Maybe that’s okay because when we’re back here in the rear, we’re training. We’re learning. And maybe, the lessons that 2LT Jess learned are not going to be the same lessons my 2LTs learn from me. But maybe, just maybe, the mistakes they’re making now will sink in and they won’t do it again. And maybe, they still need me to hold onto the back of their bike until they’re a little more steady before I let go. I’m not sure but as I’m struggling tonight to find a way to help my subordinates learn, I’m learning new things about myself.
What can I do differently so that the people who work for me learn and the lessons sink in?
Author Pictures
July 28, 3011
SO ONE OF THE things that I have to do now is get author pictures. And I’ll admit, I love getting dressed up and all that but this is kind of daunting. I mean, if I get the wrong pose, people are going to look at the back of the book and go WTF?
I can’t use any of the Army pictures I’ve got because that’s a violation of ethics rules. So it’s all civilian Jess all the way around. I’ve called up a good friend of mine who is building his portfolio and he’s getting some ideas together. I’m very excited because he’s got a great eye and I totally get to plug his work. But really, I’m doing legit author pics.
Hang on. I’m having a moment.
Anyone who spent time with me at RWA 2011 knows I said that a lot. There were so many times where I just had to stop and take a second to absorb everything. Like meeting legendary editors at Random House. Or even being in the Random House lobby (seriously, that place is awe-inspiring). Or seeing my book cover up in the Spotlight and learning I was going to be the Loveswept launch.
But ever since I’ve been home from New York, it’s been game on. All the fun and prep for New York has been gone and it’s been ACUs and combat boots and impossibly long days and into the nights. I’ve been exhausted, to the point that Monday night, I gave up and just went to bed. It feels like the last three weeks it’s taken everything I’ve had just to keep going because some of the stuff we’ve been dealing with at work is just...it’s draining. Even though I’ve got the best job in the world and I wouldn’t give it up for anything.
So to take a step back this weekend and get dressed up again for pictures is going to be fun. Hopefully, it’ll give me a brief escape with friends to relax and take some fun pictures that will hopefully hide all the dog hair in my house. And I’m sure, if we do take the pictures at my house, that there will be at least one cat sneaking into the picture. Maybe a kid or two. But it’s going to be fun.
The Nine Month Deployment Myth
August 8, 2011
SO IF YOU’VE BEEN paying attention lately, you may have seen that starting in 2012, deployments are going to shift to nine months for Army units. Which is great, right? That’s what we’ve been trying to get to for years since the wars started. Finally, the senior leaders are working towards what we promised our troops for so long: time home.
Yeah. Not so much.
See the nine month deployment thing only applies to, well, units. So if you happen to stay part of a single unit for the entire deployment cycle as well as once you come home, great for you. But the reality is that many, many folks are not in the same unit today that they were in three years ago. And what does that mean? They’re deploying again and they may or may not get the nine month deployment thing.
See Human Resources Command, by necessity, is a numbers game. How long have you been on station? How long since you’ve been overseas? When was your last combat tour? Have you been to Korea yet? And the folks bearing the brunt of these assignments? Our enlisted force. I’ve got sergeant E5s in my formation that have deployed to combat three and four times. If they’ve been in my unit the whole time, they’ve gotten a little more dwell time than they might have if they’d been in a brigade combat team. But what if they just came from a BCT to my unit? Well guess what, we’re deploying in a few more months. And well, if they won’t waive their dwell time, then I can’t use them.
As a commander, much like HRC must, I’ve got to look at the big picture. I’ve got to look and figure out where I can afford to assume risk and where I cannot. If I lose my E5s because they break, either from too much family strain, too many combat tours, or a combination of both, what have I done? I’ve hollowed out my force, depending on folks that are too junior to know all of the implied tasks that come with being an NCO.
Since I’ve become an officer, there are many things on this side of the fence that still piss me off and the number one thing is the manning on the enlisted side of the house. Why does it take an act of Congress to get an E5 delayed on an assignment so that his spouse can move with him? Why does it take an act of a two star general to get a master sergeant’s assignment deleted so that his spouse can PCS with him? We make everything so difficult when it comes to taking care of the folks who really do make our Army run. Because believe me, if the NCO corps isn’t doing its job, every single officer will feel the pain.
So why can’t we take better care of our enlisted troops? Is it a matter of being overwhelmed by the sheer number of people who need/want assistance? Why does someone halfway across the country get the final vote when I, as the commander on the ground, know what’s best for my soldier?
The nine month deployments are a good thing for those folks who stay in a single unit. But Korea is always an assignment necessity. As are the mandatory schools that check the block on your professional education system. And all of that means that our combat veterans, our troops who need to have the ability to come home at the end of the day and sit on their couch with their families and put their kids to bed don’t get that chance. Some people can handle it and continue to soldier on. Others can’t and there is no shame in raising your hand and saying, “I can’t keep doing it.”
But when we as an institution stop caring about the needs of the individual over the needs of the whole, or make it too difficult to care for those troops who have given us their all and just ask for a little time to heal, we have failed.
