He seemed startled by the invitation. “I would love to be there, but I have to ask, do you want me to come alone?”
She thought about that, thought about what she knew of his wife and the threats that had stolen her father from her life. “I won’t have Kelsey’s wedding ruined,” she said fiercely, her attempt at being magnanimous forgotten.
He nodded. “I understand what you’re saying. I’ll think it over, okay? I think enough time has passed that it might be fine, but I won’t take a chance on letting Lucy spoil the occasion. I promise.”
“And Clay? Will you bring him and his wife, if you do decide to come? I don’t think I’m ready to meet him today. I think I need to go home and think about all this.” She turned to Luke. “We should go. The ferry will be leaving soon.”
There was no mistaking the disappointment in her father’s eyes, but the meeting had been overwhelming. She couldn’t be here another minute. It had gone well, better than she’d hoped, in fact, but her emotions were raw and she’d tested the limits of her maturity.
Still, she leaned down and kissed her father’s weathered cheek. “We’ll talk soon, okay? I’ll call you.”
He nodded. “I love you, Hannah Banana.”
“Love you,” she said, then turned and ran from the restaurant.
She was barely holding back tears when Luke caught up with her in the parking lot. He pulled her into his arms.
“You okay?”
She nodded against his chest.
“Glad you came?”
She nodded again.
“It’s all going to work out, you know. The two of you will forge a new relationship. I know that’s what he wants.”
“Me, too.”
“Then you’ll make it happen.”
“I shouldn’t have run out and left him sitting there,” she said. “I just couldn’t stay there another minute.”
“He understood.”
“Is he okay?”
“A little shaken, same as you. I insisted he call Clay to come and join him. It will give him time to absorb what’s happened. They’ll talk over what to tell Lucy and how to handle the wedding.”
“Thank you for setting this up, and for being here,” she told him.
“Nowhere I’d rather be,” he said.
Hannah looked into his eyes and knew he meant that with one hundred percent sincerity. If only she could find some way to allow herself to embrace his unconditional love and the future he was offering.
The weeks leading up to the wedding were increasingly hectic. Add the stress of trying to reestablish her relationship with her father, and Hannah was tense from morning until night.
“You sound exhausted,” Sue said when she called.
“Too much to do, too little time,” Hannah told her. “You are still coming for the wedding, right?”
“I’ll be there,” Sue promised. “So far the doctor hasn’t thrown up any warning flags about me flying at this stage of my pregnancy.”
“Well, if he does, then stay put. I don’t want you taking any chances,” Hannah told her.
“Believe me, I won’t,” Sue said. “How are things with you and Luke?”
“He bought a house,” Hannah told her, then went on to describe it.
“Sounds tailor-made for a family,” Sue commented slyly.
“His kids will love it,” Hannah said, deliberately misunderstanding.
“And you? Do you love it?”
“It’s a great house. It just had a good vibe the second we walked inside. There are lots of windows, so there’s terrific light pouring into all the rooms. The views are amazing.”
“Sounds like the perfect place for someone who wants to write children’s books,” Sue suggested.
“Will you give it a rest?” Hannah pleaded. “I’m not moving in, much less changing careers.”
“Has Luke asked you to move in?”
“He’s said a lot of things. So have I. It’s not in the cards, Sue. Drop it, please.”
“Just let me go on record as saying that you’re crazy,” Sue said. “And now I’ll drop it.”
“Thank you.”
“At least until I get there and can size things up for myself.”
Hannah chuckled ruefully. “I’m almost sorry I invited you.”
“No, you’re not,” Sue retorted confidently. “See you soon. And I expect to see at least one of those children’s stories written down on paper when I get there. If you want my opinion, the one about the mystical, magical mermaid seems like a good place to start. That’s the baby present I want from you, okay? In hardcover and fully illustrated.”
“I don’t think publishing works that fast,” Hannah said wryly.
