by Abbi Glines
Just before she reached him, she spun around and looked at Aunt Harriet. “It was a pleasure meeting you, too,” she said then looked toward my uncle. “We did not speak but hello,” she told him then slipped her hand into Ashington’s and happily let him lead her from the dining room.
Silence fell over the room as my aunt and uncle both stared at me. I didn’t have their answers. I was afraid what this appeared to be… who Emma appeared to be was indeed correct. It did not make me dislike the child, but I feared if word about her were to ever leak to the ton, things could go very differently. The idea made my stomach sick. She was so full of life and a lovely spirit.
“This cannot end well,” Uncle Alfred said.
“We do not know that,” Aunt Harriet snapped at him but even she didn’t look convinced.
“I’m sorry I am late, yet again,” Whitney said as she breezed into the dining room. “I cannot seem to rise at a decent hour while staying here.”
We all looked up and her bright smile fell instantly.
“Oh dear, what did I miss?” she asked in a hushed voice.
“I dare say you would not believe it if we told you,” Uncle Alfred said, standing from his chair. “I must go ready my things. I imagine we will be leaving shortly.”
Whitney’s gaze fell to the table covered in sweet pastries. “Do I have time for at least one?” she asked.
“Of course,” Aunt Harriet replied.
The hot chocolate I had requested arrived.
Somehow I managed to drink a cup and finish a pastry. I will never know how because my stomach was never so in knots as it was in that moment.
Very little was said as we finished our breakfast. Whitney’s curious gaze was on me and although I felt it, I did not meet her eyes. The less people who knew of Emma the safer she was. I trusted my sister, but Emma’s existence was not mine to share with anyone. It seemed that Aunt Harriet agreed with me for she too remained quiet.
Once we were done with breakfast, I made the move to leave the dining room. Ashington had not returned and I was relieved rather than disappointed. I was not sure what our next conversation would be and I did not know if I was ready to have it. Perhaps once we were back in London, I would have time to prepare as would he.
After we were dressed for travel, our things were taken from our rooms to be loaded onto the carriage. Whitney exited her room at the same time I did mine. We walked down the hall together. As we reached the stairs, I took a moment to take in the entrance of Chatwick Hall. It was truly a stunning place and one I was not sure I would ever visit again. My thoughts went to the kitchen and all that had happened there. Feeling a pang of loss, I followed my sister out the front doors and toward our awaiting carriage.
Lord Ashington was still nowhere to be seen.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Nicholas Compton
“The ball has only just begun, yet I find you out among the roses already,” I said as I stepped out of the shadows and made my presence known to Miss Bathurst. It wasn’t a coincidence that we were both in the gardens, although I would have her believe it so. My purpose for coming to the St. Vincent’s affair tonight had been to simply see Miriam.
While my brother had whisked her away to Chatwick Hall, I had time to contemplate the matter. It was clear Miriam was his choice. It was also painfully clear that it would be Miriam that I must use to cause humiliation and pain to the new Earl of Ashington. However, while I had several days to reflect and think upon how this would affect everyone, including Miriam, I realized I could not do it. At least not in the way I had so carefully constructed.
My feelings for Miriam could not even be labeled as an inconvenience for being near her brought me a happiness I hadn’t realized I was missing. Whilst she was in the countryside with Hugh, I was battling my own emotions and forced to face the simple truth, I cared very much for Miriam Bathurst.
Turning in the moonlight, Miriam smiled at me. “Mr. Compton, I would say this is a surprise, but I am sure it is a well-planned meeting, is it not?” There was no accusation in her tone. There was more of a jovial lilt to her words. As if she found my game childish and predictable. I needed to rectify that immediately. It was my fault, of course.
“I assure it is not. This is pure luck, at least for me,” I replied. Then thought perhaps if I started telling the truth, it might help things. I had lied for so long it seemed that the lies came so easily to my tongue. It took very little thought.
