She shrugged. “It’s your house. Do what you like.”
He’d thought he could handle her hurt and anger, that it wouldn’t tear him to bits. Maybe he was wrong. “Look, I know I didn’t say what you wanted to hear, but—”
“Maybe it was exactly what I needed to hear. You’ve made life easier for me, Zeke. For a while there, I was confused about what I should do. Now I’m not.”
“Giving up your chance at the magazine would be a terrible mistake on your part, no matter what your reasons.”
She gazed at him across the short space separating them. She’d accused him of hiding his emotions, but she was doing a great job of it herself. “Of course you’re right,” she said tonelessly. “It’s a huge opportunity, and Naomi’s been planning this for years. I wouldn’t dream of throwing her generosity in her face. And then there’s the money to be considered. With the salary I’ll be making eventually, I’ll be able to afford all sorts of extras for Amanda. And there’s the foreign travel. Once she’s old enough I’ll take her with me to Paris and London for the shows. I’m sure she’ll love it.”
“I’m sure she will.” And the two of them would move further and further away from him, he thought. Once Amanda had become used to mingling with the rich and famous of the fashion world, she wouldn’t want to spend time in a backwoods cabin like this. And that went double for Katherine. She’d been seduced by the sexual tension between them, the temporary appeal of the landscape and the romantic concept of turning him into a daddy. But none of that would last long enough to replace what she’d be giving up in New York.
“I saw a can of chili in the cupboard when I got out the soup for lunch,” she said. “Would you like me to heat it up for our dinner?”
“That would be fine.”
“Um, about the sleeping situation.” She cleared her throat. “I don’t want you on the floor, considering your ankle.”
“I don’t want you on the floor, either.” Actually, he wanted her on the floor, or the bed, or the dining table. He just wanted her, period. But it appeared that part of the weekend was over.
She ran her hand nervously up and down the door frame. “There’s no reason we can’t both sleep in the bed. But I don’t think we should...make love anymore.”
“If you say so.” Black despair moved through him. He’d known the moment would come, the moment when they’d never make love again, but he hadn’t expected to have to face it until she’d left the cabin.
“I do,” she said softly. “You see, I think a relationship should be about more than just sex.”
If he hadn’t been hurting so bad inside, he might have laughed at that. “So do I,” he said.
Little did she know that when their relationship had been about sex, he’d managed to control himself. When he finally admitted to himself how much he loved her, his control had disappeared.
“I’ll go put the chili on to heat.”
“Okay.”
He finished drying off, which took a while. Finally he wrapped the towel around his waist before hobbling out of the bathroom. Sure enough, by the time he got into the main room, Katherine had put on another pair of his sweats. She stood by the fire stirring the chili in the kettle.
If he remembered right he had one pair of sweats left, which meant they could both be decently covered for the evening, damn it. He made his way painfully over to the dresser and took out a T-shirt and the last pair of sweats. That would have to do. Considering how tough it would be getting the pants on, he didn’t want to bother with underwear.
God, he was going to miss the sight of her sweet body. Sure, he became aroused watching her walk naked around the cabin, and that was part of what he enjoyed. But he’d also loved the chance to memorize intimate details that the rest of the world wouldn’t ever know about her, like the tiny mole on her right breast, and the faint birthmark on her fanny. He was just getting familiar with the line of her backbone, the curve of her thigh and the spun-gold color of the curls covering her sex.
As he stood by the dresser balanced on one leg, he figured out that in order to get dressed without offending her newfound modesty, he’d have to hobble back to the bathroom. The hell with that. If his nakedness bothered her, she’d just have to look the other way.
With his clothes tucked under his arm, he arrived back at the bed and noticed she’d changed the sheets. So they’d both be squeaky-clean, sleeping on nice clean sheets, and they weren’t supposed to touch each other. Maybe he’d have to take the floor, after all. He’d be damned if he’d beg, and lying next to her all night, he might be reduced to that.
He pulled off the towel before sitting on the bed. Getting the sweatpants on was a trick, but he managed. Then he pulled the T-shirt over his head.
“I can rewrap your ankle, if you need me to.”
He glanced over to where she stood by the fireplace. He had a strong suspicion she’d watched his entire performance. “I’ll manage.”
“Yes, but I’m sure it would be easier if I did it.”
“There wouldn’t be anything easy about it, considering how close you’d have to get.” He watched the awareness build in her eyes. “So unless you know a way to wrap my ankle without touching me, or unless you’ve changed your mind about making love, you’d better keep your hands to yourself.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
THIS WAS ALL FOR THE BEST, Katherine told herself as they ate their dinner. Zeke was in bed, a tray balanced on his knees, and she sat at the table, deliberately putting distance between them. If she thought Zeke wanted her to stay, she would have had a difficult decision to make. Now that she knew he didn’t want her to, life became very easy. Or so she tried to tell herself as she forced the chili past the lump in her throat. She would have preferred not to eat, but that wouldn’t be good for Amanda.
