by Brooke Page
***
“Do you like my new nighty?” I asked Tyler as I slipped off my robe to crawl into bed.
He turned his head to me as he undid his cuff links. “Yeah. You know I love that color on you,” he said sweetly, except his voice didn’t match his eyes. He barely looked at me.
My face fell as I pulled the covers to my waist.
Tugging his buttons free, Tyler tossed his shirt in the laundry basket, his pants quickly following.
“I thought maybe we could go to Millennium Park tomorrow,” I started to say, trying not to feel rejected.
Tyler shook his head as he pulled his side of the bed covers back. “I have non-stop meetings tomorrow at the office.”
I looked at him dumbfounded. Even Nathan was taking the day off tomorrow. “Why don’t you take the day off. We can stay here through the weekend, just the two of us.”
“Becca, I can’t do that,” he said, irritation laced with is words.
“Ty—”
“No. Don’t ‘Ty’ me. The world has to keep spinning, Becca, including our business. With RJ gone, there is more work that needs to be done,” he said flatly.
I sighed, starting to feel a small bit of defeat. “Do it for me?” I begged, pulling out my ultimate weapon. He turned to look at me, the same tiny hint of hurt filling his eyes. My heart broke for him with that one look. “Baby—” I started as I tilted my head in concern.
Tyler sat up in bed, holding his arm out as though to stop me from trying to comfort him. “Becca, I’m sorry, but I can’t tomorrow or Saturday. Sunday we can do something together. Don’t you need to work on the Arena project?” he asked skeptically.
I sat back, shocked he would bring up my own work. “I’ve got a handle on it,” I said defensively.
His eyes met mine, hard and fast. I bit my lip, his look flipping a switch inside of me. If I could beg with one look, I was doing it. I needed him to touch me. It had been too intense of a day, and only his firm hands could make my unsettled feeling go away.
Tyler’s eyes dilated then he closed them, lowering his body to the mattress. “We should sleep,” he said quietly, reaching to turn off the bedside lamp.
I stayed sitting on the bed in the dark. I had just been denied. So, it was only a seductive look, but that was normally all it took. I shook my head. He was hurting, no matter how much he was going to deny it. I laid down in the silence, pushing away any doubts about his feelings for me. He loved me still, didn’t he?
“I love you, Ty. Goodnight,” I said quietly, terrified he might not respond.
I felt the bed move then his hands pulled me to his broad chest. “I love you too, Becs,” he whispered in the darkness.
His breath was hot against my cheek while his chest rose quickly. Tilting my head to meet his, our lips were barely an inch apart. “Please kiss me,” I said softly.
The yearning in my voice was undeniable. The need for him to hold me, to comfort the both of us, was empowering. His mouth slowly met mine, locking tenderly around my lower lip. He sucked gently, reassuring that this whole mess wouldn’t come between us.
We kissed slowly for what felt like an hour, our hands never wandering, merely holding each other.
With a shaky breath I broke away from our kissing. “Sleep baby.” It was my way of telling him I understood he was tired and had possibly one of the longest days of his life. I knew that he wasn’t ready to talk about it, and I would be there for him when he was ready.
But, I didn’t know how long I could keep him at an arm’s length.
***
The weekend was horribly long and quiet. Tyler worked long days in Chicago both Friday and Saturday and was holed up in his office most of Sunday. Even the car ride back to Grand Rapids was long and silent. He was doing it, pushing me away.
His demeanor was his old self, quiet and focused, not flirty and loving like he normally was with me. I really thought he would break by now. I thought he would start mourning and need me to comfort him. Even our nights felt distant. The only way I would get attention was if I showed interest. Otherwise, he would roll over and go to sleep, or at least pretend to.
Last night I woke around 2:00 a.m., catching Tyler staring wide eyed at the ceiling. I was thankful he didn’t flinch when I rested my hand on his chest. His eyes still remained open, but his hand covered mine. It was the closest thing to comfort I had gotten from him all weekend.
