by Aiden Bates
“I’ve missed my period,” he admitted. “It’s usually regular but…”
I nodded, focusing on the test behind Derek instead of Derek’s eyes. “Right. If this one is negative, when Brock comes back we’ll ask for another one.”
Fatherhood. It should have had me scared shitless. At thirty-nine, it wasn’t exactly something that I’d ever planned for myself. Derek and I had said from the start that we were bad at relationships. My own shortcomings on that field had always meant that becoming a father was off the table entirely. Once upon a time, Justin and I had talked about it. A talk that had gone nowhere. He’d been ready for a family. Me? Even just the mention of settling down and making babies had sent a cold blade of fear through my heart.
As I shifted my gaze toward Derek again, I waited for that cold fear to return. Cut me open. Slice me clear through. But somehow…it didn’t. I could see the anxiousness written all over Derek’s face, the worry creasing his brow and darkening the sea green of his eyes. But beneath that, there was something only set a fire off in my chest. Even after the visit from the Fort Greene PD this morning. Even after our flight from Harper and Nick’s. Even after…
After this. Incredible, the way something that was made to be pissed on held the power to change our lives forever. Forever…but not necessarily for the worst. It shocked me to realize it as much as it must have shocked Derek when a smile came to my lips, my arms wrapping him up and pulling him close.
“You’re scared,” I said plainly, feeling his uneven breath against my chin as I pressed my hand to his chest. His heart was racing. He was playing like he was fine, but his body said otherwise. “It’s okay.”
“I’m…worried,” he corrected me. “I’m a wanted man, Kaleb. If I’ve got a life inside me…it’s at risk as well.”
“Well, relax.” I kissed his forehead, feeling his body slump with ease against mine as I held him closer still. “I’m here. Not going anywhere, either. Told you I’d keep you safe, didn’t I?”
“You did, but—”
“But nothing. If we’ve got a baby on the way on top of that, the baby’s under my protection as well.” I pulled back slightly to look him in the eyes. “Do you trust me?”
Derek hesitated for a second, then laughed. “Do I have a choice?”
I shrugged. “Not really.”
Pulling him to my chest again, I held him in my arms while I kept an eye on my watch. I didn’t let him go until the ten minutes were up. “Okay, sunshine. It’s time.”
I moved past Derek, getting to the test before he could. As I took it into my hand, I put my thumb over the results window. Before we knew either way, there were some things that I needed to say. Things that would lose their meaning once we knew for sure—for better or worse.
“Look,” I said, holding the test at an arm’s length as Derek reached for it. “This result? It doesn’t change anything. You’ve got me. The baby too, if it comes to that. Forever. No matter what.”
“Kaleb…” Derek sighed, his brow crinkling as sadness passed through his eyes. “A few weeks isn’t long enough to know if you really want to be with someone forever. And that’s what a baby means—even if we don’t stay together. If that test is positive…” He swallowed, shaking his head. “We’ll be bound together anyway. You don’t know if you want that yet or not.”
“Don’t I?” Derek reached for the test again, and once more, I pulled it away. “Spent nearly every day of the last three weeks with you. Gave you my word that I’d keep you safe, and I meant it.”
“Because you felt sorry for me, Kaleb, not because—”
“Because the first time I laid eyes on you, I wanted you, idiot.”
“The first time you laid eyes on me, you were about to shoot me!”
I laughed. “But I didn’t, did I? Maybe some little voice in my head told me, Don’t pull that trigger, Kaleb King. You’d regret it if you knew how sweet that man’s lips tasted.”
Derek rolled his eyes. “Stop teasing me.” But there was a hesitation in his annoyance with me, a little light that flickered in the seafoam of his irises. Like light passing through seaglass. “Did you really think that?”
My smile broadened. “Not quite. But you were too damn handsome to shoot—and every day I’ve spent with you, I’ve been more and more grateful that I didn’t pull that trigger.”
“Because you would have had a dead body on your hands.”
“No—because I was fallin’ for you, you ridiculous, perfect thing. Way I see it, if you’ve got my baby in you, it was meant to be.” My eyes softened as his lips fell into a soft, delicate O. “When you know, you know.”
