by Gill, Tamara
Goosebumps rose on her skin, and he remembered himself, going to get her towel quickly. "You make me forget myself." He helped her out of the bath. She wrapped herself in the towel, watching him. "You make me forget myself too."
A shiver stole down his spine. The emotions whirling in his body, through his heart, were not normal. He felt so much more when around her. He'd never felt for anyone what he felt for the woman standing before him, his future duchess.
"As much as I would like to stay, it is better that I do not. I will return this evening to accompany you to the ball. Wear a cloak over your gown. It will be cooler in the gardens and by the water."
She nodded, her eyes bright with expectation. Josh took the opportunity to kiss her. The kiss was hard, demanding, and short. He left her, his breathing as ragged as her own, and started down the passage. The night already too many hours away.
Chapter 25
"Why are we at the embankment, Your Grace?" Iris asked Josh as the carriage rolled to a halt some distance from where they were supposed to be heading. The Lowes ball.
Josh grinned, helping her alight and walking them down a small gravel path before they came to steps leading down to a stationary boat on the Thames. "We are not attending the ball this evening, my dear. I have something else planned for you."
"Really?" Iris smiled at the knowing look on the duke's visage. What on earth had he planned? "Was this the reason your mama cried off accompanying us, and I had to take my maid?"
"It is," he stated. They walked the short distance to the stairs before Josh helped her down the few stone steps. There was a boat moored at the small wooden dock. It was only a small vessel, occupied by a singular man at the rear of the boat, a seat that sat under a wooden awning, screening those from paddling them along. "Where will Miss Bridges sit?" she asked as Josh helped her onto the vessel.
"In the carriage." He threw her a mischievous wink before joining her. They settled on the many cushions and blankets before they were soon paddling out onto the Thames, the current pulling them out in the direction of the ocean.
Iris looked out at London that sparked with light on either side of the river. The sounds of the city met her ears, of shouts and laughter, music and industrial dins—the soothing lap of water against the side of the boat. "I've never been on a boat before," she admitted, wondering if this would be the time to tell Josh that she also could not swim.
The boat slowed but stayed a little out on the water, away from the water's edge. On this part of the river, grand London homes lined the banks, and then, unexpectedly, a high-pitched squeal sounded before light burst to life into the night sky above them.
"You brought me to the fireworks?" she gasped, looking at him quickly before the next firework burst into a million stars above them.
"I wanted you all to myself when we watched them. I could not hold you as I do now had we been in the gardens at Lowes ball."
Iris's heart did a little flip. No one had ever been so sweet, so adoring and accommodating to her in her life. She tore her gaze from the fireworks and met Josh's eyes. His burned with emotion, one she now hoped he was brave enough to admit to.
"I love your gift just as I love you," she said, praying she was not wrong in what she believed he felt for her too.
He pulled her closer still, cradling her face in his hands. "I'm so pleased you said those words, Iris, as I have utterly and completely fallen in love with you too."
Tears burned in her eyes, and she blinked, trying to stem the rioting emotions within her. "You do?" she queried, needing to hear his declaration again and again, so she knew it to be true.
"I've never felt with anyone the way I feel when I'm around you." He kissed the tip of her nose just as another burst of color scattered across the night sky. "You must know, you must have sensed that I am nonsensical when around you. You are my heart, and when we marry next week, I never wish to be parted from you."
There was no stopping the tears this time. Iris fumbled for her handkerchief, but always there for her, Josh held out his for her use. She dabbed at her cheeks.
He loved her, and she loved him. How lucky that he had kissed her that night and the duchess had caught them. To think of him courting another was unfathomable now. The duke was hers, and she would love him forever.
"A week seems too long to wait, but then we will have a lifetime together, so I suppose I shall be patient."
Josh chuckled, leaning down to reach into a small picnic basket that Iris had not noticed before. He pulled out two glass flutes, handing them to her before taking out the champagne.
Popping the bottle, he poured them both a glass. "After your fall today, and the pain that you suffered, I did not think a ball was in your best interest, but I also did not want you to miss the fireworks you've grown so fond of."
"And so you thought to hire a boat and take me out onto the Thames at night to view them together. A romantic cruise just the two of us."
His smile warmed her. "That is exactly what I thought. Have I succeeded?"
Iris tapped her glass against his, downing her champagne before reaching for him. "I think you have succeeded very well indeed, Your Grace. I am very well pleased."
* * *
Josh tipped his champagne out into the Thames before dropping the glass into the many cushions and blankets they lay upon. He took Iris into his arms, kissing her hard and long. He lost himself in the feel of her. Her sweetness and favorable response to his kisses.
He would never tire of having her so.
More fireworks crackled across the night sky. They glanced up, lost to the beauty of the entertainment for a moment. They cruised the river for a time after the fireworks had ended. The picnic basket held bread and cheese, a little ham, and chicken. They drank champagne and nibbled on the feast, talking of the wedding, of what they wished to do after being married.
"How soon would you like children?" she asked him before popping another slice of cheese between her lips.