Tyler had already gone into work when I woke. How did he sneak out so fast?
I showered with a heavy heart. Dressing in Tyler’s favorite yellow summer dress, I straightened my hair and slid on heels, heading out the door with my protein shake in hand.
The Conklin building felt normal again. People moving in and out. The security guard who used to give me the slightest glimpse when I walked through the building doors was shockingly friendlier. I guess that happens when you have a diamond on your finger from the company owner.
Or at least partial owner. Today, Tyler and his brothers were going to find out who RJ left the company to. Most people would assume the company would rightfully be passed down to all of his boys, but who knows with RJ’s crazy mind.
Walking off the elevator, I found a sense of security. My life had been full of ups and downs, but the past six months I had found true peace in my work. It was constant, and I thrived to succeed.
“Becca, how are you doing? I’m so sorry to hear about RJ. I wish I could have made it to Chicago,” Will greeted with open arms.
I gave him a friendly hug back. “Thank you, I’m all right. Chicago is a long trip to do with a newborn. Congratulations! How are things going for you and your wife?”
Will smiled and filled me in on the details of his new daughter and how happy his wife was now that she wasn’t the only female in their family.
After Will and I caught up on our personal lives, we discussed our latest prints and project deadlines. Once we were back in order from both of us being out of the office, we hurried to work and back into our typical routines.
My mind was distant from my work though, worried about Tyler. I glanced at the clock noticing it was nearly lunch time. Maybe I could convince him to leave the office before his meeting with the lawyer to grab some food?
Finding a stopping point, I headed to the elevator. As soon as the doors opened to the top floor, an eerie feeling came across me as my feet hit the carpeting. RJ had died on this floor. Was shot and killed. I still didn’t know the details, and I didn’t think Tyler was ready for me to ask, even if he acted like he wasn’t affected.
Shaking off the uneasy feeling, I headed to the other hallway to Tyler’s office. His door was closed, and Cooper greeted me with a warm smile.
“Hey Becca. Tyler just got back. I’m sure he would love to see you,” he said looking up from his screen.
I gave him a polite smile and opened the door. “Thanks Cooper,” I said as I closed the door. When my eyes found Tyler, my heart dropped.
He was pacing the length of the windows, one hand in his hair with the other pulling on the collar of his shirt. Heavy breaths escaped him, and his chest was heaving.
Was he having a breakdown?
“Tyler?” I asked cautiously, taking a few steps towards him.
His head swung in my direction, startled by my presence. His eyes were wide and lost, his jaw slacked in confusion. By the way he was panting you would have thought the oxygen was evaporating in the room.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” I asked with concern, taking a few more steps towards him.
He was searching the room, as though looking for an answer. “I just… I…”
Tyler was frazzled and stuttering, and my heart was breaking for him. His breath hitched and became quicker and shallower the closer I got to him. His eyes were on the ground now, still rapidly moving to find something to focus on. One hand was on his chest now while the other still tugged at his collar.
“Tyler… just breathe,” I said gently, finally filling the space between us.
I bravely moved my hand to cradle his cheek.
His chest still heaved, and I could tell he was internally fighting whether or not he wanted me to see him in this state.
“I’m… I have to…” He was panicked, his jaw slacking then swallowing hard and long. The sweat on his brow was glistening in the sunlight from the windows.
This was it; he was broken. The time for him to let me in was now.
“It’s okay. It’s okay,” I soothed, bringing my other hand to his face. I massaged his cheek bones with my thumbs, trying to coax him to look at me.
“I need to… I just…” He was lost, and I hated it. Tyler didn’t know how to handle his feelings, and the only way to get him to calm down was lingering in my mind.
“Take me,” I murmured.
His eyes darted to mine, confusion and then contemplation crossing his face.
“It’s okay, take me… please,” I said, my words barely a whisper.
Tyler’s breathing slowly evened as he studied me but was still hot on my skin.