“Very well,” Miriam said with a smile that said she did not, in fact, believe me. She was too smart to fall for the smooth words of a man such as myself. It wasn’t an easy thing to accept. I didn’t want to be that man. For the first time in my life, I wanted to be seen as something worthy. A man that she could respect.
“Did you enjoy your time at Chatwick Hall?” I asked her then, unable to wait a moment longer for a response to this. Had Hugh let his guard down?
Even under the light of the moon, the pink blush on her cheeks was apparent. Miriam lowered her head as if to hide her response and I knew then it may be too late. My stomach clenched and I felt a tightness in my chest that I could only categorize as panic. Had I ever felt that before?
“Chatwick Hall is the most lovely place in all of England, I am sure,” she replied then. When she offered no more information, I could feel the wall there between us. It was clear that if there had been anything before, any connection she had felt with me, that it was no longer acknowledged. Miriam Bathurst was set on becoming the next countess.
It would be easy to believe she was like all the others and out for the title and power. After visiting Chatwick Hall and seeing all that Ashington had to offer her, why wouldn’t she set her sights on being his wife? However, I knew Miss Bathurst and no amount of material wealth would draw her in. There had to be something more that happened.
“Am I to believe a wedding is to be announced soon then?” I asked, trying not to sound as bitter and jealous as I felt. There was time to turn this around, but at the expense of her happiness would be difficult for me. When had I become a man who cared for others feelings? Why now?
“Oh, no, I do not believe so. I haven’t seen Lord Ashington since our return. I am sure he has been busy.” She stopped then and I could see the flicker of pain in her eyes before she turned her face to gaze off down the garden path and away from me.
This scenario was one I could work with more easily.
“The Earl of Ashington does have much weighing on him. I wouldn’t give it too much thought. He will come around once his load lightens,” I assured her then motioned a hand toward the ballroom. “For now, would you return with me to the ballroom? I believe I am next on your dance card.”
That brought a smile to her face and I felt like a hero of sorts. Hugh might find he needed time to think over his decision and while he did that, I would move forward with my own. Miriam Bathurst was unique and I found getting her out of my thoughts was impossible. Her beauty alone was a fierce weapon, but yet one she did not wield. Her choice not to use such a power only made her more desirable. I was willing to admit that she had changed my plans.
“I thought perhaps he may attend tonight,” Miriam said as we walked back to the ballroom.
“Ashington is often late. He may perhaps be there when we arrive,” I replied. Another lie so easily spoken. Guilt gnawed at my gut. Ashington was, in fact, inside the ballroom. I did not know whom he would be speaking to or if he would be dancing, but he hadn’t gone looking for Miriam. Someone else was occupying his time.
“Perhaps,” she agreed as we stepped onto the veranda and back into the warmth of the crowed room.
“Do you require a refreshment before we dance?” I asked her, not allowing myself to search for Hugh.
Miriam, however, was already doing so and I watched as she scanned the room. She glanced up at me and shook her head. “No, I am fine,” she replied.
Taking her hand and placing it on my arm, I led her toward the floor just as my eyes f
ound Hugh. He was speaking to none other than Lydia Ramsbury and her mother. They were both openly delighted with the attention. All of London knew of his trip to the country with Miriam and her family. His speaking with Lydia made it appear as if that hadn’t been quite as important as the gossip papers thought it was.
Miriam stiffened beside me and I knew she too had found my arse of a brother. Although his stupidity helped me, it also infuriated me. I knew this was difficult for Miriam to see and I wanted to see her smile. I preferred to see her happy. A life with my brother would never make her happy. It was best she learned that now. Before it was much too late.
“She pales in comparison to you,” I whispered in her ear, before taking her arm and turning her toward me as the music began again.
Miriam was the one who was pale, however, and the pain in her face was so clear I realized she had truly come to care for my brother. She had been expecting more with their return to London than she had received. Yet, once again, he had turned his back on someone who thought he cared. I understood that more than she knew. Trusting the Earl of Ashington was a slippery slope and I feared I was too late to save Miriam from the fall. I would, however, be there to lighten the impact.
