by A. J. Rand
I thought about it for a moment. “But why are the Grigori so different from the rest of the angelic host in this? I mean what makes them so special that they have figured these things out and see them where the others don’t?”
“The humans.”
Okay, that surprised me, but I didn’t know what to say.
Ke shook his head, releasing a long sigh. “While the angelic host do, on occasion, take human form such as Gabriel did when he came to see you, for the most part they do not. When you take on a human host, you need to bond with the host in order for the joining to work. If you do not, the results can be disastrous.”
“Like what happened to you.”
“Yes.”
“Why did that happen to you? I thought you guys were experts on the whole taking over human body thing.”
“We were at one time.” He nodded. “But humans have reached a new age in their evolution, one of science and doubt––one of disbelief.”
“Ah, I see. It’s not see easy to fool the lesser beings into letting you come in and take over their every action any more. Humanity has gained a back bone along with their lack of faith in the unknown.”
“Yes.” Ke frowned. “I mean, no. It isn’t like that.”
“Isn’t it? Then what happened with the host that you tried to take over?”
Ke’s look was sad. “He was a soldier once, in your wars on the earth. Do you know how your wartime soldiers are sometimes treated?”
“Our government takes care of them.”
“Do they? What about the ones that contract diseases or conditions caused by the very government they were sent to represent, serve and protect?”
“I don’t get what you mean.”
Ke sighed. “No. You don’t. Let me just say that in wartime, people will do anything to gain the ground, or to win. This includes harming the same people who are there to win that war for them. The host I took on was one that had contracted a condition his government refused to acknowledge they caused through their desire to win the war. Normally it is not a fatal one, but in his case it escalated and is now the cause for his early demise. When I found him, he had nothing, not even hope. They refused to treat his condition, because to admit he had one was to admit their part in the wrong doing against him. He was walking the country, seeing for himself, one last time before he died, what he bought and paid for with his life.”
“And you decided to take away what little time he had left, using him just as badly as you claim the government did?” My voice was harsh with indignant anger for the man.
“Do you know why he became a soldier, Yeshua? To make a difference. All he wanted in your world was to make a difference. I am giving him that opportunity.”
“But isn’t that what he thought when he joined up as a soldier, that he would be making a difference, only to be so casually put aside after he did? Isn’t that what you’re trying to tell me? What makes your fight so much better than the one the government wanted to win?”
“Because wars on earth are primarily about power and greed. Some are actually about the people they are fighting for, but that is rare in most cases. Let me tell you this. If the human host had not found my cause worth the fight, there is nothing you could have done to bind me to him so permanently. It would have been a continuing struggle, even now.”
“So you’re saying he has come to see your side of things.”
“Yes. And he willingly let you bind me to him so I could do what was necessary.”
“Except in the binding, the situation has now been created to take you down with him.”
“Yes.”
“So how can you be so certain it wasn’t a kamikaze dive?”
“What do you mean?”
“How do you know that he figured out he wasn’t going to get out of it alive, so he allowed himself to be bonded to you in order to take you out with him at the right moment?”
Ke shook his head, frowning. “No. It isn’t like that.”
“And I know this how?”
He finally turned to me, his eyes dark with intensity. “How badly do you want to know?”
Okay. That made me hesitate. But it sounded too much like a dare. “I want to know. If he is privy to your thoughts, then maybe I’ll get some truth from a different perspective.” I frowned. “But if I bound you to him permanently, how could I speak to him?”
His look softened. “Will you trust me?”
I hesitated. Of course I didn’t trust him at this point, but I really did want to know. It might help me in making the decision that I was facing, if I knew how another human being, one privy to the thoughts of the angels, was looking at the whole thing. I nodded, but with reservation.
“Turn to me.” Ke ordered, as he shifted his position on the bench so we were face to face. He brought his hands up to cup my face and pulled it close to his.
I jerked back for a second. It was too much like moving in for a kiss. He raised an amused eyebrow. I took it as a challenge and let him guide me closer until our foreheads touched.
My eyes stared into his, until they closed. I did the same. A warm feeling filled my mind, like a soft touch, a caress. There was only darkness, but in that darkness was warmth.
“He is right, you know.”
The voice was deep inside my head, almost echoing within the space I found myself in. I jumped, but Ke held me tight. He must have expected it. I tried to relax into the warmth again.
“Who are you?” The voice didn’t sound like Ke’s.
“Sergeant Daniel Padgett, ma’am. First Marine Division, Seventh Regiment.”
“Okay Daniel––so what’s the deal?”
“Ma’am?”
“The angels, Daniel, can you clue me in? It might help with the decision I’m going to have to make here soon.”
“You can call me Sarge, ma’am. I think Daniel was lost a long time ago.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m not. I’ve had my good days and my bad. But life didn’t really mean a whole lot to me until I became a soldier.”
“So you would rather have someone calling the shots, telling you what to do. Is that why you let Ke host in your body?”
He gave a bitter laugh. “There was no letting at first. I fought that SOB with everything I had. You saw him. It wasn’t pretty.”
