Sophia glared at her. ‘So, instead of coming to me and telling me all these things at the time, which I would have comforted you about because I felt exactly the same way about our friendship, you decided to sleep with Tom? Sorry, Magda, but it doesn’t add up. Why would you do that to me? If you cared about me, how could you possibly do that? I would never have done that to you. Not in a million years. Not ever. In order to make yourself feel better, you ruined what I had and our friendship in one fell swoop.’
Magda swallowed. ‘I know, and I’m sorry, Sophia. Truly, I am. I didn’t even mean for it to go as far as it did. I was drunk. I know that’s not any kind of excuse that’s acceptable but… that’s all I can give you. Mum had died. I needed you more than ever, and I guess, in my selfish way, I wasn’t going to let Tom get in the way of that. We were best friends and I couldn’t have coped on my own.’
‘You fancied him anyway. I knew all along that you did. And you thought I was stupid enough not to see it.’
Magda frowned. ‘Did you?’ She’d always thought she’d managed to keep her secret crush to herself. At least until the dirty deed had been done and Tom had come clean to Sophia about them sleeping together behind Sophia’s back. Magda cringed at the awfulness of it, shame filling every inch of her being.
‘I wasn’t blind, Magda. I saw the way you looked at him. It didn’t pass by unnoticed. I guess I just thought you’d never cross that line. And then you did.’ She snapped her fingers, making Magda jump.
‘I know. I could say I’m sorry a million times and I know it wouldn’t make a difference, but I just had to come and see you. Do you have any idea how much I’ve missed you over the years? I’ve always thought about you. Wondered if you were okay and if you’d found love. If you were married and had children. You never left my thoughts. We were best pals.’
‘We were, you’re right. And then you went and ruined it.’
‘I’ll take the blame for it completely. I know what I did was wrong. I’ll regret it for ever. I ruined something I loved more than anything else, but I’ve never, not in all this time, found another friendship like what we had.’
Sophia looked up. Magda saw sadness in her eyes and her heart ached.
‘Leaving was the biggest mistake of my life,’ she went on. ‘Do you know how rubbish life has been since I left Worthington Green?’ she continued, desperate for Sophia to understand.
Sophia laughed. ‘Rubbish? But I thought you went off and got married to your dream man? It can’t have been that bad. If you think for a single second, Magda, that you’re going to get my sympathy, then you can think again. I don’t feel bad for you. Not at all. In my opinion, you deserve it.’ Sophia wouldn’t make eye contact. Her throat constricted as she swallowed.
‘I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, if that’s how this is coming across. And I agree with you. I do deserve it. I just… I need you back in my life, okay? I need some goodness back in my life. I want us to be friends again.’
‘Why?’ asked Sophia simply. ‘So you can steal the next person I have feelings for? So you can ruin another relationship? So you can go behind my back while I’m not looking?’
‘No, Sophia.’ Magda could feel her frustration rising. ‘I want you back in my life because it’s not the same without you in it. I’m sick of feeling like I’m just existing. I know it will take more than just saying sorry for you to forgive me, but isn’t it time we got past all that and put it behind us? Years have gone by and you’re still holding on to the hurt as if it’s all you’ve got. Why can’t you let it go? We’re adults now. I’m not saying I didn’t make a mistake. I know what I did, and it kills me every day that I acted that way towards you. But it’s been and gone now. It’s behind us! What are you going to do? Hold on to this grudge for ever? And why do you blame me? It wasn’t just me, was it? Tom was there too. Tom is just as much to blame as I am. Any guy in his right mind would have pushed me away and said no, but he didn’t. He was more than happy to take part, and I know I sound like a complete bitch for saying so, but it’s true. He didn’t turn me down. I’m not saying this is all down to him, but it takes two to tango.’
Sophia laughed bitterly. ‘I know that, Magda. I have a child. I know exactly how many it takes to tango. But if you had cared about me as much as you like to make out you did, then the thought of sleeping with my boyfriend would never have crossed your mind!’ She realised she was shouting and took a deep, steadying breath. ‘You could have done this a long time ago. Why did you leave it so long to come back here and try to make things right?’