“Okay, I’ll wait for the illustrated version, but I want something on paper so it will be the first story I read to the baby.”
“Since I know you’re going to pester me until you have it, I’ll see what I can do,” Hannah promised.
After Hannah hung up, she went to take her shower. As part of the daily ritual, she also did a breast self-exam. The first tumor had been caught on a mammogram while it was still small enough that she hadn’t even been able to feel it. Even so, even after chemo and radiation and the most recent all-clear report, she was still terrified all the time that there were other tumors that had somehow escaped detection. She was compulsive about checking.
Standing in her shower now, she diligently soaped up her hands and began to check around her scar and under her right arm. Instead of the slick, smooth surface she’d been feeling for weeks, though, there was…something. She sucked in a sharp breath, fighting almost immediate panic. Holding her breath, she stroked her fingers over the spot again. There it was, a clearly defined little bump. It hadn’t been there yesterday or the day before. She was sure of it.
She thought of all the times lately she’d felt vaguely ill and rushed to the conclusion that cancer was suddenly rampant in her body. Bile crawled up the back of her throat.
“No,” she whispered, pressing harder, trying to make the tiny lump disappear or dissolve or something. She couldn’t seem to make herself stop touching it, willing it away, even as tears spilled down her cheeks, mingling with the spray of the shower.
Was this how it had been for her mother when the cancer had come back? Had she felt this searing sense of terror, this numbing dread that she was about to go through it all again—the mammogram in a cold, lonely room, then a biopsy and the endless wait for results, surgery, chemo, radiation, all of it with absolutely no certainty about the outcome? Could she face that again, especially knowing that the odds were starting to work against her?
This was exactly what had kept her from giving in to Luke, from grabbing at the future he’d offered. Cancer was unpredictable and cruel. Just as hope settled in, it could be snatched away. Leaning against the tiled wall of the shower, she let the tears flow, choking back sobs out of fear that someone would hear her.
A light tap on the bathroom door suggested that someone already had.
“Hannah?” her grandmother called. “Hannah, are you okay?”
She tried to speak, tried to squeeze out the words that would send her away, but she couldn’t get anything past the boulder lodged in her throat.
“I’m coming in,” her grandmother announced, opening the door as she said it, then peeking around the shower curtain.
As soon as she spotted Hannah, she must have known, because the worried frown on her face deepened and her own tears welled up.
“Another lump?” she asked, her voice tremulous.
Hannah nodded.
“It’s okay,” she said, her face a mask of grim determination. “We’ll deal with it. It might not be anything at all.”
“We both know it is,” Hannah said. “It’s something.”
“It doesn’t have to be malignant,” Grandma Jenny insisted. “We’ll focus on the positive. I mean it, Hannah. Positive thoughts only.”
Hannah wanted to be strong enough to put on a brave f
ront. It must be horrible for Gran for this to be happening again so soon after her daughter had died from cancer. Hannah wanted to strike a positive note, but the fear was too great. All she could think about were the months of suffering her mother endured. Once again, she dissolved into tears, great gulping sobs that she couldn’t seem to stop.
Her grandmother looked for a moment as if she might climb into the shower with her. Instead, though, she backed up a step. “I’m getting Luke.”
“No,” Hannah protested. “No, Gran. This isn’t his problem.”
“He’s a doctor. He might have something that will calm you down.” She gave Hannah a look of total understanding. “And he loves you. His place is here.”
Hannah knew further argument was pointless. “Whatever you do, though, please don’t let Kelsey know about this. Not until we know more.”
“I’ll do my best,” Gran promised. She spun away and left Hannah there.
Moments later, Luke was there. He didn’t even hesitate. He merely stepped into the shower fully clothed and gathered her close.
“It’s okay, Hannah. Gran told me about the lump, but everything is going to be okay.”
Oddly, in his arms, she almost felt as if it might be. They stood there for what felt like an eternity, her head resting on his chest, the shower spilling over them, their hearts beating in tandem.
