‘There is no need. I can manage well enough and Mrs Patterson is waiting to draw your bath.’
He frowned before nodding. ‘If you’re sure.’ And then they both stood rather uncomfortably as clearly neither of them could think of anything appropriate to say and were both hideously aware of the needy way she had responded to his mouth. Bella broke the silence because she could stand it no longer.
‘I’d best be off, then.’ Without waiting for his response, she walked swiftly towards the hallway to fetch her bonnet and shawl. He followed, rather stiffly, and stood near the front door while she tied the ribbons hastily under her chin and bundled her shawl under her arm because it was far too warm to bother with, or perhaps that was because of the blush already blooming on her cheeks.
‘Will you be back tomorrow?’
‘Of course. If you need me.’
‘Mrs Patterson turned people away this evening, so I dare say there will be a need tomorrow. We also still have to vaccinate the children in the foundling home.’ His posture was uncharacteristically formal and Bella recognised she was the cause of his discomfort. He could barely look at her for more than a second or two before staring down at his feet. His posture did not instil her with a great deal of confidence. Joe was obviously in the midst of a great deal of regret. Bella felt her toes curl inside her shoes and tried to appear nonchalant, something not easy when she could feel her face was as red as a beetroot.
‘Why don’t I do that?’ Then she would be spared more of this peculiar new tension in his company as well as the inevitable polite words about the mistake which he had made this morning in agreeing to her odd request. The offer appeared to perplex him and he blinked at her through his spectacles. ‘Unless you don’t trust me to do it alone...’
‘Of course I trust you—yes. Yes. You do the foundling home. I suppose that makes sense as we can cover more people that way. I shall have Mrs Patterson prepare everything you need and have it all delivered at the home before you arrive tomorrow.’ A sure sign he had no desire to see her at all tomorrow now that an opportunity had presented itself.
‘Right, then. I’d best be off,’ she repeated herself. ‘Goodnight.’
‘Yes. Goodnight.’
Bella hadn’t expected him to follow her to her carriage and jumped when she felt his hands on her elbow when she went to climb it. Sudden warmth spread up her arm at the brief touch. It sent her scrambling for the seat, then turning, far too primly, a tight smile pasted on her face. His was equally as tight. ‘Thank you for today. And yesterday. It means a lot.’
‘You’re very welcome.’
Joe began to close the door but stopped and opened it again. ‘I’m very sorry about earlier. I can see you’re upset. I never meant to upset you.’
And there was the answer she had been dreading. ‘You haven’t. It was a scientific experiment. A favour between friends. Nothing more.’
For a moment Bella swore she saw regret clouding his face, but it was so fleeting she couldn’t be sure and then the door was closed and the carriage lurched away. Bella slumped in the corner and tried to ignore the tears swimming in her eyes.
* * *
Joe didn’t see her at all the next day and only fleetingly in the days after. She had appropriated Jake and the pair of them went off in a cart to visit the outskirts of Retford, intent on vaccinating the wary in the comfort of their own homes. Whilst it made perfect sense to allow those intimidated by the fire-and-brimstone Reverend or the respected Dr Bentley to be treated away from the censure of prying eyes, now that almost a week had passed Joe couldn’t help thinking she was avoiding him on purpose. All because of one kiss which had burned out of hand.
As he treated the ever-decreasing queue of people at his surgery, he couldn’t help reliving what had happened and mulling over what it meant. Yes, he had kissed her passionately. He hadn’t meant to. The last thing he ever wanted to do to a woman who was wary of men was scare her with the full force of his desire, yet despite his best intentions that initially chaste kiss had soon turned into a full-blown outpouring of it. No longer just a meeting of lips, but a feast involving tongues and throaty moans. However, the more he thought about it, the more it occurred to him she had also taken part in it. Unabashedly. It hadn’t been just his lips, his tongue, his throaty moans. His dreams these past seven nights had been haunted by her. Real, not imagined. Her hands had explored his chest and her fingers had mussed his hair. Things which made her reaction towards him at the end of the day baffling. She’d been aloof and embarrassed.