‘Because it wasn’t that easy, and I guess I was too scared to come back and see you after what I’d done. I left it longer and longer, and the longer I left it, the more difficult it became. But we’re getting older, Sophia, and time is flashing by, and if I had chosen to leave it any longer, we probably would have never spoken to each other again and I didn’t want that to happen.’
They looked at each other. A moment passed between them that Magda hoped would change things. Understanding? Acceptance? She wasn’t entirely sure. Before she could figure it out, a small voice came from the doorway and Magda turned to see Sophia’s daughter lingering in the doorway. She looked between them both and rubbed at her face tiredly.
‘I can’t sleep,’ she moaned, blinking at Magda, trying to figure out who she was. ‘I heard you shouting.’
Magda studied the little girl some more. She was an exact replica of Sophia when she’d been small. It was like looking straight at her past and it brought with it a rush of emotion that Magda fought hard to push back down. This was her best friend’s daughter. Her best friend was a mother now, no longer the teenager Magda held the image of in her memories.
In an ideal world, this wouldn’t have been the first time Magda had seen her best friend’s daughter. In an ideal world, she would have been there throughout the pregnancy, and then been there for Sophia in the days after the birth. Esther was adorable, there was no doubt about it. She couldn’t stop looking at her.
‘I’ll be back in a minute.’ Sophia left the kitchen, taking Esther with her. The little girl looked back at Magda in interest one last time before she disappeared. Magda heard their footsteps heading up the staircase and the soft murmurings between mother and daughter. She leant on the table, her head in her hands, and wondered how on earth she would ever be able to make this right.
Chapter Twenty
‘Who is that lady downstairs?’ asked Esther as Sophia tucked her up in bed. Sophia couldn’t blame her daughter’s curiosity. It wasn’t often there were strangers in the house. Most of the time, any visitors had familiar faces. But not Magda. Esther had never met her before. It was only right she’d want to know.
‘She’s one of Mummy’s friends,’ Sophia offered quietly. She sat down beside the bed and stroked Esther’s hair away from her face. ‘Don’t worry. She’s nice.’
‘Okay.’ Esther seemed pleased with that. Sophia could tell her daughter was tired. She’d probably already been asleep but the voices downstairs had woken her up so, she’d snuck down to have a look who was there. Now, she closed her eyes and her breathing evened out almost immediately. Sophia slowly got to her feet and switched off the night light beside Esther’s bed.
‘Night, night, my darling. Sweet dreams. I’ll see you in the morning.’ She closed the door, not all the way as Esther didn’t like that, and headed back downstairs.
‘Sorry about that.’ Even though she knew Magda was there, it was still a shock to see her sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee. Sophia couldn’t believe she’d allowed her into her home. ‘She’s nosey sometimes.’
‘That’s okay.’ Magda smiled. ‘She’s gorgeous, Sophia. You must be really proud.’
Sophia accepted the compliment. ‘Thank you. Yes, she’s everything to me. My one and only achievement in life and I couldn’t be more proud of her. Another drink?’
Magda nodded and offered up her cup. Sophia prepare
d another round of hot drinks. ‘Have you got any children yet?’
‘No. Not yet. But I’d like one someday. If I haven’t left it too late.’
‘Really?’ Sophia turned to face her. ‘I thought you would have been a mother by now.’
‘Nope.’
Sophia nodded. ‘Right.’
‘It just hasn’t happened, I guess. As I said, my husband’s a difficult man. Things haven’t turned out the way I expected them to at all. But that’s life, isn’t it? Always full of surprises. You never know what could be around the corner.’
Sophia nodded. She couldn’t agree more with that statement. It resonated with her and the reappearance of Esther’s father perfectly. ‘Did you know that Tom was at the reunion?’ she asked then.
‘I did. I actually saw him when I went outside, shortly after seeing you at the bar. We went for a walk. Spoke about some things. I never knew he was…’
‘Esther’s father?’ Sophia turned. ‘Yes, he is.’
