‘You don’t want to be intimate with me?’
‘Of course I do, I just assumed it would occur naturally when the time was right.’
‘The time is right for me.’ Her eyes wandered to the unmistakable bulge in the bedcovers. ‘It also appears to be right for you. I have read extensively on the subject, so know logically what to expect. My body was designed to accommodate yours, so I doubt it will be too awful, and there are accounts of some women quite enjoying it, which I find encouraging. And I am in the firm belief that once I have got it over with I will be...’ Her slim shoulders slumped and she stared mournfully down at her hands, too ashamed to finish her sentence.
‘This is hardly how I pictured it, Bella. I had planned to seduce you properly in a more romantic setting than here.’ The place where the pair of them had spent most of their time together. Worked side by side. The place she had just said she felt safe enough to find the courage to be herself again.
Good grief.
Chapter Twenty-One
Realisation felt like a hammer to his head. Bella didn’t want to be seduced. She needed to be in control, because control had been denied her in Vauxhall Gardens and in all the months since. Until she came here and learned to trust him. Him. And now she was being brave and strong again and wanted to face her final fear with him as well. Joe wouldn’t let her down. His fingers found her hand and laced with hers. ‘But I am happy for it to happen here and now, if that is what you truly want.’
She stared at their clasped hands for a moment before dropping them decisively. ‘Yes. Thank you.’ She couldn’t look at him. ‘I suppose we should get started, then.’ She walked stiffly a few feet away and then she began to pull pins from her hair. ‘Should I take all of my clothes off?’
‘I can do that.’ Aside from being something he had dreamt about constantly in the last few weeks, undressing her slowly would be less clinical in a situation which had suddenly become decidedly so. She dashed that hope with a frown.
‘Probably best if I do it. It will be quicker and then you can get back to your rest without delay.’
Joe didn’t argue. If she needed to be in control, he would concur now and save his energy for exceeding all of her painfully low expectations of what was to come. If the no-nonsense way she was dealing with those hairpins was any indication, Bella was of the belief the act itself would be equally as mechanical. Bizarrely, the sight tugged at his heart and tortured his loins in equal measure, because he knew he’d rather die a slow and painful death than do her that disservice. Tonight Bella would be loved, whether she wanted to be or not. Already he knew she enjoyed being kissed. Thoroughly. A woman who responded with that much passion to a simple kiss had the capacity to lose herself completely in bed. But there was no point trying to tell her that now. Not when she was being brave and scientific and needed to discover the truth for herself.
When her hair was loose, it fell in a straight, dark curtain to her waist, the single candle causing the ebony strands to shimmer as she moved. Just the sight of that had him breathing irregularly. Her hands went to the laces at the back of her dress and made short work of them, too, and in no time she was stood before him in just her chemise, the prerequisite ten feet of floor standing between them. The temptation to jump out of bed and stride over there was overwhelming, but for her Joe remained rooted to the mattress. She had to come to him. This was her fear to face and it had to be her decision.
He wanted to smile when she inhaled and turned her back to him to slide the chemise from her shoulders. It slithered down her graceful back and caught on her hips. Her hands gripped the fabric in a matter-of-fact brusque manner and pushed it over her delightful peach of a bottom until it pooled at her feet on the floor.
‘I suppose you’ve seen a great many naked bodies, so I dare say mine is nothing new.’ He could hear the nervous tremor in her voice before she steeled herself and turned briskly around to face him. She was wrong. The sight took his breath away.
Her pert breasts were capped with dark pink nipples which his mouth ached to taste, her waist was so small he’d bet his Warriner hands would easily span it, but the hips which flared below it were all woman. Sultry curves. Everything a hot-blooded man could want. An enticing, neat dark triangle of hair sat directly above the lovely pair of legs his body had first responded to. Tonight, he fully intended to worship every inch of them. And every beautiful, real and precious inch of her.
‘Should I get into bed?’
