by L. B. Dunbar
“Baby,” he hisses as I work him with my mouth, dragging him to the back of my throat and then sucking at his tip. I repeat this, realizing I’ve never enjoyed this experience as much as I do with him because I want to give him pleasure.
“Tricia, dammit,” he curses, and I suck more, taking him as best I can. One hand curls around my bicep like he’s ready to pull me off him, and the other cups the back of my head like he doesn’t want me to release him.
I won’t be letting him go.
His hips rock upward, and I choke on his length, but I don’t ease off until he spills, grunting my name with a bit of profanity around it. I swallow him back until he relaxes.
Releasing him with a final lick, I sit up, rather proud of myself. We’ve experienced each other’s mouths in this manner before, but this is my best yet.
“What’s my score?” I tease, and Leon chokes, lifting his head from the pillow while his chest heaves.
“A score?”
“Yeah, I want a grade on that.”
“You want me to grade you on sucking my dick?” He snorts.
“You can tell me. Be real with me,” I flirt.
“Fuck. Do A plus plusses exist?”
I shrug, but my lips curl into a pleased smile.
“Woman, you know I love a challenge.”
He sits up so fast I lean back, but he catches me and flips me to my back. He wastes no time removing my panties from under my sleep shirt.
“You okay with this?” he asks before proceeding, always bringing me to the edge and then asking permission.
“Please,” I whisper, and he flattens to his belly, hikes my legs over his shoulders and dips between my thighs. His mouth kisses me like he does before he takes me hard. A soft brush of his lips. A gentle lap of his tongue, and then he’s all in, and I’m writhing under his attention. I can’t scream because of Levi in the other room, so I bite my lip and clench at the sheets. While Leon’s mouth has been on me before, something is different about this time. He’s hungry and fierce. He’ll drain me of every drop before he finishes me. I come so quickly it’s almost embarrassing, but he doesn’t relent.
“Another,” he commands, and I choke as he knows I’ve only had multiple orgasms with him but never like this, not from his mouth twice.
He is not deterred. Like he said, he loves a challenge, and he likes my kind of trouble even more. He told me I’m worth it, and the thought pushes me over the edge again. Pinpricks dance across my skin, and I stretch like a satisfied cat as he laps at me, drawing out each ripple until I crash with a heavy moan. My heart races, and my legs tremble, but I’ve never felt so . . . loved.
“How was that, teacher?” he says, breaking into my thoughts.
“A B for the best ever.”
“A B?” he scoffs.
“Okay, B plus,” I tease, only the joke’s on me.
“No way. I want an A and ‘I’ll make my heaven in a lady’s lap.’”
I gasp. “You did not just quote Shakespeare about my . . .”
“About your pussy? Yes, I did because I want an A. An A plus plus.” To earn his grade, he lowers again, and just when I think I can’t give him another orgasm, I do, and he wins.
An A plus plus plus for quoting Shakespeare while doing that.
It seems our lesson isn’t finished, though. We move from our mouths to hands and eventually the final act. We have a lot of catching up to do as our bodies continue to learn one another, and our hearts earn the highest grade there is—love.
Lesson 27
Brother is a word with many meanings.
[Leon]
Trent’s funeral is a shitshow. I shouldn’t be attending, but I’m there for Tricia, who dresses like the widow she is. She sheds a tear or two, but for the most part, I can see she’s seething. People want to honor a man who does not deserve honor, and her family hovers, knowing the truth. Trent’s boys want to make the luncheon a party, but Tom and Jess kick them out, telling them to take their roast to the bar. Mary Carter, Tricia’s mother, was kind enough to host lunch for her unworthy son-in-law.
“It’s my way to give myself peace, but I still kick myself for all I didn’t see,” her mother says. Tricia told me more about her mother’s guilty feelings over missing the signs, and Tricia assured her mother she hadn’t wanted her family to know.