“Did it hurt?”
“Hurt like hell. I apologize for my language, ma’am. I reckon some habits die hard.”
“Then why did you let him do that to you?”
I could hear his mental sigh. “It’s sort of like he said, ma’am. He told me what he was needing me for, and I felt his need was a good one.”
“Only sort of?”
“Well, ma’am, it’s like this. I’ve seen a whole lot of humanity in my lifetime. The conclusion I’ve come to is that humanity isn’t humane at all. But the reason I became a soldier was not to make others believe the way I do, but to give them the right to believe in the things important to them.”
“Okay, I’ll buy that. But how do you feel about what Ke is doing?”
“I think he believes he’s doing the right thing, ma’am. As near as I can figure, these other angels are more along the lines of ostriches––sticking their heads in the sand and hoping the thing they fear the most will go away. But it doesn’t. I mean, look at your perimeter defenses here in this angel city. They don’t even have the guardians at the gates any more. You want to know why? Because they can’t think enough past what they want to happen to prepare for what might happen, and probably will. That’s not good planning for the future as far as I’m concerned.”
“So he’s got you convinced his cause is a just one?”
His laugh was full of humor this time. “See, there’s the thing. That’s why I let you bind me to him, ma’am.”
“Was it a kamikaze move, like I suggested?”
“In a way. But it’s not my play at being a kamikaze. I wanted to make sure he had something on the line to fight for, th
at’s all.”
It took me a moment to realize what he meant. “Oh––if he isn’t willing to sacrifice himself to make this happen, then he obviously doesn’t feel as strongly about the right of it as he should.”
“Yes, ma’am. Everything I’ve seen and heard about these angels reminds me of some government bigwig calling the shots and moving their soldiers around the field like some board game, never realizing that the pieces they’re moving are actual human lives. They never go down into the field and get dirty, or even to let the realization sink in that their game pieces are living, breathing human beings. I’m just making a better commander of him, that’s all. If he believes in his cause so strongly that he’s willing to risk his life to save a bunch of playing pieces he can’t even call by name, then he must be telling the truth.”
“And is he, Sarge?”
“Is he willing to go through with what he feels needs to be done, even if it means dying? Yes, he is. And I’m pretty damn certain he will if given the chance.”
Okay. That was about as honest an answer as I’ve gotten. “You do know the Grigori are trying to teach me things to help undo the binding.”
“Yes, ma’am. And I figure that’s your call. If this big bad does get out and kill this angel guy, and me, then from everything I’m hearing, you will be the last line of defense for humanity. So I’m not going to tell you what to do. I don’t have the right, because I’m not in your position. But you need to think long and hard, because I think your options have run out. You don’t have the luxury of signing on to fight this war. You’ve been drafted. The only choice I see you have left to you is whether to become a good soldier or a bad one.”
“Yeah, but which choice makes me which?” I said the last to myself, but Sarge still heard it.
“I don’t know, ma’am. I guess you can only pay close attention to what’s happening. People are going to die in this. It’s a war, and that’s real nasty business. You can’t save them all. But you can do your best and save as many as you can.”
“What would you do, Sarge?”
“Me? I’m just a soldier, ma’am. I do what’s right and follow orders. I’m not a commander. I’m just glad I’m not in your place. No matter what you do, people are going to die. You seem like a nice gal and that’s not going to sit well with you at any level. I just hope whatever decision you make, it’s the right one.”
“Me, too Sarge. I just wish I knew what the right decision was in this case.”
“Wish I could be of more help, ma’am. I believe you’ll make the right choice. I don’t think any of the angel people are as sure of it, but I am.”
The laughter erupted form me. “So they’re not sure which way I’m going to jump? Well I’m right up there with uncertainty.”
“The ones on the side of this guy, they have a little more faith in you, only because of who you used to be.”
“I’m not that person, or being any more, Sarge.”
“I think there’s more of her left than you know.”
“Oh really?”
“This guy’s been tracking you for thousands of years, betting on just that. I think he –”
It felt as though Sarge’s voice were yanked out of my brain. There was a flash of pain, and I opened my eyes in shock. Ke was staring at me, our faces still close together.
“What happened?” I asked through the disorienting feeling that made me a little dizzy.
His eyes looked downward and mumbled. “I couldn’t hold the link any longer.”
“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a terrible liar? He was about to say something to me that you didn’t want me to hear––what was it?”
Ke pulled back and stood up from the bench. “Nothing. It isn’t important anyway.” He looked down at me. “Did you get the information you wanted?”
Obviously not all of it, I wanted to shout at him, but didn’t. “Enough for starters.” Is what actually came out of my mouth.
Ke nodded. “I need to get going. I have a few things to attend to.” He started to leave, and then stopped, without turning around. “He was right, you know.”
“About which?”
“About all of it. There is a lot of Ithane left in you. And no matter what happens, people are going to die, and you will blame yourself. You have to learn not to do that. It will not be your fault. Either way people are going to die, no matter what your decision.”
“Unless what the other faction of angels say is true.” I had to point out. “What if this whole mess does just go away if we do nothing?”