“Well…but, Justin said…”
“That I’m a career-obsessed dickhead who could hardly breathe for how far he has his head shoved up his own ass?”
Derek cracked a smile. “Something like that.”
“A baby’s not going to get in the way of my career. Plenty of cops have kids.”
“Not with federally wanted men, though.”
“We’ll sort that all out later,” I promised him. “The important thing right now is, you’re wanted by me. Things with Justin…I didn’t handle them right. We can pretend that I just moved away to DC and the distance tore us apart, but…Christ, Derek. We were wrong for each other. I wouldn’t have taken a job out of state otherwise.”
“How do you know, though? That you were wrong for each other?” Derek’s fingers trembled against my chest as he brushed them between my pecs softly. “He wanted this too, didn’t he? Family, kids, the whole thing. What makes him wrong for you and me right?”
“Same thing that was wrong with Chase Connor for you, I s’pose,” I said, smug.
Derek nearly choked on his own tongue. “How did you know…?”
“Looked him up on Facebook. Figured I’d best know whose reputation we were ruining by running around giving out his name as our fake. Saw you two used to be in a relationship.” I cupped Derek’s cheek, looking down at him with seriousness in my gaze. “I’ve never felt this for anyone else before, Derek. What I feel for you…it’s lightning and thunder, a whole fucking storm that’s swept through my life.”
“And torn it apart.”
“For the better,” I assured him. “Some things need to be torn down. Every wall I’ve ever put up, all you ever had to do was blow on it to send it crashing to the ground. Can’t say I won’t need to be course-corrected from time to time, but you make me happy. I think I can make you happy too. And if we are going to be parents…my job can go fuck itself, frankly. You, our baby—those are my priorities. Already got ‘em in line and everything.”
Derek smiled softly. “Justin did have an awful lot to say about your priorities.”
“Yeah, well, Justin needs to find himself someone too. That relationship is in the past for me, Derek. I’m not a completely different person now, but…people change. I’ve changed. You changed me, and now…”
“Your life is going to be changed even more if that test is positive.” Derek nodded to the test in my hand.
“Then I’m ready for it. If my life’s been wrecked by you, I don’t see why I shouldn’t rebuild it around you to thank you for the trouble.” I frowned. “But this isn’t just about me. I want you to know that I’m ready. But if you’re not…”
It was the one thing that had been racing through my mind over and over again as I’d paced the hall while Derek was in the bathroom. I knew I wanted this, if it came to be. I knew I could handle it. But if he didn’t…hell. I couldn’t force it on him just because my eyes lit up every time I caught sight of him. That wouldn’t make me any better than those bastards who’d tampered with those birth control pills or those fucks with AFF.
“I’m…not sure,” Derek admitted. “But…I think I could try to be. I’d like to be.”
“I’ll take it.” My shoulders slumped slightly with relief. Felt like someone had just lifted a backpack full of bricks off of them. “Then…do we want to know?”
&nb
sp; Derek opened his mouth, then hesitated for a moment. In the next, his lips were against mine, tongue darting into my mouth with desperation. I tangled my tongue with his, smoothing it against the wetness, the dark warmth, tasting him as I breathed him in with every breath I drew.
When we finally came up for air, Derek nodded. “Okay. Let’s see it then.”
I ran my thumb across his cheek, holding his face steady. “I love you, Derek Stillwell.”
He laughed. “Really? Now?”
I shrugged, unable to fight back my grin. “Seemed like now was as good of a time as any.”
Derek bit his lip, then nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I didn’t want to be the first to say it, but…Yeah. I love you too, you big idiot.”
I leveled the test between us, moving my thumb away from the screen slowly.
“Bigger idiot than you thought, I guess.”
Derek drew in a long, deep breath as he took in the two little blue lines on the screen.
“Biggest idiot I’ve ever known.”
21
Derek
Just like that, my entire world was turned upside down.
