Roc hung up and walked over to the closet as I was gathering my things to change clothes and shower. “Okay, so you dated him a few times. Did you up the pussy?”
If I spoke the truth, I suspected it would cause a lot of problems tonight. It really wasn’t his business anyway, so I said what I felt like saying. “No, I did not up the goods because, like I said before, Greg is not my cup of tea. I was bored, and being with him gave me a chance to get out of the house, hopefully to have some fun. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. Now what?”
“Why did you hang up on me?”
“Because you were sounding ungrateful and I didn’t like it.”
“So when you don’t like what I have to say, you hang up the fuckin’ phone? Since when?”
I shrugged, making my way out of the closet. Roc moved aside to let me pass by him.
“So we goin’ out like that?” he said, reaching for his keys in his pocket. “That’s cool and I’ma holla at you real soon, okay?”
Roc left the room, and moments later I heard the front door close. I was going to apologize for hanging up on him, but since he had left, I picked up the phone to call him. He answered right away.
“What?” he snapped.
“I’m sorry for hanging up on you, and maybe I should—”
He hung up on me, and when I called back, he had turned off his phone. I was too tired to deal with any drama, so I called it a night, hoping and praying that my little white lie wouldn’t catch up with me. Not only that, I hoped I wouldn’t regret getting Roc a job, especially working with someone I was involved with. While I made no promises to Roc about ever being there for him when he was in prison, something told me all of this would come back to haunt me.
Chapter 5
Roc was really trying to play me shady, and for the next week and a half, he did not pick up the phone to call me. I called him, though, only for him to either cut me short or tell me he was busy. While at work, he avoided me altogether. I tried to catch up with him a couple of times in the mailroom, and when I did, he pretended to be so busy. I couldn’t believe all of this was going down over a stupid phone call and there had to be more to it. What? I didn’t know, but I was sure time would tell.
On Thursday, we had just come out of a meeting and I was on my way to the bathroom. I had to go real bad, but was approached by Roc before I went inside.
“We need to talk,” he said with a disturbing look on his face.
“I’ve been trying to for a week and a half now, but you’ve been avoiding me.”
“Handle your business and meet me across the hall in the stairwell.”
“Give me a minute,” I said, going inside of the bathroom. I quickly used it, and as I washed my hands, I wondered what Roc wanted to talk about. Maybe it was something with his job, and I guessed it was no secret that he didn’t like it that much. After drying my hands with a paper towel, I dropped it in the trash. I headed across the hallway and into the stairwell where Roc asked me to meet him. He was sitting back on the stairs, looking at me with a hard stare.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“You’re a gotdamn liar, that’s what’s up.”
His tone caught me off guard and my brows scrunched inward. “What are you talking about?”
“You know damn well what I’m talkin’ about. You fucked that nigga, and you still been fuckin’ his ass. He told me what was up, Dez, and why did you lie about the shit?”
I swallowed, wondering exactly what Greg had told Roc, if anything. “He told you what? And you believed him?”
Roc stood up, moving very close to me. “Are you callin’ him a liar? I will go get that muthafucka right now, Dez, and have him repeat what he told me. Ain’t no way in hell he knows what your bedroom looks like if he ain’t been in it. Ain’t no fuckin’ way he knows how your pussy feels if he ain’t had it! Ain’t no cock-suckin’ way he knows that you have a mole on your right thigh if he ain’t hiked up your damn dress and seen it for himself. So tell me, baby. Who’s the liar? You or him?”
I looked into Roc’s fiery eyes, regretting what I had said the other day. I looked so guilty, and I really wasn’t guilty of anything but a lie. There was no telling what Greg told Roc, and in no way was I in a position to defend myself. “Twice,” I said, already knowing that he’d feel betrayed. Still, I didn’t want to lie again. “I had sex with him two times, only when you were in prison. If he told you we have recently been intimate, that was a lie.”
