cappuccino with a small smile playing on her lips. “I made it specially for you. The same as you always have.”
I down the drink in two quick gulps not wanting to be rude. “Thank you, Hayley, I really appreciate it and I’ll see you next week but I really have to go now.”
I stuff my guitar back into the case and head towards the door. I’m sure Hayley has a million and one questions for me. We’re friends, really, but tonight isn’t the night. I have far too much on my mind to even consider normal conversation. Mostly I just need to see Tia, to tear the band aid off then at least I’ll know either way, the anticipation is killing me.
I burst out into the coffee shop, probably looking as wild and crazy as I feel inside and I immediately bump into her. I can tell by the way that Tia is standing awkwardly at the side of the counter that she’s been waiting for me, and considering she’s biting down on her thumb nail I think it’s safe to assume that we need to have a conversation. I close my eyes and pray for just a second that it goes the way I want it to.
“Hey, Kian,” Tia says softly. “That was amazing. You were really great up there?”
Once upon a time, my competitive beast inside would have leapt up in my chest and demanded to know if I was better than Stephen, especially since Tia has slept with him and I like her, but that thought doesn’t even crop up into my brain. I manage to take the compliment for exactly what it is. A nice remark meant just for me.
“Thank you,” I reply weakly. “It was really good of you to come.”
She nods and bites down on her bottom lip and nods. I desperately want to ask her what’s going on inside her brain but at the same time I’m not sure that I want to know. I don’t know if it’s better to leave things just as unanswered as they really are.
“Shall we get out of here?” she practically whispers as her head nods towards the door behind her. “Maybe go for a drink or something? Something a little stronger than coffee.”
That idea is so appealing I could burst. “Yes,” I reply decisively. “Let’s do that.”
Then something unexpected happens, something that’s never happened before. It almost makes me stop in my tracks for a moment, but thankfully I find the strength to keep on going as she slips her hand into mine and she laces her fingers through mine. It’s a gesture that’s so sweet and unassuming but that also means the world. We’ve never been close like this with each other before, the action holds promise that something might really be about to happen. I keep trying not to dare dream that it might actually come to life in reality but it seems that it just might happen. My leap of faith might be about to pay off in the best way possible.
“Your songs are beautiful,” she says kindly once we get outside. “Those lyrics are amazing.”
They’re all about you, I want to declare proudly, but I don’t. I think I’ve used up my bravery quota for the month now.
“Thank you,” I say instead. “That’s kind of you to say.”
She stops on the sidewalk, causing me to do the same and she cranes her neck to look at me. There’s something in her gaze, something truly important and I need to know what it is. I feel like she’s trying to communicate with me, but I don’t want to get my reading wrong. My heart pounds, my mouth runs dry, butterflies dance about in my stomach…
Then she raises herself up onto her tiptoes and there’s no denying her meaning anymore. Her eyes slide close and she purses her lips, looking even more incredible than she always does in my dreams. I dip my head, caving to temptation, giving myself all that I’ve ever wanted. Then our lips crash together and the world completely slides out from underneath me in the best way possible. Fireworks explode, my whole body lights up like someone has ignited a fire underneath me.
It’s then I know that nothing will ever be the same again.
Chapter Sixteen - Tia
Oh my God, I’m kissing Kian. I’m actually kissing him.
As his lips move against mine I feel something inside me that I’ve never experienced before. It’s a kiss like no other and it honestly takes me to another plane of existence. I have never been kissed in such a way before, not by anyone. I love it, it’s wonderful.
My lips part and Kian snakes his tongue inside. As he explores the inside of my mouth, his hands glide lightly from my side up to my hair where he entangles them in the heat of romantic passion. I can feel everything that we’ve locked away for far too long setting itself free and it’s the best sensation in the whole damn world. It makes me feel phenomenal.
As Kian breaks apart from me panting, I suddenly realize that we’re out in the open. This isn’t happening within the privacy of one of our homes, we’re out in public where anyone could see us. Talk about public display of affection, not usually what I like at all!
“Should we go somewhere?” I giggle awkwardly. “And I don’t mean a bar?” Not anymore, having an alcoholic drink id the last thing on my mind. I only wanted that to loosen up the conversation anyway and it seems that we’re way past that! “My place is just around the corner…” He knows that already, I just want my meaning to be clear.
“Yes,” he says decisively, making my insides flip flop over. “Let’s go back to yours.”