I didn’t know why I was surprised. “I’m gonna come,” Kaleb had told me—and I hadn’t stopped him from shooting his load inside me. While I was in heat, no less. He’d done it a dozen times or more since that night. My period was late and a positive pregnancy test rarely ever lied. My heart was pounding in my ears as the reality of it all sank in anyway, though. The excitement. The shock. The fear.
I was having a baby. At maybe the worst time possible in my life to embark on something like that. At a different time, a different place, under different circumstances, I might have even been happy. As it was…
“I think I’m gonna be sick.” My stomach turned as I rushed to the toilet, dropping to my knees and resting my elbows on the seat as I dry heaved again, then again, then again.
As my eyes watered and I gasped for air, Kaleb bent down behind me, smoothing down my hair and curling his body around mine.
“Shh. I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” His breath against my ear was cool and light. “Everything’s going to be all right.”
“Are you so sure about that?” I coughed, my whole body rebelling against me as another wave of nausea sent my stomach churning and a tightness building in my throat. “Things were already bad enough, and now this—”
“Just means we have to work harder.” Kaleb kissed the base of my neck, holding me close. “Faster. Put the pieces together and make sure that we see them through.”
“Kaleb…I’m a wanted man.” His words were all good and fine, but that didn’t change facts. “How am I supposed to go to…to doctor check-ups and Lamaze classes and…and fucking baby yoga when I can’t even step foot out the door without worrying that the FBI is going to swoop in and arrest me at any moment?”
“I don’t know,” Kaleb said honestly. “But I know we won’t be able to figure it out any better rolling around on the bathroom floor. Let me take you to bed?”
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, bracing myself against the toilet, and nodded. “Yeah. Okay. Bed…bed sounds really good right now.”
He held me gently as I rose to my feet, wrapping an arm around my chest and holding one of my hands in his. It was a good thing, too—as soon as I was upright, I felt all of my blood rush to my head as blackness overtook my vision and my knees gave way. Kaleb caught me before I could crack my skull against the toilet seat, holding me up with nothing more than the strength of his arms for a moment. Then, he shifted behind me, scooping me up in those same muscular, manly arms like I was some kind of damsel in distress. Playing the knight in shining armor, he carried me to the bedroom like I weighed nothing at all.
In the bedroom, he laid me down on the mattress, soft and gentle. Despite the panic that was rushing through my body, right down to the very last cell, I had to admit—being in a real bed again was nice. The pillows were soft, the mattress was plush and comfy, and as Kaleb lay down beside me, wrapping me up in his arms, it was the safest I’d felt in a long, long time.
“Hold me?” I asked him, turning to rest my forehead against his. “Just for a little while?”
He squeezed me tighter, tangling his legs with mine. “Of course. For as long as you like.”
At some point, coiled in the warmth of Kaleb’s arms, I must have drifted off. I didn’t come to again until I heard a knock at the door that startled me awake—then, the turning of a key in the lock.
“Kaleb—” I gasped.
Kaleb only kissed my forehead soothingly. “That’ll be Brock. You’ve been out for a while. He’s probably just come back to check in on us.”
Kaleb slipped his arm out from beneath me with care, giving me a little smile as he shifted to his feet.
“Suppose I should go out and break the news to him, I guess.” I rubbed my eyes. My legs felt like they’d turned to lead since Kaleb first put me down on the mattress. “Let him know that we’ll be needing…God, what do pregnant Omegas even need?”
“Prenatal vitamins. Maybe one of those big, firm pregnancy pillows to cuddle.” He offered me his hand to help me up.
With a sigh, I took it. “I could just cuddle you, you know.”
He puckered his lips in an air kiss as he hoisted me up to my feet. “Sunshine, you can cuddle me as much as you want.”
Out in the living room, Brock had taken the liberty of slumping down onto the couch and flicking on the television. His feet were up on the coffee table, boots resting on the shiny mahogany top. As he caught sight of us, he glanced down at them, then kicked them off.
“Sorry,” he grunted. “Forgot myself for a sec.” Raising an eyebrow when his gaze fell on my eyes—after all my dry heaving, they probably looked as sore and swollen as they felt—he cleared his throat. “You two all right?”
Kaleb and I exchanged a look.
“We’ve got, ah…some news,” Kaleb finally said.
