by Aiden Bates
“Course you can’t. I understand.”
“But it got me thinking.”
“Dangerous pastime.” Regardless, I was all ears.
“Rusty, I’m…” Daniel’s shoulders slumped forward slightly. “I’m not ready for you to come back in my life yet. You hurt me. Badly.”
“I did?” Again, I was drawing a blank here. And since Daniel had brought it up… “Darlin’, I’m sorry if I hurt you, but I’ve been kinda livin’ under the impression all these years that you were the one who hurt me.”
“What?” Daniel drew back, blinking. “How the hell did I hurt you?”
I shrugged. “Dunno. Kicking me out of your life, for example?”
Daniel scowled. “I didn’t have a choice, after what you did.”
“What the hell did I do?”
He shook his head and held up a hand. “Look. I’m not here to talk about that. The past is the past, Rusty. I haven’t forgiven you for it yet, but…it doesn’t matter now, I guess.”
Yes it does! I wanted to shout. It matters to me!
But Daniel didn’t give me time.
“I’ve seen what happens to kids when they get lost in the system, Rusty. Some of them never make it back home. And you know how we were raised. Single fathers, both of us. I’ve just been thinking…if something happened to me…”
“Do you think something’s going to happen to you?” My heart felt like it had stopped completely. Had he been threatened? Was his father onto us? And if so, would Rasner sink so low as to threaten his own son to keep his own reputation clean?
“No, I don’t. I’m not planning on it, anyway. I just…” Daniel sighed. “After everything that you’ve dug up about my father, Rusty… And you know that Dad and I have never really seen eye to eye to begin with.”
“Hard to see eye to eye with your dad living in that ivory tower of his.”
“Exactly.” Daniel’s face relaxed a little. “If something were to happen to me, I don’t think I want Lissa going to live with him. Which means that, well…”
What a fucking roller coaster this night was turning out to be. A second ago, my pulse had gone dead. Now, it was thumping away a mile a minute, so hard I could hear it in my ears and feel it in my neck.
“You want me to meet Lissa?” I couldn’t even believe I was saying those words. “You want me to take her, if—”
“I want you to meet her, yes. Let’s, ah. Not get ahead of ourselves here.”
I leaned back and nodded. “Okay. That’s fair.”
At this point, I would’ve settled for a fucking Christmas card. The chance to actually meet my daughter, hold her in my arms—it was like six years of Christmas presents delivered all at once.
“As a family friend.” His voice was tempered, full of warning. Don’t get too excited—you haven’t won the lottery just yet. “Not as a father, Rusty. I don’t think… None of us are quite ready for that yet. But I think it’d be good if you were someone she knew. Someone she felt safe with.”
“I…” I had a million questions. A million more things I wanted to say. But this was Daniel’s rodeo. Had been since the day he’d decided that he was handling his pregnancy on his own. I needed to be able to respect that—or else I’d be risking the chance to be in Lissa’s life in any way at all. “That would mean the world to me, Daniel. But I figure you’ve already realized that.”
He gave me a soft smile. If I imagined hard enough, I could almost pretend it wasn’t forced.
“I’m starting to get that feeling, yeah.”
“We, ah…” I watched Daniel glance toward the door. But I wasn’t quite ready for this conversation to be over. Not just yet. “We found a connection between the two people we talked about before. A good one. Looks like our friend at the state capital put in a good word for our friend in Fort Greene that lead to a promotion. That tip you gave me really helped.”
“Did it?” I caught a glimmer of excitement flash in Daniel’s eyes. “That’s…really good then, yeah. I’m glad I could help.”
“And as for meeting Lissa…” I dug my thumb nail into the knuckle of my index finger. Again, I wanted to know what he thought I’d done to him. I wanted to demand that he take me to her immediately. Now. Tonight. But all of this was too damn fragile as it was. I knew that making demands right now would be entirely too much. “We’ll do that whenever you’re ready. It’s all completely on your terms.”
“I should get going, Rusty.” Daniel finished his coffee and reached for his wallet, but I waved his hand away.
