by L. B. Dunbar
“She went back home,” I groan, rushing around my room for jeans and a fresh tee. I shove items into a bag, though I have no idea what I’m grabbing. Passing Tricia, I step into her room and grab my phone, keys, and wallet from her nightstand.
“Leon, slow down,” Tricia pleads, but I ignore her, brushing past her again to the hallway.
“Lys, get dressed,” I growl, re-entering her room.
“What are you doing?” Tricia’s voice rises in concern as she stands in the doorway.
“I’m going after her. Lys, get up,” I demand as my sister stares at me, still in her bed. Her hair stands up. Her face remains dazed.
“Leon, let her sleep. I’ll go with you.”
“I can’t leave Lys.” My voice roughens while it cracks. My parents never asked a thing of me, yet I’d disappointed them over and over again. The gang. The prison time. I just wanted to avenge my brother’s death. I wanted blood for what was taken from me, from them. I promised to protect my sisters when they came to me, and I can’t believe I’ve lost one. What was I doing that I didn’t see she was planning this escape? She warned me when she arrived that as soon as she turned eighteen, she’d be gone. That day has arrived. As it’s after midnight, today is her birthday.
“Lys, hurry up!” I shout after stepping out of her room and tramping rapidly down the stairs. Tricia follows me.
“Leon, take a breath. We should call the police. Maybe she isn’t far. Maybe she didn’t go all the way home.”
It’s a six-hour trip. Lena had plenty of time once I arrived at that damn party.
“I need to go.” I turn on Tricia and call out again for Lys.
“Let her stay. You’ll be back once you find her.”
My eyes drop to the beautiful, frightened woman before me. She has no idea who I am or what I’ve come from. I have no idea what will happen when I find my sister. This is the fight Lena and I have been building toward. And if I don’t find her . . . I don’t want to say it, but the truth hits me. I won’t be back.
If I don’t find Lena, I’ll be right back where I was over eighteen years ago—out for vengeance. Only this time, I’ll only have myself to blame. I’ve lost my sister. I don’t want to divide my siblings. I can’t leave one behind while I search for the other, but Lys will be safer here. I’ll move faster without her.
“Fine,” I grumble. “I’ll send for Lys later.”
“I can go with you,” Tricia repeats, her voice dropping. I should kiss her goodbye. I should pull her to me and hold her one more time. But I know if I tug her to me, I’ll never want to let her go, and I must.
Why can’t my life ever be easy? Why can’t I live without trouble just once?
“No,” I snap, steeling myself against the plea in those damn green-brown eyes. I’m not going to blame her. This is not her fault. It’s mine. I’ve been distracted and self-involved, and I didn’t pay attention. “I don’t need your help.”
Tricia flinches at my tone and the sharpness of my words. I don’t have time to soothe her sensitive spirit.
Hours later, as I’m driving down the road, I remind myself that I’m the last person Tricia needs to heal her wounded heart. Too bad she was starting to heal mine.
Lesson 21
Truth is a hard lesson.
[Tricia]
It’s forty-eight hours before Lys gets a call. Not me. It’s the end of the school day, and Lys and I are just walking into the house. It’s been a rough day of trying to concentrate when my thoughts are on the other side of Lake Michigan.
“Lena!” Lys cries into the phone with excitement, recognizing the number, and then she listens while someone speaks. Her shoulders fall, and she starts to cry. I want to believe this is the good news we’ve been waiting for, but Lys’s sobs don’t reassure me.
Yesterday, I told Jess and Emily everything, hating to admit Leon ran off to Chicago. My brother tried to call Leon to offer his help. The situation is so similar to what happened with Jess’s ex-wife and I know it hit too close to home for him, but I had to tell someone. I’m ready to explode. Of course, Leon never answered Jess.
I don’t need your help. His sharp tone rips through me again as does the memory of how those gray eyes glared at me like it was my fault his sister was missing. I’d really thought we were going somewhere, moving forward. How could I have been so wrong about him? Was I falling down the same rabbit hole again?
As Lys falls forward, crying too hard to speak, I reach for the phone and hold it up to my ear.
“Hello,” I whisper, almost afraid of who I’ll hear on the line.