I grab his hand and we power walk, almost to the point of running towards my house. In a way, this is happening really quick, after all we only just shared our very first kiss, but in another way it’s been a long time coming. We’ve both been holding back on our feelings for obvious reasons and now it’s time to set them free. I set that in motion by adding an extra kiss to my message, and Kian solidified that by singing sweet songs that seemed to be about me. I assume I’m the mysterious girl that he cannot have. I have to be, don’t I?
Well no need to worry about that anymore, because I’m all in!
Eventually we reach my front door and I fumble around in my bag for my keys. It’s only a small clutch bag, but somehow in the heat of the moment I just can’t seem to locate the keys inside. Maybe it’s my hammering heart or my trembling fingers, maybe it’s just my nerves getting the better of me. There’s no way I can take this huge step without some anxiety. I’d have to be inhuman not to feel something about this craziness.
“A ha!” I feel triumphant as I find them and even better as I slide them into the door. As we step inside the atmosphere is thick and really different. Kian has been here before plenty of times, but it’s always been about friendship. It seems that we’re both acutely aware that today is different and it’s about so much more. “Make yourself at home.”
Urgh, why did I have to say such an awkward thing? I don’t want to make everything uncomfortable because I don’t know how to act anymore. I try to smile to cover it up,
but I don’t know if it really works. Kian still looks as freaked out as I feel.
Maybe if that was all I could feel then I could take a step back, but the delightful lust that’s also filling me up has a tight grip of control over me. The desire swims in my brain, making it impossible to think of anything else other than tearing his clothes off. In the short time that we’ve known one another, Kian has become just about everything to me.
“Come here,” he says huskily holding out a hand to me. I take a step forward and take it, allowing him to pull me all the way in. I can feel his pulse hammering against his chest at a rapid, hard pace, just like mine is. Knowing that we’re going through this same mix of emotions helps me to feel okay about it. “You’re beautiful.”
As Kian rests his forehead against mine I notice something that I didn’t see before, probably because I haven’t been looking for it. In and among the greenness of his eyes he has flecks of grey too. It’s lovely to look at and makes him the most unique man that I have ever been with on the planet.
Before I can make comment about his eyes we’re kissing all over again. This time it’s much less polite than how we were on the streets. It’s frantic, passionate, desperate. All the need I feel for him travels through his mouth and I can feel the same coming from him. Bolts of electricity burst through my system, setting my core alight.
As our clothes begin to shed in a haze of desire I take a step backwards towards my bedroom. I want him there, in amongst the sheets where I’ve had naughty, taboo dreams about him for a while now. I want the real life show to be in exactly the same place. Luckily because my apartment isn’t very big, it isn’t long until my calves hit the bed behind me and I collapse onto the sheets. By that time, my dress is gone, my bra is unhooked, my shoes have been kicked off… the only thing protecting any modesty of mine is a thin, sheer set of lace panties. Kian looks at that part of my body and licks his lips which makes me shiver.
I grab onto the sheets below me as my body writhes. The sight of Kian kicking his jeans all the way off and pulling his underwear down is just too much for me to handle. As he does I notice all the little unique things about just him that make him special. The scar across his belly button, the small tattoo at the top of his leg, the dark pink to his nipples… brand new body is exciting for me to explore. I can’t wait to get my hands all over him.
And then there’s his cock. Wow. I know that it’s been a while, but holy hell. He’s incredible. Thick, pulsating, so desirable that I find my own tongue running along my lips. He’s tantalizing, delicious. Now that we’ve taken this crazy but brave step I want to know every damn inch of his body. I want to feel everywhere, to taste all of him. Every damn inch.
He wraps his hand around himself and tugs while looking down at me. Gone is the shy, quiet version of Kian and in his place is a primitive animal ready to devour me, and dead God do I want to be eaten by him. The dark, hooded desire in his gaze is just too damn much more me to handle. I almost can’t control myself, it’s just too much.
“So… beautiful,” he mutters while sinking to his knees. I push myself into a sitting position to see what he’s up to, but I don’t get the chance to when he sinks his fingers down into my thighs and he yanks me towards the edge of the bed. My feet hit the floor and he nudges my legs further apart with his nose. It all happens so quickly I can barely work out what’s happening. Before I know it, he has claimed my mound with his mouth and he’s flicking his tongue everywhere in the most incredible sensation ever.
“Oh fuck,” I mutter as he alternates between plunging his tongue deep into me, tasting me everywhere, and flicking over my clit. It’s too much for me to take all at one. My body bucks and writhes violently. There’s a pressure building in my toes and I don’t think it’ll be long before that heat travels right up through me, sending my flying higher than air. My muttering becomes louder until it’s almost a scream. “Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck!”
