by L. B. Dunbar
+ + +
Halloween draws near, and my brother and sister-in-law go all out for this holiday with their Halloween Smash. The annual party is so popular it has a name, and it’s gotten large enough in attendance they decided to move it to an old barn on the Scott property. Karyn, my sister-in-law, is the Scott in the family, and her youngest brother, Ethan, who is my age, loves to show off his culinary skills and prepare all the treats. It’s going to be the party of all parties, but Leon’s hesitant to attend.
“Why?” I ask.
“I’m not really the costume type, prancing my ass around in front of people I don’t know.” His voice sounds teasing, but there’s an undertone of seriousness. He doesn’t want to dress up and attend the party.
“Fine, go as yourself.”
“What’s that?” His tone sharpens.
“Dress like a mechanic.” He can play a hot mechanic, and I want him to look under my hood.
“I don’t need to advertise I’m some uneducated fuckup working at a garage.”
My jaw drops in shock. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I question, growing irritated. I don’t see him like that, nor do I consider the guys at Dixon’s in such a manner. “You’re being kind of defensive.”
“What?” he snaps with an ineloquent snort. “Don’t tell me you don’t think I’m some dumb fuck because I don’t have a college degree.”
“Excuse me? I have never said that, nor do I feel that way,” I retort, agitated that he’s assuming I’m judging him when I’ve never judged him.
He gives me a look like, come on, but I feel like he’s projecting his own insecurity onto me, and I don’t know how to respond to his concerns.
“How are you going to introduce me to your friends?” Admittedly, we’ve only been to the Tavern once a week and sit with my family. We haven’t been more public together because of my impending marital status.
“How do you want to be introduced?” I snap, crossing my arms as we glare at one another in my kitchen. I hold my breath for some reason, afraid of his answer.
“Well, I can’t be your boyfriend because . . .” The rest of his comment rests on his tongue. Because you aren’t divorced yet. Leon isn’t wrong. Trent’s been avoiding it, and it’s wearing on me. I didn’t realize it was bothering Leon.
“Do you think I still want to be married to him?” I snap, hating how Trent is still ruling my life, still ruining parts of it. Am I going to lose Leon because this is taking too long?
“No,” Leon huffs out, scratching at the back of his neck.
“What’s going on then?” I question. This argument feels like it’s all over the place.
“I just don’t want you to be ashamed of me. I’m an ex-con with no money and taking care of my two sisters. I’m working as a mechanic because I don’t have any other skills at thirty-fucking-five.”
In my humble opinion, working on cars takes skill, and after what Leon told me about his desire to paint and his graffiti, I’d love to suggest he go to art school to hone his creative skills. However, it’s a sensitive topic, so I’ve steered clear of the suggestion. Just as I used to keep away from confrontational subjects with Trent because he never went to college, either. He stayed home to raise Levi. He works as a hunting guide. I was the breadwinner.
“I’m not ashamed of you,” I retort, reaching out to reassure him. Shame is the last thing I feel about him or us, but Leon holds up his hand, warning me not to touch him. “Are you so ashamed of yourself?” I soften my voice, thinking we could talk about this like rational adults. “Let me help you. Or better yet, do something yourself. Talk to Dixon.”
He ignores my suggestion, turning his face away from me, but demands, “What are you doing with me, Tricia?”
I stare at him, surprised by the question. I’m falling in love with him is what I’m doing, but I can’t tell him that. At this moment, love seems like the furthest thing he feels for me.
“I like being with you.”
“Sexually?” he asks, twisting his attention back to me and speaking as if he’s clarifying our status. My heart cracks in half. The pain rips through my chest like nothing I’ve felt before.
“It’s more than sex for me,” I whisper, feeling small and uncertain. Is that all it’s been for him? We haven’t even had sex yet. I love his touch and his kisses, his caresses and his tongue, but it’s all more than that. I like spending time with him. I like coming home and finding him here. I like being with his sisters as though we’re a family.