“The baby was the last straw,” Tricia said to me, and I’m reminded we still need to talk about that situation. For the time being, Tricia has the week off for bereavement. It’s almost Thanksgiving, and she’ll have a few additional days for the holiday as well.
Today, the focus is the funeral. Robert Walker attends and is so hammered he has to be escorted out of the church. He isn’t graveside nor at the luncheon at the Carter’s, and I notice Levi is almost relieved at his absence. The kid has been exceptionally quiet. We’ve kept him at the house, allowing him space when he needs it and asking him to join us when we think he should have company. I don’t want to fault my parents, but I wish I’d had someone in my life when I was seventeen and lost Israel. I fell in line with those I thought were comforting me, but their brand of compassion only fueled my anger. Tricia is a balm for Levi, but there’s no way to know what’s in his head.
Over the course of his stay, I’ve learned he likes basketball and plays for the freshman team. Tricia promises him we’ll come to his first game.
“Want to get out of here?” I ask Levi, who sits on a chair looking sullen and lost as more well-meaning people circle him with condolences. He doesn’t answer me, but his eyes say, get me the fuck out of here. I reach around for the back of his neck and squeeze. He stands while I hold the scruff of his neck, and I search for Tricia in the crowd. She’s dressed in a sleek black dress I wish she was wearing for a happier occasion, and I also hope to never see on her again. I don’t own a suit, so I’m in dark jeans and a black dress shirt with a black tie. I tip my head to the door and her brows furrow, but she gives me a slow smile when she sees my hand on Levi.
There’s a cool breeze coming off the lake, but it’s a mild day. Levi walks with his hands tucked into the pockets of his puffy jacket. We detour the two blocks to Tricia’s place, but I tell him I’d like to stay outside a bit longer. I find what I’m looking for on her back porch. The porch is more of a box-like space with a piece of paneling blocking the back door from wind, and I hope to remove it in the spring and build us a proper deck. It’s strange and exciting to make plans for this house.
Levi and I walk briskly down the blocks along Main Street to the outdoor basketball courts by the beach at the end of the business strip. I didn’t come here in the summer. The place was too crowded for me, and I didn’t want to interact with people. I wanted to be in my space and stay under the radar. Now I’m attached to a beautiful woman whose family keeps opening their arms to me, and I intend to visit this beach more often come next summer.
And all this I offer up to Levi.
“I’ve never known anyone like Tricia. She’s so good and clean. It’s almost creepy how nice she is.”
Levi huffs a laugh.
“But that kind of goodness gives love easily, and sometimes people don’t deserve it.” I pause, and Levi looks at me. “I’m talking about myself here. I’ve done bad things in my life, kid. I’ve hurt people and been hurt. I’ve sought revenge and stewed in my own hatred. Never in a million years did I think I’d end up here.” I pause and hold out my arms. “But look where I am. A little slice of Mayberry, working at a garage and trying to earn back the love of a beautiful woman. I want to deserve her.”
Levi huffs again, and I’m not certain I’m making my point.
“You’re allowed to grieve, Levi, in any way you wish. Scream. Shout. Hate. But you’ve got to rein it in when it comes to revenge or violence. You’ve got to go to a good woman like Tricia and tell her you’re reaching a breaking point, so she can offer you the love she has to give and bring you back to this.”
I point up at the cloudy sky, which isn’t immed
iately pretty but is beautiful in its own right. The scent of snow fills the air, and the quiet of a midafternoon weekday floats around us. The lazy lake hardly moves with the sluggish weight of the ice on it. It’s peaceful—so peaceful—and that’s why I settled in this town. I also know what I’m talking about. I should have never run away from Tricia. Instead, I should have held tight when I needed help with Lena. I should have admitted I needed that help, not out of weakness but out of preservation. Tricia would have been there for me.
“Trent wasn’t nice to her,” Levi says, and I nod, letting him say what he wants.