Okay, so life wasn’t easy now, with Zeke less than ten feet away and the memory of their lovemaking freshly imprinted on her mind and her body. But once she was back in New York, the pain would grow less until one day she’d barely feel it. Her job and Amanda would fill her days with satisfaction and creativity. Then she remembered that Naomi had suggested she use her time in Wyoming to generate some concepts for future issues, concepts that she’d be proud to implement.
Now, there was a forward-thinking project, one that should point her in the right direction. She glanced over at Zeke. “Do you have some paper and a pen I can use?”
“Far right drawer in the kitchen. Help yourself. Oh, while you’re up, would you please bring me that paperback mystery on the far end of the bookshelf?”
“Of course.” She took the book down from the shelf and walked over to hand it to him.
“Thanks.” He gave her the briefest of glances, but his expression was closed.
“You’re welcome. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll open one of the porch windows a bit. It seems stuffy in here.”
“Fine.”
She wanted to scream. They were treating each other like polite strangers. No, more like civilized enemies. Polite strangers would make more of an effort to be pleasant. But she was better off this way, she reminded herself again.
In the kitchen she found the unlined sheets and a collection of ballpoint pens. She chose a black one and took several sheets of paper back to the table. Then she opened the window a couple of inches to let in some fresh air.
She took a deep breath and felt her brain revive. Yes, this was more like it, she thought, sitting down at the table. No wonder she’d been in a total funk about Zeke. She hadn’t given herself anything challenging to think about, focusing instead on what she was giving up—the comfort of having Zeke help with Amanda and, of course, incredible sex.
And it had been incredible. She stared off into space for a minute before bringing herself back on task with an impatient shake of her head.
Taki
ng her cue from Zeke, she’d insisted on wrapping her wrist herself this time, and although the job wasn’t as neat as his, it would do. Writing gave her some pain, but it was better than sitting there doing nothing, so she kept it up in spite of the throbbing in her wrist.
Fifteen minutes later she had a page full of ideas, all of them crossed out. She stared into the fire in frustration. Everything she came up with seemed so trivial, a waste of the staff’s time and talent. Besides that, she kept glancing over at Zeke. He seemed engrossed in his book, but she wondered if he was as serene as he appeared. She fought the urge to go crawl into that bed and...nope. Bad idea.
Finally she tossed the pen down and cradled her chin in both hands as she stared at her abortive attempt to get some work done. Maybe this wasn’t the time or place to brainstorm. Zeke’s presence would make concentration difficult for any woman with a pulse. She’d do up the dinner dishes and then follow Zeke’s example and lose herself in a book.
She picked up her dishes and walked over to the bed to get his.
“Thanks,” he said again in that monotone that drove her crazy. Then he returned his attention to his book.
It bothered her that he could ignore her so easily. She should have walked away with his dishes, but she didn’t. “Is there anything else you need?”
His head snapped up and his eyes looked as if someone had tripped a switch, bringing them to full wattage. He tossed the book aside. “Yes, as a matter of fact, there is.”
Heart pounding, she backed away. “I’m...sorry. I didn’t mean...”
His voice rumbled low. “Then don’t ask, Katherine. Not unless that’s exactly what you mean.”
“Right,” she said breathlessly. Clutching the dishes, she walked over to the kitchen. She set the dishes in the sink and leaned against it while she hyperventilated. Good Lord. And she’d thought she was holding herself on a tight leash. Her body warmed and throbbed as she imagined what loving him now would be like. It would be very good.
But she’d announced to him not two hours ago that she thought a relationship should be about more than sex. She really believed that, and going to him now would allow him to think that sex was enough for her. And it wasn’t. Of course not. But when she thought about the look in Zeke’s eyes just now, she had the urge to forget her principles.
She managed to wash the dishes without breaking them, although her hands trembled. When she was finished, she went through the motions of taking a book from the shelf and sitting in the rocker with it open in her lap. In the distance a wolf howled, and then another, their cries drifting in through the partially open window. The sound affected her as much as it had the night before, stirring the lusty side of her nature so recently awakened by Zeke. It promised to be a very long night.
* * *
ZEKE CONSIDERED HIMSELF a master of self-control. He prided himself on being able to hide his emotions from even those closest to him if he chose to do so. Self-preservation had taught him that lesson early, and he’d polished his skills over the years. But he’d never been tested like this.
His whole body felt drawn into a knot as he tried to keep himself from asking Katherine to reconsider. He’d been reduced to examining her every movement, her every word, for some sign that she was weakening in her resolve not to make love again. Surely he was too proud to beg. He’d never lowered himself to do that for any man, woman or child since the day he’d pleaded with his mother not to make him get out of the car.
But when Katherine had asked if he needed anything else, he’d come very close to pleading with her. Very, very close. He of all people should know that it wouldn’t work and he’d humiliate himself for nothing. Yet as they sat together in the silent cabin, he grew desperate to hold her in his arms one more time.
When Amanda woke up for her next feeding, Katherine nursed her so discreetly that it nearly broke his heart. How he’d loved the moments spent in the big bed with a shamelessly unclothed Katherine holding the baby to her breast. He gripped his book and resolutely turned the pages he wasn’t reading while she finished and changed the baby’s diaper.