“Don’t worry about it. The coffee’s on me. And Daniel…”
He paused, halfway up out of his booth. “Yeah, Rusty?”
I gave him a tight smile of my own. “Take good care of her. And drive safe.”
12
Daniel
“You owe me one, Danny.” Alicia was posted up on the couch, working away on her laptop when I finally made it back home. “Pizza’s in the fridge and Lissa’s been in bed since nine.”
“I owe you a million, Alicia.” I tossed my coat onto a hook by the door and collapsed onto the couch next to her. After seeing Rusty, I was still feeling pretty shell-shocked. “I’m really sorry I’m so late.”
“Booty call on your way home?” She poked me in the ribs with a toe that was all but completely covered in green polish. Lissa’s doing, no doubt.
“Not…exactly.” I drew in a sharp breath and braced for impact. I knew how Alicia felt about Rusty. She’d gotten me through the worst of that particular break-up. She wouldn’t be happy about it, but I hoped she’d understand. “I saw Lissa’s dad again. Met with him for coffee. I’ve had a lot on my mind today, I guess.”
“You did what?” Alicia cast a glance down the hall toward Lissa’s room, then lowered her voice to a whisper. “You dumbass.”
“Not a dumbass. Just…there’s some stuff going on. I started to worry about Lissa, where she’d go if something happened to me.”
“And you think sending her back to the dirty, no good cheater—”
I swallowed hard and shook my head. There was no way to explain it to her. Not until, I guess, she’d met Rusty herself. Which, considering what Rusty and I had talked about that night, might be sooner rather than later.
“I don’t know, Leesh. I don’t want you to get stuck with my kid if I was out of the picture. You know how we feel about my dad on the matter.”
“Also a bastard,” Alicia agreed. “But Rusty King?”
I shrugged. “I think maybe…maybe he’s changed.”
“Oh, honey.” Alica gave me a look that was dripping with sympathy. “You know cheaters never change.”
“Maybe this one has.” My shoulders felt like I was carrying the problems of the whole state of South Carolina on them. “This was all easier when Rusty was out west doing his MMA stuff. But now, it looks like he’s back in the area for a little while, and…God, Alicia, you should’ve seen how he lit up when he saw her pictures.”
“Just a shame that he pulled a stunt so stupid that he couldn’t have been here with the two of you from the start, then.” Alicia still didn’t seem convinced.
“He’s her father too.” I didn’t have a better argument than that. Not without spilling everything—the lost look in little ten-year-old Neil’s eyes. The way he’d held my hand so tight that it felt like he was trying to squeeze my fingers off when I’d taken him to his temporary new home. How it had felt growing up with only a man like my father to look to for guidance. How Rusty had hugged me when he saw the pictures of Lissa, like I’d somehow given him an entire universe just by flipping through some photos on my phone. “Just…trust me on this, okay? Whatever Rusty did…I think I need to leave it in the past. It’s not like I’m jumping into bed with him again.”
“You’d better not.”
“I just don’t want Lissa to miss out on part of who she is. And if something did happen to me…I want her to have as many people on her side as possible. I want to give her the best possible
life she could have.”
“Aww. Danny.” Alicia closed her laptop and reached over to ruffle my hair fondly. Unfortunately, she followed it up by giving me a gentle smack to the head. “You’re such a softie. But if you think it’s okay…hey, who am I to question your judgment on this?”
“Thanks, Leesh.”
“You can thank me by eating the rest of that pizza. I don’t want to take it home with me—I’ve already got bad enough garlic breath as is. And get some sleep right after.” She packed her laptop back in her bag, then paused. “Unless you want me to stay over? Sounds like you’re feeling a little paranoid tonight. If something were to happen to me…”
I laughed and waved her on. “I’m fine. Like I said, it was just a long day. Thanks again for watching Lissa, though.” I reached for my wallet. “What do I owe you?”