“Tricia.” Lena sobs through the line, and I can’t hear a thing she’s saying.
“Lena, where are you? What happened?”
All I catch through the hysterical cries is something about him not wanting her and how she’s all alone. I don’t know what any of this means.
“Lena, did you know Leon is there? He’s in Chicago trying to find you. He’s worried about you.”
“He’s going to kill me,” she chokes out between sobs. “He’s going to kill him.”
“Who, honey? Who?” My heart leaps to my throat, and I can’t catch my breath. I haven’t felt like this since . . . and I don’t ever want to feel that way again.
“Leon. When he finds out, he’s going to be so pissed.” Lena cries harder and then almost laughs, a bitter, frightening maniacal laugh. “Pissed? That’s not even the word. He’ll kill us both.”
“Oh my God, Lena, you’re scaring me. Nobody is going to kill anyone. Just call Leon.” He hasn’t returned any of my text messages, but maybe he’ll answer his sister. His phone isn’t modern. It’s more old-school, a kind of pay-as-you-go thing, and it had never occurred to me before that maybe he did that on purpose. He didn’t want his name on my lease. He paid cash for everything. He was set up so he could disappear.
I feel nauseous.
“Lena, listen to me. Text Leon. Trust me. He cares about you. He loves you. You’re his sister. He won’t hurt you.”
“This . . .” Lena gasps around another sob. “This will break him.” Her voice goes eerily quiet, and I hold my breath, waiting on more.
“Lena,” I command. “Tell me what happened.”
“I’m pregnant.” She blubbers through the line, and I race for the toilet, still holding Lys’s phone. No, God, no. Collapsing to my knees, I have nothing to dispel, but my body lurches and heaves. My hand falls to my belly as my own tears fall, remembering.
A baby.
Trent didn’t want the baby.
“Lena,” I groan. “Listen to me. Get to Leon. He’s going to protect you. He’ll help you.”
“He’ll hate me,” she says between another gulping sob.
“He won’t. Why would you say that?” I plead, concerned she believes her brother won’t help and concerned her brother might actually be furious beyond calming.
“I’m the filler child, did you know that, Tricia? They had me to replace Israel. They wanted me to fix them, and this . . . this will crush my parents. There’s a reason I was born on the Day of the Dead. I was their angel. His angel.” November 1. She left on her birthday, when she turned eighteen.
She cries again, and my heart rips in half. It isn’t true—it just can’t be. No parent can predict the exact date of a birth, but the coincidence chills me.
“Honey, that can’t be true.”
“It is!” she yells.
“Who’s the father, Lena? Tell me.” Was it someone from here? How far along is she? Is it a kid I know? I’ll kill him myself, although I don’t mean it. “Lena.”
“His name is Hector Ortiz. He’s from here.”
Lys’s words return to me. She doesn’t have a boy. He’s a man.
“Who is he, honey? You can tell me,” I whisper, uncertainty riddling me before I even hear her answer.
“He . . . he . . . he killed our brother.”
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. She’s right. Leon will never forgive her. “Lena
, come back. Come back to Elk Lake City.” Come back to me, I want to yell. “I’ll protect you. I’ll keep you safe.” Just don’t hurt the baby.
“I can’t. I don’t have any money,” she cries harder, and I feel so helpless. Leon won’t answer my calls. Lena is stranded somewhere, and most importantly, she’s pregnant with a baby from a man who had no business being near her.
“Where are you now?” I question, hoping she’ll at least give me that.
“At a park.” She tells me the name. It’s at least six hours to Chicago from upper Michigan.
“Is there somewhere you can go for the night? A friend? Your old apartment?” I question because she can’t stay at the park.
“I’m scared, Tricia. What am I going to do?” The sobs start in earnest again, and my heart breaks.
“Lena, I’m going to come to you.” Damn Leon and his damn stubbornness to refuse help. “I’ll get to you somehow.” I wish I could see her through the phone. I wish I could hold her and reassure her. I’ll help you.