He shuffled sideways in response and let his head fall back against the pillow to watch Bella slowly walk towards him and found his fingers gripping the sheets as if his life depended on it. His body was on fire, but Joe didn’t want his rampant desire to scare her. Instead, he bit down on the inside of his mouth and tried to remember this was not about him. His feelings and needs were inconsequential because tonight had to be all about her. If he survived, he deserved to be a candidate for sainthood because the woman coming towards him was the single most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
She lifted the sheet and slipped in to lie beside him in the narrow cot. When he risked turning his head slightly to look at her, she was staring at the ceiling with the blankets pulled up to her chin.
‘I’m ready.’
No, she wasn’t. Bella was as far away from ready as it was physically possible to be. She was so tense he’d bet he could bounce coins off her tummy.
‘What do we do first?’
She had to be in control. Both the physician and the man recognised that. ‘We should start with kissing. Lots of kissing.’ To stop himself from touching her, Joe tucked both his hands behind his head. ‘You should kiss me.’
He’d confused her, he could tell by the way he felt her leg muscles relax against his. ‘Oh. Right.’ The mattress moved as she turned on to her side and for the first time since she had roused him from his slumber her eyes truly met his. Despite the courageous determination shining in them, Joe could see the fear there, too. The trust. The trepidation. He smiled.
‘You don’t have to do this, I’m happy to wait.’
‘No. I want to. My fear of intimacy is irrational, and unless I face it, it will continue to grow out of hand. This is necessary.’
‘If you’re sure.’
‘I am. I want to marry you, Joe, and I don’t want to have to make either of us wait.’
Before she gave in to the panic he saw in her eyes, she placed a soft kiss on his lips. Then another. Joe let her ease into the kiss before he kissed her back. When her breast brushed his upper arm and her hand came to rest over his heart, he couldn’t stop the soft moan from escaping, but he kept his hands tightly locked beneath his head and let her be the one to dictate the pace. Because kissing was something she was used to, her body began to soften against his. Her eyes had fluttered closed and her shy tongue was beginning to explore his mouth, just as it had only a few hours before. Only when she went to pull away did he allow one hand to lightly anchor her in place, letting her know that he was in no hurry to move on and that what they were doing was more than fine by him. ‘Don’t stop. I adore kissing you. Besides, we have all night.’
Bella sighed with relief and kissed him again. Her nipples were pebbled against his chest, a very good sign in his book, and her heart was hammering by the time they broke apart. Her upper body was sprawled across his, her creamy soft skin felt perfect against his darker, hair-roughed chest. All that delectable hair forming a silken curtain around them and separating them from the rest of the world. Their own private heaven. ‘Now what happens?’
Satisfied she sounded as breathless as he felt, Joe grinned. ‘Now we touch each other. This stage can take hours and hours. Because I am a gentleman, I shall let you go first.’
A delightful blush bloomed instantly, but she soldiered on, keen to eradicate her fears with her actions. ‘Where do I touch you?’
‘Wherever you want. There are no rules. Let your hands wander where they will. In the interests of science, of course.’ She g
iggled at his wink and relaxed a little more. After a few seconds she smoothed the flat of her palm over his chest and up towards his shoulders, then lifted it away, self-conscious. He kissed her and gently pulled it back. ‘Be fearless, Bella. A woman with such a keen interest in anatomy must be curious. How many naked men have you seen before? Without a wet towel covering their crown jewels?’
‘None.’ Her fingers were trailing down his abdomen. ‘But I’ve seen pictures.’
‘Were any of those scientific pencil drawings flesh and blood? Were they aroused like I am?’
‘No.’
‘Then I know you too well not to know you are burning with curiosity.’ Her gaze drifted from his belly to where the blankets bunched about his hips. ‘No need to worry. It doesn’t bite.’ Joe tried to sound teasing even though her delicate touch was driving him mad with lust. When she lifted the covers away and exposed his skin to the air, he had to grind his teeth to stop the guttural moan which threatened. Bella simply stared at him. At least half a minute ticked painfully by before she moved her eyes from his groin or spoke.
‘It’s much bigger than I expected.’
Joe couldn’t help it. He laughed. ‘An excellent response which flatters my fragile male ego greatly.’
