by Nana Malone
Holy cow. Had I actually pulled this off? Was I a real-life photographer? Stunned into silence, all I could do was nod and try desperately not to cry.
As soon as the attention turned from me, I breathed a sigh of relief. The first person I thought of to call was Alexi. Of course, that would have to wait until I got home.
For the rest of class, I tried desperately to pay attention to the work of my classmates, but my mind kept wandering. The only person who’s work I did make it a point to focus on was Ilani’s. She’d become a friend, and I would at least give her that much respect. Though Ilani’s critique wasn’t nearly as positive as mine, neither had it been scathing.
When she returned to her seat, she slouched and threw her head back. “Was that as awful as it felt?”
I aimed for something that would make her feel better. “You’re exaggerating. You did fine.”
“I eeked out of that one by the skin of my teeth. The next assignment has to go better. I wonder what it will be.”
Xander turned the light on after the last critique. “As Miss Bruce is asking in the back…”
Ilani slunk down further in her seat.
“Your next assignment is to photograph love in any form or all of its forms. I want to see it. And while nudes are an important part of photography and art, for this particular assignment, please leave the nudie shots out. I want to make sure you can capture the raw emotion properly before we start going into risqué territory.”
Ilani leaned in and whispered, “I’d like to get into his risqué territory, if you catch my meaning.” She winked.
I couldn’t help a giggle. “You’re terrible. Besides, you heard him. He’s not looking to be seduced by any of his students.”
Ilani shook her head. “I think he doth protest too much. I heard the rule was set by the administration.”
I eyed her. “You’re trouble.”
Ilani grinned just as Xander clapped his hands together. “Okay, so who’s up for a drink? My treat. You’ve all survived your first critique. You’ve lived to be critiqued another day.”
I checked the time. Class had gone long, and it was already nearing ten. But I didn’t want to miss out on the opportunity to get to know my classmates better.
“Got somewhere you’d rather be?” Ilani prompted.
“No. Just have to deal with some things back home.” Easton had left five messages and even called Sophie trying to get a hold of me. And considering he and Sophie didn’t get along, that was saying something. I would kill my mother for giving him a way to contact me. Next time I ran away from home, I wouldn’t be leaving a forwarding address or phone number. “But you know what? It can wait until tomorrow.”
Abbie…
An hour later, I smiled to myself as I watched the revelry around me. This was what I'd imagined when I'd wanted to come to school in London. Sitting in the pub with friends, my new classmates, having a Guinness. I couldn’t believe my life now. The mild pang through my heart jolted me. I wasn't going to think about it or the reason I was here. I’d just enjoy it.
Xander sauntered back to the table, carrying another pitcher for the small group. Ilani sat next to me, and Milo a lanky, blond Swede sat across from me, Andrew next to him. He was British like Ilani. Amy, the South African, had bounded over to the Karaoke stand and was picking out a song.
The five of us comprised the majority of the students who'd lived through Xander's critique that night with passable grades. I had a feeling that that was something rare enough to be celebrated.
When Xander sat, Ilani crowded him. Amy trod back to the table, looking disappointed. “They didn’t have that new Beyoncé song, so I’m not in the mood anymore.” Then she too, immediately sidled up to Xander.
I just shook my head. It was like they couldn’t really help themselves. He'd made it clear he wasn’t going to date a student, but still, they trotted out their wares, hoping for a bite. Amy insisted on dressing like a Kardashian with her too tight, too short, too cleavage-bearing clothes and pounds of makeup. I didn’t have a problem with the clothes. Hell, some of them were even cute. But for school and class, where they'd most likely be hunched over light tables and viewers, it made no sense. And then there was Ilani. My friend had a more subtle approach. She'd toned down the clothes, but her make-up was still expertly done, and I noted that she wore perfume. It made me want to laugh.
This was Xander Chase they were talking about. He dated supermodels. Neither of them stood a chance. But I wasn’t going to burst their bubbles.
Not that I was completely immune to Xander. I wasn't dead, and he was pretty to look at. Not to mention he had this lazy, casual, sex appeal to him that would make any sane woman stop and blink a few times. But that was it. For me, it was like watching a beautiful landscape that someone else photographed. All of the beauty without any of the connection. My mind was already consumed with the other Chase brother.
As I drank Guinness and chatted with Milo, I started to relax, the tension rolling out of my shoulders. Xander's low voice from directly behind me startled me so badly I jolted and spilled my Guinness on my hand.
He chuckled. “You'll have to be careful. To the Irish that's a punishable offense.”
“Yeah, I'll remember that.” Grabbing a handful of napkins, I wiped off my hand and the table.
“Did you have fun the other night at my brother's party?”
My shoulders stiffened as I turned to face him, unsure what to say. Last time we’d talked about his brother he’d warned me off. “Yeah, it was fun. Could have been better.”
His slate gray eyes narrowed on mine. “Oh, yeah, why's that?”
My temper sparked. “Some asshat irritated me and told me to stay away from a friend of mine. He was a bit of a prick.”