But then again, he realised, so had he. And he was the one with experience of passion and by her own admission that had been Bella’s first kiss. She had granted him that honour and unmanned him with it at the same time. What had started tentatively had rapidly turned into the most significant kiss of his life. Nothing else had existed except her in that moment. Had Bella felt the same?
He should have asked her, he now realised. He should have told her what it meant to him. Joe should have been honest, when instead he’d been hesitant. Preferring to wait for her to make the next move. As if a woman who had been through what she had been through, who had never been kissed before and didn’t know how to flirt or be coy, would be so bold as to suggest there be more.
Joe groaned at his own ineptitude and slapped his forehead with his palm. There was every possibility he had been the one to play the aftermath all wrong and her withdrawal and natural distress had been all his fault, too. Perhaps there was even the chance she was feeling as utterly wretched as he was, in which case, only a fool would avoid her. Especially as his body hadn’t stopped wanting her since that day. Hers had fitted so perfectly against his. If he closed his eyes, he could still feel the soft press of her breasts against his heart, the way her trim waist flared out to that delightful rounded peach of a bottom...
‘You look utterly miserable, Dr Warriner.’ His head snapped up at the sound of Lady Clarissa’s sultry tone. She was stood in the doorway on the arm of her father. A man whose jaw was set rock hard and whose eyes were distinctly narrowed. Joe sincerely hoped the Earl of Braxton couldn’t read his thoughts.
‘Lady Clarissa.’ Joe stood and bowed politely. ‘Lord Braxton. You are back from town.’ Talk about stating the obvious. ‘To what do I owe the pleasure?’ Aside from the imminent pasting I am doubtless about to receive.
‘We have come to be vaccinated. Mama has insisted and, since Bella is who knows where with your handsome brother, Papa insisted we come here presently.’
‘Then you’d best come in and sit down... Sir, if you would remove your coat.’ Although surprised and unsettled to see them, Joe was grateful they had given him something to do and set about cleaning his hands and preparing his equipment, all the while conscious of the silent earl’s piercing glare and his own guilty thoughts concerning the man’s other daughter.
‘The whole of Retford is abuzz with your performance last week,’ Lady Clarissa purred. ‘Apparently, you were quite masterful. And impressive. Mama is now quite taken with you, Doctor. She couldn’t stop gushing about you from the moment we arrived home a few hours ago till the moment we left to come here. As far as she is concerned, you are the saviour of the town.’
‘Lady Braxton is being too kind. I am merely doing my job.’ Joe decided to hide behind professional detachment while he learned the lay of the land. ‘Who is first?’
At her father’s curt nod, Lady Clarissa held out her arm and pouted. ‘Will it hurt?’
‘It’s just a scratch. Nothing worse.’ To prove it, Joe swiftly did what was necessary. Her skin was similar in texture and shade to her sister’s, he thought dispassionately, yet devoid of the powerful frisson he always experienced when he touched Bella. Not a single tingle materialised. Her face, the one he had once thought the most beguiling in Christendom, bore similar features, but none was as lovely as Bella’s. The bouncing blonde curls no longer held any allure, not now that he knew he preferred luscious ebony silk.
As
a test he glanced briefly down at her mouth while he bandaged her arm and was unmoved. Not lips he had any desire to taste. Lady Clarissa was quite the wrong sister after all, which meant he had been a fool from the outset and Jake had known Joe’s romantic mind better than he did.
Or had.
Joe had no doubt where his affection truly lay any more because his feelings for Bella were unlike any he had experienced in the past. Instead of dreaming about a hazy image of perfection stood high on a pedestal, he had fallen for a woman who deserved to be put on one, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. He didn’t want Bella out of reach and unobtainable. He wanted her feet firmly planted on the floor so he could dip his head and kiss her any time he saw fit. He didn’t want perfect because he loved her imperfections.