“He wasn’t always nice to me, either, but sometimes he could be. He was my brother, and I loved him.” He looks up at me, chewing on his lower lip. “I told him I hated him that night.” His voice is no more than a whisper. “I didn’t mean it. How could he leave me like this?”
“Man, if he was any kind of brother, he knew you didn’t mean it. He knew in here.” I pat my chest over my heart. “As for leaving you, that’s a question you will never have answered. We can make guesses about his thoughts, his triggers, his breaking points, but we just can’t understand a person like him. Whether someone takes their life, like your brother, or gets killed, like my brother, we’ll never know why it was their time to go.”
“Your brother was killed?” Levi questions.
“Gang shooting,” I clarify and leave it at that. We finally reach the courts and take a couple of shots. The cold makes the ball hard, like a brick being tossed at a window. We shoot around in silence for a bit, each with our own thoughts of brothers now gone.
“We should probably get back,” he finally says, and I follow his lead.
“Got a girlfriend?” I ask as we walk back to Mary Carter’s house. Over the course of Levi’s time with Tricia and me, we’ve kept most conversation to general things like what do you want for breakfast and what would you like to watch on television, so this whole convo has been more personal. Levi laughs.
“Don’t see why that’s funny?” He’s a decent-looking kid. He’ll grow into his own eventually.
“What happened to your sister?”
“Lys?” I question. “You got a crush on Lys?” I don’t like this idea, considering he’s under the same roof as my little sister, and I’m suddenly wondering where the overprotective big brother stance comes from. I don’t see it between Levi and Lys, though, because she’s so quiet and shy. I wouldn’t have noticed a girl like Tricia in my high school either. She would have been part of the smart jock crowd, and I was nowhere near that clique.
He gives nothing away, but says, “I meant, Lena. She was here, and then she wasn’t.”
“Ah, Lena. I love my sister, but that one is trouble. She went back home, and she’s living with a friend to finish out her senior year.” I pause, deciding that’s all he needs to know about her. My sister’s been checking in with me, and I know AJ has her back as well. “You don’t want a woman like Lena, though, trust me. I’m not talking trash about my own blood, but you hold out for the sweet girl, Levi. She’ll be a different kind of trouble but so worth it.” I sigh as I hum.
“Is that how you feel about Tricia?”
“You okay with me telling you about my feelings for her?”
He shrugs, so I give it to him straight.
“I love her, and I want to spend my life with her. But make no mistake, Levi, I will not be treating her the way your brother did. That woman is a treasure I plan to cherish, not squander.”
Levi glances over at me as we walk back up Main Street.
“Good,” he whispers.
“Seeing as I lost my little brother when he was close to your age, how would you feel about hanging out with me once in a while? Just us. I could use someone to beat at basketball. Tricia’s too easy,” I tease. My girl can play, but it always ends with her giving in to me. I admit I might not always play fairly, though. I like lots of skin.
Levi laughs and then quiets for a second before offering me the answer I was hoping he’d give. “Yeah, I guess I could play basketball with you once in a while.”
“Just once in a while?” I tease, catching a glance at him fighting a smile. “Alright, kid. Game on.” I reach for him, tugging him to me for a second, thinking I’ll push him back with a friendly shove, but then I just leave my arm on his shoulder, and when he doesn’t fight me off, we continue walking up the street like this.
And the hole I’ve had for Israel all these years closes up a little bit.
Lesson 28
Make love. It’s that simple.
[Tricia]
We move through a fog, weathering Trent’s funeral and the period afterward without anything legally binding between Trent and me. The cabin is still his father’s possession, so we had no shared property. Levi helps me pack up the few personal belongings he wants from Trent. The rest of Trent’s items I donate to charity. Levi takes Trent’s truck as it is newer than his. Leon destroys Trent’s guns. I don’t ask how. I just know I don’t want them out in the world in the wrong hands.
We slip through Thanksgiving with my family but quickly begin discussing the next holiday. I could use some cheer.