"We're young, and I would like you all to myself for a time. A year or two," he answered, happy to allow her to decide when she was ready. Even in this decision, he mused, he would allow her to determine their fate.
His lips twitched at how different his life now was after meeting Iris. He no longer thought of other women, of who his mistress would be should he take one on. His club had lost some of its charms since women were not allowed. Had Josh thought that such a change could occur in his life, he would have scoffed at the notion only a month ago.
How odd and wonderful that life could change so quickly and for the better.
"I've always wanted children, so I think a year and no more." Iris sipped her champagne, wagging the glass flute before him when she emptied it. He chuckled, pouring her some more. "Thank you," she said, pausing. "I've never been to Dunsleigh. Is it beautiful?"
"Beautiful? The word is too innocuous to describe your future home. Dunsleigh is magnificent. Grand and opulent, welcoming and warm. The grounds are lovely and the staff too. Everyone there will love you, Iris. Just as their duke and master also does."
A blush stole over her cheeks. How utterly charming his future wife was.
"I know the estate is large, and I shall ensure I learn all there is to know so as not to disappoint anyone."
He reached out, picking up her gloved hand and kissing her fingers. "You will not disappoint anyone. You are an intelligent, capable woman. I have no reservations regarding your ability."
They rowed ever closer to the dock, and Josh could see one of his servants waiting for them. He sighed, not wanting to leave her so soon, but he would not visit her tonight. Not after her fall this afternoon. He may want her every hour of every day, but even he had restraint.
As if reading his mind, she clasped his jaw, pulling him to look at her. "Will you come to me this evening when everyone's abed?" she whispered.
He shook his head, reaching up to wipe away the little frown that appeared between her eyes at his gesture. "You must rest th
is evening, no matter how much I wish I were not so gallant."
She pouted in disappointment, and he laughed, kissing her before they came too close to the dock. "You are utterly adorable. Where have you been all my life?" he asked her in all seriousness.
"In Cornwall. Do you know," she added, a mischievous light in her eye, "the day I found out I was coming to London, I was trying to catch a pig for dinner. The little rascal would not heed to my will, and just before Mama came outdoors to tell me of the letter from your mama, I had fallen over in pig muck. It was fortunate that the many miles between London and Cornwall are so great, or I could have smelled terrible upon meeting you."
Josh laughed, unable to imagine Iris trying to catch a pig for dinner. "Did you not have servants to do such chores?"
She shrugged. "I had little else to do, so chores of such nature were common for me."
He dipped his head to the crevice of her neck, breathing deep. "You smell quite delicious now, my darling." He ran his tongue along the line of her throat before kissing the lobe of her ear, giving it a small, teasing bite.
Iris gasped, pulling him close. "I want you to visit me this evening. Do not deny me."
He groaned, torn between what was right and what he longed to do. "I should not."
She kissed him, her tongue tangling with his, and he was lost. Unable to deny her anything, or himself for that matter, when it came to her.
As promised, he joined her late that evening and did not leave her room until the early hours in the morning light.
Chapter 26
A week later, the ducal London townhouse was filled with family for the wedding. Iris had welcomed her parents several days ago, and only yesterday Alice, Lady Arndel, arrived with her family. Victoria, Lady Melvin, and her new husband, the marquess, were due to arrive today.
Iris sat in the library with Josh, who worked behind the desk with an array of missives and ledgers open. "I shall get everything here in order, and then we shall be able to take some days away once we're married. I can take you to Dunsleigh if you like. I know I said we would not leave London, but if you wished to return to Surrey, I'm more than happy to comply with your wishes.
Iris strolled about the room, picking up numerous books, reading the spine or the first page or two before slipping it back on the shelf. "Do you think your mama will be lonely should we depart for a week or two? I do not want to leave her alone when she has been so good to me. I should think she's quite used to our company."
The duke leaned back in his chair, placing down his quill. The adoration on his features made her stomach flutter. How was it that the man before her loved her? Adored her? A fact she still struggled to comprehend now, a day before their wedding.
"My sisters will all be staying for several weeks. Alice, in particular, said now that she's back in London, she will not be returning to Surrey anytime soon. Mama will be more than happily occupied. Have you seen how many grandchildren are running about? I think my elder sisters, Isolde and Elizabeth, think this house is a drop-off center for their children to play."
Iris laughed, coming over to lean on the side of his desk. She glanced down at the papers, one letter, in particular, catching her attention. "Is that for me?" she asked, pointing to the neat, flowing script with her name addressed on the front. Someone had opened the letter, and yet, she was sure she had not seen it before.
The duke hesitated, glancing at the desk before shaking his head. "No, a misaddressed missive, that is all."
Iris was unsure what possessed her, but something urged her to see for herself if what Josh said was true. She snatched up the letter. Josh reached for it, and she moved about the other side of the desk. "I will just read it to be sure. I do not want you to have any letters delivered by lady admirers. That will never do." She scanned the contents. Her heart stopped at the words spelled out before her.
"What is this?" she demanded, holding the letter aloft, shaking it.