Loved?
Good grief.
‘All done.’ His head spun as he cleaned his vaccination knife and hands. When had that happened? Joe turned, a little stunned, and his gaze locked with the steely eyes of Bella’s father. ‘Your turn, my lord.’
‘Could you wait for me outside, Clarissa?’ Ominous words, but hardly out of the blue. Lady Clarissa huffed as if it was a great inconvenience and glided out the door. Because he felt it was appropriate, Joe closed it and braced himself for the onslaught. The Earl eyed him coldly.
‘Did you encourage my daughter to go behind my back and continue to work alongside you?’
‘I did not.’
‘Yet you did nothing to discourage her either?’
‘No. Your daughter is a talented healer and wanted to learn. She insisted on staying and I agreed to teach her.’
‘I see.’ The Earl sat silently while Joe made the tiny incision in his arm, administered the minute jewel of vaccine and then wrapped the wound. When Joe stepped away and plunged his hands back into the water to clean them, the older man watched him. ‘Was it your suggestion she should be vaccinated in public?’
‘Of course it wasn’t!’ Joe couldn’t disguise the flash of anger, knowing full well he never would have agreed to it if he’d known how Bella would be humiliated. ‘Your daughter has a very determined mind of her own!’
‘This I know.’ The Earl sighed, defeated, and all at once no longer looked like a formidable peer of the realm, but an anxious and devoted father. ‘I had thought that part of her lost for ever...after...’ His voice trailed off and he stared mournfully at his hands. ‘I know Bella chose to confide in you...and that she chose you...over her family makes me feel ashamed. I keep thinking I’ve let her down in some way when all I’ve been trying to do is protect her...from what happened.’
Or protect himself from the ugly reality of what his daughter had suffered. ‘You cannot protect her from what happened. It happened. It was terrible and horrific, but to deny it happened doesn’t change the fact it did. Bella needs to come to terms with it and to do that she needs to talk about it. Keeping powerful emotions bottled up inside is unhealthy. They fester.’ In the Earl’s shoes, how would Joe feel? Responsible. Guilty. Overprotective. All of those things and more. ‘You responded in a way which is entirely natural for a father and I’m sure Bella was reluctant to discuss it at the time.’ The man nodded.
‘She was too distressed. For weeks all she did was cry and hide in her bedchamber. It was...heartbreaking.’
‘It is difficult to bring up uncomfortable topics. As a society we never discuss emotions or feelings. We hide behind our English veneer of polite detachment and hope those things will go away.’ This man didn’t need more guilt heaped upon the tons of it already resting on his slumped shoulders. He was coming to terms with what happened as well and he hadn’t forced Bella into all the invasive treatments she had been offered. He had given her a say in her own life. ‘You did right by her in bringing her here. The change of scenery, the infirmary, doing something she loves, all those things have brought about progress. Bella would be the first to say so.’
‘You think I should have brought her here sooner?’
Joe shook his head. ‘Not until she was ready and, from what I’ve heard, she was nowhere near ready to face her fears before now. Bringing her here sooner might have been a mistake. The brain is a powerful organ—yet it is still an organ. Like all organs when they are damaged, it takes time to recover. However, in my professional opinion I do feel Bella is well on the way to recovery. She has made great strides in the last few weeks. Almost a different person from the one I first met.’ Although fundamentally the same underneath. Brave, clever and beautiful inside and out.
‘Do you believe she will get better? Fully, I mean, and be like her old self?’
‘I know it. What she suffered will always be there, but like the grief of losing a loved one or the pain of a broken heart, it will lessen with time.’
‘All of the other physicians we have consulted were less optimistic. We tried some of the treatments, until she put her foot down and refused to continue.’