“We could go to Chicago and see Lena,” I suggest as we enter our room—the room we share nightly. I miss his sister even though we chat often by text.
“Honestly, baby, I don’t want to go back.” His resolve surprises me, but I also understand. We’ve talked about the slight anxiety it gives him to enter the city and his desire not to return. We’ll go to Chicago for his sister’s high school graduation and when she has the baby. Both events will happen in May. Other than that, Leon seems finished with the big city. His parents were evicted from their apartment after their deportation, and AJ packed up their belongings. Leon admits he owes the man and calls him a true friend. He hesitantly looks over at me from across the bed. “I have a new life here. I want to make new memories here.”
“Yes, you do,” I remind him, giving him a smile as I pull down the covers on my side of the bed. Dixon agreed to give Leon a shot at custom paint jobs after the first of the year, and Leon’s been working on designs every night. He’s also looked into some graphic art classes online to understand computer work with the medium. I’m very excited for him. “So Christmas with my family then?”
Jess and Leon have become fast friends. Leon’s also struck up a friendship with Ethan Scott on his new business project. Leon’s earned some extra cash working on the general construction of Ethan’s place. It’s great to see him easily fitting in with my family and friends.
He licks his lip and bites the corner before a crooked smile takes over. “Yeah, pretty lady. I’d like that.”
We strip and change for bed, and I silently smile at the normalcy of it. I pull on a sleep shirt as it’s warmer than my lace nighties, although Leon’s like a natural heating blanket, and I know I’ll be naked shortly. He prefers to sleep in his boxer briefs, but it’s also a formality. He’ll be naked soon enough as well and pressed up against me.
“What about Lys?” I question. I know she still misses their parents, but we don’t want to send Lys to Mexico, and they can’t return to the States yet. I leave it up to Leon to tell me how he wants to handle things regarding his parents. I don’t press him on their status or push him to take action. He thinks they’re ready to retire despite their young ages and might stay back in their small town south of the border.
“I’m hoping to make this one of the best Christmases ever for her.” Leon’s face falls a bit as he climbs into the bed. I know he wants to give her everything he can, but I think she’s happy enough with what she has. She got to decorate her room as she wished, and we added some other touches to make it feel permanent instead of a temporary guest room. She wants her own iPad for Christmas, and that’s in the works. My family has welcomed her just as much as Leon. While I don’t want to dismiss her emotions around the holidays, I think she’s going to have one the best Christmases of her life despite her absent parents and separa
tion from her sister.
“And Levi?” Leon asks as I crawl into bed next to him. While Robert probably didn’t know whether Levi was present or not, Levi felt obligated to return to his own house after his brother’s death. Leon and I both agree Levi should come with us to my mother’s. He can even stay with us again for a few days to give him a break from his father’s home. We’ve told him he always has a room with us.
“You’re going to make such a good mother someday,” Leon says to me, surprising me.
“Someday,” I say wistfully. Someday I’ll have the baby I want, the man I love, and a home. My house is really starting to feel like that place.
“How about now?” Leon questions sheepishly, looking up at me. I’m seated against pillows at my back. He’s lying on his back next to me. “I want to give that to you.”
“What?” My voice rolls over the question. I think he’s teasing me until I glance down and see the seriousness in his face.
“I want to give you a baby.”
“How?” I choke, as if he thinks he can go to the store and just buy one off the shelf. His lip slowly curls into a sexy smile, and his silver eyes sharpen. My voice drops as I repeat the question. “How?”
Leon sits up so fast I flinch back. He cups my jaw, and his mouth comes to mine, tender and soft like he always starts. I’m still trying to process what he’s saying, what he’s offering. We’ve had plenty of sex in the past month but always used condoms. I didn’t return to the pill after losing the baby in June. I didn’t foresee having sex again for a long, long time. I never could have imagined a man like Leon coming into my life.