‘I can’t believe he upped and left like that, Sophia. You must have felt heartbroken.’
‘Not really. I’m used to it, I guess.’ Had Magda forgotten she’d done the exact same thing? She finished off the drinks and returned to the table. ‘It was hard at first. Suddenly I had this tiny little human who was depending on me for everything, but I got the hang of it. Mum and Dad helped me whenever they could, and still do now. I learnt how to be my own type of mother and I haven’t looked back since. He turned up, you know. In the post office where I work. Completely out of the blue. It knocked me for six, I have to admit. I wasn’t expecting to see Tom again. Nor you, for that matter.’ She eyed Magda over her cup. ‘A double whammy, I guess you’d call it.’
Magda smiled a little bit. ‘I think that describes it pretty adequately.’
Sophia looked at Magda properly then. From afar, she was still as strikingly pretty as she had always been, but up close, it appeared to Sophia that the years had taken it out of her. She looked tired and, in certain light, drawn. What had happened to her in the years they’d spent apart, she wondered. She’d mentioned her husband a couple times, but hadn’t gone into detail.
‘What’s your husband’s name?’
Magda looked up. ‘He’s called Greg.’
‘And is he everything you expected him to be?’
‘Not really.’ Magda’s shoulders lifted, then fell. ‘At the start, when I first met him, he was charming and funny and made me smile all the time. I thought he was the one. I thought we’d always be happy together. But things change over time, don’t they? We married and then, I don’t know, it went downhill from there. He changed. The Greg I know now is completely different to the Greg I fell in love with. The bottom line is we don’t get on. We’re not compatible. That’s something I need to figure out. Should probably have nipped it in the bud a long time ago.’ Magda looked at Sophia then. ‘What about you? Do you have anyone special in your life?’
Sophia immediately thought of Michael. ‘Yeah, there’s a guy, but we’re not in a relationship or anything like that. He’s a really good friend.’
Magda’s eyebrows lifted. ‘And?’ she urged.
Sophia blinked. ‘What do you mean “and”? There is no “and”. That’s it. We’re friends. I’ve had a date recently with a nice guy, so I’m going to see where that goes. Nothing special going on in my life.’
Magda cocked her head. ‘Are you sure about that?’
‘Why so curious? We’re friends.’
‘So, nothing more than friends then? Because your face seems to tell me a whole different story.’
‘Nope. No stories to tell.’ As much as she wanted to confide in Magda – and she did, simply because she had done it so many times before – Sophia didn’t feel ready enough yet. Magda had only just turned back up in her life. If she was destined to leave again, what would be the point?
Magda nodded. ‘Okay. If you say so. Probably a bit intrusive of me.’
Sophia didn’t know how to reply. She didn’t know what else to say. She wasn’t sure how she felt about Magda being sat in her kitchen, drinking her coffee. Part of her wanted to forget everything that had gone before and invite Magda back into her life with open arms. But then the other part wanted to hold a grudge and keep the barrier she’d built up firmly in place. How could she trust Magda again? She still felt the hurt from their shared past so keenly. And now, with Michael in her life, with him being so special to her, what if Magda tried to do the same again? What if Magda went behind Sophia’s back and tried something with him? The thought made her stomach roll and she had to look away from Magda, even if she did look entirely innocent sitting there, sipping at her coffee. Sophia wouldn’t be fooled by that though. Not this time.
‘I guess we’ve said all we have to say.’
Magda looked surprised. ‘Yes, I suppose we have.’ She rose from her seat, perhaps knowing that her time was up. ‘What shall I do with…?’ She moved her hand towards the empty cup on the table.
‘Leave it. I’ll sort it after.’ She followed Magda down the hall to the front door.
‘It’s been really nice chatting to you again, Sophia.’ Magda turned back to her as she stood on the doorstep. ‘I am sorry about everything that happened. Please know that. I hope we can fix things. Salvage a little bit of what we once had?’ She looked at Sophia with hopeful eyes. ‘But if not, I really appreciate you letting me come around and talk with you. I’m not sure when I’m leaving, but maybe I can see you again before I go?’