He avoids looking at me as we stand at an impasse, and I sense impending doom. He hasn’t responded to my comment about it being more for me, and the thin thread keeping my frustration in check snaps.
“Fine. Don’t come.” I feel like he’s just looking for an excuse not to attend. For me, it’s difficult to attend public events. I need to stay on my best behavior as a local schoolteacher at community functions. However, this is my family’s event, and I want to go to the party. I want him to go with me, but I’ll attend alone if I must. The next words just pop out. “Trent never went, either.”
It’s a low blow but the truth. My ex-husband didn’t like these kinds of gatherings, mainly because he didn’t like my family. You’re all so nice, he mocked as if it was wrong to be a good person. I’m tired of being put down for having an open mind and a generous heart. Screw this.
“Maybe you’re the one who doesn’t want to be seen with me.” We’ve been playing house, keeping our relationship private. We don’t do public displays of affection in front of the girls, but there’s been no disguising Leon’s in my room every night. I’m not certain how the girls feel about our relationship. Maybe I need to re-evaluate my behavior in my own home as well as my public image.
“That is just—” Leon stares at me, cutting off the rest of his thoughts. His hands clench into fists at his sides, and I note the action. He’s typically cautious of such actions, conscious of my reaction, but he’s angry—really angry—and instead of finishing his sentence, he gives me one final glare before shaking his head and turning on his heels to exit the kitchen. I’m left wondering what just happened—and if we are over.
+ + +
I decide to attend the party without Leon. After our argument, he left the house. I heard his motorcycle rev from the driveway, and he disappeared into the night, returning sometime after midnight. He didn’t come to my bed when he returned.
Lena found me in the kitchen after our fight.
“Are you okay?” Lena asked, finding me silently crying. I swiftly swiped at the tears on my cheek.
“I’m fine.” I’ve said the words too often in my life.
“I heard you fighting. He’s being an ass.”
I gave her a weak smile, not wishing to confirm her opinion of her brother. I didn’t understand what happened.
“He really likes you,” she said, lowering her voice like she’d speak to a teen friend about a boy crushing on a girl. I nodded, biting back the sob threatening to escape. I don’t want her to see how hurt I was. I don’t understand my feelings myself. I only knew I felt strongly for him, and I’d thought, perhaps mistakenly, that Leon felt the same way about me.
Lena stepped closer to me as I fidgeted with the sink. I really wanted to replace the entire kitchen sooner rather than later.
“Men suck,” she said, offering me her worldly seventeen-year-old advice.
“They can,” I whispered. “But not all of them do.” Her brother is a good man. He’s rough around the edges, but I know he can be smoothed. I feel it when he touches me, when he kisses me. I see it in the way he cares about his sisters.
“He’ll be back,” she assured me, but that wasn’t my fear.
My fear was he’d return and tell me it’s over. He didn’t want to be in my bed. He didn’t want to keep discovering each other. He’s ready to drop the girl who is still married and find someone better suited to him. Despite what he said and despite our differences, it’s more than his education or experience. May
be I’m too boring for him. I’m domesticated, playing family and dreaming of a home. Maybe he doesn’t want those things.
These thoughts haunt me through two restless nights without much sleep, but by the day of the party, I just need to go. I want to see my family. Lena and Lys go with me as my dates. Lena tells me she’s some teen sensation I’ve not heard of. Her costume doesn’t look much different from her everyday outfits of ripped jeans and short shirts, but I don’t mention it. Lys looks like a baseball fan wearing her father’s old Cubs jersey and a baseball cap. The sadness on her face at the mention of her father quickly dissipates. We still haven’t heard anything about their detainment. I can only hope her parents return soon.
I allow Lena to drive as I plan to drink, but I’ll be acting responsibly before the community. I’m dressed as Esmeralda from The Hunchback of Notre Dame. It’s a bit of a risqué costume for me, but I wear it with pride. It’s a little short on my long legs and a little low cut for my small breasts, but I don’t have a reason to hide my skin. The truth of my former circumstances remains etched on my soul but no longer shows on my body. The hurt is buried deep inside me where no one can see the scars.