‘Does it hurt? When it’s in that...state?’
‘No. Yes. Difficult to explain really.’ Good grief, the woman was going to kill him. She wanted to discuss the peculiarities of the male anatomy when his body was now completely disconnected from his scholarly brain. ‘It wants. That is the best way of explaining it.’ And to prove his point, his arousal was straining towards her hand. A hand which had drifted lower past his belly button and was still moving downwards at a virtual snail’s pace. A hand he wanted to grab and wrap around himself and ease the clawing need. Joe closed his eyes tightly and prayed for strength, enduring the sweet pain of her touch by consoling himself he was doing what was right for her. He would take all night if necessary, just as he had promised, unless he spontaneously combusted first.
When her finger briefly brushed over the tip, his hips lurched off the mattress and he grunted.
She pulled her hand away quickly. ‘Sorry. Did I hurt you?’
‘No, Bella. I want you to touch me. You have no idea how much I want you to touch me at this precise moment.’
‘There?’
‘Yes! There!’ Joe sucked in some air and fought for restraint.
Tentatively, her hand reached down again and gently stroked him. ‘Like this.’
‘Yes.’ His teeth were aching. ‘Just like that.’
Her touch became bolder and firmer as the minutes ticked slowly by. And because watching her touch him, feeling those beautiful breasts occasionally graze his skin, was now causing him real physical pain, Joe kissed her instead until he could stand no more. With as much self-control as he could muster, Joe adjusted his position so that he could explore her luscious body, too, all the while conscious that he didn’t want it to appear as if she had no choice in the matter. The monster who had attacked her had pinned her to the ground and roughly groped her. This experience had to be nothing like that. In fact, it was probably better if he didn’t use his hands at all just yet. Keeping one hand loosely on her hip and the other propping up his head, Joe let his mouth adore her instead. It humbled him that she trusted him enough to allow him to kiss her without question.
He let his lips and teeth wander down her neck, nibbling his way to one breast. When his tongue found her nipple, her hand stilled and the surprised moan of pleasure which escaped her mouth sent him over the edge.
* * *
Bella had never really considered her breasts before. Up until Joe had started to kiss them she had assumed they were expressly for feeding children. Now she realised they were also the source of great pleasure and she sincerely hoped he was in no hurry to stop what he was currently doing. One of them was breathing heavily and, with a start, Bella realised it was her. Her hands had also found their way into his hair so she could hold his head in place while his tongue did wonderful things to her nipple and her body came alive.
When he stopped and released it, she almost complained, but then his clever lips found the other one and she shamelessly pushed that breast further into his mouth. By the time his hands replaced his mouth she didn’t care. She welcomed them. Her skin was desperate for his touch, but while his palms were now filled with her breasts, his lips were elsewhere. Waking up other parts of her body to delicious pleasure, parts she had never known could be so sensitive. Her belly and ribs. Her navel. Wherever he kissed her suddenly became inflamed and needy as the nerve endings awoke to passion for the first time. His mouth found her hip and his tongue traced the curve of it. Each stroke causing her womb to contract.
Bella had come here tonight expecting a bit of an ordeal, one she was prepared to face and endure, but had hoped being Joe it would be nothing like it had been before. Nowhere near as awful. She had also expected it to be over quickly. Lord only knew how long they had been here already—minutes? Hours? And they still hadn’t done what she had come here to do, but right now, she was in no hurry to get this part over with. Not when the preamble was an education for her senses.
‘Do you trust me?’ His breath whispered over the triangle of hair at the apex of her thighs.
‘Yes!’ Was that her voice? Gravelly and desperate. Her hips instinctively straining towards his face. Joe must be about to do the deed. ‘I trust you.’
He placed a kiss on the dark curls and lingered. She felt his hands on her thighs, felt him part her legs and tried not to panic.
This was Joe, not him.