Brock chuckled. “You two lovebirds getting hitched or something?”
I swallowed hard, moving my hand over my belly.
“Not exactly.” Kaleb glanced over at me again, winking. “Not yet, anyway. Derek’s pregnant.”
I was suddenly glad that Brock hadn’t decided to help himself to the contents of the fridge as well. If he’d been eating something, he would have choked on it. If he’d been drinking something, from the look on his face, I could hazard a guess he would have spat it across the room.
“Oh,” he said, sputtering a little. “Well, ah… Mazel tov?”
Kaleb nodded. “Mazel tov indeed. Gonna need some additional supplies though, if you don’t mind running out and getting them. Prenatal vitamins—the brand name kind. I’ll give you whatever cash you need for ‘em. And…”
Brock raised an eyebrow as he pushed himself to his feet. “Suppose condoms are off the list, then. What else?”
Kaleb tugged at his collar. “It’s a big ask, I know. But I need Ernesto to dig into Bicroft Pharmaceuticals. If he can get me a list of every person they’ve employed over the past year, I think we could speed up our timeline in getting to the bottom of this case.”
“And you’ll be wanting to get to the bottom of it sooner rather than later now. Right.” Brock hazarded a glance in my direction, blushed, and looked away. “I don’t know that Ernesto can do that, man. I can ask, but…”
“Asking’s all we need. If he can’t, he can’t. But if he can…”
“I’ll give him a call,” Brock said with a nod. “No promises, but… yeah. Two of you must be scared shitless right now.” He chuckled to himself darkly, drawing his lips into a wide, thin line. “I know I would be.”
“Appreciate it, Brock.” Kaleb watched Brock slip out the back to make the call before turning to me again. “You hungry? I think we managed to sleep through lunch.”
I yawned, nodding my head. It was hard to remember the last time I’d been this hungry—or this tired, for that matter. I guessed growing an entire new life insid
e me was taking up more energy than I was used to. “Let’s make dinner, then. Think we can manage?”
Kaleb grinned. “Suppose we’ll have to.”
Dinner amounted to a burned attempt at spaghetti Bolognese that Kaleb and I abandoned in its probably ruined pot on the stove in favor of some chicken strips we found in the freezer, baked in the oven and placed on top of a spinach salad made up from some vegetables in the fridge. As I scarfed down a ranch dressing-covered bite, I could still smell the scorched ruins of plan A hovering all around us.
“Eventually one of us is going to have to learn how to cook, you know,” I pointed out, trying not to breathe in through my nose. Another new element of pregnancy, I guessed. My sense of smell was stronger than ever—and the scent of burned onions wasn’t doing my stomach any favors.
Kaleb laughed. “Yeah, as nice as this salad is, our baby probably shouldn’t grow up on frozen chicken strips doused in ranch, I guess.” He glanced over to the pot on the stove and snorted. “Probably ought to be you that develops the culinary skills, though.”
I cracked a smile. “Agreed. I don’t think you’re allowed anywhere near a stove ever again.”
22
Kaleb
As I dug through the Google results on AFF, making notes of any potential donors or connections I could find, and Derek perused one of the recipe books he found in the kitchen, a little fantasy was playing in my mind to break up the monotony. For once, it was a fantasy involving Derek that didn’t involve putting my cock in him—not that I was exactly ruling that out yet, of course.
It involved a little house in DC, or maybe even back in Fort Greene if I could swing it. A job on the freshly noncorrupt police force there. A white picket fence, a lawn behind it that I’d spend Saturdays mowing and a big, furry mutt from the local pound that could chase me around the yard while I did it. When I went inside, Derek would be there. A chubby, giggling toddler in one arm and a pitcher of lemonade in hand. If I imagined hard enough, I could see a ring on one of those handsome fingers of his. Feel the weight of a matching band on my own ring finger. We’d settle in for the night—order delivery food, if Derek’s cooking skills hadn’t quite panned out yet. Watch The Lion King—Josh had loved that movie as a kid. Cuddle on the couch without a worry in the world. Not about birth control, not about AFF, not about Bicroft—not about a damn thing.