Xander’s eyes narrowed, and the hairs on the back of my neck stood at attention. That kind of scrutiny from him was enough to put any woman in a stupor. I shifted uncomfortably. Looking around, I noted Ilani giving me a raised eyebrow and Amy throwing death darts with her eyes.
“That prick notwithstanding, I’m sure you enjoyed the velvet rope party.”
I shrugged. “I'm not really the private party person. I'm a rule-follower by nature, so I think the line or the queue is there for a reason.”
Xander's eyes crinkled, and his laugh was rich and low. “Well, we'll see if you still feel the same way after you've been here a while. You keep hanging with that crew and you'll start insisting you won’t fly commercial.”
I tried to remind myself he wasn’t making a character assassination. He just didn’t know me other than my photographs. “You don't know me.” I sliced him a look. He was picking at me, and I didn’t know why, but it was rude.
Another flare of righteous indignation had my tongue loosening again. “And what's your deal? Want to explain why you were telling me to stay away from your brother?”
Gone was the cocksure swagger in his expression. Instead, an impassive mask replaced it. “I'd like my students to stay focused, and Lex has a way of making girls lose focus on things.”
I could see that it must run in the family. “Well, I'm not looking to lose focus. I’m here to work.” The words tasted bitter on my tongue and sounded just as acerbic to my ear.
Xander scrutinized me again. “Who wounded our Little Bird?”
I ground my teeth. “Nobody. And I'm not a little bird.”
“Whatever you say.” He sipped his beer then said, “But I saw you come down from the roof together, and then I saw him dancing with you. Well, I should say more like slowly fucking you on the dance floor, so I assumed you two had a thing going. I’m a little protective.”
Fury bubbled just under the surface of my skin. I considered throwing my Guinness into his face, but then he was a male, so that had probably been done before and wouldn’t faze him. I also considered grabbing the pitcher and bashing it into his head like I'd seen done in movies. But it was unlikely it was breakaway glass, and I doubted Faith had that kind of bail mo
ney. Besides, I was way too cute for jail. Instead, I leveled a gaze at him. “He was the birthday boy, and he asked me to dance. So I did. Haven’t you ever danced before?”
His gaze flickered to my lips and he leaned in an inch closer as if to whisper a secret to me. “Maybe you should dance with me and see if I’ve managed to pick up the skill.”
Was that flirting? It sounded like flirting. He had the nerve to act like I wanted something from Alexi, and then asked me to dirty dance with him? Okay, maybe I would bash his head in with the pitcher, breakaway glass or not. “Maybe, except I don’t engage in inappropriate relationships with my teachers. It’s not how I roll.”
He kept silent, and I promptly turned my attention back to Milo. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ilani fanning herself. She was sure to have some questions later.
For what felt like hours, I kept my back resolutely to Xander. I knew he was still there and knew he still watched me simply because the hairs on the back of my neck stayed at attention. Then suddenly, the razor-sharp attention was gone. I couldn’t explain it, but I knew he'd stopped focusing on me. He didn’t attempt to speak to me again until I grabbed my coat to catch the last bus heading toward Chiswick.
“Going home so soon?”
“Well, I do have this professor with a stick up his ass, so I have to wake up at the crack of dawn to get him some decent pictures.”
He smirked. “This professor of yours sounds like a pompous dick. You should have him sacked immediately.”
I shook my head. “Nah, it would just inflate his ego.” What the hell was wrong with me? This was the man who could fuck up my grades. I shouldn’t be bantering with him. “Goodnight, Xander,” I said politely, very well aware that the remaining stragglers of our party watched us with keen interest.
“Goodnight, Little Bird. Your work today was promising.”
I quirked an eyebrow. “I thought you said it was better than promising.”
“Somebody was paying attention in class.”
“Well, I am here to learn.”
Slate-gray eyes studied mine intently, and I squirmed under the scrutiny. A hot flush crept over my skin. How the hell did he do that? His look had a way of making me want very dirty things while at the same time feeling slightly ashamed of that. Or maybe shame wasn’t the right emotion. Maybe it was regret? Because that’s what the morning after with someone like Xander would feel like. Like I’d taken a million steps backward on my path to self-actualization. Because while the man looked like he promised the kind of orgasms women wrote poetry, or dirty fanfiction about, he also looked like the kind of man to put your heart through the meat grinder.
“My only concern is what else you’re learning and who's teaching you those lessons.”
I watched him with a narrowed gaze. I couldn’t figure him out. He was flirting right? Or was my damn flirtation meter off? He’d made it clear he wasn’t into dating his students.
Did you hear him say a thing about dating?
“I’ll be sure to be careful who I let teach me things.”
His lips tipped into a smirk that, I will admit, made my panties want to revolt and burn themselves to ash. But while my body responded to the packaging, there was something about him I couldn’t trust.
“Fair enough. C’mon, let me walk you to your car.”
I shook my head. “Don’t have a car. I take the bus.”
He frowned. “The bus stop is close to your flat I take it?”
I wasn’t a great liar. It was maybe a half mile along the Thames, but it was walkable. “Uh, sure. Close.”
“You need to learn to lie better. Let me put you in a taxi at least.”
I laughed then. “A taxi? Have you forgotten what it’s like to be a student? That is lavish spending.”