“I believe she is lovely,” Miriam whispered, looking stricken.
“Lydia is lovely but when compared to you, one fails to notice,” I clarified.
Miriam looked up at me then and forced the smallest of smiles. “You don’t have to make this better.”
“I know. However seeing the pain that is very clear on your face is something I do not wish to witness. If I could take that away, I would,” I told her honestly.
Her smile was less forced then, although the sadness in her eyes was still very evident. “Thank you, Nicholas. I will be fine. Just dance with me then take me to my aunt,” she said with a certainty that stemmed from someone who knew heartache.
“You are well-versed in overcoming, however, that does not mean you don’t deserve a shoulder to lean on. Everyone requires that eventually. Mine is here and very willing.”
Miriam sighed and then a small laugh came from her. Not something I was expecting to hear. “You perhaps, Mr. Compton, are the most complex individual I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.”
“I am going to believe you mean that as a compliment,” I replied.
“Oh, indeed. I do,” she said.
The hurt set deep in her eyes did not go away, but the way she relaxed as I held her in my arms was enough for now. Just when I thought all hope was lost, I was handed one last lifeline to turn this thing around.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Miriam Bathurst
Keeping my gaze locked on Aunt Harriet, I focused on my expression remaining unconcerned. I was aware of the whispers and the eyes on me as Nicholas walked me to my aunt after our dance. It would seem all of London knew of my visit to Chatwick Hall. Lord Ashington’s appearance tonight, with his attention on Lydia, only stirred the gossip in the room.
Fleeing would only make it worse. The one thing I was unable to control was the flush on my cheeks from the attention. I had never liked to draw attention to myself, yet tonight, simply by being alive, I was the object of everyone’s whispers. I held tightly, perhaps too tightly, to Nicholas’s arm, but he did not complain.
I was thankful for his assistance this evening. His appearance in the garden had been no accident and I knew now why he had sought me out. He had known what was inside waiting for me and he’d come to aid me. There was much that could be said about Nicholas Compton and I was aware he had faults that could not be ignored. However, when I had been in need of a friend, he had been there. That I would never forget.
Aunt Harriet’s expression was not as controlled as I hoped mine appeared. She looked utterly beside herself with worry and possibly a touch of anger. I had never truly seen her angry, so I wasn’t completely sure. Perhaps she was feeling ill with the situation at hand and it made her face appear pinched.
She stepped forward, taking my hand and holding it in both of hers much too dramatically for the audience that was watching my every move. “We can leave,” she said immediately.
I shook my head, knowing that would only make matters worse. There was one thing I knew about rejection and it was that showing any weakness only made you a target. My father had taught me that lesson the hard way, but thanks to him, I was very well-trained in handling situations as painful as this one. “I see no reason to leave just yet. The night is still early. I have several dances left on my card,” I explained. I was proud of my voice. Not once had it faltered or shook, although I could see the lady behind Aunt Harriet visibly lean closer to hear what I was saying. Was this truly that fascinating?
“Perhaps some fresh air?” Aunt Harriet suggested, looking more confused and flustered now than angry. My response had baffled her, it seemed. She had expected me to leave. Most would I guessed, but I did not intend to give the ton more gossip for their morning calls.
“I was just going to fetch her a lemonade. May I get you something,” Nicholas said saving me, once again, from having to come up with an adequate response.
“Uh, oh, yes please,” Aunt Harriet replied. “Lemonade sounds lovely.”
Nicholas looked down at me and I released his arm, but he didn’t immediately move away. He was waiting for me to assure him I was good. All the wrongs I had witnessed of Nicholas Compton over the past weeks and the deceptions were being quickly forgiven and forgotten as he stood there beside me. If he hadn’t walked inside with me tonight, how much more difficult would this evening had been?