“Then that’s your decision. Just be prepared to live with it.”
And then he left, leaving me alone with the Gate. I thought I caught a ripple on the mirror-like surface, but when I tried to focus on it, it was gone. Great. Now I was jumping at shadows. But why hadn’t the angelic hosts replaced the Grigori Guardians? No matter what the scenario, it didn’t seem like a smart move to me.
Chapter 20
I watched Sariel carefully, the weaves she was working, the way they flowed together. It was an amazing dance of intertwining colors. So far, that was the extent of what Sariel had been able to ingrain into my brain. I finally grasped the ability to see the weaves. I had always been able to see my own, the way they flowed and how they fit together. For the first time, I could see the way others worked the weaves. In my opinion, that was a huge step. In the Grigori’s opinion, it was obvious they only considered it to be a baby step. They didn’t seem concerned with holding back their feelings of disappointment in my progress, or at least in the lack of it.
The Grigori teacher held a rock in her hand. It wasn’t even a pretty rock. It was a bland grey with no smooth edges, sort of resembling a chunk of broken granite. Her weaves wrapped around the stone surface, creating a blanket of interlocking colors that started to permeate the outer layers. The rock had its own pattern of energy that made up the solidity of its composition. The energy Sariel created was seeping into the pattern of energy that made up the rock, and was changing it. The energy of the rock would push back against the change, but Sariel’s energy pushed it gently back into place, taming it to her will.
It was incredible, the shifting energies blending into one, changing and morphing into something different while I watched. The jagged edges of the stone smoothed and pushed outward in places to form an entirely new shape. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It started to look like a miniature, winged angel. It took me a moment to realize it was a butterfly. The colors filled the wings, changing from the stone grey color of the rock.
When the transition was complete, Sariel tied off the energy. The creature sat still for a single breathless moment, and then the wings began to move, gently flapping in the palm of her hand. The movements were slow at first, and then picked up in speed. Sariel held her hand up and let the creature go. It hovered briefly, and then started to fly away, moving in the erratic flight pattern of a real butterfly. Incredible.
“Now it is your turn.” Sariel turned to me with a ghost of a smile at my look of amazement.
Now I was even more surprised, and I’m sure it showed. “You’re kidding, right?”
She shook her head. “No. You saw what I did. You know how to weave energies, we are all too aware of that. Now it is time for you to learn precision control over the power held within you.”
I started to shake my head. “I can’t––”
“––is the first phrase you can use to make sure it will never happen.” Sariel gave me a pointed look.
The look and the tone were familiar. It was the combination used by the nuns used when they weren’t going to take any arguments. Father David had a pretty good handle on that look, too. It meant that no matter what I felt or said, I at least had to give it my best shot.
Sariel reached down and picked up another rock, similar to the one she had used. Without a word, she put it into my hand and stood there, waiting for me to begin. There wasn’t any getting out of it, so I squared my shoulders, focused on
the rock and called the energy.
There is a feeling of surprise and then euphoria when you can tell you are doing something right for the first time. That was the feeling coursing through me. I watched, amazed at myself, as the energies folded naturally into the same pattern Sariel had just demonstrated. They wrapped around the stone, creating a cocoon of colorful light that danced on the surface and then started sinking down to merge with the energies of the rock. I both saw and felt the rock’s struggle against the change, but I pushed back, forcing it to take the shape I was trying to achieve.
And it happened. The edges began to smooth, protruding and contracting in all the right areas for it to take on the form of a butterfly. The euphoria reached a different height, moving into the realm of smugness as the colors settled into the stone, turning it into the complete form of the creature I was trying to bring into being. I tied off the energies when the transformation seemed complete. The wings started to move, just as had happened with Sariel, slowly, and then faster. With a grin of triumph, I held my hand up and let the creature go. It hovered in the air for a brief moment and then fell to the ground, shattering into multiple pieces, none of them moving, but all still holding the color of the butterfly.
“You didn’t tie off the weave at the right spot.” Sariel shook her head. “You needed to tie it off to the life essence of the original stone, but instead you tied it off at the surface. Try again.”
I looked over at Chaz, who had watched in as much awe as I had.
“She got really close this time.” He spoke up in my defense.
Sariel turned her pointed look on him. “Yes, because of course Abaddon will wait around for her to get it right.”
Chaz blushed. I was a bit miffed. The kid was right. I had gotten close. It didn’t seem to count for much with the Grigori woman. And she was the best teacher they had for connecting to humans? How did they manage to teach us anything way back when?
Several hours and a dozen failed attempts later, Sariel let me take a break. I think the Grigori was actually taking pity on me. I was bound and determined to get it right, but it was developing into a big headache, one that had started as a nagging ache and moved into thundering proportions. With each try at weaving the energy, the headache grew more painful. I think it was when I was grimacing more than weaving and the attempts were going downhill, that Sariel had decided to let up a little. That was a good thing. I wasn’t going to give up, but at this point I was doing more harm than good. The pile of broken stone shards at my feet were evidence enough of that.