Sophia nodded, realising that she would like to see Magda again before she went back to wherever she had disappeared to so long ago. ‘Sure. You have my number. Just text me.’
Magda stepped forward, and Sophia wondered if perhaps she was about to hug her, so she shook her head quickly, indicating that she wasn’t okay with that. ‘I’ll see you soon, Magda. Okay?’
Magda realised it was too soon for hugging and seemed to shake herself. ‘Yes, you’re right. Sorry. Just an old habit resurfacing. I’ll text you. See you soon.’
Sophia, once she had closed the door on Magda, turned and leant against it.
Was it possible to feel that many emotions from simply sitting down with an old friend? Suddenly, she wanted to fling open the door and call Magda back. Have one of those hilarious, laughter-filled sleepovers they’d had plenty of when they’d been younger. She was so desperate to relive those moments. They’d provided her with happiness by the bucketload.
But Sophia didn’t fling open the door or call Magda back. She simply returned to the kitchen, washed up, dried and put away the used mugs, and then took herself upstairs for an early night where her dreams consisted of the carefree, teenage days where everything had been easy and most things had made sense.
Sophia was surprised when she stepped into the café and found Tom already waiting for her. She’d half expected him to abandon his promise and run off into the sunset again, but perhaps this time he was serious about it. She sat down and found it hard to make eye contact with him.
‘Thank you so much for coming, Sophia.’
She shrugged. ‘Go on then, say what you have to say.’
He cleared his throat. ‘Saying sorry for what I did to you will not change what has already happened. I am sorry, but I’ve already told you that, so I won’t repeat myself. The thing is, I did a lot of thinking while I was away. You and Esther were never far from my thoughts. I thought about the both of you every single day, but was too much of a wimp to come back and face up to everything I left behind.’
Sophia nodded. ‘Go on.’
‘I want to be Esther’s father, Sophia. I want to stand up and be a man. The man I should have been right from the very start. I realise now how much of a massive mistake I made. I missed out on everything and I regret it so much. I’ll never get those years back, and I hate myself for having left you on your own to deal with it.’
‘I wasn’t on my own. My parents helped me wh
enever they could.’
‘But it should have been…’ Tom said. ‘It should have been me, Esther’s father, alongside you as you became a mother.’ He sighed. ‘I want another chance. I want to try and make things right between us, and I want to be the type of father Esther can depend on. I know it won’t be easy and it’ll take time and patience, but I’m willing to work hard and make you see how sincere I am. I mean this. All of it. I just hope I’m not too late.’
Sophia licked her lips. How the hell was she supposed to reply to that? Did she even trust him? Would he stick to his word, or was he likely to run off again when things got hard? She couldn’t decide as she sat and stared at him. The father of her beautiful daughter. And what would Esther think of him? She’d never asked about her dad but she wasn’t old enough to understand it properly yet. Why Harry had a father and she didn’t. Would it enrich Esther’s life? Give her yet another person who would no doubt adore her? No matter how hard she studied Tom’s face, she could find no traces of deceit. He looked entirely genuine, and desperate too.
‘Fine,’ Sophia said slowly. ‘We will try this. We will try this and see if it works. But if you do anything to hurt my little girl, I will not be held accountable for my actions, do you understand me? I work damn bloody hard to keep her safe. You cannot come trampling back into our lives putting that at risk. I mean it, Tom. You’ve already let me down once. Don’t you dare let me down again.’
‘I won’t, Sophia. I swear to you I won’t.’
‘Good.’ Sophia stood up. ‘We’re done then. I’ll take your number now and when Esther and I are ready and I’ve sat down and spoken to her about this, I will get in touch. No sooner than that, and don’t try to barge your way any further either, because it won’t work. A lot of people care about Esther, and they’ll all be looking out for her, so watch yourself.’ Sophia left a few moments later with Tom’s number in her phone, hoping against hope that she hadn’t just made a monumental mistake.
Right Here Waiting for You Page 13