And tonight, I refuse to think about Trent. I’d also like to dismiss thoughts of Leon. I just want to enjoy myself.
When we arrive at the party, it’s in full swing with loud country music and enough orange and black decorations to make Jack Skeleton jealous. Hay bales fill the corners of the old barn, and food tables covered in creative treats are scattered here and there. We see Levi as soon as we enter, and I notice Lys blush when he waves at me. He hasn’t spoken to me much since that football game two weeks ago, and I miss him.
“You got a crush on my Levi?” I whisper to Lys, and her blush deepens.
“How do you know him?” she asks.
“He’s Trent’s younger brother, and I practically raised him. Want me to ask him to come over here?”
Lys turns on me. “No.” Panic and fear fill her big eyes as she adamantly shakes her head. I chuckle despite her refusal.
“Okay, girlie. Your secret is safe with me.” Lord knows she’s keeping the secret about her brother and me. I don’t have any idea what she thinks of us together. It’s something to be asked but not tonight.
My niece, Meghan, who’s also a freshman, comes up to Lys shortly after we see Levi. Meghan is quieter than her senior sister, Madison, much like how Lena and Lys are different. I’m pleased when I hear my niece ask Lys to come join a group of girls hanging out in the corner.
Lena disappeared almost as soon as we entered the party.
There’s a makeshift bar along the back wall under the watchful eye of Jess, Tom, and Ethan Scott. Ethan and I grew up together, making us friends by default because of our older siblings. Their other brother Gavin was Jess’s best friend when they were kids, and then obviously Karyn married Tom. I haven’t seen Ethan in a while. He was working at The Elk Resort off the highway toward Traverse City, but I’d heard he’d lost his job. I don’t know what he’s been doing, but he’s always been closer to my sister, Pam, than to me. Ethan had a crush on her, or at least he did as a kid. Now, he just plays it up, poking Pam for a reaction, which he never gets. My sister is a tough nut to crack despite her easygoing, all-American look, but I also think she’s in love with some mystery man.
As I saunter up to the bar and hang in the shadows, I chat with Emily, Jess’s girl, who is fast becoming one of my favorite people.
“Hey,” Emily greets me. “How are you doing?” I’ve become close with my brother’s girlfriend. She knows that Trent hasn’t signed the divorce papers, and my lawyer is taking the actions necessary to file without his consent.
“I’m good, but I’d be better if Trent would just sign the damn papers,” I grumble.
“I totally understand,” Emily says, but I don’t think she does. She doesn’t know the truth. No one in my family does, and that’s the way I want to keep it. I didn’t want them to know what he’d done to me. I just want to divorce him and forget I’d ever married him. Of course, I can’t really forget those years with Trent. I can only hope I’ve learned, grown, and moved on. In many ways, I have. I finally wised up and moved out. Then I met Leon, and I’ve grown by learning how to accept what it means to have a man give himself to me. Well, at least, giving me his body and his attention. I’d like his love, but I’m content with things as they are. I can’t ask him for more while I’m still stuck because of Trent.
If I completely dismiss my time with Trent, I’d have to ignore that I truly care about his younger brother, who I again see across the barn. He’s turning into such a nice-looking young man, and I can only hope his insides remain as beautiful as his outside. Trent can be influential over his younger brother. Levi has been caught between hate and hero worship toward his brother, and it’s a dangerous combination.
“I love your costume, by the way,” Emily states, interrupting my thoughts. She’s dressed like Sandy from Grease to match Jess’s look as Danny Zuko. He really doesn’t look much different from his everyday appearance. Karyn and Tom thought it would be fun to have a couple’s contest—famous couples—and it’s another reminder I’m alone. I’d miss Trent, but I just don’t. Instead, I wish Leon was here.