“Oh, don’t even. We’re friends, Danny.” Alicia rolled her eyes and shrugged her laptop back up onto her shoulder. “Besides, hanging out with your baby girl was way more fun than watching Friends reruns all night again. Free pedicure and everything.”
She wiggled her badly painted toes before slipping her socks back on. I got the door for her and waited outside until her car had pulled safely out of sight.
Once Alicia was gone, I poked my head through Lissa’s door to make sure she was still asleep—and not just pretending, the way she did sometimes. My little girl was never quite ready to go to sleep. Pleased to hear her actual soft little snores instead of the loud, overblown ones that she made when she was faking it, I left her door popped open just a crack and helped myself to a slice of pizza from the fridge. Pineapple and pepperoni—Lissa and Alicia’s favorite. Not exactly mine, but except for the coffee I’d had with Rusty, I hadn’t actually eaten all day. My stomach was grateful for whatever it could get.
But even after several slices of pizza, a hot shower, and an hour or so of laying in the dark and waiting for sleep, I finally flipped the lights back on. I was exhausted. I was tired. But I wasn’t sleepy. Or, rather, my brain was still buzzing too hard to put it to bed quite yet.
I could pretend it was just the coffee, but in reality, I knew it was more than that.
“You hurt me. Badly,” I’d told Rusty.
And he’d gone, “I did?” with such innocence that I’d almost believed him.
Maybe I’d even wanted to.
Almost.
Instead of forcing myself back to bed, I threw open my closet and dug through some boxes inside. At the very bottom, beneath the Christmas sweaters and old college clothes, there was one marked Memories.
I dragged it out and held my breath as I brushed the dust off of it. For me, memories were usually a problem that I didn’t have the time or energy to face. But after tonight…
At the top of the box, there were a few pictures from that weekend I’d met Rusty in Vegas. Some snapshots of his fight—probably too gory to ever show Lissa. At least not until she was eighteen or so. Rusty had gotten the snot kicked out of him in the fight he’d had the day after we met. I wasn’t even surprised at the time. We were both pretty hungover. We’d had to take turns throwing up in the hotel bathroom before he went to the arena to warm up. But in the end, he’d somehow managed to knock the other guy out in the final round.
The last picture from that weekend was a photo of the two of us. An elderly couple had offered to take it for us. We were both in our Vegas best. Rusty was leaned up against a slot machine, a massive split in his grinning lips and a black eye. His arm was around me. Possessively. Proudly. Protectively. And me, I looked like I’d just won the jackpot. Christ, I actually looked smug for having a man like him on my arm.
Of course, I hadn’t had any idea what would happen next.
My pregnancy test was in that box too. Three of them, actually. All faded now, but undeniably marked positive.
Beneath all of that was a manila envelope. Unmarked, but I knew what was exactly inside it.
More pictures. Ones that I didn’t exactly enjoy revisiting.
Inside that envelope were the photos that had torn Rusty and I apart.
I held my breath as I unfolded the envelope’s flap. I could still remember the day that my father had handed it to me. I’d stormed into his office to let him know that he needed to leave Rusty alone. I’d heard about how Dad had gotten Rusty’s fights canceled. I’d heard about the police showing up at Rusty’s hotel rooms, too.
“I’m going to be with him, Dad. He’s Lissa’s father. This isn’t your choice to make.” How many times had I practiced that line on my way up the stairs?
But then, before I could say anything, he’d pushed the envelope my way.
“I’m so sorry, Daniel. But I thought you had the right to know.” His look of sympathy had been so well-practiced, I’d almost believed it. “Maybe it’s for the best, son.”
I pulled the pictures out of the envelope one by one. I could still recall the way I’d felt when I first saw them.
Rusty, with his arms around another man in front of the Beacon, a Spartanburg restaurant that served food so greasy it came with a heart attack warning and tea so sugary it’d make your teeth rot. Rusty, kissing another man was the focus of the next shot. I couldn’t see Rusty’s face in the photos, but I could see his tattoos. The bleeding rose on his wrist. The Celtic cross. Up on his bicep, the pair of dice he’d gotten inked on him in my honor, for the lucky sevens that I’d rolled at the casino tables during our last night together.