“Yeah, kind of like the one you told me.” Roc sucked his teeth and put his hands into his pockets. “You know what? I thought you was about somethin’. You ain’t shit, ma, and you just like these other fake-ass bitches out here. Then you always tryin’ to judge me like yo’ ass all that. You played me shady, baby, and you best believe there are consequences for that.”
Deep down, yes, I was hurt because I felt as if this was on me. “I apologize for not telling you the truth, but please don’t talk to me like that, or refer to me as one of your fake bitches. You’re way out of line. The only reason I wasn’t truthful with you about me and Greg is because I didn’t want to argue with you that night. We had been getting along so well and I didn’t want to go there with you.”
Roc looked me over and threw his hand back at me. “To hell with you, ma. You ain’t even worth my time. I don’t believe shit you say, and whatever the hell was up with you and that nigga, you should have said that shit the other night. Regardless.”
I defensively crossed my arms in front of me. “And you have always been so on the up and up with me, right? Please don’t stand there and pretend that you have been honest with me about every single thing, knowing you haven’t.”
Roc snickered and let go of the doorknob he had touched. “That’s right. Play the blame game and throw that shit back at me. Blame me for your fuckups, baby, but that’s the oldest damn trick in the book. Find a new plan and another play toy, too. To hell with this job, and do me a favor, ditch my number, and if you need anything for Chassidy, have Latrel call me.”
Roc opened the door, but I couldn’t allow us to go our separate ways over something so ridiculous. I reached for his arm, but he snatched away.
“Not now, not never. Touch my arm like that again and you will really see a side of me that you won’t like.”
I could see the anger in his eyes, so I let it be. Roc walked out the door, and even though I wanted to go after him, I didn’t. I also wanted to go and confront Greg, but I didn’t do that either. I headed back to my desk and tried my best to get some work done.
When Friday rolled around, I went to the mailroom to see if Roc had come into work. His boss said that Roc had called in sick. I figured that was good news since he at least called in, and hadn’t told his boss that he quit. In no way did I want this to be permanent, so around noon, I asked Mr. Anderson if I could leave early. I told him I had many errands to run, but I was actually on my way to Roc’s place so we could quickly resolve this matter.
I arrived at his place around 1:00 P.M., and when I rang the doorbell it took him awhile to answer. Finally, I could hear him coming down the stairs. He opened the door with no shirt on and his gray jockey shorts.
“I’m busy,” he said.
“Do you have company? If you do, I’ll leave.”
He stared at me, then turned to make his way up the steps. I entered, locking the door behind me. I went up the steps and saw him lying back on the couch with his feet propped up on the armrest. He focused on the television, as if he were all into it. The room had a very smoky smell, and I couldn’t tell if it was marijuana or smoke from the Black & Mild cigar that was lying in an ashtray. I sat on the loveseat that was across from him and placed my purse on the table.
“Can I please talk to you without you getting upset with me over something so ridiculous?”
Roc continued to look at the TV, pretending to ignore me. He had a toothpick in his mouth, dangling it around.
“I said I was sorry, and how dare you
not forgive me after all of the things you’ve done to me in the past? I’m not here to play the blame game, but I did forgive you in the past for some of the things you’ve done. If my lie was so bad and you refuse to forgive me, fine. I made the mistake and I’ll have to deal with it. But please don’t quit your job and do not give up on your daughter. I’m not going to involve Latrel in our mess and you should always be there for her, no matter what.”
Roc removed the toothpick, then looked over at me. “Are you finished? Let me know when you’re done, so I can walk you out.”
His eyes shifted back to the TV and the toothpick went back into his mouth. This was becoming so irritating for me, and I took a deep breath. I combed my feathery hair back with my fingers and gripped it in the back. “I’m not going to kiss your ass, Roc. If that’s what you want me to do, I’m not. You can pretend that you have been so on the up and up with me all you want, but I know better. I know you’ve been over here tying up your so-called loose ends, and what about Vanessa? After all of those years together, now all of a sudden it’s over? Please. Who do you think I am? I wasn’t just born yesterday.”