His hand, which had been stroking her back in a comforting gesture, slid lower, cupped her bottom. Despite herself and the dire circumstances, she giggled.
“What?” he demanded.
“I knew this wasn’t entirely altruistic,” she teased. “You’ve been trying to get me naked for days, but there have been too many people around the inn and too many guests arriving in town for the wedding, so I couldn’t even sneak away to your place. I should have known that given the opportunity, you wouldn’t be able to resist copping a feel.”
He regarded her with hurt indignation for about two seconds, then shrugged and grinned. “Holding a naked woman is pretty irresistible. You can’t blame me for taking advantage of the situation, can you? Besides, it made you smile.”
“Because it’s so totally male.”
His gaze held hers. “And you’re so totally female, Hannah. Don’t forget that. No matter what happens, you will always be wonderfully, incredibly female.”
He reached behind him and snatched a towel. “Here, wrap yourself in this. I’m going back downstairs to get some of the clothes I left over here.”
She grabbed his hand, when he started to walk away. “Don’t leave, Luke, please. Not yet. I don’t want to be by myself. I’ll start to think about what comes next.”
“Okay, then,” he said, scooping her up and carrying her to the bed. He sat her on the edge. “Where’s your robe?”
“Hanging on a hook on the back of the bathroom door. You’ve seen me naked before, Luke, so it’s a little late for modesty.”
“Hey, I’m trying to behave myself here. Let’s remove at least some of the temptation. Besides, your grandmother is probably right outside the door trying to decide if she made a mistake in bringing me up here.”
“I’m sure she’s had some idea of what’s been going on between us for a while now,” Hannah said. “I like to believe she’s naive, but she sent you in here for a reason.”
“Because I’m a doctor,” Luke said.
“No, because she knew that you were probably the only person who could calm me down.” She met his gaze. “She was right, too. I’m still scared, but not as much as I was a few minutes ago.”
“You going to let me check whatever you found during your exam?”
“Is that just another way to get your hands on me?”
He grinned. “Of course.”
Unbelievably she was able to smile at that, too. “Here,” she said, guiding his hand to the lump.
She watched his expression closely, but it revealed nothing as he tenderly poked and prodded, then sat back.
“What’s the verdict?” she asked when he said nothing.
“We’ll need to do a biopsy to be sure,” he said, holding tight to her hand. “But I’m ninety-five-percent certain it’s just scar tissue.”
She stared at him blankly, hardly daring to hope. “Scar tissue?”
“That’s what it feels like to me, but we’ll do the test to be sure, so your mind can be completely at ease.”
She waited for relief to wash over her, but it didn’t come. Ninety-five percent wasn’t one hundred. She stood up.
“I’m getting dressed. I want you to do the test now. Can you do it at the clinic?”
“Are you sure? Would you rather go to New York and see your oncologist? He could do the whole battery of tests.”
“That will take too long. Do it here, Luke. Send the results up there, if there’s any question about what they show, but I need to know.”
He nodded at once. “I’ll get changed and meet you downstairs.”
He started from the room, then came back and cupped her chin in his hand. “However this turns out, it changes nothing. I will still love you. I will still want to marry you. Understood?”
Hannah blinked back a fresh batch of tears. “Understood,” she said softly. For right now, for just this one moment in time, she wanted desperately to believe that.
24
Luke made a pact with Hannah and Grandma Jenny to say nothing around Kelsey about the biopsy. Hannah wanted nothing to spoil Kelsey’s wedding, which was on Saturday, just days away. The inn was already starting to fill up with wedding guests—a small cadre of friends from New York and Jeff’s family, who’d taken the news of the wedding and the pregnancy with surprising delight. Even Hannah’s boss and his wife had shown up, partly out of friendship, Luke was sure, but also because it gave him an opportunity to press Hannah about coming back to New York.