Taking one hand from his face, I curled his tie around my wrist then slowly pulled him until I was backed against the opposite wall. His nostrils flared as his hand found my thigh, slowly creeping under my skirt. His grasp was firm and strong, finding my hip.
His head was turned away from me now, his eyes slowly blinking closed. Tilting my head, I brushed the side of his mouth with my lips. “Take. Me.” I said as a command.
Tyler’s hips pinned me hard against the wall, his arm snaking around the curve of my waist, his other hand finding its way to grip my panties.
I met his move, slipping my hand to undo his belt. When I met skin, a low growl escaped Tyler’s mouth, and the hand that had a hold of my panties tugged the lace, ripping it with ease.
Letting out a gasp of excitement, I pulled him from his suit pants, enjoying the increase of his breath on my neck as I squeezed his length.
Tyler moved one hand to my thigh, aggressively hitching it around his hip, causing our skin to finally meet. This time Tyler wasn’t gently easing into me, he was going full speed, his hands firmly pulling me into him.
“I’m here… it’s okay,” I whispered through his harsh breaths.
Tyler groaned into my neck, his teeth grazing to my shoulder, biting my skin. The pain from the grasp his teeth held was erotic and welcomed.
This was his way of coping. His escape from whatever was haunting him in his head. If only I could escape with him, help him understand his feelings towards the death of his less than involved father.
My hands were gentle on his neck and shoulders, the complete opposite of his tight hold. His bite on my shoulder became hard as his thrust deeper and faster. He came with a muffled grunt, his teeth digging into my skin, causing me to whimper from his rushed and forceful finish.
Tyler’s grip remained strong as his breath finally calmed. I continued my way of soothing him, my fingers delicately tracing circles on the nape of his neck.
Just as I was about to softly tell him I was here, his hands left my skin as he cleared his throat. Stepping back from me, he grabbed his tie again, fiddling trying to tighten it from his exertions.
“I have a meeting in ten minutes with the lawyers,” he said, his voice deep and raspy. He leaned down to pick up my ripped underwear and threw them on his desk chair.
Smoothing my dress back down my hips, my face blushed slightly knowing I would be without panties the rest of the day. I waited for him to say more, to even look at me, but he didn’t.
Was that his dismissal? I just let him pound his frustrations into me, the least I thought he would do was talk to me afterwards. Say something reassuring that would help me slightly understand.
“Okay. Can we meet for lunch after?” I asked, trying not to feel awkward from what had just happened.
“I’m not sure,” he murmured, letting out a long deep breath.
“Why won’t you look at me?” I said, my voice cracking.
His eyes slowly worked their way to mine, the sad greener-than-blue color being pulled from his brown dress shirt and olive tie.
“Because I hate doing that to you,” he said softly.
“You needed it,” I responded, stepping closer to him. His eyes left mine again, but sorrow filled his face. “Tyler, why won’t you open up to me? I’m here for you, and I’ve been patiently waiting to help you deal with this. I know you’re affected by RJ’s death, and you should be. He was your father, absent most of the time or not.”
“I’ll be fine,” he muttered.
I didn’t believe him. “Didn’t look like you were fine when I walked through that door.”
He shook his head then walked to his office door. “I’m just stressed out. That was nothing. Forget it ever happened.” He opened the door and ushered for me to leave.
“Tyler, I can’t just forget that—”
“Well, it was extremely embarrassing,” he snapped, cutting me off from finishing my sentence.
I marched towards him, grabbing his arms before he could walk out the door. “You never have to be embarrassed with me, Ty. That’s what I’m here for, to love you unconditionally. Don’t feel like less of a man because you need to be comforted.”
He stared at me, that same lost boy look in his eyes. Before I could wrap my arms around him, he shook his head and his bleak expression was back as though no vulnerability took place in this room. “I have to go meet Nathan in the conference room on the sixth floor.”
I studied him, trying to understand his point of view. Finally giving up, my shoulders slumped as I said, “Okay. I’ll walk with you. I have my meeting with Jamie and the ArtPrize artist.”