I’m glad we’re going to nine month deployments for units. Just don’t get it twisted and think it applies to everyone because it doesn’t. The units are made up of people. And far too many of those individuals haven’t had the time they need to recover from the constant cycle of deployments.
Because of You Back Cover Copy
August 14, 2011
SO THIS POST WAS going to be very exciting for me because I have the back cover copy of Because of You. But this gets even better because now Because of You is available for preorder!
This is kind of big for me. This feels like a moment where I feel like, yes, this has really, really happened. I am so freaking excited right now!!
From the war-torn streets of Baghdad to the bittersweet comforts of the home front, two wounded hearts navigate the battlefield of coming home from war in this explosive eBook original from newcomer Jessica Scott.
Keeping his men alive is all that matters to Sergeant First Class Shane Garrison. But meeting Jen St. James the night before his latest deployment makes Shane wonder if there’s more to life than war. He leaves for Iraq remembering a single kiss with a woman he’ll never see again—until a near fatal attack lands him back at home and in her care.
Jen has survived her own brush with death and endured its scars. And yet there’s a fire in Shane that makes Jen forget all about her past. He may be her patient, but when this warrior looks her in the eyes, she feels—for the first time in a long time—like a woman. Shane is too proud to ask for help, but for Jen, caring for him is more than a duty—it’s a need. And as Jen guides Shane through the fires of healing, she finds something she never expected—her deepest desire.
After Eleven Years...Now He Makes Me Cry
August 15, 2011
ONE OF THE THINGS I love about my husband is his ability to make me laugh. Over the years, the cards he’s sent with flowers for our anniversary or my birthday have made me laugh more than anything. They’re sarc
astic. They’re crude humor that make me laugh.
He’s the joy in my life but more, he’s the funny. He can make me laugh at damn near any situation. I’ll be talking to him about work and he’ll make a crack about things not to say to an unemployed dick (translation: things women should not talk about in front of men on a deployment).
But for our anniversary, no matter what, he always sends something that will make me laugh. So why this year did he decide that he needed to say something sweet? Why did he have to say “I’ll be home soon” instead of something inappropriately funny like normal? Why this year, when I’ve been so busy I can’t even believe half the year is already gone and he’s been deployed for just over six month, does he have to change things up? I like the smartass comments. I like the jokes. But this year, he decided to change things up on me when I wasn’t expecting it.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m impressed as hell that he managed to get me flowers and a card on time for our anniversary. I’m happier, though, that I got to talk to him for a few minutes. But I wouldn’t have been mad if I didn’t get to talk to him or if he hadn’t managed to send anything. Hell he just got back off an eighteen hour convoy in full kit in 130 degree heat. Not fun. And he still managed to send a card and flowers and make me smile. At least before I started bawling like a baby.
I’ve done good this year. Maybe deployment has become part of my new normal where I’m like, “Crap I just want the year to start so I can get it over with.” Maybe I’m used to having him gone, which means keep busy, keep the kids busy so they don’t miss him. Which is kind of sad in and of itself when you really think about it. So I suppose I’m a little overdue for some melancholy moments. I wasn’t really even thinking about our anniversary much. I was serious when I said the thing I did to celebrate was go grocery shopping by myself.
I miss him. I can stay as busy as I want but at the end of the day, all it means is I’m too tired to cry and really miss him. But sometimes, like tonight, it all leaks out and I remember that, no, my life isn’t normal without him. My life is just a little less funny, a little too serious. So tonight, as I try to find some way to fall asleep, I’ll just wish that the rest of the year goes by as fast as the first part of it, so I can have my husband home.
Damn but I’m tired of the war.
Jurisprudence and Command
August 23, 2011
THERE ARE LITERALLY DOZENS of jobs that one takes on when one takes the guidon. I’m writing a book about company command when I’m done with this whole experience and it’s going to talk about all the batshit crazy things you see or hear while in command. I’ll also talk about all the truly awesome stuff, too, but it’s not the good troops that keep most folks up at night.
Among other things, commanders are mom, dad, doctor, psychiatrist, teacher, coach, mentor, boot in the ass, divorce counselor, marriage counselor, social worker, sex educator, life coach...the list goes on and on and on. I have the best job in the Army. This is the best time I’ve ever had and I know that no job I’ll ever take after this will be as rewarding as this short time holding the guidon.
That said, the one thing that I would strongly encourage all future commanders to dig into, deeply, is jurisprudence and decision making. Why do we say that X is wrong and Y is not? What is the basis for your decision? Is everything black and white and written in stone? And if so, why then does commander’s discretion exist?
The easiest time any commander will have in deciding who to separate, who to give an Article 15 to, and who to attempt to rehabilitate will be in that brief window of time before you have become part of your unit. The first ninety days or so when you are first getting situated, you are able to look at the facts as just that, facts and not truly dig into the soldier behind the facts. It’s easy to come into a new unit and say “They’re going to soldier or they’re going to go home,” when you don’t know that soldier’s story, when you don’t know their wife, their husband, their mom, or their dad.