This time, Roc didn’t even look at me when he spoke. “You finished yet?” He picked up his watch on the table, looking at it. “You don’t have much time, so hurry up and say what else you gotta say.”
Okay, if drama was what he wanted, then drama was what he was going to get. I stood up and snatched my purse up from the table. “Yes, I’m finished. And to hell with you, too, Roc. Don’t call me, either, and as a matter of fact, I’m going to get my darn number changed.”
“Sounds good to me,” he said, sucking on the toothpick.
He sure as hell knew how to get underneath my skin, and his nonchalant attitude was doing more than that. I picked up a pillow from his loveseat and threw it at him. It bounced off his chest, and knocked his ashtray and watch on the floor. That surely got his attention and he jumped up from the couch. He held out his hands and stepped up to me.
“What you want, Dez? You want me to kick yo’ ass, is that it?”
“No,” I said, blinking away water that rushed to the brims of my eyes. “I want you to listen to me and understand that I have no desires for any man but you. We will always have some disagreements, but don’t treat me like I mean nothing to you. I need for you to man up and stop acting so darn childish.”
Roc sucked in his bottom lip, and when his phone rang, he ignored it. “Good-bye, Dez. What you need is a grown man, and obviously you’ve found one in old boy at your job.”
“Fine, forget it. You’re not listening to me and I’m wasting my time.” I moved away from Roc, slightly pushing him back so I could make room. He reached for my wrist, squeezing it tightly.
“Watch where you’re steppin’, and if you think a li’l crocodile tears are enough to move me, then you got me all fucked up. I don’t care nothin’ about no tears, or those fake cracks in your voice.”
“Then what do you want from me, Roc? Do you want me to get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness? What? I’m confused.” I stepped forward, this time stepping on his feet. He pushed me back on the loveseat, and, yes, I lost my balance.
“You may not know what I want,” he said, removing his boxers. “But I damn sure know what you want.”
Roc used his foot to kick open a compartment on his coffee table. He reached for a condom package and put the condom on. He then pointed to his dick, which was hard as ever.
“This it, ain’t it? Just like the others, this all you want from Roc, don’t you? When he ain’t around to give it to you, you take your ass elsewhere, right?”
I knew Roc was trying to compare me to Vanessa, but that was in no way the case. He was so wrong about me, but I let him get whatever it was off his chest. I sat up, but he lay over me so I couldn’t move. All I could think about was the last time he forced himself on me, and I regretted that he was about to go there again.
“Please don’t do this, Roc. Sex is not all I want from you and you know it.”
“Then what do you want? You still haven’t told me, and fuck all that talkin’ and listenin’ shit. What’s really up?”
“I want whatever it is that you want. Now get off me. You’re hurting me.”
“So damn what? And since you won’t keep it real with me, I’ll tell you what I want. I want to know why you ain’t told me that you love me. I’ve been home for four months, and you ain’t said shit. I’m spendin’ all my time with you, tryin’ to do right by you, and all you’ve done is lie to me and complain. What’s holdin’ you back this time? Tell me so I can understand what the fuck is up. Is it Greg, Reggie, some other muthafucka, or what?”
I closed my eyes, taking a moment to think about Reggie. No, he wasn’t holding me back; it was all about Roc. “None of the above. I’m just afraid, Roc, that’s all.”
“Afraid of what?” he said through gritted teeth.
“Afraid of being hurt again. I’m so afraid that you’re going to hurt me and leave me and Chassidy without you. I can’t let my guard down, only because I know how easy it is for you to choose Ronnie over us. Vanessa doesn’t even concern me as much, but your dedication to Ronnie scares me. I had fallen in love with you and you just . . . just said to hell with me and your child, and took the fall for him, choosing to go to prison. I was angry and it’s so hard for me to believe that you will never play us like that again. I don’t trust you, and it’s difficult for me to tell you that I love you, even when deep in my heart I know I do.”