Josh held out his hand in an attempt to appease her. If what the letter said was true, he had little hope in making her calm.
"There is a person. I'm uncertain if it male or female who wishes to force a wedge between us. I did not want you to know about it."
She thought over his words and what they meant. "Were you there? Did you see my accident? Were you a part of it?" Her eyes pricked with tears, and she moved farther away from him when he reached for her.
How could he do this to her? How had he not told her? "Did you place a bet to race about Hyde Park and beat your time? Is that why Redgrove did what he did?"
The world spun. Josh had lied to her.
* * *
Josh fought down the urge to cast up his accounts. Iris had turned a terrible shade of gray. Her eyes, glassy, told him she was on the verge of tears. Damn it all to hell. He should have told her. Weeks ago, he should have been honest and told her all that he knew—his involvement in her accident.
But he had not, and because of her reaction now, he feared losing her.
"Iris, please sit and let me explain."
Surprisingly, she did as he asked. Josh returned to his chair, leaning on his desk and fortifying himself to do something he should have a long time ago.
Even before she had come to town, he should have traveled to Cornwall and told her how very sorry he was and that it was his fault that Redgrove had died. Begged for forgiveness regarding the injuries he had generated.
"Tell me what the letter means," she demanded, a threat of steel in her tone.
"You know that I was familiar with Redgrove before your betrothal was announced. He often came out with us, and we drank and entertained in the same social sphere." He forced his hands to stop shaking, clasping them on his desk. "I played a game with him, knowing how very eager he was to be one of us, even though we never excluded anyone from our set."
"What sort of game did you play?" Her large, blue eyes pinned him to his chair, and he felt the weight of his answer as he debated how to tell her.
"I made a bet in Whites that no one could beat my time around Hyde Park in a curricle. I did not think anyone would bother since it was only a hundred pounds."
Iris scoffed, her eyes wide. "A hundred pounds is a lot of money for some. And Dudley, while being a baron, wasn't flush with cash. Any such gentleman would take up such a bet and put themselves in danger and others. Did you think on that before you made your bet?" she spat at him.
Josh cringed, knowing he had not. "I was arrogant and foolish in my youth. Had you met me then you would not have liked me, Iris. I thought a lot of things were a lark, other than my family."
"And what of the family I was hoping to make with Dudley? Did you never think of others or what your foolish pranks could do?"
He told himself she loved him now, not Redgrove. That yes, they were in the middle of their first argument, but that did not mean all feelings could be erased by his mistake. "I did not, and I'm so sorry, Iris. I did not know what I was doing. I could not see past my own amusement."
"What happened? Tell me. I need to know," she demanded.
Josh ground his teeth, thinking back to that day. He cringed. "Word reached me that Redgrove was going to attempt the bet just before fashionable hour at the park. Along with our set, I arrived to see Redgrove already preparing to race the clock. What I had not expected was for him to have you perched beside him, utterly unaware of what he was about to do."
"I soon found out, though, did I not?"
He took a calming breath, rolling his shoulders. "I started over to you, but Redgrove took off before I could stop him. He lost control of his set and the carriage on the first corner." The recall of the crunching, sickening sounds of horses rolling with a carriage attached. The sight of Iris flying onto the hardened grounds of the park, of Redgrove hitting a tree, would never dissipate from his memory. It would haunt him until the day he died, just as the look of utter devastation that Iris now had upon her visage would too.
"I cannot tell you how sorry I am. I know no wor
ds will ever be enough."
She stood, pacing before his desk. She nibbled on a fingernail, the tears falling unheeded down her cheeks. "You killed Redgrove." She turned and faced him. "Had you not made your stupid damn bet, none of this would have happened. He would be alive today. I would not suffer from my injury. I would not limp when the weather turns chilly. I would not be laughed at for the scar that marred my face. How could you?" she yelled, her hands fisted at her sides as if she were halting herself from striking him. "For months, I suffered. Do you know that after the bone in my leg healed, I was given permission to walk, only for it to fracture a second time when I tried? I hide my pain well. I have lived with it long enough to do so, but this… This is a pain I cannot bear." She strode to the window, and he stood, going to her.
She rounded on him, holding up one finger. "Do not touch me, Your Grace. It is not safe for you to do so right at this moment."
Fuck! His mind scrambled how to make this right. How to fix what he could not change. The past had happened. There was no turning back the clock, no matter how much he wished he could.
He would do anything to make her life different from what it was now. To give her back Redgrove if she wanted, everything, but he could not. Not even a duke had that much power.
"I made a mistake, Iris. I did not know what occurred would happen. I did not know Redgrove would take you on his ride about the park."
"So it is his fault now?"
"No," he went on, not wishing to blame anyone.
"You wrote the bet as a little lark against him. You knew he would take it. That he had me beside him, I grant you was an error, but all of this could be laid at your feet. You wrote the bet." She shook her head, unable to fathom what she had been told. "Templedon hinted that there was more to the accident than I knew, but I never guessed his vague statements would lead to this. How do you live with yourself? How could you court me knowing what you had done to me?"