But when you look into the eyes of a soldier and tell them, “I’m initiating separation proceedings against you for the following reasons,” and that soldier has tried but failed to meet whatever standard you’re separating them for, the decision may still be ”easy” in that it’s the right thing to do, but when it’s about a person and not a decision? Maybe not so much.
The legal decisions I’ve made as a commander thus far, I don’t regret. I have reduced three NCOs back to enlisted rank. I do not regret this decision on any of the three counts. All three made bad decisions that young soldiers should not emulate. I thought only one of them could overcome it. I only wish for one to have the fortitude and the forbearance to prove that he earned the right to return to the NCO ranks. The decision to reduce and separate that particular individual, while the right thing to do for both the Army and for the soldier, pains me, because I believe he could be better than what he’s demonstrated. But my belief in him is not enough for him to succeed. I wish it were different but sadly, it’s not.
I’ve also had to initiate separation against two soldiers thus far who have not met the standard regarding height and weight and the Army Physical Fitness Test (APFT). These soldiers deployed for their nation, they went to war, they continually volunteer, and they know their jobs and yet, I must send them home because they do not meet basic Army standards. I know the standards exist for a reason. I know how hard it is to meet these standards for some soldiers. I know because I’m one of them who has struggled her entire military career to stay in shape and meet the standard. I know how much work it takes. And yet I am sending two soldiers home who are good troops otherwise.
Commanders must meet legal standards to separate and as a result of not having legal proof, these folks who “everyone knows” is doing “it” get to continue to soldier. Soldiers could be beating their wives, committing crimes or worse and if all commanders have is innuendo and rumor, commanders have nothing actionable. Rumor isn’t legally sufficient to initiate action. Innuendo does not give a commander probable cause.
Commander’s discretion is a powerful tool but I also understand why some decisions are taken from subordinate commanders. Because while I may argue all day long that X is a good troop who can’t lose weight, the bigger Army suffers for each overweight soldier. From health care issues, to stamina downrange, believe me, I understand.
Understanding does not make it easier to tell that kid who’s served honorably that their time has come to an end. Of all the jobs that came with the guidon, becoming the judge and jury has been the toughest. It is the one that keeps me up at night, dissecting facts, looking at other angles, seeking guidance from mentors and checking whether I did the right thing? Is there another way I can look at this? Because at the end of the tour, the responsibility is great, the power is even greater, and if you misuse the trust that has been given to you, the harm that you can do is unfathomable.
Why, commander, have you made the decision you made? What is your reasoning? Know this, because the decisions you make have impact far beyond changing command. The decisions you make will resonate with individuals for years.
Did you make the right ones?
Talking to Kids About 9/11
September 10, 2011
ON THURSDAY, I WENT to talk to my four year old daughter’s Pre-Kindergarten class about 9/11. I was supposed to be listening to the Signal Regimental Commander talking about micro-cyber, but I figured my four year old’s Pre-K class was a more important place to be. Anyway...
It wasn’t the first time I’d done this. Last year, I spoke to my older daughter’s first grade class and while I popped my head into her second grade class this year, I made sure I was downstairs for Little Bear’s class because it was her first time having Mommy come to class.
While I was in my second grade daughter’s class, I listened to another little girls’ father talk about 9/11. We all have our different ways of telling stories and 9/11 is a difficult one to explain to little kids. I mean, sure, we could be honest and tal
k about the bad men who flew planes into buildings but in the ensuing questions, can we really answer why to a second grader? As I listened, this little girl’s father started talking about the bombs he discovered while doing route clearance in Afghanistan. He spoke of how the highest education level in Afghanistan was the third grade when we’d initially invaded but how now it had gone up to fifth grade. And he sat there and told a group of second graders, most of whom had mothers or fathers in the military, many of those overseas right now, that they were probably going to still be fighting this war when they were all grown up.
Which, if you think about it, is kind of both true and depressing. I mean, this war started before any of the kids he was talking to were even born. How can you explain an event to kids that happened long before some of them were even in diapers and make it so that they understand but are not terrified? I know that night, I had a second grader in my bed, talking about the bad dream she had about bombs and her daddy.
Now, I freely admit, I’m not one of the cool parents who let’s their kids watch the big kid shows on TV. I cringe at Victoria’s Secret commercials and change the channel when commercials for violent video games come on. And that’s only when the TV is actually ever on. I’m kind of strict that way. So I was very cautious about what to say to a group of four year olds about September 11. I really wasn’t prepared for some of the things I heard.
Kids say the damnedest things.
I started off asking what they thought freedom was. A little boy hopped up and said that freedom meant taking guns and killing the bad guys. Another one chimed in and said blowing away all the bad guys. Then a little girl raised her hand and said freedom meant dessert. Which wasn’t all that bad, in this mom’s eyes. I got a few more answers, some involving the American flag. Then the real fun began.
The Long Way Home Page 23