+ + +
After Lena promises me she’ll stay with a friend for the night, I’m frantically tossing stuff in a bag, uncertain how long I’ll be gone. I call the sub line for school and report my absence for the next day. I’ll explain myself later. For the time being, I have an emergency sub plan in place for my classes. I can call Jenna from the road and get her assistance to set up the next few days if I need them.
I leave it up to Lys whether she wants to travel with me or not. I’m torn between needing her help to navigate and wanting to keep her out of this part of her own family’s drama. I give her the option of my mother coming to stay at the house. In the month that they’ve lived with me, my mother has met the Ramirez family but only during a handful of brief visits. I lean toward my mother staying with Lys so as not to disrupt school for her. School is the distraction she needs right now. Thankfully, Lys opts for my mom. As soon as I hang up with her, Emily calls me, and I quickly explain what’s happened.
“I’ll go with you,” Emily says, and though I argue and refuse her suggestions, she argues just as earnestly in return. She can be darn pushy when she wants to be, and I finally acquiesce, appreciating the support. I should have opened up more often to others. I should have reached out before things got to the point they had with Trent. I’m terrible about asking for help, just like Leon is.
We leave within the hour. Jess wasn’t happy about our arrangement, but Emily told me to let her worry about Jess. She knows how to handle him.
For a few hours, we listen to music, chat animatedly about Jess and Emily’s engagement, and keep things as light as we can, pretending we aren’t on the mission we are on. The navigation system helps me find a hotel we’ll spend the night in, but I’m restless once we arrive near Chicago. I text Lena to let her know where we are, and she tells me the name of a coffee shop where we can meet her in the morning.
“What am I doing?” I whisper to Emily late at night in the hotel room.
“Fighting for what you want?” Emily suggests.
“What if I read him all wrong, just like I misread Trent?”
Emily shifts and balances herself on her elbows on her bed. “Do you think you did?”
“I don’t know anymore.” I thought Leon was interested in me just as I was interested in him. I wasn’t asking him to love me the way I love him. I just wanted time. Time to heal and adjust. Time to soak up what we had and celebrate moving on. I didn’t ask for commitment. I wouldn’t pressure him.
“Do you think Leon is like Trent?”
“God no.” The answer comes quickly. Leon’s rough. He’s loud and stubborn, but he’s never frightened me in a physical manner. I don’t feel threatened by him as I felt from Trent. With Trent, the signs were there, but I’d ignored them. Am I ignoring them again? I’m falling into a pattern of finding a dangerous man and then falling for him. This time, I need to be smarter than that.
“What are you thinking?” Emily asks.
I glance over at her in the darkened room as tears fill my eyes. “I think we’re over.” Fun and games. Shirts and skin. Now, we’re done. “I can’t have a man walk out on me like this and give me the cold shoulder when all I want is to . . .” to love him. “. . . to help him.”
“I totally understand. Those strong, stubborn, moody types are such a pain in the ass.” Emily’s voice is teasing because she relates. She’s engaged to my grumpy brother.
“From an outsider’s perspective, I think Leon’s just gotten wrapped up in his fear for his sister, and that pushed you to second place.”
“I get that, but he could have still answered a call or sent me a text letting me know he’s okay.”
“It seems simple enough, doesn’t it? But some men just react and think later,” she huffs. The truth of this is too familiar and doesn’t make it acceptable behavior. I want his reaction to be to come toward me, not push me away.
“What do I do?” I whisper into the quiet dark room.
“My nana was the one who dispensed advice the best. I’m definitely not her, but I’d think in this situation she’d say to take things one step at a time. We need to find Lena first and assure her safety. We can figure out the rest after that.”
I agree, though it doesn’t bring me comfort.
“Try to sleep,” Emily suggests. She’s such a great friend and a good woman for my brother. She’s also great with my niece, and I’m so happy for Katie and Jess to have her in their lives.
“You too,” I whisper, knowing if sleep finds me it will be a miracle.
+ + +
The coffee shop is on a busy street. The neighborhood behind it is filled with cookie-cutter homes no more than a foot apart. The front lawns are less than a postage stamp, and every house is a drab brown brick. It’s nothing I’ve seen before. Thankfully, Emily knows where we are, and I can’t help but feel nervous in the unfamiliar neighborhood. We park down a tight side street and walk to the corner coffeehouse.