He’d cheated on me. The pictures said it all.
And as soon as I saw them, my whole world had fallen apart.
But…there was something else in that memory, too. After all these years, I’d blurred out all the extraneous details. It was hard to remember your surroundings when you felt like they were all crashing down around you. But now, in light of everything that Rusty and I had talked about in the last few days, and now that the initial pain had subsided into the tenderness of an old, faded bruise…
I could remember two faces in that office with my dad on that day. One of which I’d seen recently, for that matter, tucked away in the pages of Joshua King’s journal.
Sorenson. His square jaw and cropped hair were impossible not to recognize now that I had a name to put to the face. And the other man, of course, was Governor Kelsey. A face I’d known since childhood, even though the pain of Rusty’s betrayal had erased it from my mind at the time.
My pulse was galloping as I moved to my bed and pulled out my laptop. I knew I’d seen the two of them together. In the chaos that had followed that day, it was understandable why I’d forgotten where or why.
But the day after I found out about Rusty cheating on me, my life had been thrown into even more disarray. I’d woken up the next morning to my father roaring in frustration. My eyes had been so swollen from crying, I’d barely been able to make out the reporter’s face on the news.
Senator Chris Callum, my father’s political opponent for the upcoming election, had been found murdered in his home that morning. Shot through his bedroom window in the night from a vantage point across the street. I’d sat glued to the television all day while the story developed, keeping my ears peeled for updates while my father stormed around, slamming the door of his office every time his phone rang and disappearing for hours on end.
The police had finally pinned down a suspect that afternoon. When they raided his home, the suspect, Jonathan Forsyth, had opened fire.
Officer Sorenson had shot him dead on the spot. They’d recovered Forsyth’s rifle inside shortly after. The bullets matched the casings found outside of Senator Callum’s home. Forsyth was a known felon, or so said the reporter. He had a criminal record of shoplifting, drug dealing, and several DUIs. But there hadn’t been anything to suggest that he had a motive for shooting Senator Callum. The reporter who’d pointed that out, I’d noticed a few days later, hadn’t showed up on the news again.
It had been a mess. Legally, politically—all of it had turned my already shattered world even
more sideways. I’d spent my first trimester in a fugue state, going to doctor visits with one of my father’s body guards and barely feeling anything at all. My mood hadn’t lifted until I had the ultrasound that revealed my baby would be a girl. By then, the circus surrounding the assassination had long since passed.
But now, in hindsight, it all seemed a little too unlikely. A little too slick.
Officer Sorenson had been in my father’s office with Governor Kelsey one day. The next, Sorenson had killed the man who’d allegedly shot my father’s opposition before the police could bring the suspect in for questioning. And after, according to Rusty, Kelsey had suggested that Sorenson be made the police chief of Fort Greene.
I didn’t know why I didn’t see it before. Maybe I couldn’t have. I’d been too worried about my baby, too heartbroken over Rusty’s cheating ways. But now…
“You hurt me. Badly.”
“I did?”
It wasn’t proof, but it left me feeling sick to my stomach anyway.
Doubt. What I was feeling now was doubt.
I didn’t know what role my father had played in any of this, but I knew what I’d saw.
And if my father did have anything to do with this assassination…
What else was he capable of?
13
Rusty
I got the call from Daniel the next day.
“There’s something you need to see.” His voice was a whisper, urgent and a little rushed. I could imagine him ducking down in whatever little break room or office cubicle he’d found to call me from at work, glancing around to make sure no one else could hear him. “It’s important. Or, I think it might be.”
“You want me to come to you?” After coffee last night, just the thought of driving to Spartanburg made my heart do a back flip in my chest. Every new lead in this investigation put us that much closer to cracking it open for good, and Spartanburg was where Lissa was. The promise of seeing my little girl again—actually meeting her this time—set me glowing like the warmth of a stray sunbeam after so many cloudy days.