There, I said it, and now he knew it. I tried to fool myself into believing that this was just fun, but I knew it was more than that. Roc had ownership of my heart and all I could do was hope like hell that he wouldn’t break it. He lifted himself off me, allowing me to sit up. He sat on the table in front of me, rubbing his hands up and down my thighs.
“Listen, I’m not goin’ back to jail, so that decision will never have to be made again. You and Ronnie on different levels, and in no way can I compare the love for him to the love I have for you. I do love you too, Dez, but holdin’ back on me like you’ve been doin’ makes me uneasy. In a relationship, I need a woman who is willin’ to give her all. She needs to accept me for who I am and not try to change some of the things about me that will never change. I told you I’d meet you halfway, but I feel like I gotta go all the way with you. Then lyin’ to me about some dumb shit ain’t even cool. If it had been me, you’d be all over me, talkin’ shit. I’m not thrilled about you havin’ sex with that fool while I was in prison, but you made no promises to me whatsoever. As far as I knew, you’d moved on with your life, but I damn sure wish you would have been there for me.”
I bit my nail, already admitting that he was right. “So, I guess this means I’m in trouble, huh?”
Roc cut his eyes, slightly grinning. “Hell, yeah, you in trouble. Big trouble, and I’m not gon’ give you no dick, either. I told you that’s what you wanted and you tryin’ to play it down like that ain’t it.”
I pouted. “At the moment, I told you I didn’t want the ‘d’ and I meant it. I do, however, need for you to hold me, touch me, make love to me, and give me a big ol’ piece of the man I’ve fallen in love with. I want this to work so badly, but we’ve got to be open and honest with each other. I can do it, but do you think you can handle that for me too?”
“Yes,” he quickly said. His cell phone rang, and he picked it up from the table, seeing who the caller was. “Hold that thought,” he said to me, then answered his phone. “BJ, make it quick. What’s the address?” Roc wrote down an address on a piece of paper. “’Preciate it. Now, don’t call me back for the next hour.” He looked at my thighs. “Maybe two. Two or three hours, and tell Ronnie I’m busy.”
Roc ended his call, and for the next several hours, we kept ourselves pretty busy. Being with him felt so right, but there was still a big part of me that was so afraid to give him my all. I had to work hard at doing so, and maybe now that everything was out in the open about our feeli
ngs for each other, it would be easier for me. The only other concern I had was the constant phone calls. Knowing that Ronnie was involved, it always put up a red flag.
Chapter 6
Latrel was home for the weekend, and I was excited because he and Sherri had already been on one date and were due to go on another. I had invited her over for Saturday morning breakfast and she was on her way.
As for Roc, we were getting along so well that it was almost kind of scary. It had been a month since our unfortunate disagreement. He was back to work and I was very happy about that. He did, however, bring up the idea of Ronnie and me calling a truce, just to put him at ease. He told me that he expressed to Ronnie how important I was to him, and there was no way for him to keep the two most important people in his life away from one another. That conversation led to him asking me to go to the wedding and reception of his cousin, Andre. Ronnie would be in attendance, and even though I really didn’t want to go, I agreed to do it for Roc. Loving him meant that I had to accept his family too, but it didn’t mean that I had to put up with any nonsense. Hopefully, Ronnie wouldn’t get out of line, and as long as he didn’t say anything to me, I suspected it would be all good.
On Saturday morning, I had a packed house. Latrel was in the basement still asleep, Roc was in my bedroom, Chassidy was in her room, and Li’l Roc was in the guestroom. Monica had come over at 5:00 A.M. to help me with breakfast and Sherri was expected to show up at 8:00. I enjoyed having company and the house felt so lively. The smell of maple syrup was in the air, and I was standing in front of the stove, flipping buttermilk pancakes. Monica was setting the table, and we both had on white aprons as if we were working in a restaurant.
“I really do love the new dye that you put in your hair, Monica. The auburn looks pretty, and how did you get your hair to have so much body? Let me guess, Pantene shampoo and conditioner?”
Full Figured 3: Carl Weber Presents Page 7