The muscle in his jaw ticked. “My treat. Matter of fact, why don't I just drive you?”
“What, and leave the rest of the gang behind? What would everyone say?” I widened my eyes and clasped a hand to my chest in mock scandalization.
“I don’t give a fuck what they say. You need to be safe. You’ve already had a hell of a scare.”
Fuck. My brain had compartmentalized that he knew about that. Way to go brain. “Look, I appreciate it. But I’m good.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets and fixed me with a steely gaze that was all too familiar now. I’d seen Alexi give me the same look before. “You might be right about leaving the others. But from now on, I’ll drive you home after class.”
“I appreciate the gesture, but you will do no such thing. I’ve had quite enough of people telling me where to go and be and do. I’ll get around on my own steam.”
He stepped into my personal space. “I can make you do as I say.”
I didn’t mean to laugh. I really didn’t. And maybe it was more hysterics than anything. But like Alexi, there wasn’t anything truly threatening about Xander. Yes, he was bigger. Yes, he could crush me if he wanted. But I had known pain before. And he wasn’t the type to administer it.
I lifted my chin. “The last man who tried that ended up with a knife in his gut. You want to take your chances?” Not entirely the truth, but I’d let him wonder about that.
He lifted a brow, and then to my chagrin, he grinned. “I knew I liked you, Little Bird. Now I know why.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Fine, I won’t force you into my car like a dodgy kidnapper. But please let me walk you to the bus stop. I’ll sleep better tonight.”
I could live with that. “Fine.” I started walking and didn’t wait for him to follow.
As he walked beside me in companionable silence, I tried to figure out just what it was that Xander wanted from me.
22
Lex…
For the first time in two weeks, it wasn’t a night terror that woke me out of a sound sleep. It was thumping on my door.
“Lex, open up.” More thumping.
I rubbed my eyes and staggered out of bed. What the hell was wrong with my brother?
When I shuffled to the front door, I was thankful for the small favor that Gemma hadn’t stayed the night. I yanked the door open and glared at, from the smell of it, a very drunk Xander. “What the hell is going on? What are you doing here?”
“What, I can’t see my little brother anytime I want?”
I stepped back to let him in. “Jesus, mate, you smell like a pub.”
“That’s because I’ve spent the better part of the evening in one.”
I frowned. “I thought you had class tonight?”
“I did. First critique. It was brutal.”
I put on the water for coffee and snagged a bottle of water from the fridge. I tossed the water at my brother, who caught it with more agility than his condition should have allowed for. “I think you have this all wrong, Xan. When you give a brutal crit, it’s the student who’s supposed to go get pissed at the pub and drink his sorrows away, not the teacher.” I crossed my arms as I leaned back on the kitchen island. “Come to think of it, they didn’t see you like this, did they?”
Xander wavered on his feet a little. “Don’t be stupid. I waited till they all left then got proper pissed on the good stuff. I might like my students, but I wasn’t going to buy them all sodding hundred-year-old scotch.”
I eyed Xander’s leaning frame and yanked a stool under him, shoving him into a sitting position. “Why the scotch, Xander?”
“Because I felt like it. Now piss off.”
“You’re the one who showed up on my doorstep, remember?” How the hell had the two of us gotten so screwed up?
You know how.
We were close, but the one thing we couldn’t talk about was the one thing tearing each of us up on the inside.
The night I’d killed a man to save my brother. A life for a life.
“Where else would I go, but to my savior?” Xander pushed himself up off the stool, weaving into the living area before finally collapsing onto the couch.
I winced as I watched my brother fall. Nothing
made me feel worse than when Xander referred to me as his savior. It reminded me of exactly the kind of human being I was. The kind of man who had let my brother take the blame for something I’d done.
There was a reason we never talked about that night.
“You can have the spare room, Xan. You don’t have to sleep on the couch.”
Xander rolled over and gave me a wicked smile. “I would hate to intrude on Gemma’s space in case she comes over tonight.” Xander grabbed a pillow and plastered it over his face. “You can’t have them both, Lex.” The pillow muffled his voice, but I felt every word like a blow. “I’ll make you a deal. You take Gemma and leave Little Bird for me.”
So that’s what this was about? Abbie. Xander wanted Abbie. “Did something happen with Abbie tonight?” As much as I loved my brother, I wasn’t above giving him a good going over.
“She’s already half in love with you, you know?”
I stilled. The explosion of joy spread quickly making me slightly euphoric, but also possessive. “What are you on about, Xan?”
“I can see it all over her. She’s caught up in you. I don’t affect her like that. At least not yet. Maybe if I had more time. After all, I’m sure I saw her first.” He pulled the pillow away from his face and met my gaze. “If I asked, could you walk away? For me?”
The dig of pain in my gut was only matched by the rush of jealousy. “I’m sorry Xander, but I can’t do that.”
Abbie…
Faith's cheery, “You all right, love?” greeting wasn’t enough to perk up my mood. Granted, if I'd wanted cheery, I wouldn't have had that second mug of Guinness. My mind was still a little foggy, despite the long walk home from the bus stop.