We’re ready to enter the place when I hear my name called and turn to see Lena walking down the sidewalk. I quickly retrace my steps down the walk and pull Lena into a hug when she nears me. Her tough outer shell prevents her from being an affectionate girl typically, so I’m surprised when she hugs me in return. She pulls back, the tears continuing to stream down her cheeks, and I witness a broken girl. She looks beaten and worn. She had plans—graduation and college—and though she still can, her journey will be a bumpy road.
“Let’s go inside,” I tell her as the blustery November air whirls around us. I wrap an arm around her and lead her inside.
Once we settle in seats at a table for four, Lena speaks.
“Leon found me last night.”
Emily and I remain quiet, and I ignore the hammering in my chest. Is Leon here? Is he nearby?
“I told him everything, and he lost it when he found out about Hector. I mean, he went berserk.” Her hands motion by the side of her head like his head exploded, and I don’t think that’s hyperbole on her part.
I fear for Leon. His thoughts. What he intends to do . . . but I know nothing about him and his way of life. I know he loves his bike and basketball. He memorized Shakespeare. He loves to draw. He works on cars. His hands on me were the most incredible thing I’d ever felt, but I live with my demons, and I can’t measure his.
“What will you do with the baby?” I question.
“I don’t want an abortion.”
My coffee turns sour in my stomach with the thought. It’s her right if she had decided in favor of one, but I’m relieved she’s decided against it.
“Will you keep it?”
“I think I should give the baby up for adoption. My parents wouldn’t need to know. Leon found out they aren’t coming back anytime soon. They’ve been deported.”
Good Lord, could this family catch a break?
“I’m so sorry, Lena,” I say, reaching for her, but her hands remain under the table. “What will you do next?”
“I can
’t go back to Elk Lake City. It’s just not for me. I want to stay here.” I understand, but I don’t see how an eighteen-year-old child can stay in this city. Pregnant. Alone.
“So you saw Hector.” I swallow around the name, sick again that this child got mixed up in adult games and slept with someone almost double her age. The same someone who killed a brother she never knew.
“He denies it’s his. He doesn’t want anything to do with me.” Lena’s voice saddens with the defeat of a kid in a grown-up world. “I was so stupid.”
I sense Emily bite her tongue as I do. How do you tell a girl you agree when you also wish to show sympathy?
Taking a deep breath, I keep my eyes on her when I speak.
“I know how you feel. I’ve been stupid in the past. I thought I loved a man, and he hurt me.”
“Leon?” Lena questions. Her brows lift in concern, and I smile weakly, shaking my head. Her brother is a different kind of hurt, but not one she needs to know yet.
“My husband hurt me. Physically.”
Emily’s hand comes to my forearm, but I don’t look up at her. My eyes lower to the table before me. “See, when I was a girl, I wanted to hang with the boys. Girls were sissies and only worried about makeup and such. That wasn’t me. I played sports, and I was competitive. I had my guy pals, and I liked them. But when I grew older, the girl in me wanted to be seen as a woman, and one guy eventually noticed me—or so I thought. He liked me, and I married him.” I sigh with the memories, recalling we were just two awkward twentysomethings. He was a horny, immature man, and I mistook his physical attraction for love.
“It was subtle things at first. An insult disguised in a joke. He was kidding, but it hurt. Then a firm grab of my arm or a twist of my wrist. A pinch to my waist or a slap of my thigh. He treated me like I was one of the guys because I hung with them so much, and I wanted to belong. I wanted a home.”
Lena stares at me.
“But it wasn’t right, and even though I knew all the signs, Lena, I still stayed. He didn’t mean it. He loved me. Those were the first lies I told myself after he said them to me. When I finally accepted it wasn’t right, what he was doing to me, I didn’t know how to get out. How had I been so stupid? I was a smart woman. I knew better. I’d never get myself into that kind of relationship, yet there I was. I mean, this is the kind of stuff that you curse at other women about. You shake your head and say, ‘I’d leave him with the first slap.’ But would you? Would you really when the man you think you love apologizes and swears he loves you back?”