“Such a dirty mouth,” Kian sounds amused as he speaks into my slit, allowing his breath to tickle me all over. “I’ve never seen this side of you before and I have to say I like it.”
I groan impatiently. I don’t have time for games. This has been coming for far too long, I need my release now. I roll my hips, pressing myself back against his mouth and soon I feel his tongue fluttering all over me again, taking me back to my happy place.
My eyes fall closed, my hands rub over my body as the sensations get too much. This must be what going crazy feels like, it’s everywhere all around me, I know it’s coming but I just can’t stop. Much as I want to cave and I want to explode like this, I want to feel him inside me too. I need that connection with Kian, I need that feeling that everything is right with the world. That’s a feeling that only he can give me, and fuck do I need it.
“Oh, Kian,” I moan. “I need you. I need to feel you.”
“You do?” As he steps back leaving me cold and alone, I regret my decision. My ragged breaths feel angry and needy. I feel like he’s taking far too long to come back to me, which I soon realize is because he’s wrapping himself up. “Whatever you want, Tia.”
“I want you,” I gasp as I watch sweat trickle down his incredible body. “I need you.”
He climbs over me on the bed, pushing me back upwards and I go willingly. Maybe this is wrong, maybe me and Kian do have a lot to feel guilty about, but right now in the heat of the moment it feels so incredibly right. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world.
Kian positions himself between my legs and he teases my entrance with his tip. Of course, I want to force him in, I’m desperate for that feeling, but I halt myself for a moment to just look at him. Kian is wonderful, he’s handsome, he’s sweet. He’s kind, he’s sexy… he’s everything. The opposite to the men that I’m used to in my life and everything that I need.
As Kian finally pushes himself inside and he thrusts on top of me, I groan and cry out with glee. My body is already electrified, I feel like I’m already on the knife edge of what I can handle, and with his length brushing past my highly sensitive clit with every stroke I know that I don’t have long.
I’m falling, I think to myself as then I’m genuinely falling. It’s dangerous, but wonderful all at the same time.
I know that’s a rabbit hole that I don’t really want to go down, so I change things up. I push upwards and flip Kian onto his back so I can straddle him. I sit astride him and stare down into his beautiful green and grey eyes as I take control of the thrusts. As I look at him it seems that he’s falling too, despite himself he’s losing himself in me. This is a journey that we are sharing together.
The orgasm actually hits me unexpectedly. I’ve been so busy focusing on looking at Kian and working out how he’s feeling that I forgot to concentrate on the sensations. As I buckle and crumble under the sheer magnitude of the burning hot pleasure that races through me, consuming me entirely, Kian sits up and he holds me close, caring for me throughout it all. The action seems to make it too much for him and I feel the intense pleasure burst free from his body too. We shudder together, sharing yet another part of our journey together.
I don’t know where we’ll go from here, but right now we’ve got this far the two of us, doing everything together, and it feel wonderful. The loneliness that I have suffered my whole life with feels like it’s gone for good.
Chapter Seventeen - Kian
I can’t relax, I can’t sit still and I’ve been this way for days now. Ever since me and Tia slept together I haven’t felt right. I mean, I like her a lot, I know that she’s good for me and to be honest I really might believe that she’s the one, but I just can’t settle into it and I don’t know why… or maybe I do know why, I just need to wrap my head around it.
I need closure. I think we both do. When it comes to Stephen, there’s still something there. There are unanswered questions that I think really need answering before we can both move on. It’s almost as if his spirit is hanging over us, as if he’s somewhere in the realm and we
need to solve this mystery before any of us can move on with our lives. Or maybe I’m just a crazy person who’s looking for an excuse for behaving in such a mad way. Whatever it is I know that I need to at least take a look at it.
I’ve made notes about everything that me and Tia know about the case, not that it’s much. I know that he worked on the cruise, that they shared a night together – even if that’s a part I would much rather not think about, it’s an undeniable part of the story – he intended to go back but something stopped him. Then he sent me that text:
‘Kian, it’s me, bro. I’m doing a show on the Princess Cruise ship and I’ve seen something. I’m scared. I don’t know what to do.’
I hate myself for ignoring this warning. It’s so obvious now that Stephen was calling out to me, begging me for help and I just didn’t want to hear it. Yes, he did often send me random stuff when he was drunk and this could easily have just been that, but it wasn’t and I truly feel terrible. Maybe if we spent more time trying to repair our relationship none of this would have happened… not that I can allow myself to get lost down that trail of thought. I really do need to keep focused.
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