Luke was glad he’d closed on his new house, because Hannah had agreed to stay there to open up more rooms at the inn for all the expected company. It was also keeping her out of reach of Dave’s pressure.
His kids were arriving on Friday, flying down on their own for the first time. Kelsey had wanted them to be part of the festivities.
For now, though, he and Hannah had some precious time to themselves. He knew she was freaking out over the anticipated test results and there was nothing he could say to reassure her. He just held her during the night when anxiety kept her awake.
She’d finally fallen asleep this morning around dawn. He was due at the clinic in an hour, so he slipped out of bed, showered, then went into the kitchen to brew coffee and fix breakfast. He hoped she’d keep sleeping, but he wasn’t counting on it.
Sure enough, just as he put an English muffin in the toaster, she wandered into the kitchen, barefoot and wearing one of his shirts. He thought she’d never looked sexier, though he doubted she’d believe him if he told her. Her self-image seemed to have crashed with the discovery of that lump.
“You should still be in bed,” he said, even as he handed her a glass of orange juice.
“Too much to do. I have to pick Sue up at the airport this morning, then run by the caterer’s with a check. Then Kelsey and I are supposed to go by the church this afternoon and make sure everything’s under control there.”
“I thought the church was Grandma Jenny’s domain.” He scooped scrambled eggs and the muffin onto a plate and slid it in front of her.
“Try telling that to Kelsey. If she hasn’t checked it for herself, then she can’t check it off that endless list of hers.”
Luke grinned. “Sounds like someone else I know.”
She shrugged. “Family trait.”
“Think you can find some time in there to drop by the clinic later?” he asked casually.
She looked up from the eggs, panic in her eyes. “The results?”
He nodded. “I should have them this afternoon. I can wait and tell you here tonight, if you’d prefer. I thought about waiting until after the wedding, but I know you’d prefer to have them soo
ner rather than later, right?”
She nodded, still looking stricken. “I’ll come to the office. Is it okay if I bring Sue with me?”
“Of course,” he said at once. “I feel good about the results, Hannah. I really do.”
“From your lips to God’s ear,” she said.
“I’m sorry it had to be today.”
“It’s not like I haven’t been thinking about them nonstop, anyway.”
“I know, but still, this should be a totally happy week when you can focus on Kelsey’s wedding.”
“And if you’re right about the results being good, I’ll be able to do that starting this afternoon,” she said with more optimism than she’d shown since he’d done the biopsy.
“Now, that’s the spirit.” He dropped a kiss on her cheek. “Leave the dishes. Someone’s coming in to clean this morning. I’ll see you this afternoon. Any idea what time you can come by?”
“I’ll be there by four. Will that work?”
“Absolutely.” He started for the door, then turned back. “You okay? I can have Doc go into the clinic so I can spend the day with you.”
“No need. I’ll be fine,” she assured him with a smile that seemed only slightly forced. “There are so many last-minute details to deal with, I won’t have even a second to think.”
“Okay, then. Later.”
“Later,” she responded.
Outside, Luke looked up toward the sky. “Please, God, give us later. Not just today, but years.”
The thought of finding Hannah again, of having her in his life, and then losing her was enough to break his heart.
Hannah put her hand on Sue’s rounded belly and smiled. “Just look at you, all pregnant and motherly. You’re beautiful.”
“I feel frumpy and fat,” Sue grumbled, then grinned. “But I’ve never been happier or more excited. And look at you, all tanned and fit. Seaview seems to agree with you, or do we have Luke to thank for the color in your cheeks?”
“He gets credit for some of it,” Hannah admitted.
“So, what’s on the agenda for today?”
“I have to run a check by the caterer’s and then we’ll catch the ferry out to the island. Grandma Jenny is planning lunch for us at the inn, then Kelsey has a meeting for the two of us at the church so she can hear for herself that the minister actually knows how to perform a wedding. I thought you could catch a nap then, if you want to.”
Seaview Inn Page 33