‘Good for her. Bella is much stronger than she gives herself credit for and appears quite determined to face her fears head-on now. She has a great mind and can be formidable at times. The way she strode on to that platform and faced the crowd last week was...’ The single, most selfless thing anyone had ever done for him. He smiled at the memory. ‘Admirable. I’m only sorry she was then betrayed by Dr Bentley.’
‘I called on him before I came here. Like a coward, he refused me an audience. But he will see me and he will answer for his actions.’ The icy hatred lacing the Earl’s voice told Joe he meant it. When he turned to face him, he could also see the remorse in the other man’s eyes. ‘I owe you an apology, Dr Warriner. Once upon a time I would never have listened to idle gossip. I would have judged the measure of a man by his actions and his manner. Since Bella was...attacked...’ just saying it seemed to take a toll, but at least he was saying it ‘...I’ve seen every man as a potential threat to one of my daughters. Bella called me on it weeks ago, but I wouldn’t listen. My wife, also a formidable woman when riled, has torn me off a strip twice for my idiocy. Once in a scathing letter summoning me home and then again, this morning, when I arrived. Quite rightly, I believe, and I am big enough to acknowledge when I am wrong. She has apprised me of how you leapt to Bella’s defence in the square and how you helped her afterwards. That she was brave enough to face the world again cheers my heart and I have you to thank for that.’
‘No thanks are necessary.’
‘They are and I want you to know that if you did want to call on Clarissa again, I wouldn’t offer any objection.’
Clarissa. Good gracious, this was going to be awkward. ‘About that...’
I’ve blithely changed my mind and fancy your other daughter instead.
How exactly was Joe to explain his about-face without sounding fickle, insincere or shallow? ‘The thing is, while I admit I did originally call at your house to see Clarissa—’
‘Papa!’ The door slammed open and Bella was stood in the frame, looking wide-eyed and more than a little panicked. Her face was a tad flushed and she was breathing exactly like a woman who had been running. ‘You’re home!’ Her dark eyes darted between Joe and her father, doubtless to gauge the mood. ‘Are you...well?’
He embraced her and grinned. ‘I am indeed well, Bella, and I am glad to see you are, too. Most well, in fact. Much more like your old formidable and delightful self. I was just saying as much to Dr Warriner, who I am extremely impressed with by the way. You were right about him. And I was wrong.’ She appeared relieved and offered Joe a shy smile. The first smile she had bestowed on him since before they had kissed and it quite took his breath away. ‘In fact, daughter, you will be pleased to learn I have relented and have granted him permission to call upon your sister whenever he sees fit.’ Joe watched that sweet smile falter, disappear, only to be replaced by one of her pretend smiles which didn’t touch her eyes.
‘Well, that’s splendid. I’m...glad.’
He wasn’t. The temptation to stride over there and kiss her senseless and then ap
ologise for being such a blind fool was overwhelming, but Joe couldn’t bring himself to do it in front of her father. Not when he had no idea how to explain away his overriding stupidity adequately and had no clue as to whether she was truly glad or if by some miracle, like him, she was mortified by her father’s offer.
‘Are you finished for the day, Bella?’ Her father had taken her arm. ‘I should love nothing more than to catch up on all of your news.’
‘Yes, I am finished, Papa.’ Her eyes flicked briefly Joe’s way. ‘Quite finished. Let’s go home.’
Chapter Seventeen
Despite the impending threat of smallpox, the monthly assembly was its usual crush. On a positive note the crowds bothered her less. Unfortunately, they were the least of her problems. In the two days since her father had returned, Bella had remained staunchly at home, justifying her belligerent cowardice on three counts. Firstly, and most importantly, she’d had several long and painful conversations with her father which had been necessary and healing, but had left her emotionally drained and physically exhausted. Secondly, with Molly now back in the girls’ dormitory and the infirmary completely empty for once, there genuinely had been no reason for her to go, and thirdly, and to Bella’s complete shame and disgust, she couldn’t bring herself to face Joe knowing she had kissed him, but he still preferred Clarissa.
A Warriner to Tempt Her Page 17