From the corner of his eye he saw her approach the bed, Amanda in her arms. He glanced up into her golden eyes, and his heart beat faster.
She swallowed. “Would you...I wondered if you’d like...to hold her for a while before she goes back to sleep.”
He laid down the book immediately. “Yes, yes I would. Thank you.” As she placed Amanda in his arms and he adjusted to the now-familiar sensation of holding a tiny human being close to his heart, his throat tightened. The next time he saw her she wouldn’t be a baby anymore. Her face blurred slightly as he gazed down at her. “Hey, sunshine.”
She stared up at him in the wise way she had. During her nap she’d slept on her hair so a tuft of it stuck up from her head, making her look even cuter. Gently he pressed his thumb against the tiny dimple in her chin. “There. Now it’ll stay that way for a while longer.” His heart ached as he smiled at her.
She flashed him her toothless smile and polished it off with a hiccup.
“Uh-oh. Katherine?” He glanced up and discovered she hadn’t moved from the spot where she’d stood to hand him the baby. “She has hiccups.”
“Try putting her on your shoulder and burping her.”
“I’ve never done that.” He looked down at Amanda as she hiccuped again. “What if I do it wrong?”
“You won’t. Just hold her against your shoulder. That’s right. And pat her back lightly.”
He tapped Amanda’s back a few times, but she continued to hiccup, her small body jerking each time one hit.
“Well, pat her a little harder than that,” Katherine said. “She won’t break.”
He increased the pressure some. “It’s not working.”
“A little harder. You’re being too gentle.”
“She’s a little kid!”
“I know, but pat harder.”
So he gave her a couple of harder taps and hit pay dirt. She barfed all over his shirt. And the hiccups were gone.
“Oh, dear,” Katherine said. “I’m sorry. I should have given you a towel. Give her back to me. I’ll get you a clean shirt and—”
“In a minute.” Zeke wanted to bask in his success. He lifted Amanda away from his shoulder and tucked her into the crook of his arm. “Got rid of those hiccups, didn’t you, sunshine?” He used the hem of his shirt to wipe her tiny mouth. “That’s the important thing. Who cares about a little barf on the shirt? Not me. Got a smile for Daddy?”
Amanda grinned at him.
“That’s it. A big smile and no more hiccups. Good combo.”
“Zeke, don’t you want to change your shirt?”
“Not yet.” He glanced over at her. “In fact, not for a while. Amanda and I have some playing to do.”
She gave him a long, thoughtful look. “Okay. I’ll be over in the rocker reading my book. Call when you think she’s ready to go back to sleep.”
“I’ll do that.”
* * *
TRY AS SHE MIGHT, Katherine couldn’t hear much of what went on between Zeke and Amanda. He kept his voice low while he talked to her. Every once in a while he’d laugh softly, and the sound was so intimate that Katherine got goose bumps. His whole routine with Amanda gave her goose bumps, in fact. She didn’t think many men would react with such nonchalance after a baby spit up on them, let alone continue wearing the shirt while they played with the baby. Zeke was quite a daddy.
Too bad he had no interest in being a husband. Because if he did, she’d—no, there wasn’t any point in thinking about that. He’d made himself clear. They would take different paths from this point on. But at least Katherine would know that when Amanda came to Wyoming to visit Zeke, she would be in the hands of a real superdad. She told herself to take comfort in that.
But weak
woman that she was, the only comfort she could imagine finding at the moment was in Zeke’s strong arms.
“I think she’s getting sleepy,” he said at last.
Katherine put down her book and went over to the bed. “Would you like me to get that shirt now?”
“No, you take care of Amanda. I’ll get it. I want to go into the bathroom and wash up a bit, anyway. I think there’s a little of it in my hair.”
“I would be glad to—”
“Help?” A dangerous light shone in his eyes. “Do you really mean that?”
“Uh, no.” She reached for Amanda and held her close to stop the sudden trembling that overcame her. “I’ll tend to the baby.”
“I thought so.”
Katherine walked slowly away from the bed and knelt down next to Amanda’s bassinet. Gently she nestled the baby inside. Amanda’s eyes fluttered once and closed. She was asleep, but Katherine needed some time to collect herself. She also didn’t want to leave the bassinet while Zeke was up and around, so she stayed beside it and pretended to be coaxing the baby to sleep.
When the water started running in the bathroom she relaxed a little. “You know, your daddy is a very sexy man,” she murmured to the sleeping baby.
Amanda’s eyelids flickered and her tiny mouth pursed.
“I wish I knew what he was talking to you about,” Katherine said. “I can just picture what will happen when you’re older and come out for a visit. I’ll quiz you unmercifully when you get home.” At least Amanda could bring her news of the man she loved.
Katherine sighed and glanced through the window that looked out on the porch. The sky must be clearing. Moonlight washed the porch and sparkled on the raindrops clinging to the pine branches overhanging the roof. Just her luck, it was probably very romantic out there tonight.
Then a shadow blocked the silvery light.
Katherine’s chest grew tight as she stared out the window. The shadow moved, turned toward her. Dark eyes glittered in the light spilling through the glass.
Bachelor Father Page 20