I did not think of it. Perhaps I would dwell on that later. At the moment, my attention must remain on the present and appearing confident. Just as I was gathering my thoughts and preparing myself to finish this night with my head held high, Aunt Harriet’s hand, once again, took my arm and held tightly. I lifted my gaze from her hold on me to meet her eyes. She looked stricken.
“Oh my, oh dear,” she whispered and continued to stand there, staring at me as if she must tell me the most dreadful news.
I considered pulling my arm free of her grasp, but I feared she would leave a mark, so I remained still and waited for her to say more. She opened and closed her mouth several times, much like I had seen a fish do once out of water. If she didn’t seem so near tears, I would have laughed at the sight.
“Whatever it is, Aunt Harriet, it can’t be quite so awful,” I said softly, not sure what ears around us were listening. I hated this feeling, yet I had walked right into this by agreeing to go with Lord Ashington to Chatwick Hall.
“Your lemonade,” Nicholas said then, interrupting the moment and handing Aunt Harriet her refreshment so that she had to then let go of my arm. He turned to me. “Tis nothing truly of importance. Ashington is dancing with Lydia. Boring really,” he whispered low enough that no one would hear. I doubted even Aunt Harriet could hear him.
Unable to help myself, I glanced back over my shoulder then and saw him smiling down at her. She didn’t appear to be boring at all. Quite the opposite really.
“Do not feed the gossips,” Nicholas whispered again, reminding me that I was being watched very closely.
I quickly looked away from the two of them dancing and it was a relief. The perfect image they portrayed only made my stomach ache with the reality that I would never fit in his arms like she did. Lydia Ramsbury was born to be a countess, whereas I was not. I had let my guard down and my common sense had left me just long enough to fall in love with a man who did not love me back.
I did love him.
Oh God, I did.
I took a long drink of my lemonade then looked at my aunt, who was watching the dancing with a stricken look on her face. “I’ve found my head aches, Aunt Harriet, and I need to retire for the evening.”
She swung her gaze to mine, eyes wide with both relief and concern. “Oh dear,” she gasped.
“Nothing to get worked up over. Except the fact I shall be known as the girl who leaves
the ball much too early,” I assured her.
“Shall I walk you out?” Nicholas asked with a worried tone that matched my aunt’s. With the two of them fussing over me, I would soon have a headache if I didn’t get out of this place.
“That won’t be necessary, Nicholas. Thank you. Please enjoy what is left of the evening,” I replied with a smile for all those who found my actions of interest tonight.
Wanting nothing more than the safety of my bedroom, I walked as slowly and with as much grace as I could toward the exit. Keeping my head held high, I smiled at those who made eye contact with me and continued on my way. They wanted me to look defeated for that was their way. I may feel broken inside, but they would not have the satisfaction of knowing it.
The music had stopped, and I was sure at this moment, Lord Ashington was escorting Lydia Ramsbury from the dance floor. Perhaps he was asking her if she needed some fresh air for it was rather stuffy inside the ballroom. She would smile and agree. They would then make their way out to the gardens to talk of things that were proper. All very regal and worthy of his rank.
The image made me want to toss rotten fruit at their heads.
Aunt Harriet’s hand clasped mine silently as we waited on our carriage to be brought around. For once, she said no words since the time I had known her. Even she realized there wasn’t much that could be said.
I wondered what it was that I had done so wrong. Did my knowing about Emma cause this? Was he unable to forgive me for not telling him that I had met Emma in the forest and not told him? How ridiculous it was if that were so. Did he have a plan for introducing Lydia Ramsbury to Emma? For I doubted she would take it so well. Had he thought of that when he decided she was the one he was to court?
The tightness in my chest twisted and I took a deep breath, inhaling the cool evening air. I may never have answers and if that was what was to be then it just was. I had a purpose. I was here for a reason and falling in love with an earl had not been on my agenda at all.