With thoughts of him, I’m ready to leave even though it’s only been an hour. I haven’t seen Lena since we arrived, but I don’t worry about her. However, I rode here in her Jeep. Emily offers to take me home, and Karyn tells me she can get Lys home later somehow. The collection of girls Lys hangs with are having fun together, and I don’t want to make her leave early just because I’m suddenly a party pooper.
I’m setting my beer down in the recycling bin, turning my back to the crowd, when an arm circles me.
“Step outside with me.”
I freeze. There is no way I’m going anywhere with Trent, and I spin in his arms despite his hold. He’s dressed head to toe in his normal attire, clad in militia-style gear even though he’s never been in the military. He hunts animals, not people, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t gun-happy or have the ability to stalk someone.
“I was just about to leave,” I tell him, pushing against his chest with both hands. He backs me into the wall.
“Then we can walk out together.”
“I don’t think so,” I say, still struggling within the circle of his arms. His fingers dig into my side, and I know what will come next. He’s going to pinch me to keep me in place, only I won’t let him. I hack at his elbow with a karate chop I learned watching a self-defense video. His hold on me breaks, and I push at him with enough force to allow me to slide away from the wall. As I step left, I smack into something hard, solid, upright, and covered in black.
Trent grabs my upper arm again, but I clutch at the vision before me. A soft T-shirt curls under my fingers as I lift my head to see a set of strings tying a cape around a masculine neck. A mask covers his eyes and a black hat with a wide, flat rim rests on his head, but I’d recognize him anywhere.
“Pretty lady, are in you need of some assistance?” he questions, deepening his accent, and I’d laugh if I wasn’t so stunned.
Leon is dressed as Zorro.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” he says, his voice softening.
“She was just leaving,” Trent interjects, but Leon’s arm is already wrapped around my waist, tugging me to him.
“Release her,” Leon growls, glancing at Trent.
“Or what? Are you threatening me?” Trent hisses, stepping closer. “Lay a finger on me and it will send you right back behind bars where you belong.” Trent makes a monkey noise to emphasize his point.
My neck cranes, looking up at Leon with my hands still curled into his shirt. Is this true? If he touches Trent, could he be sent back to jail? Is it that easy? And how does Trent know Leon was in jail?
Trent shoves Leon’s shoulder. “Man, do not do this,” Leon warns, his body tightening. His hold on me stiffens. I slip as best I can between them, with my back to Tren
t and my front to Leon. Leon’s arm lifts as if he wants to shove Trent back. Instead, he holds it outward with his palm up, warning Trent to step back.
“Come on,” Trent hisses, reaching around me again to push at Leon’s shoulder. Leon stumbles back, taking me with him as we seem to cling to one another.
“Trent, get out of here,” I hiss. My head moves from one side of Leon’s body to the other to see Jess and Tom approaching. When I return my focus to Leon, still keeping my body between the men as best I can, Trent pushes at Leon one more time. Leon reacts by swiping out his hand, catching Trent’s wrist and twisting it behind his back while moving me to his side.
“Walk away,” Leon hisses, tugging Trent’s arm higher.
Trent struggles with a strained scoff and says, “Are you watching this?” He calls out to the people closest to us when Tom and Jess approach.
“We’re watching, and out you go,” Jess says when his powerful hands grab one of Trent’s biceps, and Tom grabs the other. Leon releases Trent, and my brothers cart him to the door.
“He touched me. He should be arrested. Someone call the sheriff!” Trent yells over his shoulder. I’m so embarrassed by this scene that I tuck my head into Leon’s chest. His arm remains around my back, pulling me tighter into him. I can’t get close enough. My fingers claw at his shirt.
“I won’t let them take you,” I say, knowing I’d have no choice if the authorities came for him. My voice strains, panic catching up to me. “Nothing is going to happen to you.” I rise up on my toes and circle my arms around his neck. His other arm wraps around me, and he finally relaxes against me.
“I’m okay, baby,” he whispers. He tugs me a little tighter. “I’m okay.”
“You came?” I question because he didn’t want to attend the party. Leon draws back, only enough to peer down at me.