This was a necessary part of human intimacy. She knew exactly what the act entailed. That big, hard, smooth part of him needed to fit inside the part of her buried below that she had never seen, but which he now could. All of her was now bared to his beautiful, kind blue eyes. Logically, she knew he would have to position himself so that his lower body would be flush with hers. He would push that part inside and then in a few minutes it would all be over.
Except he didn’t move. Not his body at least. His mouth touched her again, lower this time, and his tongue found a part of her body Bella had not known existed before. A part which was apparently attached to every nerve in her body and one that rejoiced in his kiss. Her legs fell open at the same time she moaned, and when he kissed her again her heels dug into the mattress. ‘What are you doing?’
‘Kissing you. And you should probably know, Bella, I have no intention of stopping any time soon.’
‘Oh... Oh!’ His tongue was swirling around the cluster of nerve endings he’d found and all rational thought evaporated. All that existed were wonderful new sensations which made all previous kisses pale into insignificance. Her hands clutched his hair and her body began to writhe against the sheets. It didn’t matter that she was completely naked and totally exposed to his eyes, or that she was powerless to stop him doing what he was doing, because she had been pinned to the bed by her own wanton passion. Her breasts craved his touch, and when his hands remained on her hips, her own fingers shamelessly touched her aching nipples in his stead.
His fingers had moved to her core and, while his tongue continued to torture her, his healer’s hands began to explore her wet heat. Her hips bucked as he slipped one finger inside her and began to stroke the inner walls of her body, too. She felt her insides clench erratically around it. Felt something build, then explode within her, then she was soaring amongst the stars which exploded to brilliant whiteness behind her eyes and crying out his name in exultation as she floated boneless back to earth.
By the time she came properly to, Joe was smiling down at her, his beautiful blue eyes just inches from hers. His body was covering her, in the way she had expected it to, yet it didn’t feel daunting. She enjoyed the solid feel of his weight upon her. Their bodies were touching intimately. She could feel his maleness resting between her legs, next to the part of her body which still pulsed from his kisses.
/> ‘Do you trust me?’
‘Yes.’ Because she did. After what had just happened, being intimate with Joe was no longer as daunting. He would make it right. ‘I love you.’
His expression became fierce, wonderfully so. ‘I love you, too. But we don’t have to do this now.’
‘Yes, we do.’ Bella kissed him, hoping the gesture would wipe away the concern in his eyes. ‘I need to do this to move on with my life and I want to be with you, Joe, in every way. I’m done with being scared and feeling broken. This is the last wall I need to knock down. Help me to do that.’
‘I can’t promise this bit might not sting a little. But it will only be this one time. After that, I’ll never hurt you again. I promise.’
He wouldn’t hurt her.
He would heal her. ‘Do it.’
‘I want you to count to three, then take a deep breath.’
‘One...two...’ As she inhaled, his body slid smoothly into hers and he swallowed her tiny cry in a kiss. Bizarrely, it was more the surprise than hurt which had made her gasp. Joe had prepared her body for the intrusion and Bella had been so convinced it would be agony, the faint discomfort was nothing close to what her irrational mind had imagined.
‘That’s it, my love. There’ll be no more pain.’ He filled her completely. The alien sensation felt oddly right. Not unpleasant, nor pleasurable, but it had the potential to be. Already that hidden bud of nerves was tingling against him. She could feel the effort it took for him to hold himself completely still, his arms and body trembled. Bella wanted him to move. Her body craved it.
Brazenly, she trailed her hands down his back until they rested against his buttocks. She pushed her hips towards his and watched his eyelids flutter closed. ‘If you want me, take me, because I want you, Joe, and I want this.’
His gaze locked with hers as he began to move. Slowly at first, to allow her to become accustomed to his size and the intrusion, then deeper. Bella met every thrust, wantonly moaning as his hardness caressed the inner walls of her body, until she melted beneath him and became part of him. When she felt the delicious tension build within her again, she didn’t try to fight it this time, preferring to revel in the moment. Revel in seeing Joe lose himself completely in her body and rejoiced as she stared into his soul, felt their hearts beat together, until they finally soared to those bright white stars together.
A Warriner to Tempt Her Page 22