Tyler rolled his eyes. “That guy is a loon. He wants me to pay him double. His work better bring in some new clients,” Tyler grumbled.
I let out a small giggle, agreeing with his loon statement. Tyler gave me a soft smile, the first one I had seen in awhile as he lead the way to the elevator.
Entering the elevator, my good feeling from Tyler’s small moment of happiness was gone when he didn’t touch me. Normally he always would put a hand on my lower back, around my waist or grab my hand as soon as the doors closed.
“Maybe we could get away this weekend,” I said softly, trying not to be offended by his lack of physical touch.
“I have to be in Chicago this weekend,” he said flatly.
Tears pricked my eyes. I didn’t like this distance, and even though I knew he needed the sex in his office, I wasn’t expecting his mood to be the same as before. I thought the sex would help open him up to me, not help him bury his feelings deeper.
“Hey,” he said quietly, turning his head towards me. I couldn’t bear to look at him, scared what his expression might be. “Give me a month, Becs. Then all of this will be sorted out.”
I nodded my head, closing my eyes and forcing the huge lump down my throat.
I felt his proximity become closer as the elevator started to descend. His hands cautiously traced my forearms and biceps, causing goose bumps to form on my skin. Once his hands found my face I opened my eyes, feeling unbelievably exposed by his stare.
“I mean it, just give this time,” he swallowed hard, looking away from me for a moment. “Give me time,” he whispered.
His hands were still on my face when the elevator opened.
“Becca, there you are! I was worried you had forgotten!” Jamie said. She was a sight for my sore, tear-threatening eyes. Tyler dropped his hands from my face as I ran to give her a hug. I missed my best friend. We rarely got a chance to talk anymore, and I hated it. She was so busy in Miami, and I was busy here.
Once Jamie pulled away, she looked towards Tyler. “I’m sorry for your loss Tyler, and I apologize I couldn’t make it to the funeral.”
“Thank you. You were needed in Miami. Please don’t apologize,” Tyler said stiffly as he turned towards me. “I’ll be late tonight. See you at home.”
“Do you want to stay at the condo?” I asked quickly.
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He shook his head no. “I need to pack for Chicago and Cleveland.”
The elevator doors closed before I could say anything else.
“Well, he looks like he has been a real gem to be around,” Jamie scoffed as we made our way to my office.
I let out a deep breath. “Yes, things have been a little tense. Honestly, you’re the first one to notice him acting strangely.”
“The death grip he had on your face was the first clue, along with the intense stare. RJ’s death not settling well?”
“He needs more time to let everything marinate,” I murmured.
“Good luck with that. Putters is going to be late. I swear, if he doesn’t have a model of whatever the hell he is building for ArtPrize I’m going to flip shit on him,” she grumbled.
I laughed as we entered my office, taking a seat at my conference table.
“I booked my flight to Chicago to go dress shopping,” Jamie said, changing the subject. “I swear to God, if you make me wear yellow…”
“No, it’s a deep purple. Plum I believe is the exact color title.” I laughed.
“One good thing, there is no way your mother can say anything about your smokin’ body. My God, Becca.”
I shook my head in discomfort. “We will have to see.”
Truth was, I was terrified of the weekend. The more I thought about it, the more it crossed my mind that this fancy wedding dress designer was used to tiny size zero models. How was she going to look at me coming in as a size six or eight? Especially when all of the women I would be arriving with are smaller than me.
We spent the next 15 minutes catching up, mainly about the wedding. Everything was touched from the cake to the DJ’s playlist. Jamie was super thankful she would be walking down with Nathan and not Mitch.
“I’m surprised Mitch is standing up for Tyler,” she commented with a wiggle of the nose. “If he hits on me one more time, I might smack him with one of those damn bricks he’s constantly bragging about.”
I cocked my head at her. “Bricks?”
“Yes, those RJ bricks. He was gloating to me the other day about how he had perfected them. So annoying. I hate that he has been in Miami. Why he constantly comes to our office is beyond me.” She groaned.
